Chapter Three
Breaking up with Brax was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It's almost up there with giving Ruby up for adoption to my parents, letting Joey sail out of my life and dealing with the death of my mother and then my father.
The fact that he was up on yet another charge helped a little to convince me that I was doing the right thing. But at the same time, when I first saw him after the shooting, my resolve very nearly broke.
As soon as he walked through the door, he broke down in tears and hurried to my side, clutching my hand and telling me that he loved me. I've never seen him like that before and it startled me a little.
He told me how happy he was that I was okay and that he was desperately looking forward to me recovering enough to move away like we planned. He told me that Jake was in custody and that he was going down for attempted murder. He said that he couldn't wait to leave Summer Bay and really start our lives together.
I held his hand and thanked him for saving me. I explained how shaken up I was about everything and that it's really made me reassess my life. He agreed and kept talking about both of us being allowed to be exactly who we want to be once we have moved away. He said he was looking forward to a future where he wasn't a River Boy and I wasn't a cop.
The last part helped me go through with what I planned. You see, Brax and I come from such different places. To me as a cop and quite frankly, as a human being, a River Boy is a bad person. I believe in Brax's good side and his ability and desire to change but I couldn't have stayed with him if he had stayed with that vile, criminal gang – especially not as the leader.
But I feel justified in that. The River Boys are violent and intimidating, a menace to the society in which they live. They're always being dragged in for theft, being drunk and disorderly, not to mention assault. The boy that Sid assaulted the night before I was shot was called Stu. He's a River Boy with a difficult background and had been beating his girlfriend, Sasha (Sid's long lost daughter) up.
The thing is that Brax sees my being a police officer as the same thing. Cops are dirty, bad people intent on ruining people's lives as far as he is concerned. They're the enemy and it's against his code of ethics to love me as much as it's against mine to love him. I left my request for him to leave the River Boys to the last possible moment. He wasted no time in helping me get into a position where I had to resign from the force. And he has no understanding of just how much I've given up for him and how much it breaks my heart.
The day I got shot was meant to be my last shift at work. I was so emotional about it but I couldn't really let that show to anyone else. I was so busy trying to hold it all together and act like I was happy with my decision. But I was heartbroken.
And this is one of the many differences between Brax and Joey. He's hardly ever on the right side of the law and she has never been on the wrong side. I swear that girl doesn't have a bad bone in her body. And she would never ever have encouraged me to give up a job that I love, a job that I've wanted since I was a child, a job that defines me.
It was hard to be honest with Brax, especially when he was being so attentive and loving towards me. He was determined to look after me while I healed and pledged to visit me every day while I was in hospital. He was so intent on our future together.
"Brax, I'm really sorry," I ventured.
He was still holding onto my hand and I was worried that he'd break it if I told him it was over.
"It's not your fault you got shot!" he replied affectionately. "It was Jake's."
I couldn't help but think it was his as well. And mine. It was Jake who pulled the trigger but he did it because I lawfully shot his brother, Hammer, when he took Brax and I hostage. But none of it would ever have happened if I hadn't been dragged into Brax's world. It was my fault for agreeing to a relationship with him and it was his fault for leading us both down a dark path.
And it's not like shooting Hammer was the worst thing we did together. I allowed him to steal evidence from my patrol car when he was being set up for a crime by a rival gang. That's what prompted me to resign from my job in the first place.
And I will never forgive myself for the way we lied about Liam's accident – or the way we made Bianca and even Heath lie as well. Bianca had quickly become my best friend since she'd moved to Summer Bay in 2010. Next to Leah, of course. But she hates me now and I don't think there's anything I can do to make it right, although with my change of life, I'll do my best to make it happen.
Anyway, I told him that I was grateful to him for saving my life and for helping the police catch the man who tried to kill me. But then I dropped my bombshell.
"We can't be together anymore," I said.
My voice was so quiet that I wasn't even sure I'd said it. Especially when he didn't answer me. He just stared into my eyes as if I was an alien or something.
"What did you say?" he finally asked.
"We can't be together anymore," I repeated, adding that I was sorry.
He protested, bitching at me for messing him around and keeping chopping and changing my mind about him. He asked how many things we were going to have to face before I realised for good that we were meant to be together.
"But I don't think we are meant to be together, Brax," I told him.
"Of course we are!" he snapped.
He dropped my hand and leapt to his feet, pacing the length of the small room, looking increasingly distressed. I was worried about him. I still am.
"I thought a near death experience or whatever would have showed you what was really important, Charlie," he said.
"It has," I admitted.
He approached the bed, his eyes burning with sadness rather than anger.
"What does that mean?"
"It means that I've done a lot of thinking since I ended up here," I explained. "And I can't see a future for us."
"Of course there's a future!" he yelled.
I winced at the sheer volume and desperation of his voice.
"We're moving to the city and starting again!" he said. "Me and you, Ruby and Casey. We're going to be a family."
"But it's not what I want anymore," I tried.
"Why not?" he snapped.
"Because I've sacrificed too much, Brax," I told him. "I've changed my whole life for you…"
"And I've changed mine for you!"
"You left a criminal gang," I pointed out. "I left a job where I was really making a difference to the community. I left a job that I'd committed my whole heart to. I compromised myself at every turn and I sacrificed all my ethics and integrity. I ignored all my values and made the wrong choices over and over again. I don't like the person I've become."
It's true. I don't. And considering I hated myself long before I ever met him, it was quite a big statement.
"I left my family for you," Brax said darkly.
"I know," I replied, softening my tone. "And I wish it could have worked but it never will. I'm sorry."
He stared at me for several long, agonising moments. Then he slammed out of the hospital and I haven't seen him since.
Next time… Charlie and Bianca make friends while Charlie prepares to confess all her misdeeds to Inspector Joyce…