Chapter Four - Three Thousand : Fourty Five
"You're my toybox
You're my memories
When I smell your skin you just make my whole world weep
I'm at your feet
I'm at your feet"
I'm drowning myself. I'm twisting and twirling and suffocating. I don't know how I got here but I can't get out. I'll never get out. The lights are fading and the world is blurring and I'm just sinking and sinking and sinking. The brutal pressure of water piled on water is crushing me and pressing down hard, clenching my hands and legs and my head. I'm so tired and weak and powerless to the steady pull and magnetism of the never ending current, the bottom which never seems to come. I want so speak but I don't know what I'll say. The desperation is going to sleep and laying dormant within me and I'm left with acceptance and knowing. My head is pounding so hard I'm mistaking it for my heartbeat. I'm so deep now that the water is black and light flickers from the surface, waving goodbye. I see someone but I don't recognize them. The distortion is making their reflection dash from images of my father to Axel and back again.
I feel like I know him. I feel like I'm close to him even though there's thousands of pounds of liquid separating us. Hands pierce the veil of water but there's too many- maybe they're all on the surface. Maybe they're waiting for me. I'm too tired now. It's too late, I've given up, I just want to sleep. No more trying. I'm worthless anyway.
A pair of hands find me from the bottom of the depths that I'm still falling towards. The water shatters like glass, the world gives way to darkness and doves soar further above me- silently. I see light from below me, shades of purples and pinks, white and blues. The dry and waterlogged hands clench me tighter, creating bruises and drawing blood that flow upwards with the doves as I sink further into the atmosphere, the Earth, this hell - my personal hell.
I'm dragged to the ground violently, shattering the stained glass that's raised in this immeasurable darkness- this forever growing darkness. Glass enters my flesh, more blood pools around me and I'm too afraid to open my eyes so I lay still and close them, listening to the jagged breath of the culprit who'd summoned me here.
I open my eyes to see crumpled paper swirling around the glass, getting caught in the raised forms of black in the glass that create the image- a woman? A princess? Someone I know? The black that clouded my vision refuses to leave- a side effect and souvenir from the drowning. I raise my hand, covered in blood, trying to steady myself. I know I must rise. I know the beast waits for me, impatiently. I will not anger it further.
No escape.
I can't get up. The glass imbedded in my hands pushes further in as I lay it over the surface, scraping into my bones and making me yell. The sound is muted before it can come out and I realize I'm soundless. I feel gloved hands reach for my arms and I force myself to keep my eyes open. The soundless figure helps me up and steps back, their face and body covered in leather and a hood- I can't tell who they are.
A thousand voices cry and groan as I turn to focus on the monster, the monster with eyes like mine and hair that rivals the sun. She's petrified and beautiful, mouth slack and skin sunken, wrinkled with too much water, too much fluid.
It cries and I'm reduced to tears shaking and wishing I was still on the ground, feeling like I'm still falling or the entire universe is falling over me.
A thousand voices resonate but the voice in my head that isn't mine and whispers is the only one I hear.
'This is your fault.'
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"You okay? Bad dream?"
I'm shaking and my pillow is soaked in tears I don't remember crying. On top of that, I don't remember getting here. We were at the usual spot, weren't we? I scan the area, nothings amiss in my room aside from the fact that I'm in it. I'm in my apartment, lovingly cradled with blankets in my bed, and Axel is standing in the doorway sipping from a mug.
I look to the floor to see a pizza box and crumpled papers that probably have something on them. Two game cube controllers are left out on the mock hardwood floor, but I don't remember playing them. I don't remember doing any of these things. I notice the cold sweat that has collected over me and how damp I feel and how much pulse is racing but I'm trying to catch my breath and not say something stupid. The playful smile melts from Axel's face and he enters the room, sitting carefully on the bed by my feet. He lays a hand on my legs, eyebrows furrowed.
"Man oh man, kid, you okay?"
I don't say anything, trying to set up my words before I say them so I don't sound so stupid. What happened?
I knew I was dreaming, but I could barely remember what about. There was falling, cold, a cloaked figure...
"I had a bad dream," I croak. "What time is it?"
Axel lets out a sound akin to 'um' and rises. He shuffles to the right hand corner of the room to his briefcase and draws out a Rolex. He's in a wife beater that's too loose, the holes for arms falling near the end of his chest. I notice his boxers and start to panic even further. When did that happen?
"It's three fourty five," He begins, laying the expensive watch on my dresser. He smiles again, throws himself onto the bed like he's a rag doll himself, and turns to face me, drawing the blankets up and over himself before getting completely comfortable.
"Did you sleep here?"
"Yeah, the couch wasn't comfy, remember?"
"No..."
"Talk about blank with a capital b."
I can feel his skin dangerously close to mine. I can smell coffee, light coffee on his breath, his hair that doesn't smell like rain- he must've showered. He laughs, choking out the silence of the dead of the night.
"When did we get home?"
"Not sure," Axel flops onto his back, nuzzling his shoulders against the back of the pillows he has stacked strategically to elevate himself. He yawns. "We drove back to town and stopped at that pizza place. We got back here and played some Pokemon and shit, then you got it in your head to try and draw some of them. I think you got to sleep at about one?"
My stomach drops.
"Why does it matter? Dream still lingering?" He's smiling so I know he's not mad but he's nervous now and I can tell from the way the gleam isn't held in his eyes as he speaks. "Is it because we're sleeping in the same bed?"
"No, I think it's just the dream," I lie, faking a smile. I doubt its as good as Axels fake smiles, but I try anyways. I make an effort to make sure the corners of my eyes wrinkle.
"Because we used to sleep like this when we were kids, I totally understand we're not kids anymore but we're both guys, right? Not a big deal." Axel continues, not even noticing my reply, "I could go sleep in on the couch, I'd get it-"
"Axel, it's okay." I grin for real now, laying a hand on his arm for reassurance.
"You sure?" Axel turns to face me, punctuating the fact that he's serious.
"Of course."
He relaxes. I can feel it just by looking at the way his shoulders sink further into the pillows and how he smiles in reply.
"Any more Q and A?" He kids, rubbing his eyes lazily to keep himself awake. I doubt I'll be able to fall back asleep.
"No, I think I'm going to go shower," The separation from Axel right now would do wonders for my mental state and the cold water would probably calm me and coax memories from hiding. "Maybe get something to eat too, you want anything?"
"No, I'm good." Axel lets his eyes close as I rise from the bed. "I'm not the morning type like you."
"Alright," I route through my drawer until I find some suitable clothes, track pants and a slouchy shirt. I doubt I'm going anywhere at three in the morning. "Sweet dreams."
I close the door behind me and slide down it, cradling my head in my hands.
What the fuck.
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I have the shower running as I undress. I leave the lights off, the nightlight that I have plugged in is more than enough for my adjusted eyes. I have the shower set to cold to freeze my foolish blood that rushes too fast and makes me think too quick. I stand in the mirror, gazing at myself.
I pick at my cheeks, stare at the eyes that are the reflection of my mothers. I brush the blonde hair that is the spitting color of dads out of my face.
It's weird how different I am from everyone else in the fact that I'm so light. I blend into the background like some kind of ghost. Even now, I look sickly, just as always. I don't like the way my nose sits on my face or how my eyes and nose are so feminine, so weak. I still hold the eyes of a child, when every other male around me has wise eyes, strong jaws, thin lips. Right now my cheeks are a strange shade of pink, probably because I'm thinking way too hard about how bad of a situation I'm in and how much I've wondered about and fantasized about what could have happened minutes ago.
I slip in the shower and cringe at the icy water. I bite my lip, close my eyes tight and turn in it, letting it coat my body. The heat is sucked away and flushes down the drain while I shiver and force myself to open my hands, lift my arms, let the cold sink into me. I stay like that for a while, face first in the stream of water, freezing half to death with wobbly legs and just letting the it pour down my face and over my shoulders until it floods to the ground.
I jolt forwards as I hear three loud knocks at my front door. It's followed by multiple rings of my doorbell. I carefully exit, scrubbing shampoo from my hair and quickly towel drying myself before throwing on clothes. I hear Axel shuffle abruptly in my bedroom, hear the closet open, hear the window open, rustling of papers and sheets.
The knocking is getting louder and more frantic.
I have no idea what to expect once I open this door. I put my hand on the door handle and listen to the sound of my front door hitting the wall of my porch.
No escape.
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AN: So guys I hate to have to write something here that isn't the story, but I'd love to thank Timeless Moment for the review. Go check out her stories, they're pretty sick! :)
I'm just letting you all know that reviews help remind me that I have a story to be writing, the more I get is generally going to make me write faster. It'd also help to get some kind of input because I have no idea if anyone actually likes this story. At all. (except for my really good friend who helps me spell check and grammar check. I'm awful at those kinds of things, this story couldn't exist without her) So yeah guys, thanks for actually reading this far. i'm surprised that anyone added this story to their favorite/tracked list, so thanks for that too. 3