Chapter 6:Daydreaming in Technicolor

"Goodbye my friends
Goodbye to the money
Adieu to the fuckers that think that it's funny."

"I'd stay at your house again but it'd look suspicious, besides I doubt you could get any sleep with this sexy bod sleeping next to you," Axel winks as he hands me a stack of papers. "Those are just some things you can look over in passing. Seriously though, get some sleep. I'll pick you up in the morning and we'll do something to get our minds off of this train wreck."

I smile and take the papers, opening up the slender car door. Without thinking, I reach over and pull Axel into a hug. He chuckles a little at me but doesn't hesitate. I sigh as his arms sink around me and wish it would be socially acceptable for me to stay like this, to close the car door and just melt into his arms. I know it's not so I just let go politely and slip from the car, walking to the door because I know Axel won't leave until he knows I can get into my apartment. There's no sign of any police officers here- which is strange because they were sprawled everywhere on my lawn like ants only hours ago. All things considered, I don't own that much anyway. There couldn't have been a great deal to sort through.

When I get inside I don't bother to think about anything, I just make myself a cup of tea and sit in the dual chaired breakfast nook, watching the sun set and trying to let go of the feelings that were settling into me. After staring blankly for a long time, I head to my bedroom, close the door and start to strip. The Rolex is left on my dresser- another thing Axel did purposely? Or is it a gift? I don't bother to try and think. I just slide to my bed and sink into it, laying on the side Axel had slept earlier. I breathe in his scent and it lulls me to sleep. I could imagine he was there and for the first time today I could feel safe.

I'm in a dark room.

I feel happy, giddy and light- high off the nothingness in my empty head. I don't feel anything per say, but trying to think itself is difficult so I just sit and wait, instead of thinking just knowing. I know someone is supposed to meet me here.

From the darkness comes flesh and then light eyes. He stands before me, so calm and collected, His skin dark like the darkness surrounding him. I don't remember Him but I feel like we've met, like He's a long forgotten friend of mine, close to me. Without speaking, I'm hit with another layer of knowing, His voice reaching the quiet places that sleep in my mind.

Our deal

I see flashes of pictures that mean nothing to me currently, things like houses, streets, books, people, ice cream. I don't wait for them to make sense. The only thing that lays in my mind is the words and they echo, echo and echo to the point where I believe it is the only thing I know. For a moment I am those two words.

You know the consequence

The rhythm of my heart intensifies, a strong nostalgia of remembrance burning within me. I know the consequence. I know it with all my heart.

I can feel the soft touch of a thousand familiar hands along my cheeks, so gentle and kind, so warm and tender. It lulls me back to sleep and back into that happy forgiving buzz, back the way I was when things were okay. I can feel the summer heat sinking into my flesh, each ray so nice, so warm. I'm so comfortable. I am okay.

Slowly the darkness gives way to the light. My eyes are closed and everything's red, red like the feeling that dwells within me, a memory, a reminder- go home, go home, go home, I'm here, I need you.

Before I know it I'm on the shore, clean although I'm laying on heaps of loose sand. I remember this place. It takes a moment because at first I just gather myself, bask in the sun, eventually standing up and scanning the coastline. I've been here. I've lived here. If only I could remember.

I spend a while like that, just wondering. My mind is still washed clean and the more I search the further the thoughts scramble. I'm left sighing and feeling like something is missing, I can't pinpoint what. The mountains are in reverse and the trees are brilliant shades, purples and golden. I'm tempted to swim in the water but I can't get close enough. Every time I take a step close it shyly retreats from me, sinking further to the mirrored mountains. I want to feel it but I can only feel that comfort, that high.

Come, thirteen.

I start walking in the direction that makes the most sense. The further I get away from that lake the more strange and disoriented I feel. Slowly ideas are fed to me, things like grade four classes and that teacher we had, mister... mister...

It's useless. I'll never remember his name.

The people are all faceless and it's meaningless. I know that I need to keep going or this might all end. I need to get to the finish line before it calls quits on me. Finally, I'm at the porch of a tiny cabin. It's glittering in the heavy doses of sun, the wood refracting the light and making my head spin when I looked directly at it. I take one step, then climb over the porch and into the house. I know my way around.

I've been here.

There's no furniture inside, no dust, no people, none of the images I receive in my head make sense about this place. Instead there is a letter wrapped in lace on the floor, titled to me. I know it is. There aren't any letters or names but there has never been anything more me.

I did this because I love you.

These are the only words I see and as I start to wake to realizations, my mother- this is from my mother- I'm starting to fall again and the water starts to seep from the top of the sky and I'm drowning again, falling and falling and falling...

"...So that's when I said to him, hell no! We've got something in common, I care about the kid, you know? Then he said 'you're still a crib robber flamesilocks' and really, crib robber? Flamesilocks? He couldn't think of anything better?"

Here I am again. I'm at a zoo, with Axel and he's acting like I didn't just wake up here and come to existence spontaneously. I have no idea what he's talking about so I just nod my head. If this is going to become a regular occurrence I don't know what else I can do.

"I mean, I'm not a crib robber because we're not together. We've been friends since we were both in the crib! You know? You can't be a friend crib robber, you're just-"

"Guys, you practically are together, admit it already." Xion? How long was she here?

"No. And I'm not gay. And I'm not a crib robber."

"Axel, if what Xigbar said bothered you that much-"

"It didn't!"

"What day is it today?" I blurt out. I have to know.

"Saturday?" Axel turns to look at me strangely. He's lapping at a sea salt ice cream. So was I apparently. It's running down my fingertips and causing everything to stick. I didn't even notice.

"No, what day?"

Now Xion turns to look at me strangely. She raises an eyebrow, looks at Axel, then back at me.

"It's the fifteenth."

"Of March?"

"Of April..." Axel looks weired out, he hands his sea salt ice cream to Xion and stops walking, putting one hand on my shoulder and the other over my forehead. "You feelin' okay kiddo?"

"See! Look at you two! I mean, come on Axel, I've known you since the day I was born and I'm the only one out of us who can even see it-"

"I agree with my sister, you know," Namine too? Namine was on the mainland, wasn't she? Is it April? This is a joke. It's a huge joke. Axel must have drugged a glass of water he'd given me-

It all flashes back to me. The impending incarceration, the lawsuit, the way Axel had easily gotten the heat off of me in less than an hour. Moms dead. Moms dead. I was walking home, into my house...

I feel sick to my stomach and I have to hold onto Axel's arms. I can feel the heat drain from my face and even though the spring sun is beaming down on the four of us I can't feel it. Axel is calling my name but I feel like maybe I could just slip back into the black now and be done with it. I don't get this, I don't understand, I don't want to understand. What else do I not know? What have I been doing? Who am I? I know the name Axel is yelling out is mine but am I the Roxas I was a month ago? This is a dream. It has to be.

"Roxas!"

My vision caves and I feel like maybe I do too. I can't tell. For a moment I feel as though I'm floating, soundlessly and painlessly. The words, the words I know that are from Him come to me and it seems like it all makes sense for a brief moment.

Forget it

Axel slowly comes back into my vision but I'm in the backseat of a car. Namine and Xion are here with us so I assume I wasn't out for that long. Forget it. Forget it.

"You're finally awake, are you okay?" Xion raises her head from my shoulder and lays a hand on my forehead. "You fell asleep as soon as we got in the car and you've been acting strange all day. Did you get enough sleep?"

Axels watching me from the rear view mirror but keeping quiet. I wonder if its something Namine has him up to or if its something I've said. Namines sitting next to Axel up front, her hands dangerously close to his. Are they together? Did they get together? I feel the panic swell within me but the words stir themselves, forget it, forget it, forget it. So I do.

"Yeah, I just feel a little weird. Axel, you left your Rolex at my apartment-"

Axel looks a little frightened now, I can see the way his eyebrows narrow at my words. "Roxas, you're wearing it. I gave it to you."

I sit there for a second in a dazed shock. I then raise my wrist and what do you know, there it is. It's right there. Seven o'clock.

"Roxas, are you sure you're okay?" Xion adds, lips pouted.

"This is my stop, dear." Namine quietly chimes in. She hasn't said a thing to me all day- or at least that I can remember. I try to convince myself that she calls everyone dear but the fact that she's saying it to Axel, my Axel is making my blood boil. Axel smiles at this, stops the car slowly and gently, leans over and opens her door for her. She hugs him and she exits. I feel like screaming. I have to dig my nails into my arm so I don't blurt out anything and embarrass myself any further. I'm pretty sure that I look like enough of an idiot as it is.

"Have a nice flight tomorrow, we love you!" Xion cries out getting from the car herself as she and Namine slip out. Axel nods and I just give a weak thumbs up. I'd love you too if I knew what was going on. It was always unwritten rule that it was just me and Axel, we never dated anyone else. We were just close and people seemed to respect that.

All in all I guess it's my fault. Axel doesn't know that I feel this way. I haven't ever told him. We aren't in a relationship so I can't expect him to stay waiting around for me. He could have moved on. On top of that, Axel isn't even gay as far as I know. His parents would never allow it and quite frankly Axel would never stoop to that level, especially to be with someone on the same level as me. I'm nothing for him. I'm a constant pain in the ass, extra baggage, somebody elses leftovers. He strives to work with me, to help me with whatever I need help with, and I just briefly thank him or try to run away from him and all the feelings he encompasses. I don't deserve his kindness. People like me and him are never supposed to be friends.

His life would be a hell of a lot less confusing without me.

"You aren't okay." Axel quietly mumbles as the doors slam shut and the girls run in to their hotel.

"What?"

"Roxas, you aren't okay. Don't act like you are." Axel looks in the rear view mirror now, into my eyes. He holds his gaze. "I'm not oblivious and I'm not stupid either."

I feel weak to my stomach and excited at the same time. He wasn't angry but he wasn't happy. He was concerned. Does he know about how messed up our relationship is? Does he feel the same about me?
The scenery starts to pass us by but I don't recognize any of it. We keep driving and driving and I can't bring myself to say anything and from the sounds of things neither can he. We pull into a hotel parking lot and he stops.

After tonight I don't think anything is ever going to be the same as it was ever again.

There's a dull sound in my head but I can't quite place it.

for...

...get

hey guys so yeah, heres this chapter. I'd like to thank la fleur d'or very very much for the review, its seriously very appreciated! I know the story is kind of being slow right now but don't worry guys its going to get more exciting. Give it some time and stuff will make sense guuys. Also seriously. If no one gives me any kind of idea what other pairings to put in here... ILL MAKE AXEL STRAIGHT ILL DO IT I will no joke i will and you will all suffer - so for the greater good of the fan fiction community you should save Axel and Roxas from a romantic life outside of each other and help me -the most indecisive person on the face of the planet- decide who to pair with who. Thank you, thank you. I have the other chapter written atm but I'm probably going to post it once I get time to edit it ect. So keep checking back because this should be updated soon. (hopefully). I love you guys and am so glad that people actually read this thing. Thanks again!