Chapter 41. The Uneasiness of Being

"Uneasy am I," Yoda confessed to Mace.

The two had just met for their daily pre-Council meeting briefing. For Yoda to admit to unease was nearly unprecedented – normally by the time his unease was communicated to others, the diminutive master had also searched the Force and had at least a glimmer of an answer, a reason, a path.

Now there was just the simple pronouncement.

"Anything in particular?" Force knew Mace was uneasy, but he at least had a reason – Obi-Wan's nightmares.

"Like young Kenobi's 'bad feelings,' uneasy am I over all that has happened; uneasy that the Force itself does not provide answers, let alone clues. Makes no sense all this mess and this pain between former master and former apprentice; a team they were, created by the Force and destroyed by something other, I think."

"The Sith?" He didn't like that hypothesis, not at all.

"Began all this did before Sith involvement. No reason there is!"

"Or no reason we can ascertain." After centuries of being thought extinguished, it was more than obvious that the Sith Order was a big uncertainty.

"Humph." Yoda's ears drooped, ceding the point. "Instigators or not, quick the Sith may be to take advantage – yet how?"

"If Qui-Gon is right, the Sith might be after the Chosen One."

Yoda's eyes narrowed and his ears pointed up and back, though he remarked mildly enough after a moment's thought, "Perhaps… a trap of the Force set up to lure the Sith to their destruction as well."

Oh, well, sure. Right. Mace frankly stared. Like the Force would work through Qui-Gon to half-cripple a promising young (almost) knight so that a nine-year-old boy with no training….

"Poppycock," he said firmly. He also moved his ankles off to the side, out of range.

"Open your mind to all possibilities you must." Yoda sighed. "Still, the answer, I fear, must lie with Qui-Gon, whether he knows it or not. Our Master Jinn is not himself and the Force – twisted around him it is. Without precedent that is and whether it comes from within or without I cannot tell." Frustration nearly colored his tone. "Explained it can be if as he thinks, his apprentice fell to the dark –"

"What! Obi-Wan didn't fall."

"Listen you did not, Master Windu! If fell as Qui-Gon thinks, then more sense it makes but a careful examination of the facts would refute that thought. Damaged young Kenobi was, we know, perhaps Qui-Gon was as well."

"The healers have done a comprehensive exam on both."

"This I know as well. Speak to me the Force does not. Why I do not know."

"Interference?" Mace suggested. "Yoda, we already know that our abilities have been clouded to some degree without our knowing it – the rise of the Sith alone proves that. There were no prickles of foreboding – no sense of imminent danger – the closest we came was a padawan's 'bad feeling' and even that was unclear enough for Qui-Gon to dismiss it."

"Yes, yes – coincidence is it?"

There definitely were prickles of foreboding running up and down Mace's spine at the moment. Obi-Wan had sensed something and Obi-Wan had been neatly cut off from the Force and damaged to a yet unknown degree.

The healers were delighted with his progress so far. The emotional instability that had characterized the first few weeks had abated, though Mace had noticed that his emotions were still closer to the surface than in the past. At least they no longer overwhelmed him.

"By the way, he had another nightmare last night." Yoda's head lifted and he waited patiently for Mace to continue, almost as if hoping the nightmare itself would hold answers. "I woke to a sense of distress in the Force and found him whispering, 'It wasn't I.' When I woke him he promised he could never do such an evil."

"Mmm – and did he explain this evil he would not do?"

Obi-Wan scrubbed his face hard and took a deep breath. "I saw Death, Master Windu – violent and inexcusable death. Bodies scattered everywhere – and blood," he raised trembling hands, "blood all over my hands."

"He remembered that all the bodies had been cut down by a lightsaber and I reminded him of what we all know – lightsaber wounds cauterize too fast for there to be much blood. I think that reassured him somewhat; I know it reassured me."

"It's my fault, isn't it?" Haunted eyes rose to meet the older Jedi's. "He blamed me…and why not – it was just him and I there, just the two of us and all the dead. His padawan – and he was grief-stricken. He cared – so very much; he cared…."

One clawed hand reached to scratch Yoda's ear. "Hmm, wonder I do if others visited by nightmares as well and what form they took."

"Others?"

"Dreams and nightmares can be sendings of the Force, not just surfacing of deeply hidden fears or joys. The story they tell is never obvious but a story there is to be unraveled. Find out we must if Qui-Gon or young Anakin these dreams visited as well and what form they took."

Oh, easy.

"Hey, Qui – any recent nightmares?"

"Why, yes, Mace…."

Mace came back to reality with a rush.

It proved harder than expected to hack into these particular computer files. Council level files, medical files, classified mission files - none had backdoors in from the less stringently protected general Jedi computer files.

There was something in the files to be discovered, and BB wanted to know what. What could possibly lead back to the boss, or connect the boy to the boss within the files of the Jedi?

At last he was in. On a sudden hunch, he decided to first download a bunch of files onto some datapads he'd filched before messing with the files – he could have just erased them, but there could be a back up elsewhere. There was a lot of information here he was interested in; he would introduce a virus that would slowly corrupt the data once he had his own untarnished copy.

Because he'd learned ago to have a backup, a way out or a way in, all in self-protection. Plan A did not exist without Plan B, and no doubt, a Plan C as well, if he had learned anything from the boss.

Since he wasn't a fool, either, he knew there had to be a backup to him as well, a threat in the wings to keep him – loyal.

Redundancy. Spares. And an alternate. That was the boss's way.

Once the light flashed showing the data transfer was complete, he connected another datapad and initiated a transfer the other direction. Worms didn't draw attention to themselves, they moved stealthily and inexorably and their damage was done before the infection's discovery.

"Bye bye records," he mocked. However, he could not afford to stay and gloat. The danger of discovery was too great.

Besides, he had places to go, things to do – review the files he downloaded, run an errand for the boss….

And of course, kill or incapacitate a certain man as well. Too bad it wasn't Kenobi. Yet.

"And how was class today, Obi-Wan?" Mace looked up from his datapad, eager to take a break from the "fun side" of Council business – the laundry inventory was off, the food bills had increased again - mundane and boring items all but necessary.

"Great." Obi-Wan's eyes had nearly lost their shadows, to Mace's pleasure. This was nearly the young man of a few months ago – handling solo missions with aplomb and a firm hand. The Council had pushed him a bit to step out of Qui-Gon's shadow. Both master and padawan had seemed a bit conflicted – on one hand starting to distance themselves and on the other, drawing closer. Such was normal with such a strong bond but Obi-Wan had already learned to fly. He had just to learn how to leave the nest – and Qui-Gon to allow it.

"They're so eager to learn and this opportunity has been the best thing to come out of all this – oh, I shouldn't admit that, should I?"

"It is not official policy to reassign a Jedi away from tasks he or she likes as a character building exercise, if that's what you mean. All initiates and padawans are rotated in various tasks on a variable time schedule, depending on need or necessary skill development."

"Mmm, hmm, that's why Garen had crèche duty two rotations as a junior padawan." Obi-Wan grinned and settled into a seat.

"He needed to learn patience."

"And I didn't?"

"You weren't learning it on crèche duty, however; you were having too much fun. Your mechanical skills were and are quite adequate, but not exceptional, hence your reassignment. After an initial period of an increasingly deplorable vocabulary, you settled down – and," a sweetened berry bar nearly into Obi-Wan's outstretched hand was moved out of reach by an invisible force, "patience, Obi-Wan, last meal is nearly ready. Bant and Garen will be joining us; Yoda, as well."

"A party?" Obi-Wan snuck out a hand and latched onto a handful of nuts instead.

"Not at all." Mace didn't react when Obi-Wan's hand hit an invisible wall right in front of his mouth. Neither did Obi-Wan, who sheepishly returned the handful to the tableside dish.

"Do all masters have eyes in the back of their heads?"

"It's a job requirement, yes." Mace chuckled. "Trying to evade detection is also a time-honored Force building exercise. I mastered the art of sneaking snacks when Yoda wasn't watching about – come to think of it, I never did master that. Tell you what, you divert his attention when he gets here and I think I may finally succeed."

"Partners in crime, Master Windu?' Obi-Wan grinned. "Oh, I like but if we don't succeed, do we have to starve or protect our ankles until he leaves?"

"How about focusing on success?"

"Your focus is your reality," Obi-Wan chanted. "There's only one thing wrong with your plan – these are your quarters."

"Oh. Right." Mace rubbed his head. "Another time, then. Why don't you set the table while I finish this, oh, so terribly interesting reading." Obi-Wan leaned over to look. It wasn't confidential Council records, after all, so Mace turned the datapad to make it easier for him to read over his shoulder.

"Missing clothing?" Obi-Wan settled back. "Here I thought the Council debated life and death matters of galactic importance. No wonder Master Jinn never cared about a seat. My goal in life is going to have to change, I see." He ducked as Mace pretended to cuff his head.

"What is your goal, then?"

"Seriously?" Obi-Wan's face suddenly smoothed out, a reminder that he was not yet well and his fingers picked at his tunic's hem. "To accept the Force's will; to stop questioning why all this happened."

He ran a hand over his forehead and frowned. "I think – I'm getting there, slowly. I'm happy teaching, but – I feel incomplete. I wonder…"

Mace laid the pad down and gazed at the suddenly struggling for words Obi-Wan. "You wonder if you displeased the Force in some way." He sighed as Obi-Wan nodded slowly. "You shouldn't, you know, but then that is a natural response to a situation such as this. Nights like last night don't help, either. Maybe this will help, maybe it'll make you feel worse, but the Force doesn't have an agenda for or against any individual and –"

"And it's arrogant to presume I'm its target." Obi-Wan nodded and took a deep breath. "I do agree, up here," he tapped his head, "but down here," he tapped his heart, "it's not so easy. It's a struggle and there's times I fear I'm being torn apart by what I know and what I feel, let alone what I wish and what I…fear." He gulped at the last.

"Fear is probably an appropriate emotion under the circumstances." Obi-Wan's eyes widened and Mace shook his head in exasperation. "You're not acting on fear, Obi-Wan; it's not holding you back. You're moving forward despite it – like a Jedi. Now, go set the table, why don't you?"

As the young man nodded and moved off, Mace settled back but his eyes kept straying to him. In was in moments like this that he realized he had fallen all too easy into the trap of thinking Obi-Wan's ordeal was over and behind him.

This was a journey of recovery, and the journey nowhere near its end.