So, on the bright side: it didn't take me 3 months to update this time! I actually wrote the majority of this in like the last week and a half. My inspiration is slowly coming back to me..and I'm sure that's good news to you all! I have to be honest and say that I know I said at the beginning of the last chapter that I had an idea for this one, but I can't even remember what that idea was. It could be what actually got written, or it could be something totally different. I don't really think it's what got written because this isn't what I expected to write AT ALL but it just kind of took off on its own and I went with it. That probably makes no sense to anyone but me, but it's 3:30 in the morning and I'm dead exhausted but I just had to finish it.

I hope y'all enjoy this chapter, and pleeeeease review!

It seemed time was flying by. Just yesterday, it felt like, school was just starting and they were just starting to get back into the routine of school and work after almost a month off at Christmas. Now it was the last day of class before spring break, and the two girls could hardly contain their excitement. They had decided to spend a week in Florida at Christian's aunt's beach house.

There were 10 of them going. Tate, Leo, Christian, and five others would ride in his Navigator while Sam and Mikaela followed along in her Camaro. Andy, Balie, Colton, Tyler, and Balie's best friend Rachel were the other five joining them. The girls, of course, were ecstatic at the thought of tanning on the beach and shopping. Sam, Leo, and Andy couldn't help but fantasize about the thought of their girls on the beach in skimpy bikinis while the other guys were imagining all the other gorgeous women they would be seeing in their bikinis.

To put it mildly, Christian's aunt was loaded. Her family came from old money, and her husband was a sports agent so he was wealthy in his own right. Christian was extremely close to her aunt and was grateful that her aunt and uncle were willing to allow her and nine of her friends they had never met to use their gorgeous beach house for a week. She and her family had spent their summers in Florida with her aunt's family at the beach house for as long as she could remember. This trip would be one that none of them would ever forget, of that she was sure of. The few stipulations her aunt had about them using the beach house was that they didn't burn it down, didn't get cops called and get arrested for underage drinking (because, let's face it, her aunt and uncle were not naïve—they were well aware their niece and all her friends would be drinking despite all but one of them being under 21), and Christian and her friends had to have dinner with her aunt and uncle the night they got there and the day before they left.

The plan was to meet at Sam and the other's house as soon as they were all finished with their classes. Bags had already been packed and were ready to be loaded into the Navigator, except for one slight problem.

The Navigator wasn't there.

"Tate, where the hell are you?" Mikaela hissed angrily into her cell phone. Tate was the one person that hadn't had a class that day and should have been the first one there, but instead he was the last to show up and was more than an hour late.

"Aww Mickey, you only saw me last night," Tate teased. "Do you miss me already?"

"Tate Brantley McMurray, you were supposed to be here an hour ago!" She said indignantly. "Everyone else was here on time! Everyone else is sitting around waiting on you, Tate! Why the hell can't you show up on time? What the hell was so much more fucking important than this trip we've all been looking forward to for a month, that you have been looking forward to?"

"God, Mikaela, don't be such a bitch. What the hell is your fucking problem?" Sam heard what Tate said and instantly took the phone from his fiancée before she and Tate started screaming at each other and got in an argument that would likely have lasted the whole trip and caused a whole lot of drama and tension when they were supposed to be having a good time.

"Tate, man, it's Sam," He said calmly. "Look, 'Kaela's just excited about the trip, she's ready to go, and she doesn't like to wait. You know that. Don't worry about her. I'll calm her down before you get here. How much longer are you going to be?"

"I know Sam. I didn't mean to lash out at her. Something came up and that's why I'm so late," Tate sighed and Sam could tell he was frustrated. "I'm pulling up at the gas station at Slide and Lincoln. Just give me about five more minutes and then I'll be there."

"Alright, man, we'll be here," They said their goodbyes and Sam flipped Mikaela's phone shut.

"What the hell, Sam?" Mikaela turned her anger on him and snatched her phone from his hands.

"Mikaela, calm down, alright?" Sam didn't want to fight with her, but she was being out of line. "He's at the gas station down the street. He'll be here soon and then we can go."

"No, I don't get it. He knew when we were planning to leave, and he's an hour late. We've all been calling him for the last 45 minutes and he hasn't answered a single call until now. It's bullshit Sam."

"Baby, just calm down," He took her jaw in the palm of his hand and forced her to look him in the eye. "Tate is one of the most punctual people we know. He's hardly ever late. You know how excited he is for this trip. Something came up that he had to take care of before he left."

"What came up?"

"I don't know, but I could tell it was bothering him pretty bad. So please, just calm down, and talk to him when he gets here, okay? Just please don't jump down his throat the minute he walks in the door. Remember we're all stuck together for the next week and we just want to have a good time."

"Fine," Mikaela sighed and turned away without another word to her fiancée before taking a seat next to Christian on the couch and rested her head on her friend's shoulder.

Sam watched silently as Mikaela agitatedly twirled her cell phone between her thumb and index finger, checking the time every minute or so. He just hoped that she would calm down enough by the time Tate showed up that there would be no problems because it really sounded like something serious was going on with Tate. Christian caught his eye and gave him a slight nod to let him know she understood his worries. He didn't really see why there was such a problem with them leaving a little bit later than they had planned to since they were only driving halfway before stopping at a hotel to stay the night somewhere in North Carolina.

The sound of Mikaela laughing at something Christian said settled Sam's nerves somewhat. She at least appeared to be in a better mood than she had been only minutes before, and he hoped that she wasn't upset with Tate for making them wait an hour for him to show up.

His hopes were dashed, however, when Tate walked in the door five minutes later and she shot him a glare so hard it almost had Sam cowering back.

"How nice of you to show up your majesty," Mikaela spit out sarcastically.

"For the love of God, Mikaela, would you just pull that stick out of your ass? I'm sorry I'm late and fucked up your perfect little schedule!" Tate's eyes darkened angrily. "Not all of us are spoiled little rich kids whose daddy gave them everything they could've asked for and were treated like the world revolves around them. I hate to break it to you honey, but the world don't owe you shit!" The only sound that could be heard was the gasp that came from Christian's mouth at Tate's hateful words. Sam wanted to knock the shit out of Tate for what he said, but a small part of him knew that Mikaela deserved a little bit of it. He watched the emotions play out on her face: from shock, to anger, to hurt, and then back to anger once more.

"Spoiled little rich kid? Daddy gave me everything I wanted?" Mikaela stepped into Tate's face and shoved him hard enough that he stumbled back a little bit. "How about my dad going to prison when I was seven and just barely getting out when I graduated? How about my mom was so much of a fucking crack head she ran off before I ever even started school? Everything I have now, I have earned Tate. The world didn't give me shit, I got it all myself."

Everybody in the room stood frozen at the heated argument between the two close friends. Tate's face quickly changed from the angry look he'd worn into one of shame. Without another word, Mikaela turned from everyone and went to grab her bags before heading to the front door.

"Mikaela!" To the surprise of everyone, Mikaela actually stopped and turned back to him. Sam's heart broke at the look in her eyes and prayed that Tate wouldn't say anything to make it worse. "Mickey, I'm sorry. Honey, I didn't mean it."

"You know why it was so important for us to leave on time?" Christian moved to stop Mikaela from reaching into her pocket. They'd only been friends for a few short months, but she knew her best friend well enough to know that what cold tone meant. She was shutting Tate out. He'd cut her down in the worst way, but Mikaela always found a way to come out on top in an argument like this.

"'Kaela, stop!" She was too late though. Mikaela pulled out a small stack of papers and held them up in front of Tate.

"Happy fucking birthday asshole," Mikaela hissed before shoving 10 tickets to a Papa Roach concert in Raleigh that night into his chest. "Find some other spoiled little rich kid to go with you."

The door slammed behind Mikaela. Tate stared at the door for a moment before turning back to the rest of their friends. Nobody moved for a good long moment before Leo decided enough was enough and moved to grab his and Christian's bags. Andy was next to follow, and the rest of them recovered from the shock and came back to life. Tate was the only one who didn't move so Sam walked up to him and clapped him on the shoulder. He told his friend to forget about it and that they would both be able to calm down and get over it since they were riding in separate cars. Mikaela would forgive him, Sam said, for the things he said in the heat of the moment.

Sam was the last one out of the house after checking that all the lights were off and that nothing was left plugged into an outlet that shouldn't have been. Stepping off the front porch, he noticed Christian having some kind of serious discussion with Mikaela through the passenger side window of her Camaro.

"She wants me to ride with her instead," Christian shrugged helplessly and his heart dropped. Tate's words had evidently upset her more than he initially thought if she was asking Christian to ride with her instead of him.

"'Kaela?" Sam asked softly kneeling down next to the window. Her eyes were hidden by sunglasses, but he could see the tear tracks that ran down her cheeks.

"Sam please," It was all she could seem to choke out.

"You want Christian to drive and me to ride in the other car?"

"Please."

"What's goin' on in that pretty little head of yours baby girl?" Sam asked pleadingly.

"I just wanna ride with Christian," was Mikaela's simple reasoning. At a loss as to what she was thinking, he decided it would probably be best to just let her have her way rather than risk upsetting her further.

"Alright baby, have your girl time since you two haven't been able to get rid of Leo or me in forever. I love you 'Kaela baby," Sam said softly close to her ear. She nodded in acknowledgment that she'd heard him, but said nothing and wouldn't look at him. He reached in the car and turned her face towards him to kiss her but at the last moment she jerked her head back, forcing him to kiss her cheek instead. For several seconds he didn't move, staring at his fiancée with a hurt look on his face, but finally stood up and walked away dejectedly.

****

Two hours north of Raleigh and Mikaela had yet to say a word. Christian thought she would've gone crazy after five hours of almost silence. The only thing saving them from listening to the wheels turning and the wind blowing as they cruised through it was the radio. Both of their phones had gone off several times, but Mikaela's was left unanswered until she finally silenced it and threw it in her purse. Christian had answered two text messages from Leo--one soon after they had got on the highway in Philadelphia asking if she knew what was wrong with their Mikaela, to which she replied she had no clue; the second was also from Leo about 15 minutes ago asking how Mikaela was. Christian simply told her boyfriend she still didn't know and that the other woman had been silent the whole way. Poor Sam must be going crazy with worry, she thought.

The way Mikaela had acted earlier that day were completely out of character for her, but as Christian thought about it she realized her friend had been different over the last week. The three of them had hardly seen her and if they did, it was usually in passing. She had kept herself holed up in her and Sam's bedroom, claiming tiredness as the reason. Come to think of it, Christian couldn't remember the last time Mikaela ate. Her whole demeanor had changed, and it was a shock that none of them had noticed it before.

What had happened to their best friend?

The sound of Mikaela sobbing broke Christian from her reverie. Looking to her right, she saw her best friend's shoulders shaking violently from the sobs racking her body. Mikaela's eyes were still hidden behind her sunglasses, but Christian could only imagine the pain that shone in them.

"Mikaela," She said softly but Mikaela shook her head signaling that she didn't want to talk. Complying with her friend's request, Christian kept her mouth shut but reached over and took her hand to let her know she was there.

However, there was only so long Christian could stand to listen to her best friend bawling her eyes out before she had to do something so she shot off a text to Leo before taking the next exit.

****

Pulling off at gas station. Mikaela crying horribly. Keep going. Will catch up.

Leo flipped his phone closed and sighed. This trip wasn't starting off the way they had all envisioned. Nobody had any idea what was going on with Mikaela, Tate was horribly ashamed of the way he had provoked her, and Sam was freaking out. He'd been calling her phone every five or 10 minutes since they'd left, but it always went to voicemail. Finally, he'd given up on leaving messages a couple hours ago.

The atmosphere in the Navigator was slightly subdued, but the eight people in it still tried to have a good time. Colton and Tyler provided the much needed comedic relief, retelling stories from their high school days and all the mischief they had caused. Those two were an absolute trip when together, and nobody ever knew what to expect from the duo.

"Oh thank God!" Balie hollered excitedly a few minutes later, causing everyone else to jump as it had finally fallen completely silent in the luxury SUV.

"What the hell B?" Andy questioned his girlfriend.

"That's the first mile sign that showed Raleigh on it!"

"Did you happen to catch how many miles until we get there?" Rachel asked dryly.

"Well, no…" Balie shrugged slightly embarrassed. "I was just excited to see Raleigh on it and forgot to look at the other side of the sign.

"Honey, there's still 100 somethin' miles left."

"Oh."

"Yeah," Rachel laughed at her friend. "Oh."

"But at least we're close enough for it to be on a sign!" Balie insisted trying to get everyone else to share in her excitement.

****

Christian and Mikaela drove into Raleigh an hour behind the others due to their unexpected stop. To Christian's dismay, Mikaela still hadn't opened up to her about whatever was going on. The violent sobs had continued for another 15 minutes before she apparently decided she'd cried enough and just stopped. That was the last show of any kind of emotion Christian had seen from the other woman since. The rest of the trip was made in complete silence, Christian too frustrated with Mikaela shutting everyone out to even listen to the radio. Once they got to the hotel they were staying at, she called Leo to find out what side of the building their rooms were on and what rooms they were in.

Mikaela walked into the room and saw him sitting on the bed with his back against the headboard staring off into space. He had one headphone in his right ear and the iPod was sitting loosely in his hand. So distracted was he that he didn't even notice when she walked into the door. It wasn't until she touched his shin that he ever looked away from the spot on the ceiling he was staring at so intently. Once he realized who was in his room, he jumped up from his spot on the bed and stood in front of her, visibly wanting to take her into his arms but uncertain of how she would react.

"Tater," Mikaela looked up at him remorsefully. "I'm so sorry."

"Mickey, don't be sorry," Tate said softly and gathered her up in his arms.

"I wasn't mad at you. It was just…" She searched for the right words. "The last straw maybe? I don't know. It's been a long week. I just lost it."

"Have you talked to Sam?" He felt her shake her head side to side in his chest. "Honey, you know I'm always here for you no matter what, but you need to talk to him. He's been going crazy with worry ever since we left town."

"I'm just scared," Mikaela whispered. "He's gonna be really, really mad."

"No, he won't honey. He loves you. No matter what, Sam is going to stand by your side. Deep down, you know that."

"He's still gonna be really upset with me for keeping this a secret, for not coming to him in the first place," Tate could see every emotion in her eyes when she looked up at him. "He's gonna think I don't trust him, but I do. Tater Cakes, I trust that boy with my life."

"Mickey, Sam knows that. We all know that," Tate wiped away the few stray tears that streaked down her cheeks. "But there are times that you just have to work through it by yourself before you can open up to someone else. This was one of those times."

****

Mikaela found herself standing outside the door to her and Sam's hotel room. She knew more than anything she needed the man inside that room more than she had ever needed anyone before, but fear was getting the best of her. The conversation they would soon have should have come more than a week ago. It bothered her just a little bit that he hadn't once picked up on the slight change in her behavior, but she couldn't really blame him for not knowing. Long ago, way before Sam stepped foot into her life, she had perfected the art of hiding her true feelings. If she didn't want anyone to know how she felt or what was going on inside her head, they wouldn't have a clue there was something wrong. Still though, this was Sam, her fiancée and the one person who knew her better than anyone else, and she would be lying if she said she didn't resent it just a tiny bit that he was completely oblivious.

In the end it didn't matter that she'd kept a secret from him and he'd never even noticed. All that mattered was the love the two shared and that she needed her man and his support because she couldn't handle it alone. That final thought gave her all the strength she needed to knock on the door.

"God, Mikaela, I've been so worried," Sam said relieved once he saw his fiancée standing in the hall. The sight of him robbed her of anything she wanted to say and all she could do was wrap her arms around his neck and lay her head on his chest. Immediately his arms wove around her waist and pulled her closer. The door clicked shut behind them, but neither noticed. All Sam could think about was that it'd been hours since they had last talked and even longer since he'd seen her. He couldn't remember the last time they went so long without so much as a quick phone call when they weren't technically fighting.

"Will you just lay with me?" Mikaela pleaded. Sam picked her up and carried her to the king size bed where they both laid down on top of the blankets.

"As long as you need me to," He whispered pushing her hair away from her face. Honestly, he wished she would just open up and let him know what was going through her head because it was breaking his heart the way she was hurting and keeping it all in.

"I promise I'll tell you what's going on," A small smile crossed his face at the way she seemed to read his mind. "I'm sorry for today. I know you're worried, and I will tell you. I promise. I just need you right now. I love you so, so much and I know that it's hurting you that I'm hurting, but I just need you to hold me more than anything else."

"'Kaela baby, I'm not going anywhere. I'll hold you forever if that's what you need."

They lay in bed until well after the sun had gone down. Christian and Leo had come by a while ago to see if they wanted to go with the others to the concert for Tate's birthday but Mikaela had regretfully told them they were going to stay in that night. She knew she needed to talk to Sam that night or it would only ruin their trip. Tate had thankfully understood her need to miss the concert, and told her he would much rather they stay in so Sam could help her work through whatever problems she was up against. Mikaela promised to take him somewhere to celebrate his birthday some other time.

Sam was more than happy to spend a night in with Mikaela, but he hated the reasons they were doing it this time. As much as she needed this time with him, he needed it just as much. He needed her to know she wasn't alone, and that he would be there for her through whatever was happening. The fight with Tate earlier had been completely out of character for her, and it bothered him that it had taken something so drastic for him to notice there was something going on with her. He should've known instinctively. Now that he knew something was wrong, he could look back and pinpoint little things that had been different over the last week much like Christian had realized hours earlier.

Mikaela finally rolled over so that she and Sam were lying face to face and gave him a small smile when he looked at her. Her fingers moved to his face and gently traced his jaw line before tilting her head up and pressing her lips to his.

"I just want you to know that I do trust you, okay?" He raised his eyebrow in confusion. "I love you, Sam, and I don't want you thinking I kept this in because I didn't trust you or that I couldn't come to you. I just needed to be able to work through it and accept it before I could talk about it. I probably should've talked to you about it last night or the night before and then the thing with me and Tate might not have happened, but as unlikely as it sounds I kind of forgot about it with all the excitement over the trip and it was nice to forget about it since that's all I've been able to think of since I got the call."

"What call?" Sam prodded.

"My dad's dead, Sam."

****

Christian, Leo, Andy, Balie, Rachel, Tate, Tyler, and Colton found themselves in the front row watching Breaking Benjamin finish up their set before Papa Roach was set to take the stage. Luckily there had been a local band and some other band nobody knew the names of that opened for the two more popular bands, so the delay they had had in leaving Philadelphia ended up being a moot point.

All eight of them were well aware of the two empty seats next to Andy, but nobody wanted to mention their missing friends. By no means did it mean they didn't care, but they were all at a loss as to what had caused Mikaela to lose it like she had. Before they left, Tate had spoken up saying that he knew they were all worried and that they didn't really want to leave their two friends behind but that the tickets had been a birthday present from Mikaela and he knew that she would want them to go and enjoy the concert regardless of the day's events.

"So who is bailing me out of jail?" Rachel piped up once the song ended.

"For what?! We just got to town, how the hell have you already managed to wreak havoc?" Andy teased his girlfriend's best friend.

"Because I'm betting that it's probably illegal for me to jump on the stage and maul Jacoby," She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly referring to the lead singer of Papa Roach. "And yet, that's exactly what I plan on doing."

"Not if I get to him first," Christian smirked leaning around Leo to eye her friend.

"Hey!" Leo cried indignantly.

"What is with this freakin' Jacoby Shaddix obsession you all seem to have?" Balie asked in an almost exasperated tone. Truth be told, he was all the girls had talked about since arriving in Raleigh. "I just don't get it."

"How could you not?" Rachel seemed incredulous that Balie couldn't see the appeal. "Jacoby Shaddix has to be the most beautiful man I have ever laid eyes on."

"All he has to do is scream at me and I seriously think I would have the most mind blowing orgasm ever," Christian said.

"Hey!" Leo cried indignantly again and this time everyone laughed at him. Christian leaned over and kissed her boyfriend in apology, but he knew she was only kidding. Kind of, anyway.

They all quieted and watched Breaking Benjamin sing their last few songs before leaving the stage and allowing the crew to take down their set before setting it up for Papa Roach. It only took about 25 minutes before the lights were dimming for the main act, but to the girls it felt so much longer than that. They were screaming at the top of their lungs in excitement when the lead singer they all drooled over finally came out. Once the band started playing, each girl was singing along word for word and jumping up and down. Leo wasn't sure who the tickets were more for: Tate or the girls. Tate was having a good time, Papa Roach was one of his favorite times, but he wasn't as exuberant as the others were by any means. He was singing along, but refrained from jumping up and down.

At the beginning, the songs were played in a sort of chronological order with most of their older songs from the Incest album being played first. It wasn't until after "Scars", one of their more popular songs, was sung that there was any sort of change.

"The last song comes straight from the heart," Jacoby shouted into his microphone while holding his fist over his heart for a moment before he gave a devilish little grin and moved his hand to grab his crotch before continuing. "And this next song comes straight from the dick!"

The opening chords to "I Almost Told You That I Loved You" from their newest album, Metamorphosis, began to play and the girls went absolutely nuts. Instead of merely singing along to the lyrics, they were now screaming them as loud as they could. Since they were in the front row, the girls' antics were definitely catching the attention of Jacoby and the bassist, who was on their side of the stage, and the lead singer made a show of constantly winking or pointing at them.

"Take off your pants!!' Rachel yelled once there was a lull between songs. Everyone within earshot busted out laughing. Jacoby being the outrageous, unpredictable individual that he was complied and did in fact undo his pants so that they dropped to his ankles. Tate, the one closest to the girls, thought he was going to go deaf when the girls screamed in a decibel range he didn't even know existed. On top of that, the five guys were almost blinded by all the flashbulbs that went off as girls all throughout the arena scrambled to get pictures of Jacoby Shaddix with his pants down.

After that, the rest of the concert almost seemed anticlimactic but the group of friends still had a blast anyway. On the ride back to the hotel, the girls were all hoarse from screaming so much and the guys felt like they had gone deaf from listening to the screaming at such close range. As a result, there was very little communication between the friends as they tried to let the effects fade away on their own.

****

"What?" Sam asked in disbelief.

"My dad is dead," Mikaela repeated softer this time.

"What? How?"

"Evidently he'd been sick a while. He never told me," There was a hint of bitterness in her voice. "Never once thought it important enough to tell his only daughter that he was dying!"

"Baby, I'm so sorry," He reached over and touched her face.

"I know he was an ass, but that didn't mean I wanted him to die! Damn it, Sam, the last time I talked to him was Thanksgiving! The last thing my father ever said to me was that I was the reason my mom took off. I can't even remember the last time he told me he loved me or I told him, and now I'm never going to get the chance to tell him!" Tears were pooling in her eyes again and Sam felt powerless to stop them. What could he possibly say to her to make the tears stop?

"When did he die?"

"Last Thursday," If anything, he now felt a hundred times worse knowing that she'd been dealing with this by herself for over a week. "My aunt called me after he…after he…he d-died. That's the way he wanted it. He didn't want to see me. He didn't even give me the chance to say goodbye!" Sobs racked her body all over again, and Mikaela silently wondered how she had any tears left to cry. It seemed that was all she had done since finding out.

"'Kaela, maybe he just didn't want you to see how sick he was. He might not have wanted you to remember him that way.

"He left me a letter," Sam's head shot up. "My aunt mailed it to me."

"What did it say?"

"I don't know," She whispered. "I haven't been able to read it."

"Where is it?"

"My purse."

"Do you want to read it now?" Sam tilted her head so she made eye contact with him. "Do you want me to read it to you?"

Mikaela didn't say anything, but moved to get up and went to her purse and dug the envelope out of the side pocket. Sam moved so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed and pulled Mikaela down onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her waist when she came back over to the bed. Her hands were shaking so bad the letter inside the envelope was making that soft, rustling noise paper made. His arms tightened around her waist to let her know he was there.

It took her a few minutes before she attempted to open the envelope, and he knew why. Opening the envelope meant she would finally have to accept that her dad was gone. As much of a jackass as he had been on Thanksgiving, Mikaela's dad had always been an integral part of her life. Before he went to prison, they were all each other had and they had gotten even closer once he was released up until the incident at Thanksgiving. It was obvious alcohol had taken over his life again in his last months.

The letter finally came out of the envelope, but she didn't unfold it right away. The familiar scrawl of her dad's handwriting brought a fresh wave of tears but she was determined to make it through the letter before she lost it. Her free hand found one of his and wove her fingers through his as she began to read.

Mikaela,

I love you. That's the most important thing I want to say to you. I know you're probably confused, and hurt, and angry and I'm sorry for that but I did what I thought was right. I want you to know how sorry I am that I failed you so miserably. I was all you had after your mom left us, and I let you down. If I could go back and change it baby, I would give up anything to do it. I would trade the world to have been the father you deserved. I love you so much and I always have. You're my baby girl, but I never showed you that the way I should have. I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of the woman you've become. There's this light about you that is so completely radiant, I can't even begin to put into words the effect it has on other people. I know you didn't get that from me. I need you to know that you are not the reason your mom left. You never were. She didn't deserve to have you in her life, but I can't honestly say that I did either.

I wish I could make you understand how horrible I feel about what I did on Thanksgiving. I'm surprised Sam didn't hunt me down and beat me to a pulp because I deserved every bit of it. That's part of the reason I didn't want you to know I was dying. I couldn't bear to look you in the eye knowing that I'd hit you. That was the lowest part of my life. There were so many times I wanted to end my own life for hurting you, but I couldn't do that to you. I couldn't make you live with knowing your father committed suicide. You are the single greatest thing I have ever had in my life, and I committed one of the worst crimes possible. I only hope that someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me, but I would understand if you didn't.

I love you more than life baby girl and I pray to whatever god exists that you believe that. After all you had to go through growing up, and you've turned into the most amazing person I've ever known. I give all the credit for that to Sam. You found yourself a good man, honey, and I know he's going to treat you right. He's going to cherish you and love you the way you deserve. I couldn't have picked a better man for you, and I know that you're going to be just fine.

Sam, I know you're reading this too—please take care of her for me. I've never seen her as happy as she is when she's with you. Don't let her grieve for me too long. She needs to move on and live her life. I don't want her to be sad I'm gone. Make her happy. My little girl deserves nothing but the best, and that's what you are. You have my blessing to take her hand in marriage and the happiest day of my life—or whatever you want to call it now—will be the day she says 'I do' in front of the people who were there for her when she needed it.

Mikaela, I love you so much. Know that you are worth more than I ever gave you, and more than I ever showed you. You are destined for amazing things and it breaks my heart that I won't be there to see it but I'll be watching you. If you let me, I'll always be in your heart. Don't cry for me, baby, I'm not worth your tears. Show me that beautiful smile of yours and tell that boy you love him. I only wish you knew how much I loved you, how much I always will love you.

I love you,
Dad

Sam had tears in his own eyes when he finished reading the letter over her shoulder. For all his faults, her father loved Mikaela more than life and the emotion pouring out of the words in his last letter proved that.

"That has to be the most heartfelt he's ever been with me," Mikaela laughed sadly. "Of course it had to come after he was dead."

Tears still fell from her eyes, but it wasn't the same uncontrollable sobbing she'd done most of the day. The tears now were more of acceptance and forgiveness. She was letting go, but holding on at the same time. Sam rested his chin on her shoulder so their cheeks touched and entwined the fingers on their other hand once she set the letter down beside them on the bed. No words were spoken; they weren't needed. His love was evident in his gentle touch, and that's all she really needed.

"I love you daddy," Mikaela whispered staring up towards the heavens. "You'll always be in my heart."

Just to throw out a little humor after an emotional chapter..t he Jacoby Shaddix obsession is b a s e d s o m e w h a t on r e a l i t y . A f r i e n d o f m i n e h a s a J a c o b y o b s e s s i o n a n d m o s t o f t h e q u o t e s a r e t h i n g s t h a t h a v e a c t u a l l y b e e n s a i d b e t w e e n h e r a n d I .
W e d i d g o t o a P a p a R o a c h c o n c e r t l a s t f a l l , a n d I w a s h a l f w a y a f r a i d I w o u l d h a v e t o b a i l h e r a s s o u t o f j a i l f o r j u m p i n g o n s t a g e a n d r a p i n g t h e p o o r m a n , b u t f o r t u n a t e l y i t
d i d n o t h a p p e n ! He did also actually say the quote about straight from the heart/straight from the dick but I can't remember if that's the exact way he worded it. T h e " t a k e o f f y o u r p a n t s " q u o t e i s a l s o b a s e d i n r e a l l i f e b u t i t w a s my brother in law yelling it out at a Billy Currington concert because that's just the type of goofy things he does. I wouldn't be surprised if Jacoby really would drop his pants if someone yelled that out at a Papa Roach concert just because he seems crazy enough to do it.