This is the second to last chapter of this story. I hope you enjoy it. Love IJKS xxx

Chapter Nineteen

It has been an interesting few days. I was still feeling awkward and embarrassed and I know that Joey was struggling with that. She was scared that I was shutting her out like I did before and that my own upset would lead to something bad happening.

But two days ago, she sat me down and we talked things through properly. We were in the lounge after lunch and she took both my hands. I could tell by her eyes that she was serious and concerned.

"We really need to talk about what happened the other day," she began.

"You mean what didn't happen," I remarked.

"Charlie, you don't need to be upset about it," she told me.

I sighed, still embarrassed regardless.

"I finally get my act together and win back the woman I love and I can't even be with her," I said sadly.

"You are with me!" she insisted.

"But I can't… you know."

"Is that really the most important thing in the world?" she asked. "Because personally, while, yes, I do have the urge to ravish you, it's not essential."

Just the way she smiled at me made my heart lurch.

"I love all sorts of things about you, Charlie," she said. "I love holding you and kissing you. I love talking and watching movies and going for walks along the beach. I love cooking for you and losing myself in how beautiful you are, especially when you're laughing."

I blushed a little, touched by her words and hoping they were true.

"But what if I can never…?"

"Then we'll deal with it," she replied. "Don't you think we've both been through too much – apart and together – to let something like this get in the way?"

I nodded weakly. She smiled and kissed both of my hands in turn.

"But I think you're scared of trying again, aren't you?"

I nodded again. I was terrified even of our heavy kissing sessions. I'm mortified every time something happens to upset my breathing.

"So, if it's that important, why don't we go and see someone?"

"See someone?"

"A medical someone," Joey said. "Someone who might be able to advise us on how to be more… successful."

I wasn't sure but it is something I want to get over. I know she'll always be patient with me but even without taking my own desires into account, she must have needs. And I want to be able to fulfil them. I want to have a complete relationship with her and live the way that we should have done the first time.

So, that afternoon we booked an appointment with Sid. It was his afternoon off and although I did feel a bit awkward discussing such things with a man, he came round and we had a long chat. I was mortified of course, but Sid was really good and Joey made me feel much more relaxed than I would otherwise have been.

Sid thinks that I need to do some breathing exercises and guided meditation and things like that that will help me really think about the way I breathe. He also thinks that as things are that bad, I should have oxygen at home to take if I get into any more scrapes. Then perhaps I won't have to be rushed to hospital and we can deal with things on our own, which will be less embarrassing.

I am also going to be referred to a local support group for people who have conditions that interfere with their lives on a daily and serious basis. I'm not entirely sure about that one but I will give it a try once, at least. I'm not really a 'sit down and talk about all your feelings' kind of person but I can't pass up the opportunity to get any help that's available. I want Joey to be happy that we're back together. I don't want to be a burden.

As for the sex issue, Sid just said that we would have to take things slowly. He didn't think it was something we ought to run away from but that we'll be perfectly capable of learning together exactly what I'm capable of. So, that's what we're going to do.

Joey and I both agree that it could be kind of fun to try all sorts of things in all sorts of ways and at all sorts of speeds to see what works for us. When it comes to being with her, I am learning along the way anyway because she is the only woman I have been with. So throwing in some extra lessons on how to keep me alive while we're doing it, doesn't seem quite as insurmountable as it did before!

Yesterday was my last day before I had to go back to work. Joey and I went fishing and it was really great. She was most touched by all the effort I'd gone to about learning to enjoy fishing and researching the lesbian world with the books and the DVDs. We've watched several of them over the last few weeks and it's been really nice. I can't wait to surprise her and show her how good I am with boats now. My hope is to rent the Blaxland for a day to recreate what we had last time and make it better. I certainly won't be running away if I want to kiss her!

Next time… Joey goes into business with Romeo and goes on a special date with Charlie…