Thank you to Elli~Iris (elliedgasmswoon) for pre-reading this chapter.
A special thank you to xoEMC.
And to the usual suspects: orangeapeal, Sunshine (who beta'ed this), and robsjenn for all they do.
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From Chapter Twenty-eight:
When the cab pulls up, Bella finally looks up at me. "Ride with me?"
She doesn't trust me.
"Bella, I told you there's nothing going on with Victoria. I'm not going back there. I'm going straight home."
"Oh." It is such a small sound. "I didn't think you were. I just thought you'd like to take a ride together so we could say goodnight. Sorry."
I've never seen this kind of sadness before.
Before I can say anything, Bella gets in the cab and it's driving away.
God, what do I do? Run?
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Chapter Twenty-nine
Swing
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RUN. The voice of God yells in my mind.
The cab stops at a red light a few blocks down and I take off sprinting after it. "BELLA!"
When the light turns green, the cab pulls to the curb. The door opens as I reach it. I slide in the backseat and Bella says, "Hi Edward," attempting a sweet, carefree voice, although tears are steaming down her face.
She slides over to me, wrapping her arms around my neck, and I press her to my chest, rising and falling with gulps of air. I'm relieved that she doesn't seem angry with me, but I proceed with caution. "It's okay… What just happened, Bella?"
"Good question." A fresh wave of hot tears dampens my shirt.
"Shhh, it's okay." I kiss the top of her head. In this moment, I feel whole again. This I know how to do. Though her sadness pains me, ending her sadness gives me purpose. I know my place in this universe, her universe. Why didn't I get in the cab when she asked? Stupid.
"I can't seem to stop shaking or crying, sorry, I'm a mess."
"Yes, you are." I say softly, trying to bring a smile, and going for my handkerchief.
She tries to smile, as she wipes her tears. "I felt this meltdown coming and tried to spare you."
"Is that why you ran?"
"Ran? I didn't think I was running… I guess… okay, maybe I was running." She laughs once, nuzzles closer to my neck, drying her eyes. "So sorry, I thought I'd have a good cry, pull myself together, and vent to Alice…. Damn it, why can't I stop shaking?"
I hold her more tightly. "It's the adrenaline crash. It will pass." I know this feeling, the body turning liquid after a fight, the waves of emotions colliding within. Tonight I met Bella the fighter, I saw a glimpse of her in the woods after the funeral, but this time it wasn't instigated by me, or was it?
Rubbing her arm and holding her hand, I hope to absorb her tremors. I spend the next few minutes silently replaying the night in my mind, but really, all I can think about is her jumping in the cab.
"Bella, you asked me not to run from you. I'm going to ask you for the same. I'd rather see you melt down than to have you run from me. "
She's quiet for several long seconds. "I'll try."
"Try?" I lift her chin and meet her with a disappointed smirk. Her eyes are pink, but tearless.
"You know that I'm honest with you, Edward. I've always worked things out on my own. If I told you I could change a life long coping mechanism over night, it would be a lie. I've been working on being more open since the minute I met you." The corner of her mouth curls up apologetically. Though I want to argue with her, I cannot.
"So, you're not mad at me, right?"
"No, Edward," she lifts from my chest, "but I'm confused by you."
"Alright folks, here we are," the cabdriver says, pulling up to Bella's apartment.
"Can you drive around a little bit, sir?" Bella asks, and then says with a trace of light-hearted sarcasm, "You see, Edward, I'm trying."
The driver pulls away from her apartment. "Confused?"
"Yes. You should have seen your face when she sent those drinks over… honestly, if you've dated her or whatever, it's fine. But then you said she didn't come onto you, she did come onto you… I just…" Bella sighs, trying to find her words. "I felt such rage, Edward."
"At me?"
"No, no, at her. Every imaginary conversation I've ever had with Lauren Mallory was right there at the tip of my tongue... and then when she laughed… gaugh… I could have killed her."
"Bella, I would never cheat—"
"I know, Edward," she cuts me off, still sounding frustrated. "It's not about that. It's about fighting for us. I'd go to war for you, Edward. And I won't allow a woman like that to intimidate me again—ever… God, that felt so good."
"You were pretty bad-ass back there."
"Damn straight I was. Thank you for finally saying so."
Finally?
Bella punches me in the shoulder. "If you liked what I did, then why the hell did you get upset with me?"
What?
"And yell at me?"
"Yell at you?"
I think back: 'Bella, you shouldn't have done that… Who are you?' Yep. I was yelling and I did sort of get upset.
"I guess it sounded like I was yelling," I admit. It's finally making sense. I see her point. "If the situation were reversed, I would have beaten the shit out of the guy."
"Of course you would have, and not because you thought I was cheating… But Edward, you have to tell me… what is it with you and that woman? Clearly, there's something between you. I mean, she is beautiful…" Bella's voice trails off into her pool of insecurity.
Honestly, I don't know what it is 'with that woman.' Something about her both repulses me and draws me. Her darkness intrigues me. Though Bella is my Eve, it is I the snake tempts with the apple… or did. I no longer think it's there, especially after tonight.
"I don't know, Bella. Maybe knowing your history, I just panicked… worried about your reaction to her, that's all." It feels like the truth.
Bella nods, looking relieved, and rests her head back onto my chest. If I'd watched tonight through another set of eyes, my vision would be sharper. When Bella is concerned, my brain seems to have a five-minute time delay.
I slide my fingers through her hair at the back of her neck and angle Bella's head to look at me; her eyes widen when they meet my serious expression. "This is why you cannot run from me, Bella. One day, while I'm trying to read you, you will run and it will be too late."
"I hear you, Edward," she says, her breath on my neck and fingers on my jaw. "Something to think about—You could read me if you weren't so afraid of what you'd see. You can't read with your eyes squeezed shut. I've told you before, my life is complicated, but my love for you is simple. You need me to stop running and I need you to have a little more faith." Bella raises her brows, waiting for her words to sink in. I want to object to her interpretation, but she has a point.
"Okay," I concede, "I'll try." She raises a brow, but her lip curls in a smile. We're okay. "Promise, I'll try." I hold her chin and seal my promise with a kiss.
"Another trip around the block?" the driver asks.
"No, thank you. This is fine," Bella says then turns to me with passionate eyes.
"Come up with me?"
"What about Alice?"
"I need some time with Alice, but I want you too."
"Greedy," I say taking her lips again.
"Mmm."
When we get out of the cab, I take Bella's hand as she limps along. "I think I need to walk this off."
We sort of argued, we talked it out, now it's better. Okay, maybe I can do this whole relationship thing.
"How is the ankle?"
"Better, but it still hurts." We walk through the lobby one small step at a time.
"You ready to give this up yet?"
"Yep."
I sweep her up in my arms and she stretches her neck, giving me a peck on my cheek.
"Obstinate," I grumble, with a twisted smile walking with her through the lobby.
"I know. Greedy, obstinate… ripped stockings…"
I notice her scraped knees and sigh, "Isabella Swan what am I going to do with you?"
"Love me?" She aims for humor, but there is longing in those big brown eyes. Who needs faith, Bella?
"Always."
At her request, I place Bella down before we walk into the apartment, but her desire to downplay her fall does no good. "Honey, what happened to you?" Alice notices the mud on Bella's skirt before we get two steps in the door.
"Oh, nothing. I got my heel caught in the bricks and took a little tumble." Bella waves her hand dismissively, attempting to walk without a limp. Alice and I exchange expressions—we both know that this is Bella's way. Don't make anyone worry.
"Do you need an x-ray?" Jasper's voice comes in from the living room.
"Jasper, it's nice to see you." Bella skips the question. "When did you get here?"
"A few minutes ago. I hope I didn't cause too much trouble getting held up tonight."
"Not at all." Bella says making her way towards her bedroom. "Excuse me, I'm going to get changed."
"I'll come with you." Alice follows.
"Hold on, shouldn't we go to the hospital?" Jasper asks, with his usual gravitas.
"No," Alice and Bella respond simultaneously.
Jasper looks at me, confused. I shake my head and half roll my eyes, letting him know I'll explain when we're alone. Maybe I should make Jasper a list of rules for living with Alice and Bella. I could help him out for a change—it's been a while.
"Bella, Alice," I lean into Bella's bedroom, "would you like us to go out and get some ice cream?"
"Thanks, Edward, that would be great." Bella's eyes glow a soft warm color. I try to let her know with my look that I understand her needs, even if it takes me a while. I once wrote on my list, 'Don't get sad when Bella and Alice need girl time. Have boy time with Jasper.' That time is now.
"One of us should stay, neither of them can walk."
"They're fine. We should go," I say quietly, handing Jasper his jacket, but he frowns and ignores me.
"Alice," he calls into the bedroom, "I'm going to stay in case you need someone."
Oh, foolish friend of mine. God, protect him.
Alice wheels herself out of the bedroom. "That's so sweet. Thank you, Jasper, but we'll be fine."
"No. I have to insist. Neither one of you is capable of…"
I laugh to myself as I go into the kitchen and hunt for some frozen peas or ice for Bella's foot. It's a small apartment, so I can't help but to hear Alice's speech about their ability to be self-sufficient in spite of their injuries. I tried to warn him.
Slipping past them, I go into Bella's bedroom and sit on the edge of her bed. "Poor guy," I say propping up her foot and wrapping bag of peas around her ankle with a hand towel.
"I know. The speech Alice gave you wasn't nearly this long."
"Yeah, I think she's using more words. Trying to spare his feeling… he'll learn." I wink at Bella. "In the mood for anything particular?"
"Not hungry."
"Not even for ice cream?"
"Nah. Thanks, though."
I place my palm on her cheek and brush my thumb over her bottom lip. I let it linger there, and look for something sad, but it isn't there. "Are we alright?"
"We're great." Bella turns her head and kisses my palm. "Vanilla bean."
"Is that a new term of endearment, or an ice cream selection?"
"Both." Her smile widens and turns into a yawn. "Maybe I'll be hungry by the time you get back."
"Okay," I kiss the top of her head, "be back later. Have fun with Alice."
"Love you… 'nella bean."
"Love you, too… bad ass Bella."
I leave the bedroom and save Jasper from more of his talk. Before we make it to the door, he turns and asks, "What ice cream flavor do you two like?"
I pull him through the door, shaking my head, as Alice begs me with her eyes.
"Not a problem, I'll explain… all up here," I tap my temple, reassuring her.
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"She sent over drinks?"
As we walk to the store, I fill Jasper in on the evening. Of course, Dr. Perfect reacts exactly the way I probably should have. When I tell him about Bella threatening Victoria, and her 'Capable and Strong' declaration in the street, he slaps my back and laughs, "I wish I'd seen that. God, it must have been so great… seeing Bella empowered, taking charge… What did you say?"
"Me…? Well, I um… in a nutshell…" I give him recap, including my brilliant finale where I accuse Bella of assuming I would go back to Kell's to be with Victoria.
"Ouch."
"Yeah, I know."
"Well, it appears no harm has been done."
"She's pretty forgiving."
"You're forgiving too, Edward. You chose to go after her."
Yes, I did. One of my better moves.
Jasper reaches for a chocolate ice cream. I stop him and ask, "Do you want plain chocolate? Because this will not go over well…" The ice cream choices are my domain.
On the way home, Jasper and I compare notes on living with Alice and Bella. We usually split up into our own places and it's rare for us all to be together. Though he has most of it figured out, I'm able to teach him a few things: Ice cream flavors, Gilmore Girls, Alice's preference to control salad making, and as he learned tonight, always assume that together, they are able to do any and all things.
In the elevator, Jasper asks how my session went.
"It went well. He seems like a nice guy. But… I have to go back on Monday to take the MMPI, he wants a formal diagnosis," I grumble.
"Please tell me the outcome," he says trying to hide his excited grin.
"I know what you're thinking." Jasper and I play a game where we try to diagnose people. It started with diagnosing professors and classmates back in undergrad.
"No, that would be wrong," but his smile gives him away.
"Come on, go ahead, tell me what you think."
"Well, if you really don't mind… I'd say PTSD is a given…"
"Probably."
"But I think… " he cocks his head, inspecting me. "I think the test will reveal depression too."
"Depression? Get out. I'm a happy fella."
"Sometimes, but you swing. With your ups and downs, I thought you were bi-polar for a while."
"Terrific."
"Now I'm suspecting some mild depression."
"I'm so much fun."
"Don't look so disappointed, Edward. We're all a little fucked up."
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The four of us end the night seated on their long couch, eating ice cream and watching Steven Colbert. Alice and Bella are sitting in the middle, wearing fluffy robes. All four sets of feet are on the coffee table. Jasper's socks are much nicer than mine.
I start to feel so giddy at the picture I've been painted in to, that I almost laugh out loud. In my juvenile fantasy world, I hoped Jasper and I would marry sisters one day, and be brothers bonded by more than friendship. But my realism always led me to visions of a different future: Jasper would marry some high-maintenance model-type like Maria. We'd sneak away now and then for squash, and they'd invite me for dinner once a month, but she'd barely endure me. And now, the possibilities seem endless.
I hug my arm around Bella more tightly, and she brings a spoonful of vanilla bean ice cream from her coffee cup to my lips. I open my mouth and she feeds me. The sweet simplicity melts on my tongue, and I lick the last of the cream from my lips. "Shuffy-shuffy?" I mouth to her. She nods, blinking sleepily.
We retreat to our rooms and I strip down to my boxer briefs and t-shirt.
"Ankle?" I ask.
"Already much better."
From the bed, Bella reaches her arm out to me, "T-shirt… can I wear it?"
"Sure. Do you want one of my clean ones?"
"Nope."
I pull off my shirt and hand it to Bella. She puts it on over her camisole and brings the material to her nose, inhaling deeply.
"I love your scent," she says slipping further down into the covers.
I scoot in behind her and curl myself around her body making a tight Edward-Bella ball, and trying to warm her one icy ankle.
"You bought me a piano." I smile into her thick mass of dark hair.
"I know. And you LOVE it."
"I do. How much did it cost?"
"Ha! Not a chance." Bella starts to giggle. "Don't worry, you'd be impressed by my negotiation skills."
"I'll get you back," I say kissing her temple.
"Oh, no. This isn't a competition, baby… besides, that piano is for all three of us."
It takes a second for her words to hit me. Three…? Alice…? She's not…
"Bella… um… when you say three…"
"You know, you, me, and Teddy."
Oh, thank God.
"You know, Edward… I sort of feel like what's mine is yours. Maybe that's wrong, we've only known each other a little over a month."
Five weeks, to the day.
"No, Bella. I'm there too."
"Good."
"Good night, bad ass."
"Night 'nella bean."
We start to drift into our blissful sleep when we hear it:
"Oh, oh, Jasper!"
Bella and I jolt up, staring at each other.
"Ugh, Alice."
Bella grimaces, looking repulsed, whispering, "I told you—thin walls."
It's like they are in bed with us and I'm a little grossed out, too. I should have warned Jasper about the thin walls; it's the reason Bella and I don't have sex when Alice is here.
There's a loud grunt, making us both wince then laugh.
"Should we leave?" I whisper back.
"No, it's late… music?"
I hop out of bed and grab my iPod from the pocket of my jeans. Bella docs it in her alarm clock and puts it on shuffle.
Curling back around her, I prepare to drift off to The Beatles, "Black Bird" muffling the sounds in the next room.
"Mmm… my favorite." I take note.
I fight sleep so I can share Bella's song with her.
The song finishes and the next sound to come out of the speakers is my own voice.
Quickly, I reach my arm over her to shut it off, but she wrestles me. "Nooo. What is this?"
I groan I turn onto my back, "that's me."
"I know, but…" she listens for a moment. "Is this a sermon?"
"I was practicing my bit for the wedding tomorrow. I recorded myself a few times… Please, Bella, this is embarrassing, turn it off."
"No… no… come here," she softly encourages. I put my arms back around her and listen, burying my face in her neck. She strokes my arm, so soothing. "Edward, you sound beautiful, so sincere. You're going to be wonderful."
She lies quietly, listening to my recording: a few words about uniting together with God, and a couple of short passages. It ends with Mark 10:6-9: "…For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; and they shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder."
The iPod shuffles to a Chopin's Nocturne in E Flat Major, Op. 9 No.2, much more fitting.
"You're nervous," Bella says rather than asks, kissing the back of my hand.
"Yes."
"God will be with you. You are blessed, Edward."
Bella's gentle words and touch send me to sleep.
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I'm taking Bella from behind in the condo elevator. I know it's a dream. I never want to be this rough with her in waking life. I'm pulling her hair and lifting her head so we can watch in the mirrored wall. She loves it. One minute I'm feeling myself slamming inside of her, and the next minute I'm watching from the outside—my hips are working it. So dirty. Good dream.
I roll over and reach my hand under the covers. I'm hard as a rock. I stroke my cock and bring Bella closer to me. So horny. We can be quiet.
"No, I really don't want to," she says, annoyed.
I blink my eyes open and look at her face, still asleep.
"Doc, I'm not leaving Edward."
WHAT? Leaving me?
Bella is sleep talking, her words as clear as if she were awake, but I'm convinced I'm hearing wrong.
"I'm sure California is beautiful, that's not the point… what about Edward?"
What about me?
She groans through clenched teeth. She's arguing with him in her dream.
"Enough with the selfish talk. I'm not a selfish person, nor do I want to be."
I wait, but she says nothing else. I wait for several more minutes, frozen, propped up on my elbow, but it's only her purring.
Flopping on my back, I rub my eyes and stare at the ceiling. What the fuck, God? Sorry. Wake her… no yes…NO! Okay, okay, hold it together Edward. This isn't a big deal. This is just a test. She asked for more faith, she deserves more faith. I take a cleansing breath and tell myself it can wait until tomorrow… but it doesn't work…
I grab Bella's laptop and go into her dining room. Who the fuck is this guy, anyway? Googling her doctor provides little information, just some physician referral site where his clients, all women, extol his virtues as God's gift to therapy. Dick head. For a split second, I think of reading her email, but quickly wipe that idea away.
Pacing the living room does no good. I drop to the floor and get rid of this anxiety through push-ups. God, I need more faith… trust… patience… With each extension of my arms, I make a request. When my requests run out, I turn to things I am grateful for. Every third or fourth push up brings me back to, Bella… Bella… Bella… until exhaustion takes over.
In the bathroom, I splash cool water over my face and body, washing away the sweat. I look tired, but… I do have my mother's good looks, I admit. If, and only if, this is really a competition between Doc and me, maybe my looks can finally be of use. I flex my chest and arms, wondering if I need to get back into a lifting routine. Nah, running, sit-ups, push-ups… it's enough. Besides, this is NOT a competition.
I clamber back into the little bed and Bella covers me with arm and leg, finding a place for her head under my chin.
"Mmm… sweaty."
I fall back to sleep.
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Bella is riding me. The cold air in the room chills my bare skin, but my shaft is hot and wet, buried in her. Good dream.
Wait…
I open my eyes to see and feel Bella on top of me, smiling down.
"Morning… Alice and Jasper just left."
"Morning." My voice is husky. I hold onto Bella's legs on either side of me. She presses her hands against my stomach, and continues to grind her hips in tight circles. So much better than a dream.
I watch as she bites her lip and finds her pleasure.
"Shirt," I say, grabbing at the hem, the rest of me coming to life.
Bella pulls off my t-shirt she's wearing and camisole, and I reach up and hold her breasts. I thrust my hips in a sloppy rhythm.
"You're so beautiful, baby," I murmur in my morning voice. That angelic face, surrounded by her halo of dark hair, gets me every time.
Is it Christmas morning?
"You can be loud, we're alone." Bella moans and leans over me, walking her hands to my chest and circling faster.
"How's this…?" I hold onto her leg and roll her over onto her back, and buck my hips into her, grunting a deep, loud sound.
"Mmmm… Oh, Yes!"
I lift Bella's leg higher and start long, deep strokes.
She bites my lip and fists my hair, then cries, "Yes… Ahh… Ahh… Ahh…"
I move slowly, forcefully.
"Let me…" she breathes, then hooks one leg over my shoulder and wraps the other around my waist.
I go in again slowly. So good. So deep.
"I love yoga," I say, and carefully push into her again, deeper still.
"Perfect, yes, right there, Edward… don't stop."
I continue sinking into her again and again, making sure we each feel every blessed inch of one another.
"So good… you always… make me feel so good," she smiles.
I push the tangled sheet away and Bella holds onto my backside. Each thrust brings a brief, bright widening of her eyes-a look that only I will see-and my name, "Edward, Edward, my Edward…"
I plunge again, and again, a steady assent to a perfect place. I thicken, expanding her with me, filling her.
Bella moans, and licks my bottom lip with the tip of her tongue. I take her in my mouth, crashing our bodies together in our hallowed dance that slams the bed against the wall.
This is how we love. Fuck the reading, blindfolds, and costumes. Simple. Instinctual. This is when we're most connected.
Eye to eye.
Face to face.
Heart to heart.
As old as time.
As old as God.
As good as God.
Bella's body tenses. She smiles up at me as tears roll away from her eyes, racing to her ears.
"You feel it," my voice shakes.
"Love," she says, then rockets to her climax, cleaving onto me.
I dig my hands in the pillows and continue to move, taking us to a higher level. My release sears through me and I call my supplication, "Bella," as white-blue, warm light splashes, bathing my vision… and we fall apart, together, one flesh.
I roll us over, bringing Bella on top, and we float, catching our breath.
"Well, good morning Ms. Swan. That was some surprise."
"Mmm, glad you liked it."
I caress her smooth, warm skin as Bella trails light kisses over my shoulder.
"Ankle?"
"What ankle?"
"If we get in the shower now, we can have breakfast before I have to leave for the wedding."
"I like the sound of that."
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.
.
I take it as a personal triumph that I don't even remember Bella's sleep talking until we are in the shower. I give myself another hearty pat on the back that I can wait until breakfast before bringing it up.
The smell of burnt toast brings me from setting the dining room table and into the kitchen. From the doorway, I watch as Bella throws out two burnt pieces, puts two slices of bread in the toaster, and then stands over the sink scrapping the charred crumbs from the other two slices.
"We have more bread, Bella," I say walking to her.
"I know… my frugal upbringing. Can't help it. Waste not, want not."
"You're so Franciscan," I say and Bella chuckles. "So, only two pieces get scraped?"
"Well, I'm not going to feed you burnt toast." So Bella.
"Heaven forbid." I take the toast from her. "Say good-bye, Bella."
"Good-bye, Bella." She gives a little wave and I toss the toast.
Maybe Doc is trying to get her to be more selfish, probably a good thing.
We are halfway through breakfast when I casually say, "So, tell me about California."
She frowns for a second, then rolls her eyes, nodding as she sips her coffee. "Looks like I'm talking in my sleep again."
"Preferable to nightmares."
"I'll drink to that," she taps her coffee cup to mine and takes another swallow, seeming completely nonplussed. "Well, I wasn't going to mention it because I've pretty much decided against it. Doc is trying to get me to go to Los Altos. There's this place… this Catholic sanctuary for reflection. You know, people go for a day, a weekend, a month… whatever."
"So like a retreat. You said you always wanted to go on one."
"Yeah, I know… but." She shrugs and goes back to making a little scrambled egg sandwich with her toast.
"I say yes."
"What?"
"Yes, let's go. Let's get away, we'll make a vacation out of it."
"Oh, I love the idea of a vacation, but um… I think… well the point is…"
"I get it. You're supposed to go alone."
I knew it, but I thought I'd try.
"You see, Edward, it's a silent retreat. No talking. Doc thinks it would be good for me to spend some time there and get closure on a few things."
"Like?"
"Well, Renee for one." She cocks her head and says with humor, "Edward, I think I hate my mother."
"Really?"
"Yep. I never let myself believe that—how could I complain when I have such a great dad? But really… the more she disregarded me, the more I went after her love. Not on the surface, but you know, deep down I did. I've always let her keep me on a string—she loves me, doesn't love me. She even called this week to say she was coming for Thanksgiving and I know she won't. Most of me doesn't care, but it still turns the knife in my little four year old heart."
"Wow."
"Yep. Wow. And well, then there's Mike… see the pattern?" She smirks. "I need to think this through, give it a name, and give it to God."
"You're on mother hate already? What is this, therapy on steroids?"
Bella laughs, a little too hard.
"What?"
"Well, if you met Doc, you'd understand. He looks like he's on steroids."
I try not to crush the coffee cup I'm holding. "I want to meet him. Let's have him over for dinner."
"Really? I think that would be a little weird. Our relationship is purely professional."
Good answer, Bella.
"Is he married? Kids?"
"Nope."
So, her therapist is some bachelor gym rat. Doesn't matter. Right God?
"Bella, how does this sound? I think you should go. I'll stay in a near-by hotel and when you're done, we'll hang out in California for a few days."
"I love that idea… but Edward, if you are close by, the last thing I'll want to do is spend my days with my rosary. I'm sorry, but I think the point is for me to run away alone." Bella gives a small laugh, "Run, bad word choice, sorry. Anyway, you have school."
The more I think about it the more I think she should go. God, I'll miss her, but I need to be mature about this.
"Have you thought about your nightmares?"
"Silent retreat. I scream, they come running. Besides, I haven't had a bad nightmare in ages."
"When would you go?"
She raises her brows and hesitates. Yes, Bella, I'm encouraging you.
"I think right after Thanksgiving. It would give you time to work on final papers and prep for exams… Oh, that reminds me, Sue and Charlie are in. Are you sure Esme and Carlisle won't mind?"
"No, they're thrilled."
With Alice and Jasper confirmed, Thanksgiving will be everyone I love under one roof.
Bella leans over, rubs my knee and sings, "Our parental figures are meeting."
"I know. Pretty cool."
There really isn't a single reason for her not to go… except… me.
"So… why is it you don't want to go to the retreat?"
She shrugs. "I don't need to go away. I can work out those things here."
"It's me that's holding you back, isn't it?"
Bella twists her mouth, staring at me, wondering how to respond. Finally she says, "I'd miss you."
"I'd miss you, too."
"Who will take care of you?" I'm not sure if she's teasing.
"I'll try to manage." I lean in and put my hands on her knees. "You should go."
I want to ask if Doc is going, but decide to take the high road again. Really, I've done so well in the last twelve hours, I'm wondering why I'm even going to therapy.
~oo0oo~
"Good morning, Edward. Come on in and have a seat. How was your week?"
"Good. Very good. Thanks, Dr. Sparrow."
"So, Edward, I have your results here."
.
.
.
Anyone want to play the diagnoisis game?
Poor Edward.
Liz x