Jack at 27

May 16, 1971

Jack swore loudly when he saw the sign above the highway flashing, warning of an accident miles ahead. Traffic was slowing already and he could see the beginning of a backup a mile away. Another sign a hundred or so yards further down gave him the excuse he needed to take the next exit. Lureen would be spitting nails if he didn't get back in time for work the next morning but he didn't care. The high from the week in the mountains with Ennis was fading and there was always a chance he might be able to relive it if he stopped now.

At the reception desk he asked to see a TV Guide. He paid no attention to the strange look the desk clerk gave him; he was so used to it now. The Thomas Crown Affair was on at 10. He stood and drummed his fingers on the counter — did he want to do this? At last he looked up and said "OK, you got a single for tonight?"

The young man grinned in amusement. "Find what you want, then?"

"Not quite, but it'll do fer now," Jack replied as he snapped down the company credit card.

Once in the room he thought about calling Lureen right then and letting her know he'd be late but decided to wait until it really was too late to make it back to Childress. He set the alarm on his watch to 10, yawned and lay down on his side on the bed, flaring his nostrils to draw in the scent of wood smoke on his shirtsleeve. When they doused the last fire on the mountain he always made sure to stand in the smoke billowing up. If he managed to keep the shirt out of his wife's clutches when she swept through collecting laundry, the reminder would linger for a month.

His mouth was open slightly and he was drooling on the coverlet when the beeping of his watch finally penetrated his consciousness. He rolled onto his back and wondered if it was enough to simply be in the room at this time or did the movie have to be playing? He had eventually come to realize that the combination of Steve McQueen and a Best Western would send him somewhere. Once, during The Sand Pebbles in a Best Western in Oklahoma, he'd found himself in the woods in the mountains staring at Joe Aguirre's back as he sat on his horse watching something through his binoculars. When his old boss lowered them after a minute and checked his watch, Jack had picked up a stone and flung it at his horse's rump, making it bolt. For a few moments he'd been treated to the sight of Aguirre bouncing around and swearing before finding himself back in the motel room, bent double with laughter. Another time, watching Soldier in the Rain, he'd turned up behind a tree near the campsite just as Ennis was stripping off his clothes to wash himself while just beyond him his younger self was peeling potatoes. He was thankful he had willed himself not to turn his head and stare at Ennis all those years ago because he would've seen himself, yelled in surprise, startled Ennis... Anyway, he'd not averted his gaze then, no.

Now if only he could turn on the TV without moving from the bed. He'd heard a gadget for that had been invented. With a groan he sat up, scooted to the edge of the mattress and reached over to switch on the television. The movie had started. After a few minutes he lay down again and propped his head on his hand, surprised he was still there. Thirty minutes into the film he was absorbed by the plot, so he was startled when the sound died and he found himself reclining on his old bed in Lightning Flat. It was hot and stuffy in the room. He rose from the bed, went to the window and propped it open with the stick that had always been there and he was sure always would be. He sat on the bench and looked out into the dusty yard and onto the road but saw no movement. From the light, the sounds and the smells he could tell it was summer, probably August. He looked around at his tidy room and guessed that he was not living at home. Listening closely he heard no one downstairs so he rose from the bench and went to the closet. The highest nail in the slot was empty. The other clothes gave few clues as to the time in his life. He took a wire hanger from the rod, fiddled with it until it was straight and began poking it into the space. It caught at something soft and he lifted and pulled out the burlap bag, which seemed smaller than he remembered. He brought it back to the bed, sat down and tipped out the contents onto the quilt. He fingered the playing card, worn soft and nearly gray, and licked the brown stone to see it gleam. He hadn't thought about Ace in years. Stay please stay. If only Ennis...

Jack shook his head and turned his attention to the other tokens. The magazine page was still carefully folded. He opened it out and gazed at Steve McQueen's face for a long moment, remembering how this actor had reminded him of Ace even though he'd had only the briefest of glimpses of the ranch hand's features. He never had made it to Sheridan to see... to see... Jack scanned the article. The Magnificent Seven. He raised his head and stared unseeing out of the window. He got it now. The motel chain extended its reach while McQueen churned out films. At this rate someday he'd be able to leave the present every week if he felt like it.

Jack sighed and looked down at the bed. Where was the blue jay feather? The day after he graduated from high school he'd taken it from the bag for the last time, tied it to the mirror of the old black truck and left for Signal. He'd never returned it to hide with the rest. That meant he was away on Brokeback. But which summer?

Just then he felt a presence in the room and turned his head toward the door, fully expecting to see his mother. But there he was, naked and staring at him, looking roughly the same age. Before he could react his other self said, "The pancakes are good there." And then he was back on the motel bed.

He sat up, switched off the TV and picked up the phone to call Lureen and explain about the awful accident and the interminable delay, punctuating his story with extravagant yawns. She was satisfied with his promise to be back by noon.

That night he dreamt of the ocean he'd never seen and the waves he only knew from movies tossing him onto his back, sand scraping his face, salt in his mouth. In the morning he had breakfast in the restaurant and tried the pancakes. They were delicious.