For angelically-devilish, who was so very helpful this afternoon and asked for an update as a reward.
Hermione smiled wistfully as she looked at Remus, coming out of her memories.
"At first it was wonderful. He was so sweet and thoughtful, he would bring me takeaway because he knew I wasn't making the time to eat when I was revising for my NEWTs. Or he would drag me out for ice-cream and make me relax. He seemed to know exactly when I needed to be left alone and when I needed a distraction. And he was so patient. I was so mature in some ways and so young and inexperienced in others, but it didn't seem to bother him. He let me set the pace when it came to, um, intimacy," she blushed as she spoke. Remus nodded his understanding, trying not to make her feel uncomfortable. "He was everything I could've wanted, he seemed to be my perfect man, willing to discuss the things I was revising but managing to pull me out of it without annoying me. He even got along fine with Harry and Ron.
"Even then I suppose things weren't as perfect as they seemed. He never liked me spending time with George, although he didn't say anything he was really tense and grumpy whenever we were meeting up. It didn't matter how many times I told Kyle that George and I were like brother and sister he always seemed a little suspicious. After I had sat my NEWTs I wanted to go to Australia and find Mum and Dad. Kyle said he couldn't come with me, he was working in a research lab and they had been closed all summer to repair some damage that had occurred during the war so he couldn't get time off work. Harry and Ron were starting Auror training, Ginny was headed back to Hogwarts so George said he'd come with me. He had reopened the shop by this point, but he figured Verity would be fine as long as we left once the pre-school rush had passed.
"Kyle was furious, that was our first real fight. He started going on about how it wasn't right that I wouldn't let him stay with me or stay over at his new flat in London, but I'd go halfway round the world with George. He said some really nasty things about my comforting George, implying it was more than just two friends grieving together. We were at his flat and I left in tears, I had no idea how to cope with him being like that. The next day he turned up at my house with a bunch of flowers and a bag of Chinese takeaway. He said he was sorry, that he only reacted like that because he loved me and worried about me, that he hadn't meant any of it. I was so naive, and it was the first time he'd said he loved me. Hell, it was the first time anyone had said they loved me like that, and I loved him too. Told myself everyone makes mistakes and loses their temper and that I'd be being melodramatic if I made a big deal out of it. So I hugged him, told him I loved him too and put the whole thing behind me.
"Except something had changed with that fight. From then until I left for Australia a fortnight later he was being pushier. He started putting more pressure on me to sleep with him, saying I was leaving him alone and he wanted to make love to me before I left. At first I laughed and said I'd only be gone a month, tops. He didn't let up, saying he was insecure and it wasn't fair on me, he knew, but he needed proof I loved him." she laughed ruefully. "That should've been enough to have me running for the hills really but I let him wear me down. The night before I left was our first time together, all I remember is it being painful and pretty awkward. I remember lying next to him as he slept and all I could think was that I was sure I should feel something, more than just vaguely anxious. I put it down to the pending trip and forgot about it, really.
"We were gone three weeks, and when I got back I was a mess. My parents had rejected me, told me they never wanted to see me again. They were angry at me for interfering." Hermione started to sob. "They told me I was no daughter of theirs, that if I could get rid of them so easily then I clearly didn't need parents, so I could leave them alone and never show my face again." Remus hugged her as she cried, her words barely intelligible. After a minute or so she stopped crying, and returned the hug briefly.
She gave him a watery smile. "You sure you want to hear all this?" she asked. "You only came to work and now I'm pouring my heart out."
Remus smiled softly. "I'm willing to listen to whatever you want to tell me. If you'd rather not then it's ok."
"Actually, I think I do want to tell you. I've never said all this before and somehow it feels right, telling you."
"You've never told anyone? But what about Harry, Ron?" Remus asked, puzzled.
"They know, of course, but only because they were there, sort of. I've filled in the gaps for them but I've never sat and told someone from the beginning before. It's therapeutic in a way." she said.
"Then you'd better keep sharing, if you're sure you want to."
Hermione merely nodded, then resumed her story. "After I got back I couldn't bear to live in my parent's house anymore. I got Kyle's parents to help me deal with estate agents and moved into his flat. It was only meant to be short-term, until I could get my own place with the money from the house. I got a job here in the department and started to settle down. Living with Kyle was fine, a complete dream compared to months in a tent with Harry and Ron. He did his share of the cleaning, he was considerate and didn't mind the boys coming over occasionally. He had stopped being so pushy with me now he had me close, even letting me spend time with George without seeming to bothered. Everything went back to how it had been over the summer, relaxed and calm. I felt so treasured with him. He saw me into the floo every morning, and tried to make sure he was home first in the evenings. I remember Ginny saying he was clingy and it was weird but I brushed it off, he was the man I loved and he was just being caring, I insisted.
"It was fine until just before that Christmas. He was going to France for a few days with his family, I had plans to head to the Burrow. He begged me to go with him to Marseilles, but I refused. We'd only been together six months and I didn't speak French, so a family Christmas was too much for me to cope with. When I explained that he got angry and possessive again, like he had before Australia. He barely let me out of his sight the two weeks before the holidays unless we were at work. He floo called the Burrow at least twice a day the four days we were apart. The Weasley boys were constantly winding me up about my 'keeper' but I just laughed it off. It didn't seem that odd to me. Ginny and Harry were joined at the hip, Bill and Fleur weren't much better. I didn't see the difference between them being together lots and Kyle calling all the time. Ginny was the only one who voiced concern. She said it didn't seem like me, to be so dependent on someone else. We fought over it, I was convinced she was just causing trouble because I was with Kyle and not Ron. She finally flipped when I revealed that I wasn't getting a place of my own when the house sale went through, that I was staying with Kyle in his flat. She said that if I wanted to be a brain washed bimbo who couldn't be apart from her boyfriend that was fine, but she would love to know what I'd done with the real Hermione. I was so angry at her. There were some nasty things said, and even though we apologised things weren't the same for a long time.
"When I was back home I told Kyle about the fight with Ginny. He was furious, calling her all sorts of names, he was so angry about her trying to interfere as he saw it. With another Weasley on his black-list it was hard to get him to agree to me seeing any of them. Harry, Ron and I were meeting up regularly, like the dinners we have now, but a bit more casual, everyone was still a bit all over the place, if you remember. Problem was Kyle didn't like that much either. Gradually I stopped going out without him, and he would rarely agree to come with me. Talking about it now it seems ridiculous, doesn't it? But at the time I hardly even noticed, it was one tiny thing at a time, until he was practically the only person in my life. I saw Harry and Ron maybe once a month, and even then only if Kyle was there. By the first anniversary of the battle I was almost cut off entirely, and the really awful part was I didn't even know. I was so in love with him, I told myself that I was bound to be seeing less of the boys than I had, that couples did spend a lot of time together. Every time anyone raised an issue with the intensity of our relationship I brushed it off. I had a job I enjoyed and a boyfriend I loves and who loved me. I told myself everything was perfect."
She closed her eyes and sighed. "What gets me now is how stupid I was. How I didn't see that everything he did reduced my world until it consisted of work and him. It was the third of June 1999 that changed everything again. It was the best and worst day of my life. The day I found out I was pregnant."
A/N I have no idea what you're all going to think of this, I'm not quite sure what I think of it! So reviews would be gratefully received.