Sarah's Survey
Jareth, are you a control freak? Do you have crippling trust issues? Answer the following questions and tally your score at the end to see if you qualify for an outrageous bonus help package that promises to totally revolutionize your love life.
1. How often do you check on Sarah when you think she can't see you?
a) at least once an hour b) several times a day c) once or twice a day d) obsessively
2. How much joy do you take learning something secret about Sarah in a sneaky way?
a) moderate joy b) mild joy c) extreme joy d) omg that's what I live for!
3. How much time a day do you spend wondering what's going on in her mind so
that you can more or less predict her every move?
a) a few minutes each day b) a few half hour blocks c) a few hours interspersed with activity d) I'm always up to no good when it concerns Sarah, what are you talking about?
4. Do you find yourself upset when she doesn't quite follow one of your imagined trajectories for her course of action?
a) a little b) yes, a fair amount c) I really have to work on my back lash button d) I swear to you it almost makes me want to sing a song and throw a hissy fit
5. Would you actually let her know something honestly about the details in your own life?
a) depends on my mood b) sometimes c) hardly ever d) What? Then where would all the fun be?
If you answered d to all five questions or even bothered taking this survey at all, I can assure, my liege, you qualify as an obsessive control freak who has serious misgivings about trusting Sarah with your sense of self. Moreover, you run around in makeup and try to make her think she's seeing goblins when it's just you checking up on her from time to time. Well, at least you look good doing it. And Sarah would still probably do you all the same, for what it's worth.
Now, since you qualify, may I remind you that you can redeem your revolutionary love package by dialing the following number: 1-888-LIKEIGIVEASHIT.
Have a fantabulous day!