Disclaimer: all familiar material belongs to either Roald Dahl, author of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Warner Bros. for the film adaptations of the book, and Eoin Colfer, author of the Artemis Fowl series.

Thanks to: Harry Artemis Jackson for the regular comments, and thanks to anyone else who leaves their thoughts for me! Updating fast makes it hard for others to slip in reviews and remarks before the next update, but comments on past chapters are welcome too. I just can't bear to keep readers in suspense for the next installment...I know I hate waiting for the next part of a story, even when I am the one writing it.

The Glass Elevator

"I've never seen anything like it!" Mr. Wonka said. "The children are disappearing like rabbits! Well, there was that one time during the Great War, but that's an entirely different story! Not to worry, though…they'll all come out in the wash!" Mr. Wonka looked at the little group that stood beside him in the corridor. Threw were only two children left now—Mike Teavee and Connor Lafferty (aka Artemis). And there were two grownups, Mr. Teavee and Patrick Lafferty (aka Butler).

"Let's keep going," Mr. Wonka said cheerily, leading the little group down the hall.

"My feet are getting tired," said Mike Teavee. "And I bet one of my favorite programs is on right now. I want to watch television."

"If you're tired then we'd better take the elevator," Mr. Wonka said. He led them to a pair of double doors and pressed a button. The doors slid open. The two children and grownups went in.

"Now then," cried Mr. Wonka, "which button shall we press first? Take your pick!"

Artemis looked about himself in wonder. The elevator was made entirely of a clear substance, like glass. All the walls were lined with buttons, also glasslike, and the ceiling had buttons on them too. Beside each button was a label. He could have just sat and read the labels, but he wanted his take a turn before Mike Teavee took his. There was no doubt which button the TV-addict would press anyway. He pressed a button with his index finger, the elevator making an unexpected lurch to the side.

"What's going on?" shouted Mike Teavee.

"This is a special elevator!" Mr. Wonka explained. "It can go in any direction so that it can visit any room in the factory!" He glanced at the button that Artemis had selected. It was illuminated with a soft peach light. The label read GUMDROP GARDEN.

"Oh good! I love that garden! Good choice, Connor."

Artemis felt a twinge of guilt at the mention of his fake name, but he ignored it, his gaze fixed on the wonders passing by. Because the elevator was made of glass, everyone could see the rooms they were passing through. Some were small, the size of bedrooms and offices, but others were huge and spanned the length of numerous football fields. There were forests and mountains made entirely of candy…fields that had machines drilling into the ground, lakes filled with steaming, bubbling liquid.

Finally the elevator came to a stop, and the doors opened to a wonderful sight. It was another garden, like the Chocolate Room, but there was no chocolate river, no waterfall, no gleaming pipes that sucked up the chocolate. There was no grass, either; the ground was coated in glittering white powder that looked very much like sand, and the white sandy plains sprawled as far as the eye could see, spotted with clusters of brightly colored bushes or trees. Mr. Wonka stepped out of the elevator and beckoned to the others. "Come on, and I'll show you around."

He led them along a cobblestone path that, he explained while walking, was composed of a special kind of gumdrop that solidified when pressure was applied to it. The sand was one hundred percent sugar, and was used for powdering gumdrops, which grew from the trees and bushes.

"Do Oompa-loompas ever come in to collect the sugar?" Mr. Teavee asked.

"Every day," Mr. Wonka said. "But we must have caught them in the off hour…they may be fooling about in the Butterscotch Room." The idea brought back his sense of urgency. "I apologize for not being able to spend more time in here, but we really must get going. Can't leave the Oompa-loompas to their own devices for too long, you know. Come along! There's one more room to see! Mike Teavee will choose it."

Back in the Elevator, Mike Teavee scanned the rows of buttons for a likely choice. "Isn't there a television room in all this lot?"

"Certainly," Mr. Wonka said. "That button, over there." He pointed with his finger, and everyone looked. It read TELEVISION CHOCOLATE.

"All right!" shouted Mike Teavee. He punched the button with his thumb, and no sooner had it lit up did ht elevator shoot off at breakneck speed. Artemis lost his balance and fell backwards, but he was caught by Butler, who was holding on to a strap on the ceiling.

"Sorry."

"Don't be. It's my job to look after you."

Mr. Teavee had fallen down also, and Mr. Wonka offered him a hand. "Get up, get up! You'll miss the whole thing!"

The elevator began to climb, as if it were on a steep incline. Then it dropped—

Artemis held tightly to Butler, Mike held firmly to his father, and Mr. Wonka held firmly to his hat. Then the dropping evened out until they were traveling levelly again, but the elevator swerved back and forth like a car that had gone out of control. The next moment, there was the screaming of brakes, and the elevator began to slow down. Then it stopped entirely.

"Some ride! Mike Teavee said.

"No more for me, thanks," Mr. Teavee said.

Artemis and Butler said nothing. They had been on crazier and deadlier rides before.

The doors of the elevator slid open and Mr. Wonka said, "Just a minute now! Listen to me! I want everybody to be very careful in this room! There is dangerous stuff in here and you must not tamper with it."

What Happened in the Television Room

The little group stepped out of the elevator into a room so dazzlingly bright and white that they screwed up their eyes in pain and stopped walking. Mr. Wonka handed them each a dark pair of glasses and said, "Put these on quick, and don't take them off! The light in here could burn your eyes right out of their sockets!"

No one had trouble complying, and as soon as they had put on the glasses, they could see their surroundings more comfortably. They were standing at the edge of a long narrow room. The walls and ceilings were white, and the floor was white too, and there wasn't a speck of dust anywhere. There were bright lamps set into the ceiling, and they cast a harsh blue-white light on everything. The room was completely bare save at the far ends. At one end there was an enormous camera-like machine and a number of Oompa-loompas in white jumpsuits that busily polished the lens and casing. At the other end of the room there was a television set, and an easy chair in front of it that was occupied by another Oompa-loompa who was also wearing a white jumpsuit.

This," Mr. Wonka said, "is my latest and greatest invention—Television Chocolate!"

"What does that mean?" Mike Teavee asked.

"Good heavens child, don't interrupt!" cried Mr. Wonka. "It works by television. I don't like television myself, but this invention could revolutionize the world by merging the film and food industry. Of course, in order to understand how this works, you will have to know how a regular television system works. At one end, the picture is taken by a video camera. Then that picture is taken and broken up into a million tiny pieces and these little pieces are sent out into the sky by electricity in a current until they hit an antenna and run through a series of wires down to your television set. Then the little pieces tumble about until they are put together, and the picture appears on your screen!"

"Actually…" Mike Teavee began to say, but Mr. Wonka cut him off.

"The same principle works for Television Chocolate, but with physical objects! Why send a picture when you can send the real thing? A bar of chocolate, for example…imagine, you are sitting at home, and a commercial will come on. It will say: Wonka's chocolate is the best in the world. If you don't believe it, try one for yourself! And then you reach out, and grab it!"

"That's impossible," Mike Teavee said scornfully.

"Oh yeah? Watch this!" Mr. Wonka clicked his fingers, and six Oompa-loompas came into the room, bearing a chocolate bar the size of a mattress.

"It has to be big," Mr. Wonka said, "because whenever you send something by television, it always comes out smaller than it was when it went in. It's a physics problem concerning inverse proportions and distance squares…in theory, it is a simple problem, but in life it's not. I'll solve it eventually, though."

The Oompa-loompas set the chocolate on an upraised platform in front of the giant camera.

"Okay," Mr. Wonka said with a wave to the Oompa-loompas, "Switch on!"

One of the Oompa-loompas caught hold of a large switch and pulled it down.

There was a blinding flash.

"The chocolate's gone!" shouted Mr. Teavee, his mouth agape in disbelief.

Mr. Wonka smiled. "See? Told ya. That chocolate bar is now in a million tiny pieces, whizzing in the air above our heads. Quick! Let's go check the television to see what we get!" He led them to the other end of the room where the large television set was standing, and the others followed him.

"Watch the screen!" he cried. "Here it comes!"

The screen flickered and lit up. Then suddenly a small bar of chocolate appeared in the middle of the screen.

"Take it!" shouted Mr. Wonka. He danced from foot to foot in a display of utter excitement.

"How can you take it?" asked Mike Teavee, snorting. "It's just a picture on a screen."

Mr. Wonka looked to Artemis. "You take it, then."

Artemis had his doubts, but there was no harm in trying. He reached out his hand to touch the screen, and miraculously the bar of chocolate came away in his fingers. He was so surprised that he almost dropped it.

"See?" Mr. Wonka said, flashing a look of triumph to Mike Teavee. "It's the same bar; it's only gotten smaller on the journey. Go ahead and eat it. I guarantee…it'll taste delicious!"

"It's a miracle," said Mr. Teavee.

Mr. Wonka reiterated all the possible benefits this invention could have for the world, but only the two adults were listening. Artemis was pretending to listen too, but he wanted to plant an idea in Mike's head first.

"Mr. Wonka's invention is remarkable, isn't it?"

"Mike scowled in irritation. "Yeah. So what? All it does is send crummy chocolate bars fifty feet across a room. Big deal."

"Maybe Mr. Wonka hasn't tried anything else yet," Artemis said. "Maybe he doesn't want to test it on the Oompa-loompas because they are already so small. If they went through the television, there might be nothing left. Maybe if someone larger was willing to test it, Mr. Wonka would reward him, or his name would go down in the history of TV."

Mike's eyes lit up at the idea, but it was clear he would not breach the subject with Mr. Wonka. Artemis decided to help him out. He cleared his throat to get Mr. Wonka's attention.

"But can you send people?"

The candymaker's brow wrinkled in question. "People don't taste very good. Why would I want to send those?"

"But could you if you had wanted?"

"Well…I suppose. But it might have some nasty consequences."

That was all the confirmation Mike Teavee had needed. He had started running toward the control booth near the camera when Mr. Wonka had said "I suppose". Before anyone could say or do something to stop him, he flipped the large activation switch, jumped in front of the camera, and was gone in a flash of blinding light.

"Mike!" cried Mr. Teavee, running to where his son had stood not a moment before. "He's gone."

Mr. Wonka rushed over and put a hand gently on his shoulder. "We must hope for the best. We must pray that your little boy will come out unharmed on the other end."

Though this did nothing to console Mr. Teavee, he willingly followed Mr. Wonka to the television set. They waited.

"He's taking an awfully long time to come across," he said.

"A million pieces take a long time to put back together," Artemis said.

"I don't wish to alarm you," Mr. Wonka said to Mr. Teavee, "but just occurred to me that sometimes only half of the pieces come through. If you had to choose half of your son, which half would it be?"

"I suppose it would be the top half," Mr. Teavee said sarcastically.

"Look!" said Mr. Wonka, something is happening! He's coming through!"

Faintly at first, but becoming clearer and clearer every second, the picture of Mike Teavee appeared on the screen. He was standing up and waving. He was grinning from ear to ear. "That was great!" he said, his voice no louder than the squeak of a mouse. "I'm the first person in the world to be sent by television! I'll be famous now!"

"Grab him," ordered Mr. Wonka.

Mr. Teavee reached out and took Mike by the shirt collar. "He's a midget!"

"Just put me back the other way!" squeaked Mike.

"There is no other way," Mr. Wonka said. "This is television, not telephone. One way street. I'm afraid you're stuck the way you are, little boy."

Mike appeared to get very angry, and he threw a tantrum while dangling from his father's fingers. Mr. Teavee put the insufferable boy in his shirt pocket, looking wearily to Mr. Wonka. "Well…"

"Well," Mr. Wonka said, "I've read somewhere that little boys are extremely stretchy and springy. They stretch like mad. So we'll just put him in my taffy puller, and he'll be right as rain sooner than you think!"

"Thank you," Mr. Teavee said, doing his best to ignore the angry squeaking from his breast pocket. Mr. Wonka clicked his fingers, and the Oompa-loompa who was sitting in the easy chair stood at attention. "Take Mr. Teavee and his…little boy…to the Taffy pulling room. Help him get his son stretched out."

The Oompa-loompa nodded, then tugged Mr. Teavee on the pantleg, motioning for him to follow. As they left, the Oompa-loompas around the giant camera broke into another song that was catchier than all the others that had been sung that day. At the end, Artemis clapped his hands lightly, and the Oompa-loompas bowed before returning to their stations.