Chapter 4

For hours Gibbs laid on the hammock hanging at the far end of the porch, his mind swirling. Not having to worry about going to work or be anywhere and do anything left him alone with only his thoughts. Shannon had once been his life, the women he'd married since were merely substitutes. And although he had tried to care about them they never would've been able to give him what he needed, and they never would have been able to help heal his tormented soul. Abby was different to them and the more time he spent with her the more he found himself wanting to be released from his past.

In the most subtle of ways and without him fully understanding how, Abby had become the centre of his world, in every way. He just didn't know how to tell her, or if he should tell her. Regret and guilt were something Gibbs was prepared to have on his shoulders until the day he died, but when he was with Abby he felt stronger. She didn't judge him and she didn't pressure him into saying things that she wanted to hear like his ex-wives had done. At work he was always in control and his team never questioned his decisions. In his personal life, it had been a long time since he felt he didn't need to justify his behaviour or to feel like he could truly be himself.

"Should've known I'd find you sleeping on the job."

The sound of a male voice cutting into his thoughts startled Gibbs. Awkwardly he sat up in the hammock to find the amused grins of his good friend Ray and his wife Margie looking back at him.

"And I shoulda known you'd never miss an opportunity to sit and watch me do all your work for you," Gibbs threw back at him.

Margie shook her head at them and let Ray help her up the makeshift stairs Gibbs had made to sit at the outdoor setting. "You boys behave," she admonished playfully.

Gibbs had known the couple for over twenty years; they were the only ones still present in his life that had known Shannon and Kelly, apart from his father. While he'd managed to push most people away, Ray and Margie had watched him deal with unforgiving grief and the demise of three marriages. Not that Gibbs hadn't tried to push them away like everyone else, but they had refused to give up on him. Now they were like family, and although they didn't get to see each other as often as they'd like, the relaxed feeling they had around one another never left. They had seen Gibbs at his best and they had seen him at his worst.

While Gibbs' bond with Ray had formed when they were both serving in the military that familiarity of thinking of him as an older brother never seemed to fade. It also didn't stop either of them from pulling the other one to pieces if they got the chance.

Gibbs looked at the couple as they sat down in front of him; not missing the way Ray had subtly glanced into the open front door of the cabin as he walked passed it. Gibbs had always been slightly envious of his friend's marriage. They'd been childhood sweethearts and had been together ever since. Over the years, their happiness and genuine affection for one another had only grown. It was a reminder to him of what could've been...and it also gave rise to the notion of what could be, with Abby.

"Nice morning," Ray said breaking the silence.

"Yep."

"Your girl inside?"

Gibbs' reply was hesitant but he didn't rise to the bait of his friend. "Yep," was all he said.

He had called Abby 'my girl' before, but now that his feelings for her had changed those two words held so much more meaning to him. Gibbs wanted her to be his in every way; his conflicting emotions were the only thing stopping him.

Gibbs had called Ray to let him know Abby would be joining him at the cabin, mostly to check that there were still all the facilities they'd need with it being damaged. He was used to living off the bare minimum but he didn't want Abby being miserable or to go without the things she needed to feel better. At the time Ray hadn't said anything about dropping in to see them, and although Gibbs didn't mind he was a little uncertain of what to make of their sudden arrival. "You here to make sure I don't mess up your free repairs?" he smirked, trying to divert the topic of conversation away from Abby.

Ray chuckled and shook his head. "You've always had a way with words, Gibbs."

"Never been one to sugar coat things," he said, swinging his legs over the side of the hammock to weigh up the expression on Ray's face.

The older man looked at his wife, the features of his face softening before returning to Gibbs. "Just wanted to make sure you had all you needed to finish the job."

"You drove all the way here to ask that?...coulda called and I'd have saved you the trip," Gibbs said drinking the rest of his coffee and placing the empty cup down beside his feet.

"Got here last night, figured we should stay in town at the hotel...didn't want to interrupt anything."

"Abby and I...it's not like that..." Gibbs cringed at the sound of sadness in his voice, he didn't want to show Ray and Margie any signs of weakness. Not that he was worried about how they would react; he just wasn't ready to share his feelings with anyone.

"You forgotten we know about your three ex-wives? Never known you to take a woman anywhere unless you want her to be there...bringing Abby here...the two of you being alone for a few days...you wouldn't do that for just anyone."

Gibbs couldn't disagree with him. If he didn't want Abby here, then there was no way he'd have brought her. It didn't matter if she was sick or not, he could've easily talked his way out of it when Ducky suggested it, instead he'd ordered her to come with him. If DiNozzo, Ziva or McGee had been recovering from the flu would he have brought them with him? Would he have let them stay at his house and watched over them vigilantly?

"Just want her to get some rest, away from work," he explained weakly before adding, "Ducky thought it would be a good idea too."

Ray's eyebrows shot up. "You're getting soft, Marine. So, where is the mysterious Abby?"

"Still sleeping."

"Still sleeping?" Ray grinned shamelessly and looked at his watch. "And you're tellin' me there's nothing going on?"

"She's been sick wiseass." Gibbs glared at him.

Ray held up his hands admitting defeat, although Gibbs suspected it wouldn't be the last he'd hear about it. "Okay, okay. So do you need any more supplies? Margie and I thought we'd take you and Abby out for a late breakfast, there's a little diner on the outskirts of town that makes great coffee. It's the least we can do."

"Thought you were in a hurry to get this place fixed up?"

"An hour won't hurt...besides we'd like to meet Abby, spend some time with the woman who seems to have you fumbling all over yourself."

It was at that moment that Abby's head popped out from around the corner of the front door. "Gibbs?" she said warily, looking at him then at the two strangers he was talking to.

"Abbs." Gibbs quickly got to his feet, hoping she hadn't heard what they'd been saying. He missed the look of amusement on Ray's face and the sympathetic glance from Margie.

Holding his hand out for Abby, she took it and let him help her over to the stable part of the porch. "You sleep alright?" he asked, her hand still clasped in his.

"Yeah, okay... it's so quiet and peaceful here." She looked at him tenderly and Gibbs felt her hand slightly tighten around his; a silent thank you for bringing her here and looking after her.

"Umm, Gibbs," Abby said nervously looking at their two guests and combing her fingers through her tousled hair. Seeing her in her just woken up state Gibbs couldn't think of anything more beautiful. Some of her usual sparkle was starting to return to her eyes, and slowly the worn out appearance of just days ago was being replaced with the vibrant woman he was having difficulty drawing his eyes away from. Her sleepy smile altered the rhythm of his breathing, and Gibbs had to force himself to look away.

"Excuse his rudeness," Ray said getting to his feet and holding out his hand for Abby to shake. "I'm Ray, this is my wife Margie."

"This is their cabin, Abbs," Gibbs finally said, finding his voice again.

"Oh," Abby exclaimed finally understanding. "Gibbs didn't tell me you were visiting."

"It was a spur of the moment thing, we thought we'd just drop in, make sure you both had everything you needed."

"You hungry?" Gibbs asked her, realizing he still had hold of her hand and gently let it go.

Gibbs enjoyed spending time with Ray and Margie but he was starting to feel exposed with them being around as well as Abby. He didn't want to give too much away, and let either of them see the cracks that were starting to appear in the already shaky facade he'd constructed around himself. He couldn't allow them to find out how much he was hurting. Yesterday, Shannon's birthday had come and gone, but no matter what day it was he would always struggle in the belief that he should be as happy with someone else as he was with her. Ray and Margie had known him a long time and understood him better than a lot of people, and Gibbs was aware of just how well they could read his behavior.

"I could use something to eat, yeah" Abby answered.

"Great!" Ray said getting to his feet. "We're taking you to breakfast."

"Give her a moment to wake up," Margie lightly scolded her husband, quickly grabbing onto his arm and making him sit back down. "You go and do what you need to Abby," she said softly, "we'll wait."

Gibbs rested his hand on Abby's back, ushering her towards the door. "I better go and get changed too."

Once they were inside the cabin, Gibbs watched Abby start to rummage through her things for some fresh clothes. "You okay with going out for a bit?" he asked, sitting down on the arm of the couch.

"Of course, I'm sure it'll do me some good," she said holding her clothes to her stomach and moving to stand in front of him. "They seem like a nice couple."

"They are...you feel any better today?"

"A little. I heard you tossing and turning last night," she said focusing the conversation onto him. "You should've slept in the bed with me Gibbs, I don't mind."

He smiled at her and reached out to touch her shoulder. "I was okay, don't sleep much anyway."

Abby took a hold of his other hand, the one with the injured finger. Gibbs had removed the gauze and the butterfly bandaids were barely still sticking onto his skin. The cut still looked red but it was clean and the stinging had subsided slightly. Going to the nearest hospital or medical centre would have earned him some stitches but the last thing he wanted was to be sitting around in a waiting room. When it came to injuries he'd had much worse; he'd live through a cut finger. He was more worried about the things he couldn't live through, the things he couldn't live without.

TBC...