A/N: Special thanks again to gosgirl...without her help I'm pretty sure I'd still be in the fetal position mumbling incoherently and trying to get these next couple of chapters done. Thanks as well for the continuing reviews and feedback, they mean a lot. There is still a bit of angst to come, but hang in there...good things come to those who wait ;)

Chapter 6

After returning back to the cabin, Gibbs and Ray began unloading everything from the car and Abby took her cake inside to put it in the fridge. Unaware that he was being watched by Ray, Gibbs' gaze followed Abby until she disappeared into the cabin. Gibbs knew she was angry with him; she'd barely said a word on the drive back and hadn't waited for him to open the car door like she usually did. Taking the front door key from his outstretched hand she'd avoided his eyes and strode away.

From where he stood, it seemed to Gibbs like he was destined to live the rest of his life alone and tick off everyone who cared about him in the process. He'd always been possessive of Abby, more so than he was of Shannon, mostly because he'd never been scared that Shannon would leave him. He didn't have that reassurance with Abby, but that wasn't her fault, it all rested on his shoulders. Not only did Gibbs want Abby to feel like he would protect her, he needed any other man who contemplated coming anywhere near her to understand that if they hurt her, they would have him to contend with. But maybe this time he'd crossed the line.

Once Abby and Margie had left on their walk to the lookout Gibbs could feel Ray staring him down. At least fifteen feet away he felt as if the other man was right behind him, breathing down his neck. He continued working, his hands and arms going through the motions of hammering in the wood but he wasn't really paying attention. Gibbs knew what what was coming. Ray had never been able to keep his mouth shut even when the last thing Gibbs wanted to do was talk.

Even after so many years, Ray still hadn't learnt that pushing him into talking didn't always have the desired effect. Except this time, Gibbs had no idea how he was going to get out of it. He had so much bottled up inside that he was scared he wouldn't be able to keep himself from slipping up and saying everything. The last thing he wanted was to look weak in front of his friend, but with their past and his behavior today perhaps it was already too late. Maybe his actions had already given him away and made him more transparent than he cared to admit.

Looking back on it now Gibbs realized there had probably been a subtler way to get Abby out of the situation but he'd seen red. Without even thinking he'd reacted and within minutes everyone had gotten a glimpse of just how possessive he was of her.

"So are you gonna tell me about you and Abby or do I have to drag it out of you?"

"Nothin' to tell," Gibbs answered quickly, thinking if he could at least have some control over the direction of the conversation he might be able to come out of it with some of his pride still intact.

"Then what was that earlier? You always go around threatening kids with planks of wood?"

"I was just looking out for her. Abby wasn't interested and it was the quickest way to get him to back off."

"How long have you been in love with her for?"

The question took Gibbs by surprise and he missed the nail he was hammering in by a good inch, almost hitting his finger in the process. He glared at Ray, hoping it would make him stop his questioning. Gibbs really wasn't in the mood for this conversation, he hadn't dealt with his feelings and he didn't want to have to explain himself or how he felt about both Abby and Shannon.

Ray threw down the brush he was using to stain some of the wood and walked over to Gibbs. "I've seen you get yourself into some pretty bad situations Gibbs, but I don't think I've ever seen you look so...lost. Not since Shannon and Kelly."

The last thing Gibbs wanted to do was talk about losing his wife and daughter. Not now. This trip was never meant to be about him facing his demons; it was about helping Abby get better. It was about looking after her, not confronting her with his insecurities. Gibbs knew that's what they were. All the bad things that had happened in his life had been buried and filed away into his psyche, carefully sorted into the back of his mind for easy access at a moment's notice. Now that he'd failed to control them, they were obvious to everyone and Gibbs had no doubts that Ray was not going to let him get out of talking about it.

Being at the cabin with nowhere to hide, his feelings for Abby had overcome him in a way he hadn't been prepared for. With each passing minute Gibbs felt himself slowly falling apart, the tight grip of his memories forcing him back into the past and further away from his future. He would never forgive himself for what had happened to Shannon and Kelly and he saw his current predicament as his punishment.

"You need to let yourself heal Gibbs, Shannon will always be a part of you but she'd never want you to be miserable for the sake of her memory," Ray continued, as if walking into Gibbs' thoughts. "What you're feeling now...what you're trying to hide. This is your second chance. Let yourself love Abby like you want to."

Gibbs moved away from Ray to pick up another piece of wood from the pile. "It's not that easy."

"Isn't it?"

Gibbs wished it was that easy. More than anything he wanted to be able to tell Abby he was in love with her, but he was a broken man. He wasn't sure if he would ever be whole again. Every day he was reminded of how he'd lost his girls, and almost just as often he was reminded that he'd had three failed marriages. He was damaged goods and no matter how much he loved Abby, nothing was going to change his past. "She deserves better than I can give her."

"Which is what exactly?" Ray stood in front of Gibbs, blocking his path. "All she wants is you Gibbs, I've only known her a couple of hours and I can see it written all over her face. You already belong to each other, you just won't admit it."

Gibbs stepped around his friend, he knew Ray was trying to help but all it was doing was making him want to withdraw even further inside himself. What he needed was to be left alone to work on the cabin and forget about how Abby was tearing him apart, but Ray had other ideas.

Seeing him through the loss of Shannon and Kelly and the break-up of his marriages meant that Ray had been witness to all the masks that Gibbs had used to conceal what he was really feeling. At times Gibbs was grateful Ray never gave up on him, but there were also moments when he just wanted to hide inside himself. Ray could be merciless in his attempts to get Gibbs to talk. And Gibbs knew there was a good possibility that Ray was the only one who could help him; who had an understanding of everything he'd been through, but that didn't make verbalizing his feelings any easier.

"If Shannon was still alive and it was you that had been killed, wouldn't you want her to move on, to be happy?" Ray asked, following Gibbs as he walked away.

"Not the same thing...their blood is on my hands," Gibbs said defiantly.

Ray let out a frustrated sigh. "I don't believe that and even if it's true don't you think you've more than paid the price? After years of going through this, you've served your time Gibbs. Shannon loved you and wouldn't want you suffer. I can see it's eating at you not being with Abby."

"And if she leaves me...what do I do then? I'm no saint in case you hadn't noticed," Gibbs said softly, and he could see by Ray's wide eyes that he had been prepared for every excuse except that. It was another of his many fears. If he did manage to work through his regret and guilt about Shannon and Kelly, what was to stop Abby leaving him because he was too difficult to live with? His ex-wives had made it perfectly clear just how much Gibbs was to blame for them turning their backs on him. He couldn't stand the thought that he might push Abby away.

"Apart from her interest in you, Abby's nothing like your exes, surely you can see that," Ray challenged. "None of them took the time to understand you, they didn't accept who you are and they sure as hell didn't try and help you. Abby knows your past, she accepts your flaws as well as your strengths and she's still here."

Abby did know and understand him but that didn't make him any less scared and it didn't mean all the doubts he had in himself would just disappear. After the rejections he'd faced Gibbs had started to wonder whether he really was unlovable. Why did his ex-wives think he wasn't worth the effort and why had they given up on him so easily? Maybe they'd realized he would never love them like he loved Shannon, or maybe there was something more to it.

In the past Gibbs had always been able to attract women, it was what came after that was the problem. During the moments of dominance he had in his personal life he would charm them into bed, finding a temporary release for his body and then later be left with a situation he had to try and get himself out of. He couldn't do that with Abby, if he gave into his body's needs then there would be ramifications for them both, it wasn't something he could just walk away from. Not that it would only ever be about sex with Abby, but if he did allow himself to take that step with her there would be no going back. With Abby, he found himself wanting that commitment that he usually ran from.

Ray lowered his voice. "If you can't find the words to tell her how you feel, then show her...and I don't mean by verbally abusing every male that's reached puberty that dares to even glance at her."

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "Thanks for the advice cupid."

"Abby's a beautiful woman, who could have her choice of men, why do you think she's still on her own? She's waiting for you. You think what you're going through now is painful, think about how you'll feel if you let her go and she ends up with someone else...she won't wait around forever."

He had never expected that Abby would wait around for him forever, but then believing she cared for him in the same way seemed just as farfetched. Without the sanctuary of being able to escape into a case like he usually did, or even being able to go home and not having to face her was forcing him to deal with things he didn't want to. Ray was right, he was lost. He didn't know what to do about his feelings for Abby and he didn't know how to escape the memories that wouldn't give him any peace.

"Can we drop this?" He snapped at Ray.

"It's not gonna go away Gibbs, you'll break that girl's heart if you don't do something about it."

Gibbs massaged the bridge of his nose. He was tired and he was hurting and the last thing he wanted to do was break Abby's heart. For the first time in his life he wanted someone to tell him what to do, to make the decision that he couldn't bring himself to make. He couldn't lose his chance with Abby but he didn't know how to hold onto her while he was still defending himself against his own thoughts of despair. "So what do I do?" he asked honestly.

"Tell her how you feel," Ray urged punctuating every word forcefully and raising his voice as he stood next to Gibbs. "I'm willing to bet my life that she'll take care of the rest of it...if you ignore this, it'll take you apart piece by piece. Do you think it'll relieve your guilt or change anything if you let her go?"

Sighing Gibbs sat down on the edge of porch. He knew nothing would take away his guilt, he would only learn to live with it better. If Abby was the one who could help him deal with what he was going through, how could he deny himself the chance to heal, to live again? The only thing she ever asked for was love and he was just as powerless to stop himself giving her that as he was in stopping the world from turning. "I don't know that I deserve her."

"She's already yours," Ray said, sitting down beside him. "All you have to do is let your guard down. That man you once were, with Shannon, he's still in there and I can see flashes of him when you're around Abby."

Gibbs had never loved anyone like he'd loved Shannon and the women that had come and gone in his life hadn't stood a chance in gaining a part of his heart. That had been locked away because he'd never found anyone worthy of sharing the part of him that he kept so tightly shielded. If Abby really did return his feelings like Ray was telling him then the only thing stopping them being together was him. He longed for the freedom to be able to act around Abby the way he wanted, whether it be in the form of physical affection or showing other men she was off limits. He wanted her, that much he was certain of, it was all the other doubts he needed to overcome.

TBC...