Chapter 7

Placing a towel down on a large flat sunken boulder just back from the cliff face, Abby watched as Margie hiked up the bottoms of her casual gray cotton pants and sat down. Collapsing her black parasol since they'd found a spot in the shade, Abby lowered herself down beside Margie and crossed her legs. Ahead of them beyond the drop of the cliff lay a massive expanse of deep blue water, the outline of several large boats sailing by in the distance.

"I can see why you like coming here," Abby said, taking a deep breath.

Margie smiled. "It's very peaceful...gives me time to relax and think."

"I'm not sure I need any more time to think."

As the words left her, Abby instantly thought of Gibbs. When she was at work she had the added distractions of cases and her friends to keep her mind off her feelings for him. But spending extra time with him meant there was no avoiding it, every time she looked at him it tore at her heart. She wanted to spend every minute she could with him, but at the same time when she was with him her anguish and frustration was relentless.

"Jethro?" Margie questioned, her sympathetic expression making Abby believe she could say anything and there would be nothing but compassion for her.

Abby nodded. As much as she had come to like Margie in the short amount of time she'd known her, she still wasn't sure just how much of her feelings she should bring out into the open. Both Ray and Margie had known Gibbs for a long time but Abby still felt slightly apprehensive about talking through her feelings for Gibbs. She had held so much in for so long, not even giving the slightest thing away to the people she loved like family. But they knew very little about Gibbs' past, not like Ray and Margie.

"You have to understand," Margie said softly to Abby. "He's been through so much, more than any man should have to endure."

"I know...and I don't want to put more stress on him but..." Abby trailed off and sighed, drawing her legs up to her chest and crossing her arms over her knees.

"You're torn between what your heart wants and what your mind thinks you should do?" Margie prompted.

To Abby that was an understatement. Her heart was telling her to go for it with everything she had; to grab a hold of the waistband of those low slung shorts and drag him into the cabin and let her body do everything her imagination was running wild with. Her mind was telling her to give him space; to let him come to terms with his feelings and allow things to unravel when he was ready. Since she was clueless as to what was really going on in his head it meant that no matter what option she wanted to go with, in the end it was up to Gibbs. "Kind of...it doesn't help that I don't know where I stand with him."

Margie reached over and took one of Abby's hands in her older and slightly more roughened ones and patted the top of it gently. Abby wasn't sure if it was to offer reassurance for what she was feeling or to offer support for her to keep talking, but the contact made her feel at ease.

"The way he looks at you Abby...he's only ever looked at one other woman that way." At that Abby twisted to look at Margie, scanning the features of her face to make sure she wasn't misleading her.

"I know what he had with Shannon was special...a once in a lifetime kind of thing," Abby admitted. She didn't feel jealous or resentful of the way Gibbs kept his first wife close to his heart, even years after her death. All she saw was the pain she wanted to take from him and the scars she wanted to help heal. "I wish I could bring both of them back to him."

"When we lost Shannon and Kelly I thought we would lose Jethro too, and we nearly did." Margie took a deep unsteady breath and Abby could see her concern for Gibbs was genuine. She wondered just how much Ray and Margie had gone through with Gibbs and exactly how they'd managed to keep him from complete self-destruction. A lot of people saw Gibbs as being a little rough around the edges; Abby on the other hand, highly suspected it was a tactic to test someone's loyalty. Those who knew him well knew that under the grumpy exterior was a caring man who would put his life on the line to save those he cared about.

Abby turned her attention away from Margie and gazed back out onto the ocean. The thought of what Gibbs had been through, what he was still enduring made everything else seem almost insignificant. "Sometimes, I almost ask him about Shannon and Kelly but I don't want to upset him."

"He would've done anything for his girls," Margie reflected, a wistful smile on her face. "When Jethro was home he and Shannon were inseparable, and Kelly had her daddy wrapped around her little finger. Ray and I knew theirs was a love that would never die...and I don't say this to hurt you," Margie said quickly, squeezing Abby's hand. "I'm telling you because of what I see in his eyes when he looks at you. As hard as we try there are some emotions which can't be hidden."

Abby sighed. "I just wish he would talk to me."

"He's always been a man of actions rather than words," Margie paused for a moment and Abby narrowed her eyes at the older woman. "The problem with that is, if his only action is to turn away and he refuses to talk it can lead to tension and bitterness. It was something Diane in particular took offense to. She didn't understand why he couldn't just get over losing Shannon and Kelly."

"She expected him to move on and forget after he remarried?" Abby asked, already guessing what the answer to her question would be.

"She did, and there is a difference between wanting to push someone to talk to help them, and pushing them to talk for purely selfish reasons. The women Jethro divorced, they all gave up on him because he wouldn't tell them what they wanted to hear." Margie let go of the hold she had on Abby's hand and stretched her arms out behind her to lean back. "I'm not saying he was blameless. Going through what he was he can't have been easy to live with but the uneasiness he had, an almost sense of dread that he carried around with him, I don't see that in him when he's with you."

Abby shifted her body sideways so she was facing Margie, her legs still crossed. "So what does that mean for us?"

"I can see how he's fighting his feelings for you," Margie went on. "What happened earlier was evidence of just how much he's struggling...he loves you...and I can see you love him."

Abby was sure Margie had been watching her the entire time she had been staring at Gibbs when they were at the diner. With the thoughts that had been running through her mind at the time it would be impossible for anyone to not notice her feelings for Gibbs. Abby may have believed she'd been doing a good job of hiding how she felt but it was slowly becoming more obvious she wasn't fooling anyone.

"I do love him," Abby admitted, bowing her head. It felt good to finally be able to say it out loud. To tell someone who knew exactly what Gibbs was like, who had been close to him for so long and was telling her Gibbs wanted her as much as she wanted him. It wasn't the same as the real thing, but it was a start.

Margie smiled knowingly at her acknowledgment. "He's a strong man, but sometimes we all need a little help. The human mind is an overwhelming force, Abby. All the things from his past and all he sees that could go wrong override the fact that he loves you and you love him."

Abby understood that if they did end up together there would be challenges. They both had baggage and Gibbs' was enough to last them both a lifetime but that didn't change the way she felt about him. If anything it only made her want to help him more. But if her need for him was clouding her judgment, making her see what she wanted to see while she ignored the truth, she needed to know. "I thought maybe my feelings for him were making me see things that aren't there..."

"It's true that being in love can make us believe the impossible, but I don't think you're imagining things. At times he's unable to stop himself from reacting to you, we saw that today. Then when he realizes he has reacted, he tries to close himself off. It's his way of protecting himself, and subconsciously it's his way of protecting you from him."

Gibbs had always protected her but the last thing she wanted him to try and keep her safe from was himself. If being with him was a risk then it was one Abby was willing to take. "I don't need protection from him, how do I make him see that?"

"Be honest with him, he hasn't always had that in past relationships."

"So..." Abby started nervously, "I should tell him how I feel?" It was a statement to herself as much as it was a question for Margie.

Margie focused on a boat on the horizon and Abby followed her gaze, suddenly feeling like the weight of the world rested on her tired shoulders. "Wouldn't you agree Abby, the things in life that are most worth fighting for are those that we can't live without?"

Abby nodded. Did she think she could live without Gibbs? It was something she'd never forced herself to think about, he was always there, the one constant in her life that she could count on. If he wasn't in her life she doubted the gaping hole he left could ever be filled, by anyone. Gibbs was the missing part of her that she yearned for and if he wasn't worth fighting for, then nobody was.

"He can be his own worst enemy sometimes," Margie continued. "Ray and I have seen him pick himself up so many times, but there are some things that take longer than others to come to terms with." Margie looked at Abby ruefully before she went on. "Yesterday was Shannon's birthday."

Abby instantly felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her. All day yesterday she'd struggled with her pent up lust for him and the entire time Gibbs had been battling his own problems. Ones that now seemed so much more severe than the ones tormenting her. Her anger at him and the subsequent silence in the car now seemed like a massive over reaction.

Abby closed her eyes and swallowed. Why hadn't he told her? They had spent the whole day together and it wasn't like she hadn't asked him to talk about what was bothering him. She knew from the way he'd been acting that there was something wrong. She had been so caught up in their fleeting moments of intimacy that she had never thought the reason he was pulling away from her had anything to do with Shannon's birthday.

"He wouldn't have told you because he's more worried about you being healthy again," Margie offered, but it was little comfort to Abby.

After missing something so significant she wondered if perhaps it was arrogant of her to entertain the idea that she could make him as happy as Shannon had. Something which numerous others had failed at. Maybe she was crazy to think she could try but she wanted the opportunity. "I want him to be healthy, to be happy...with me."

"Then tell him how you feel Abby, and if he doesn't listen then show him how you feel...because sooner or later one of you is going to have to give in. You might have to stand up to him, but don't be afraid and don't back down."

Abby couldn't help but smile at the idea of going head to head with Gibbs, if anyone could get away with challenging him at work it was her. This wasn't work though and there was more at stake than her next Caf-Pow, their future hung on her next move.

Both women looked up at the sky as a flock of birds glided gracefully overhead casting shadows when they drifted in front of the sun. "If you're wondering why he's hesitating," Margie said breaking their temporary silence, "why he seems unsure with you...you're more important than the other women. It's easier to jump into situations without thinking when there's nothing to lose."

She had been wondering about Gibbs' trepidation, but what she found herself realizing was that none of it mattered. Margie's words had given her the confidence she needed to take that next step and when she thought about it, Gibbs' reactions towards her over the last two days reinforced everything the older woman was saying.

"When I see what you and Ray have," Abby said, nervously starting to chew on her top lip, "a lifetime together...I want that, with Gibbs. Not with anyone else."

She wasn't talking about marriage and kids, all Abby wanted was Gibbs; if she could have that then she would be happy. With all the uncertainties of everyday life, her feelings for him were the one thing she knew would stand the test of time. Nothing could change them. In all the time she'd known him, Gibbs had never once asked her to put herself in jeopardy and she was beginning to recognize that perhaps this was the one time she needed to. It was a different kind of danger, but in a way no less frightening because of what may go wrong.

"Only you and Jethro can make that decision," Margie said her eyes refocusing on Abby as the birds above them faded into distant specks. "But I suspect at this moment that husband of mine is trying to shake the truth out of him...in case it doesn't work I'm afraid you might need to take matters into your own hands."

Abby found the image of Gibbs and Ray, two very strong males discussing their feelings, somewhat amusing. It was, however, soon overtaken by anxiety at the thought that the situation could get out of hand if Gibbs really didn't want to talk. If that did happen she would be more than happy to nurse him back to health.

Now that she had some idea of Gibbs' feelings Abby intended on taking advantage of them being alone to make him understand that they were reciprocated. She was tired of the hesitation and she was fed up with disguising her feelings under a shroud of lies. With every fibre of her being she wanted and needed Gibbs, and whether it took a gentle nudge or a huge shove he would confront what was happening between them. If going slow at first didn't work then she would step up the pace, but one way or another Abby would reveal the full extent of her feelings and deal with the consequences later; whatever they may be.

TBC...