A/N: Sorry for making ya's wait again guys. Hope the gaps get smaller eventually….

Thank you SO much rae-rae89, SasoLOVE111, MintCcIceCream, kikikiki, LoneWolfPack, Ravenclaw Slytherin, Happy2BeeMe, 'Lil Obsessed, TempusSimia, NeedCoffeeINeedItOrI'llExpload, Autumn's Rain, clumsyfurball7 and MusicIsAlwaysThere for the gorgeous reviews! Really brightens my life (:

Hope you enjoy this one…

. : Chapter 22: Boggy Man : .

I was still sitting at the table when Benny stumbled in, his toy clasped in one little hand and dragging along the floor.

My coffee was still full, but had long gone cold. I hadn't found the will to drink it, or do anything, for that matter.

"Aunty Evie." Benny said as he came to stand next to me, draping his arms over my lap and laying his head on my thigh.

"Hmm?" Subconsciously, I started stroking his hair, running the silky strands through my fingers.

He shook his head a little. "Nuthin'."

Pushing my chair back from the table a foot, I scooped him up and set him on my lap, hugging him close. He hugged me back silently, wrapping him arms around my waist as far as they'd go, and laying his head on my chest.

"I'm sorry, sweet." I murmured, dropping a kiss atop his head. "So sorry."

He shrugged. "You gonna be okay, Aunty Evie?"

'I don't know, darling one. I don't think so, not this time.' I didn't say that though. How could I say that to him? I didn't answer, instead started humming some old lullaby Daddy used to sing me, so very long ago.

"Are you hungry?" I asked after a while of just sitting there. I might be a mess, but I would never neglect Ben. Never.

He thought about it for a moment, then sat up so he could look at me and nodded. "Little."

I forced a smile. "Good…good. What would you like? Toast? Cereal?" I really didn't feel like cooking anything, though. But I would if he asked me to.

They really are my biggest weakness. I really would do anything they asked of me, the ones I loved; the ones I trusted.

Luckily, his eyes brightened at the second choice. "Fruitloops?"

"Horrible, sugary, preservative-filled, teeth-rooting, addictive, pointless snacks." Was what Danny referred to them as. So it went without saying that Ben loved the things, and that I kept a good supply of them hidden in the pantry for when he stayed with me.

I lifted him up and set myself to the task of getting them for him, both pleased and disappointed that I had something else to occupy my mind.

oOo

After breakfast Benny had left me with one of his innocent, childish smiles that touched some scattered piece of my heart and gone to engross himself in the rec room with his lego and the TV.

That simple, natural little smile made me feel warm after hours of feeling nothing but the icy cold.

I didn't know what to do. I surveyed the spotlessness of my kitchen, nothing out of place, nothing dirty.

With a sigh that betrayed how I still felt, I took myself upstairs and to my study. It was a spacious room, big windows, lots of light. The floor was a dark polished wood, with black and white fluffy mats underneath the furniture for both decoration and to stop the floor from getting scratched.

I took pride in this room, designed it slowly, added bits to it all the time. I eased into the big, swivelled, leather chair behind a desk that matched the floors and tapped my fingers against it.

I opened the silver laptop on the desk and brought up Google, then typed werewolves into the search box.

I clicked on the Wikipedia link and read through the first couple of lines. "A werewolf, also known as a lycanthrope (from the Greek λυκάνθρωπος: λύκος, lukos, "wolf", and άνθρωπος, anthrōpos, man), is a mythological or folkloric human with the ability to shapeshift into a wolf or an anthropomorphicwolf-like creature, either purposely, by being bitten by another werewolf, or after being placed under a curse."

I scrunched up my nose. They hadn't been bitten- it was genetic from what I had understood. I should get the journal….

"This transformation is often associated with the appearance of the full moon…"

That didn't seem to apply to them, either. As much as I knew anyway. The journal said they phased when they were angry, and then at their own will.

"Werewolves are often attributed superhuman strength and senses, far beyond those of both wolves and men….Shape-shifters, similar to werewolves, are common in tales from all over the world, most notably amongst the Native Americans, though most of them involve animal forms other than wolves."

I frowned and subconsciously tried to curl myself further into my robe, trying to block the wavering emotions ricocheting around inside myself. I didn't want to cry anymore. Didn't want to be weak.

Weakness is not acceptable. My brain screamed at me. To be weak is to be prey. Someone had said that to me once, though I couldn't quite remember who it had been.

I nearly leapt out of my skin though when I heard the doorbell ring, then three gentle pounds on the door.

My heart raced, breath became laboured until not enough was reaching my lungs. What if it was one of them? I slid open the top draw of the desk and wrapped my fingers around the smooth, cool steel of the handgun that lay in there. What if it was Adam?

"I'll get it!" Benny's sing-song words filtered up the stairs and to my ears.

NO!

Snatching up the gun I bolted from my seat and raced down the hall, the stairs and to the door. Benny was just stretching up to grab the handle when I grabbed his shoulder and yanked him back. I pressed a finger to my lips as he opened his mouth in a startled cry and gestured behind me. He complied quickly, hiding around the corner and just daring to peek out.

Letting out a shaky breath and hiding the hand with the gun behind my back, I flicked the safety off and slowly opened the door.

Jay's eyebrows shot to his hair line when he saw me, and I felt every tense muscle in me turn to mush.

Safe, it's safe.

"I don't think hello is the right thing to say to you." He said, narrowing his eyes over all the things he was no doubt finding off about my appearance. "Put the gun away, baby girl."

Flicking the safety back on, I turned and walked into the lounge, leaving Jay to shut the door behind himself.

Benny squealed happily when he saw him, throwing himself at Jay's legs and babbling everything and anything that had happened since the last time the pair had been together.

After their reunion, which I watched with the first hints of a real smile, Jay sent BB scurrying back to build something or other out of his lego to show him.

My long-time friend then turned his attention to me and raised an eyebrow that completely disappeared under his scruffy brown locks. Tammy was always up him to get it cut, neaten himself up. But Jay knew the roguish look worked for him, and it did.

The brown hair extended into a thin, neatly kept line of stubble and fine goatee. He had a chiselled face, high cheek bones and a strong jaw, deep blue eyes and a smile full of shiny-white teeth. Not to mention his personality. He could ooze charm when he wanted to, but at the same time could be just as serious as Maddy.

He looked fine- casual, as always. Dressed in a tight red shirt with his favourite black leather jacket over the top, a pair of dark blue baggy jeans and his usual black sneakers. Always had the women tripping over themselves.

Jay didn't miss things, either. He was a good agent, a very good agent.

"You look like crap." He said bluntly, finally coming to seat himself beside me on the plush lounge and pull me into his lap. "What happened, sweetcheeks?"

I didn't even hit him for calling me something so ridiculous. "Everything…nothing. I don't know. Everything went to shit. How'd you get here so soon?"

"You're not changing the subject." He said sharply, cuddling me closer. "Did someone hurt you?"

The tears stung again. And I thought there couldn't have possibly been any more. "Not physically…"

"What. Happened?"

I stilled. What did I say now? Informing someone, especially someone like Jay-any of us really, who lived around solid facts, that werewolves were real…was…well…

Tucking my head under his chin, I took a deep breath, inhaling the aftershave he always wore and tried to relax. Jay was solid, comforting. In that moment, like a big brother promising to chase away the boggy man in the dark. I needed to talk to someone, as much as it disgusted me, I knew I needed help.

"They lied to me. Kept things from me that I should've been told. And now…my memories…like it was a trigger for them…they all just…I cant close my eyes without seeing something." I sniffed. "Hurts…so much. I've gone over the edge, Jayjay. I can't…I'm not…"

I felt him sigh. "You haven't gone anywhere, baby girl. Listen to me. You're not broken, okay? This isn't going to last forever. You're stronger then that. C'mon, honey, don't cry."

I choked on the sob. "I am, though! It feels like I'm in a hundred pieces…I can see the blood on my hands and hear the screams…It hurts to breathe, to see, again…"

"Shhh, Evie. Calm down." He soothed. "What'd they lie to you about? Tasha was a mess when she called me-tell me what happened."

"Tasha has no right to be anything when it comes to me!" I hissed out, though no doubt it didn't come across as threateningly as I'd wanted it to. It's hard to sound like anything other then blubbery when you're crying. "She lied to me, Jay! She and Sam have been keeping secrets from me my whole miserable fucking life!"

He was quite for a moment and I used the time to try and stop the tears. It worked, sort of.

"It's not just about Tasha, is it?" He said finally.

I didn't have it in me to lie, so I just nodded. He would've known anyway.

"What else?"

"How do you do it?" I whispered instead of answering straight.

"Do what?"

I waved a hand at the air around us. "This; keep going. Keep living. After everything…"

I felt him sigh. "It's hard." He admitted quietly. "You go through everything, the pain, the guilt, the anger. It depends on you how you end up though. Some get better, some get angry, some get depressed…"

"PTSD." I murmured.

"Yeah." He squeezed me. "You don't have PTSD, Eves."

"What is it then? I never…"

"You're to strong for something like that. We all have our nightmares, baby girl. All have our demons. Just gotta learn how to boss the barsteds, 'cause their never gonna leave you. You haven't been doing this for long, but you're good. You've got what it takes to be one of us. But we're not bullet-proof; we're still just as human as everyone else. We're just tougher, harder. We learn to be that way, though, we're not born like it."

"I've had a pretty shithouse run so far." I sniffed. It was true, I was a magnet for trouble-disaster.

"You've done it tough." He agreed. "But the first few years are always the worst for everyone. You're still young, still civilian in your thinking. You learn to put the spy in yourself."

Silence fell over us again as I tried to take in what he was telling me. There was so much blood in my past; I could feel it splattered on me even now. I didn't regret everything I'd done. I regretted the mistakes that I'd made that had cost innocents their lives. It was their blood I saw, their loss that I feared.

I was a monster, a killer, but never to those who didn't deserve to die.

"I lost my first partner." Jay said suddenly, startling me. "I'd only been in the field for nine months. She was…It was my fault. I gave away my position and the targets jumped me. She came to help me, but in the struggle my gun went off. Shot her in the chest…she died before I got help."

I'd never known about this. I knew he'd lost a partner but…

"I got angry, went AWOL. Hunted down the barsteds we'd been after and killed them in cold blood." His voice was still hard, still bitter as he thought about it. He was tense, and so very still. "It was messy…very very messy."

I shifted a bit so I could wrap my arms around his chest. "What got you back?"

"When I stepped back and looked at what I'd done…we kill, Evie, but we don't torture. I knew I'd gone wrong, and then there was something Tyler said to me…something about not letting their deaths be in vain. That they'll be alive as long as we remember them." I could feel him shake his head. "It got to me, picked me up. They died for us, we've got no right to loose what they sacrificed themselves for. To anything."

He shifted me across off his lap and got up, giving me a reassuring smile and tapping my nose affectionately. "No more tears, now, baby girl. C'mon, let's get you some breakfast."

I sniffed. "I'm not hungry, Jay."

"Don't argue, I know you haven't eaten."

"Uncle Jay! Auntie Evie!" Benny's chirpy little voice yelled from the next room. "Come see what I've done!"

"We'll get breakfast, see Benny's handiwork, and then you can tell me everything you've left out so far." He said, smiling, though his eyes betrayed the worry he still felt. "Pick yourself up, Evie."

"I don't know if I can." I whispered honestly. I could still feel the hole inside me, the emptiness.

"You can." He told me firmly, in a tone that left no room for even me to argue. He held out a hand. "I'll help you, baby girl. You're never alone."

Silence, then, tentatively, I slipped my hand into his larger one, and let him help me to my feet.

A/N: Another anguish-y one-I seem to be good at them :S Hopefully things will pick up soon, or the mood will change haha. My fingers get a mind of their own half the time, and the chapters never come out the way I originally thought they would. :) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless. I've begun work on the next one and have heaps on time on my hands, so hopefully it won't be to far away!

Side notes: 1: The werewolf references DO come from Wikipedia-I have no ownership whatsoever. And 2: I have no idea what American cereals consist of-fruitloops are common here in Aus, so I just go with what I know :P (And yeah, that's what my Mother thinks of them, so naturally, both her children LOVE them :P)

Please don't forget to review, they make me smile :)

~Meg xx