Redemption

Standard disclaimers apply

By: Lazeralk

Part 5

0o0o0

Cloud stared blankly at the pile of homespun clothes and flimsy, if well made, slippers that had been kindly left on his new bed. They wanted him to wear this? There was no way he'd ever get any traction with these things, but it wasn't like he could just ignore the fact that his host had left him a gift.

He sighed quietly in annoyance, but changed out of his sleeveless turtleneck and baggy jeans. He figured that they wouldn't be attacked anytime soon, but was still reluctant to leave his trusty boots behind. The pants took him a few minutes to puzzle out, but he eventually got them laced up.

He prayed to whatever deity that would listen that Tifa never ever, ever found out that he'd worn black leather pants that laced up. He'd never hear the end of it. At least they weren't too tight.

The long sleeved tunic was a soft sky blue a few shades lighter than his eyes and had some simple embroidery done on the sleeves and around the collar in silver. It fit ok, but was a little tight across his chest. He debated a moment before securing his shoulder armor and hooking the straps of his sword's holster to both the shoulder guard and his own belt. The one that had been provided for him was a touch too thin to hold the weight of his First Tsurugi comfortably. After seeing the reaction to his massive sword, he'd taken the time to disassemble it and sheathed all the pieces separately along his back.

It felt a little strange to have cloth between the shoulder guard and his skin, but he adjusted to it quickly. He left his gloves on, and they looked a bit strange coming out of his powder blue shirt sleeves. He gave a mental shrug and went back outside to the courtyard, content to sit by himself in the sun.

Kadaj was waiting for him, sitting in the same place they'd been before they'd gone to look around their rooms. The youngest of the Advents was dressed in a light green tunic, brown leather pants, and a pair of the flimsy slippers that the elves seemed fond of. He looked good, sitting in the sun with a happy smile on his face. Cloud noted that he'd chosen to keep his gloves also and briefly wondered at it.

"Hello Ni-san." Said Kadaj, turning to give him a blinding smile.

Cloud nodded back and sank gracefully to the wooden deck that circled the small garden courtyard. They sat in silence, both wondering what to say to the other. Just how did one go about starting a family with full grown strangers?

Cloud frowned to himself, this was going to be harder than he thought.

"Pardon." Said a deep voice from behind them and they sprung to their feet and whirled to face a new elf, dressed in greens and browns and carrying a sword at his hip. Cloud and Kadaj both reached for their respective blades, their fingers curling around the hilts.

Cloud glanced at Kadaj and they subtly shifted their stances to prepare for attack. The new elf gave them an indulgent and amused smile before spreading his hands in a gesture of peace.

"I am Glorfindel, and Lord Elrond has asked me to offer my experiences to you. He tells me that you have died and been brought back. Is this true?"

Glorfindel was a very big elf in Cloud's opinion. All the elves he'd met so far were tall and willowy. Glorfindel was tall, certainly, but broad shouldered and muscular. It was strange to see an elf so built, but there was no mistaking his lineage. He was fair of face with long golden hair, bright blue eyes and gently pointed ears. The ex-SOLDIER looked at him and felt a little jealous, for the elf looked as Cloud had always wanted to look, minus the pointed ears. He studied the other blonde for a moment before deciding that if he attacked, he could take him.

Cloud eased his stance and nodded. He kept a wary eye on the new elf and was careful to maintain his distance. Kadaj looked between the two of them and seemed to be torn. Should he remain suspicious because his Nisan was? Should he accept this new elf as a friend? The Advent felt no malice from the newcomer, and was inclined to be nice to him until he did something stupid.

"I too once died and was returned to life by the Valar." Said Glorfindel, keeping his place until he was invited to join them. He'd never seen such jumpy and distrustful humans in all his long years on Arda. Granted, his dealings with humans were somewhat limited compared to some other elves he knew.

Kadaj smiled slightly and nodded.

"Dying isn't all that fun. But I got to meet my new Mother, so it wasn't so bad." He said, ignoring Cloud's stare.

Cloud sighed a little and then licked his lips. He wanted to go back to his room and brood, or go exploring on his own, but he didn't want to leave his new little brother alone with a stranger. He frowned sharply and crossed his arms over his chest. Kadaj chatted happily with the new elf, Glorfindel, and sent glances his way every so often, but Cloud remained stonily silent.

Yazoo and Loz, for one was very rarely without the other, emerged from their rooms at the same time and wandered over to them, a look of slight interest on Loz's face as he listened to his youngest brother's conversation with the elf.

"Ne, Aniki, Oni-chan, this is Glorfindel." Said Kadaj, gesturing grandly at the elf. Glorfindel bowed a little and smiled.

"What exactly are you calling them Kadaj?"

"It's Wutainese. They all mean 'older-brother' but with different levels of formality and implied respect. Not that we really follow the rules or anything." Explained Kadaj in a chipper voice.

"Can you explain further?" asked Glorfindel, still eyeing Cloud warily.

"Umm…" Kadaj put his fingers to his chin and thought about how best to explain it.

"Usually the age of a brother, or the order in which sons are born dictates how formal the title is." Yazoo drawled as he crossed his arms over his chest and made a point of looking disgusted with the whole situation.

"In our case, the level of formality is based on our personalities." He continued.

"Oh?" asked Glorfindel.

"Sephiroth is the oldest of us, and the most…er…uh." Said Kadaj, eager to pick up the conversation once more.

"Frigid?" offered Cloud, speaking for the first time.

"Well, proper maybe?" countered Loz.

"Serious." Said Yazoo, and the others nodded their agreement.

"Serious then," Kadaj said. "So we call him Aniue, which is the most formal and respectful way of saying 'older brother'. Next oldest is Cloud, but we never really knew him directly, so we called him Ni-san, which is an acceptable way of addressing an older male stranger. Next oldest is Loz, and we call him Oni-chan, which is possibly the most informal and familiar way of addressing an older brother. Next is Yazoo and I call him Aniki, which is slightly more familiar that Ni-san. Understand?"

"I think so." Said Glorfindel and he moved to lean against one of the pillars supporting the awning and watched with displeasure as Cloud moved with him so that the same amount of distance would remain between them.

Kadaj and Loz noticed also and they gave their Ni-san sad eyes. Yazoo glared at his blonde brother, for the movement had brought them closer to each other. Cloud returned Yazoo's glare but held his place.

The atmosphere remained tense until Kadaj asked Glorfindel about himself and the muscular elf obliged him. They mostly ignored the ex-SOLDIER and Cloud sunk quietly into his own mind.

He wasn't sure how he was going to manage this whole building a family thing. He'd never really had a good father figure in his life and thus had no experience with this sort of thing to draw on. He had no idea where to start with them, and the weight of the responsibility and his own lack of direction left him tense with frustration.

He glanced up at the three silver haired Advents as they listened to Glorfindel relate the tale of his own death to them and gave them each a long look, his eyes swirling with conflicting emotions. They were drawing him out of his protective shell of isolation by merit of responsibility and he hated them for it. They were calling for his help in their own quiet ways and he was filled with the protective instincts he shouldn't have felt for them, and it made him uncomfortable. They were offering him his dreams, if he dared to hope, and it scared him.

Most of all though, was what they represented in a whispering, haunted corner of his mind. They were pieces of Sephiroth, the crux of his whole twisted life, and they were his last chance at redemption.

He glanced up as Kadaj laughed joyously at something Glorfindel had said and a small flash of confusing jealousy flared in his chest for a moment before he jerked his eyes away and growled quietly to himself.

He wasn't sure how or why things had happened the way they did, but he knew that somehow, it was his fault. If he'd chosen a little better, worked a little harder, maybe Sephiroth could have been saved. Maybe Zack could have been saved, maybe Aerith and Tifa and Marlene, Denzel and every other person whose lives had been destroyed by his incompetence could have been saved.

Tifa and the others always called him and left him messages like they didn't blame him, but he knew the truth. He knew, and he couldn't bear to look at them and see the proof of all the mistakes he'd made. He knew running away from them wouldn't solve the problems, but it was all he could do. He felt trapped and alone, shouldered with the burden of an impossible task with hundreds of eyes watching him for the slightest mistake. And all of those eyes were Mako green.

"Ni-san?" asked Kadaj, approaching his stormy brother with concern and a soft kind of panic in his eyes. He reached out one hand, not quite touching and let it hang there, waiting for Cloud to acknowledge him. The blond lifted his chin and gave the youngest Advent tortured eyes for half a second before they closed again and Cloud took a deep breath.

He shoved all the memories and all the guilt down, down, down into the box at the bottom of his heart where he kept his past and locked it tight. He looked back up at Kadaj with bright blue eyes, clear and empty.

"Yes Kadaj?" his voice was steady, no hitches or breaks.

Kadaj stared at him for a moment, watching with his own blank eyes and a frown.

"It's nothing Ni-san." He said quietly, trying to smile and failing. His eyes locked onto Cloud's and in that moment, the youngest of the Advents looked a little more sane. Cloud gave him a small, fake smile before he turned and walked away, four sets of concerned eyes following his every move.

End part 5

AN: Ok, so I know I haven't posted in a while, but my muse and I had a huge argument about the LotR timeline and she wouldn't speak to me for a few weeks. We finally agreed on something, but you'll just have to wait to find out what it is! I'll give you a clue though; the fellowship has already departed from Rivendell.