Chapter 14

The drive home started out quiet and relaxed but the further away from the cabin they got, the tenser Abby felt herself becoming. She didn't doubt her feelings for Gibbs, but she was scared that when they got back to work things would return to how they had been before they left. In her mind she ran through scenarios of how Gibbs might try and let her down gently, how he'd tell her it was best for them to go back to being friends. That he wasn't in love with her like he'd said he was, and that the intimacy they'd shared had merely been because they were caught up in the moment. Abby dreaded the irreparable damage that would be caused to their bond by becoming involved and then trying to go back to how things used to be. Having him for such a short time and then being forced to let him go was something she wouldn't be able to cope with.

What would she do if Gibbs rejected her now, after she'd bared her feelings for him so openly? How would she forget what it felt like to be held and kissed by him? His taste and the feel of him would never be erased from her mind; he was everywhere and there would be no getting over him. Abby knew her fears were irrational; Gibbs had given her no reason to think he wanted anything less than a committed relationship but still she couldn't calm her nerves.

They hadn't spoken any further about Shannon and Kelly, or his ex-wives and Abby couldn't help but wonder how each of them would affect Gibbs' relationship with her. She was willing to accept that he was always going to hold Shannon and Kelly close to his heart and she wanted to help him get over the pain and guilt he was still harboring, but his ex-wives were something different all together. Would she make the mistakes they made and how did she avoid Gibbs pushing her away like he had them?

The one thing that worried her most was the thought that Gibbs would wake up one morning and discover that he'd made a mistake. While they had always had a relatively close relationship, from the instant she had told him she loved him everything had changed. Now that they had made the progression from friends to lovers, there was no going back. It was either continue on with their lives together, or continue on apart. She wouldn't be able to work in the same building knowing he was so near and that she couldn't have him. It had been difficult enough to suppress her feelings for him before they had started to form such a strong physical connection.

"You okay, Abby?" Gibbs asked from beside her. His eyes flickered down to her hands in her lap and it was then she noticed she was twisting them over each other.

"Just thinking," she answered softly, forcing a smile to the corner of her lips.

His eyes moved away from the road and temporarily narrowed in on hers. "You wanna talk about it?"

Abby wasn't sure at first whether to tell him about what was worrying her, but decided it was too early in their relationship to start keeping things like this to herself. If she wanted to be different from Gibbs' ex-wives then she couldn't expect him to read her mind. The last thing they needed was secrets between them when they already had so much to work through. Abby wanted to believe that they would remain together after they got home but the only way to find out if any of her fears were justified was to talk to him.

"I don't want us to go back to being friends," she said apprehensively.

Gibbs spun his head around quickly to look at her. "What makes you think we will? I'm pretty sure what we did in the shower this morning, what we did last night, was far from being just friends."

Abby was certain she saw the briefest flash of panic appear in his eyes and she instantly felt guilty. She knew Gibbs wasn't the type of man who would throw their friendship away just for sex; their history meant too much to him. He wouldn't take advantage of her merely to give his body a temporary release. Gibbs wasn't like that, not with her. But now that she had brought it up, it was something that had to be completely laid to rest before both of them could move on, without any doubts.

"I know," she admitted. "I guess I just don't want the pressures of work plus everything else pushing us back to what we were before."

They could both get caught up in cases that came up, and some nights one or both of them didn't leave the navy yard. There was also the worry of how the rest of Gibbs' team would react when they found out, if they didn't approve it could place tension on her relationship with him.

Abby thought that although they may be shocked at first, Tony, Ziva, Ducky and Palmer would eventually adapt, but McGee and Vance, she wasn't sure how they would take the news. There were no rules that stated she couldn't be in a relationship with Gibbs, but Abby just hoped Vance couldn't come up with a way of turning it into an issue. And then there was McGee. Abby and he had both moved on since they had decided being friends was better for both of them, but she still saw the way he looked at her sometimes. There was a chance McGee might be hurt by her being with Gibbs, but there was also a chance Gibbs might make life difficult for McGee if he knew the younger agent still held feelings for her. More difficult than he already did anyway.

Gibbs eased his foot off the accelerator and cars sped past the truck as he focused more of his attention on Abby. "We both went through a lot this weekend...I want more than friendship."

Abby knew the emotional rollercoaster they'd both been on the last four days had taken its toll. They could have easily ended up leaving the cabin with their friendship in tatters if Gibbs had decided he would never get rid of the demons he'd tried and failed to keep hidden. She had come close to losing him but she didn't want Gibbs to think her concerns were a way of trying to force him into saying something she wanted to hear. Abby wanted him to say they had a future together and everything they'd said and done wasn't just because of the circumstances, but it had to be of his own free will.

She shifted sideways on the seat to look at him closer. "I want more than friendship too...I'm just scared. These last twenty-four hours have been so amazing and I don't want it all to fall apart because we're being confronted by a whole new set of issues that weren't there at the cabin."

Gibbs took one of his hands off the steering wheel and reached over to lace his fingers through hers. "We had a lot of issues to get through at the cabin...I had a lot of issues and I still do, but going home isn't going to change how I feel about you."

Abby sighed with relief and accepted his touch. His fingers felt warm around hers, the gentle squeezes offering her reassurance as well as his words. "Nothing will change how I feel about you either."

"Then we'll be okay. We'll make it work, I'll make it work," he said determined.

Abby smiled and lifted their joined fingers to clutch them to her chest. She remembered what Margie had said about how she would need to fight for him, and she had done. Now both she and Gibbs were going to have to do the same to stay together. She kissed the back of his hand then rubbed it slowly against her cheek, loving the feel of his skin and the sparks it generated through her body. No-one could predict the future but at least she knew Gibbs was going into this with his eyes open.

When Gibbs' phone started to ring, he reluctantly pulled his hand away from hers to answer it in his usual gruff manner. Abby only had his facial expressions and his side of the conversation to try and figure out who he was talking to and what they were saying, neither of which were giving much away.

"We're on the way home now," Gibbs said before he turned to look at her. "Abby's fine, she's good...why?"

She noticed the speed of the truck increased as Gibbs refocused on the road ahead, listening intently to the voice on the other end of the phone. When there was a long pause Abby figured that whoever had called must have been talking but when Gibbs glanced at her again, his cheeks a light shade of red she stared back at him, mouthing the word 'what?'

"Yeah, I'm here," Gibbs said into the phone, startled out of his trance and looking away from her. Abby was starting to get worried, not just because of the expressions on his face but because she had no idea who he was talking to.

When he snapped his phone shut moments later without saying another word Abby's concern doubled; something was definitely wrong. "Is everything alright?"

Gibbs turned to her, opening his mouth to speak but remaining silent briefly before he followed through. "Apparently, some concerned local resident called Ray to let him know that we were having sex on his hammock last night...he said he'll bring it back with him next time and we can keep it...to remind me that he doesn't owe me anymore."

Abby couldn't stop the laughter that bubbled up from within her chest. When Gibbs glared at her, she covered her mouth with her hand to try and stop herself, but it was of little use. When they were on the hammock, being seen by someone had been the last thing on Abby's mind; every one of her senses had been too fixated on Gibbs. And even thinking back now she thought the cabin would had been secluded enough that no-one would've seen them. "Where were they, out on the water in a boat with binoculars?"

"I don't think that matters, Abbs...Ray is never gonna let me forget this."

"You know, you really are kind of cute when you're embarrassed," she smirked.

Gibbs scowled at her and she giggled. It wasn't often he got embarrassed so she couldn't help but take some delight in it. The slight blush to his cheeks and the way his brow was furrowed; it was something she rarely got to see. Gibbs was a very private man and Abby was aware that anything beyond hand holding, a simple kiss or a hug in public made him uncomfortable. But being seen having sex...it was a wonder he hadn't swerved the truck off the road. Although she wasn't keen on the idea of strangers watching them, during what had been their first time together, Abby was a little more willing to see the funny side of it.

"You want to go home to your apartment or stay with me tonight?" Gibbs asked and she knew he was trying to change the subject to avoid his awkwardness. Abby grinned and shook her head at his diversion but let the matter drop; she could tease him more about it later.

Returning to his question she felt excitement stir in her, as if there would be any hesitation for where she wanted to spend the night. It had only been a few hours since they'd been together in the shower and already she was craving him. Now that he'd helped to pacify her fears about where their relationship was going she couldn't wait to get him into his bed. She'd slept in it before, but not with Gibbs and the thought of what she wanted to do to him in it made her fingers grip tightly onto the edge of the seat. "I'll stay with you, but can we stop by my apartment first?"

Gibbs smiled at her response and it eased her mind further knowing that he wanted her to stay with him. "Sure. We can pick up some dinner too...then we won't have to go back out."

The rest of the trip passed uneventfully, they chatted about going back to work the next day and discussed plans for the following weekend if they didn't get caught up in a case. Abby loved the thought that she would be spending her free time with him. When she'd come to visit Gibbs at home in the past she'd had to come up with an excuse, but now the only reason she needed was that she wanted to see him, to be with him. She hoped within a few days they would begin to find a comfortable routine, or what could pass as routine with their jobs, and slowly start to build a life together.

Abby realized that in the end Gibbs' ex-wives didn't matter, all she had to do was be herself; be the woman that he'd gotten closer to over the years and the one that he'd fallen in love with. Just as sure as her feelings for Gibbs continued to grow regardless of any flaws or baggage he had, Abby knew her strong sense of commitment and intense desire was returned, and that was something no-one could take away from them.

TBC...