Past and Present Danger

A/N: Thanks, as always, for the reviews. It's lovely to read them and feel so encouraged. Hope you enjoy this chapter and please review!

Chapter 24

Merlin was curled up in the corner of a shielded rock face when it happened. He was still tied up, but even if he wanted to move now, it would have taken far too much effort. Morgana hadn't even bothered to taunt him in the last half a day. Instead she had focussed on using magic against him. She wasn't able to get to him through the protection that was still in place, but Merlin knew that whatever was shielding him from her power was beginning to weaken. He only had to think about his own rapidly deteriorating state to know that. There was no way that he should be this weak after such a short amount of time, which only left him with the conclusion that, while her magic was currently being kept at bay, it was affecting him somehow. How much longer would it be before she broke through the wards and killed him? He tried not to think about it, but there was little else to consider.

But just as he began to contemplate his own looming death for the hundredth time in the last hour, he felt the world pitch around him. He tried to cry out in alarm, but the sound barely made it past his throat. It felt like the world was moving. No, not that the world was moving, but that he was. Fast, incredibly fast. He tried to open his eyes, but the pressure that seemed to be encasing his body made him squeeze them tightly shut. There was a roaring in his ears, intense and piercing, but when he tried to focus on it, he realised that it wasn't sound at all. It was something deeper, something that reverberated through his head. What was happening?

He felt himself come to a sudden stop and the pressure that had been encasing him seemed to billow out in every direction, freezing him for a moment. When everything finally stopped, he was able to open his eyes. For several seconds he just looked round in panic. Where was he? Where was Morgana? Everything seemed familiar, but in a frightening way. Something bad had happened here.

And then he saw King Arthur. In that instant he felt every shred of hope that he had managed to retain knit themselves back together. They had found him!

'Please help me,' he whispered. He only just managed to utter the words.

'Merlin?' Arthur asked, confusion and shock on his face.

'Yes, please…' he tried to swallow to moisten his throat, but it was useless. Understanding his discomfort, Arthur reached for the water skin on his belt. Merlin tried to reach his hand to take it, but his arms just swung listlessly at his side. 'I can't…' he murmured in embarrassment, but Arthur just reached the water skin up to his lips and tipped the water into his cracked throat. The water felt like ice, cool and refreshing. For the first time in days, Merlin felt a smile crawl onto his face. He gulped down the water greedily, but his stomach began to roll uncomfortably and so he stopped. He looked back at Arthur in thanks, but the look on the King's face made him panic. The shock that was there -the sadness, the disbelief- made Merlin realise that something was wrong.

'What is it?' he asked, his voice marginally stronger, but suddenly he realised something that hadn't registered before. 'You've got smaller,' he frowned. And it was true. The King was exactly the same height as him. Arthur opened his mouth to answer, but instead he just shook his head. Merlin was going to ask something else, but he suddenly became aware of the fact that the floor was much further away than he remembered it being. With an increasing sense of panic and confusion, Merlin looked down at his body. He began to shake; the adrenaline rush that had initially given him strength was wearing off. He couldn't hold his own weight, because it wasn't his own weight anymore.

'Elyan,' he heard Arthur shout. The King stepped forward to steady him and another man, one of the knights, joined him, gently grasping Merlin's other shoulder and lowering him to the ground. Merlin couldn't help the whimpers that began to spill from his mouth.

'Merlin,' Elyan whispered. 'It's alright. It's alright.' But Merlin didn't believe him. What was going on? What was happening to him? He looked frantically around and saw another figure someway back; his hands were knotted in his hair as he looked on fearfully, not knowing what to do. The Prince. The Prince who had left him to Morgana. Merlin felt an anger rise up in him that he had never felt before. The Prince saw him looking and shook his head. His mouth opened as if to say something, but no words came out and he took several steps backwards before tearing his way across what Merlin now realised was the clearing where they had first arrived in Camelot. Distracted by his thrashing and by their own confusion, neither the King nor Elyan noticed the retreating figure.

'Kilgharrah!' The King's voice caught Merlin's attention. Elyan was still next to him, still saying things that Merlin didn't believe, but the sound of the dragon's name being called made Merlin turn and look behind him. The creature was watching him with something that could almost be shock and that, more than anything, made Merlin worry. 'Kilgharrah,' Arthur repeated. 'What's happened? What's going on?'

'Merlin made the link. Their physical conditions have been transferred,' he replied. His voice was serene, but there was a hint of questioning in it.

'No,' Arthur argued. 'This is more than a physical connection. This is Merlin,' he said, pointing to where Merlin lay. 'Not our Merlin, that's young Merlin, six year old Merlin.'

'It appears their consciousnesses were transferred as well as their physical states.'

Merlin felt his blood run cold, or not his blood as it turned out; the blood currently running through him was that of his older counterpart. He wasn't even in his own body. He closed his eyes and tried to take deep breaths to quell the panic.

'Where's our Merlin?' Arthur demanded.

'My guess is that he is with Morgana in his younger self's body.'

'How do we get him back?'

'No please, please,' Merlin heard himself whisper. Arthur turned round and looked at him, before crouching down at his side.

'Merlin,' he said, and it was the gentlest that Merlin had ever heard him speak.

'Please, your majesty,' he cried, 'don't make me go back to her, don't make me, don't make me.'

'We need Merlin to put this right. You can't do that, not yet.'

'But she'll kill me. She's starving me and her magic's back. I think she's nearly got through all the shields that were on me,' he replied, unable to keep the terror from his voice. He saw the King's eyes crease with a sort of pain. He took a deep breath and couldn't meet Merlin's gaze for a few moments.

'I'm sorry, Merlin.'

'Please, don't leave me with her again.'

'We are coming to find you,' Arthur told him more urgently. 'Tell me where she's keeping you.'

'I don't know. I don't recognise it,' he said desperately.

'Anything at all.'

'I don't know; she's tied me in some rocks. It's dark, there's rock all around. There's nothing else to see. I don't know where I am.' He tried to get up, tried to reach up his hands and grab Arthur's arms, but he was too weak. He couldn't do anything. Seeing this, Arthur bridged the gap for him and pulled him into a sitting position, moving round so that he was supporting Merlin's weight.

'Arthur,' came Kilgharrah's booming voice. 'Merlin will not keep the link connected for much longer. He is likely just working out what has happened and how to reverse it.'

'Please,' Merlin whispered as the implication of the words hit him.

'What can we do?' Arthur asked desperately.

'Any strength that this Merlin gains here will be transferred into his own body when the connection is severed.'

Merlin didn't understand, but Elyan suddenly leapt up and raced over to where the horses were tied on the edge of the clearing. He ran back with food and water skins in his hands. Merlin felt his eyes go wide as he saw it. Elyan handed it to Arthur who wasted no time in breaking the food up into smaller pieces and feeding them to Merlin, who barely chewed, just swallowed what he could.

'We are coming to get you,' Arthur assured him. 'You just need a little more strength.'

Once he had eaten a little food, they switched to giving him water. He drank as much as he could and even after his stomach began to protest, he forced a little more down. But then he became aware of the pressure once again. He looked at Arthur.

'Please find me,' he whispered and then the roaring in his ears began. He closed his eyes and was gone from the clearing.

Arthur saw the change in Merlin once again. His face became healthier, his body more sturdy and his eyes less sunken, but the shock of what had just occurred kept Arthur frozen in place, until movement from Merlin snapped him out of it. His friend, who was still leaning against him, turned his head and gave him a quizzical look.

'What are you doing?' he asked. Suddenly aware of the fact that he was holding a water skin to Merlin's lips and steadying him where he sat, Arthur leapt up, his face flushing. He tried to explain, but the memory of what Merlin had looked like, of the sound of his young voice pleading and desperate made him want to shut the memory out forever. They had to reach him soon.

'Never mind what I'm doing. What the hell was that?'

'Erm…yes. I think I may have made a mistake with the spell,' he replied sheepishly, climbing to his feet as well.

'Merlin, your younger self was just here, in your body, and he's dying. She's starving him and she's breaking through his wards with magic.'

'What? But when I was there, his body was fine. He was healthy.'

'No, Merlin, that was only because you're healthy,' Elyan replied, seeming to recognise that Arthur was struggling. 'What Arthur said is right. He hasn't got much time left.'

'The connection…' Arthur began, but trailed off when he realised his explanation would be somewhat lacking. Instead he asked Kilgharrah to explain. Merlin listened intently, his face paling as he realised the truth of what Arthur said.

'We need to find him,' Arthur said.

'But he didn't know where he was being held,' Elyan pointed out.

'That's no problem. I know where she's keeping him. I recognised it,' Merlin told them with a grin. 'We can find him, and Morgana wasn't there, so she won't even know the connection's been made.'

'Where are they?' Arthur pressed urgently.

'They're in the west lowlands, by the Esen River. She's hiding out in the caverns of the Esen Gorge. I could smell the lavender that grows in the area and I recognise the formations from a hunting trip years ago.'

'I don't remember a hunting trip to the Esen Gorge,' Arthur argued. 'In fact…' Arthur frowned. Hunting trips? He didn't remember any hunting trips. 'We don't go hunting.'

'Arthur, we always go hunting. You still drag me along now.'

'What?'

'It's your memories Arthur. They're going. We have to be quick.'

Arthur didn't question anything Merlin said. Ironically, he had almost forgotten about their memory loss, but now that it had been brought to the forefront again, he realised that there were more gaps. What were the names of his knights? He could only remember Elyan and he was sure that was because the man was right next to him. He shook his head. They had to be quick. He set to working out the route they needed to take, but his heart sank as he calculated the distances.

'That's two days travel, easily, and we'll have to go back to Camelot.'

'It's two days on horseback,' Merlin argued.

'What other form of transportation have we got, Merlin?' Arthur asked him in irritation. Merlin said nothing else, just grinned and backed up a couple of steps while Kilgharrah moved forward. Arthur just looked at both of them; there was no way in hell that he was riding on a dragon.

'Merlin,' he began slowly.

'Arthur,' Merlin replied, mimicking his tone exactly.

All things considered, Arthur knew that he had no choice but to accept Merlin's suggestion. But the thought of flying hundreds of feet above the ground on a creature that could quite happily eat him and had tried to kill him in the past, filled him with a terror that he was sure wasn't befitting of a King.

'Fine,' he muttered through gritted teeth. 'Elyan,' he called, turning to his knight, who was watching the whole proceedings with a sort of detached disbelief. Arthur was about to ask him to stay here with the Prince until they returned, but a cursory sweep of the clearing told him that the Prince was nowhere to be seen.

'Where's Arthur?' he asked, looking first at Elyan and then Merlin.

'I believe he ran that way after the connection was made,' Kilgharrah said, tilting his head towards the place where Arthur had entered the clearing earlier. Arthur considered asking the dragon why he hadn't thought that was worth mentioning at the time, but figured that if he was about to accept a ride from the creature, he didn't want to annoy him and give him cause to drop him from a great height.

'Merlin, Elyan, make preparations. I'll be back in a moment.'

He didn't wait to see if they would follow his orders; he knew that this time, at least, Merlin would do what he was told.

Instead he tried to work out where the Prince would have gone. The chances were that the whole thing with the mind swap had upset him. Arthur could understand that entirely. There was still a terrible unsettled feeling in the pit of his stomach and he again had to push away the image of Merlin helpless and terrified. The Prince wouldn't have gone far, of that Arthur was sure. It was not in his nature to run from what he was afraid of, but it was definitely in his nature to withdraw from situations that affected him deeply on an emotional level.

It didn't take long to find him. He had not wandered far into the forest. In the end, it was his anguished sobs that alerted Arthur to his location. He hesitated at first, knowing that he didn't like to be seen when he was upset; he had always been taught that showing emotion like that was a weakness, only of late had he begun to accept Merlin's philosophy that at times such displays were a show of great strength and heart. But still he pressed forward, encouraged by the thought that the Arthur before him was not him as he was now, but him as a child. A child who was rarely comforted when upset, but who, Arthur knew, had very much wished to be at times.

With that in mind, Arthur pressed forward and found the Prince kneeling on the forest floor, his head bent low, while his hands tore at his hair and his shoulders trembled as he heaved great cries of anguish and guilt and remorse. The desperation brought tears to Arthur's eyes as he watched his young self try and cope with the consequences of his actions. He had known that pain over and over again, but never at such a young age, not that he remembered, anyway.

But then he must have been through this as well, surely. The scar on his elbow had been proof that the boy in front of him was actually him from years ago. He had knelt face down on this forest floor twenty odd years ago, hating himself for what he had done, unable to cope with understanding the effects his actions had had. He had been there. And he had been in similar places throughout his life, wishing more than anything to turn back time and redo everything. And he had been there when it came to Merlin on more than one occasion, not always so severely, or so heartbreakingly, but he had been there.

It took him a few seconds to realise that there were tears on his cheeks. He watched the Prince, heard his heartfelt apologies into the air and felt his own thoughts echo them. He had done this to Merlin as well, to the Merlin from his time, whether he remembered it or not. He had run away and left him to be starved to death by Morgana, tormented by her. Part of him just wanted to join the Prince on the floor and beg forgiveness along with him, but he couldn't do that. He wasn't that child anymore; that wasn't what his young self needed.

He tried to imagine when this had happened to him. What had his older self done? Had he told him to be a man, to push his emotions down, to put his energy into rescuing Merlin instead of crying over him? He hoped not, because that wasn't what the child needed and it wasn't what Arthur wanted to do. The only thing the boy needed to know now was that he wasn't alone in his despair.

Quietly, carefully, Arthur moved over to the Prince and sat down beside him. The boy, so caught up in his own self-loathing, didn't notice the King until a few seconds later, but when he did he looked up. Arthur saw his reflection in the boy's blue eyes, knew that the boy was seeing the same as he looked at the King.

Before he could question the move or change his mind, Arthur held out his arms to the boy. With no hesitation, he knelt up, climbed onto Arthur's lap and wrapped his arms around his neck, crying desperately into his shoulder.

Arthur wasn't sure exactly what to do once the Prince had hugged him. He enclosed the boy in his arms and held him tightly, while his small fingers dug into Arthur's skin like claws, trying to hold on to him, almost like he expected him to vanish. What was he meant to do now? He really wasn't very good with children. In his future, when he imagined his own children, he always saw Guinevere playing with them and hugging them and comforting them when they were upset. In his imagination, he was more likely to offer his sons a handshake and his daughters a pat on the head. He had no example on which to base anything of more affection. It was only in the few years before his father had died that Arthur had ever received a hug from the man.

But somehow, sitting here with a younger version of himself, the thought of being so aloof to his children, to any child for that matter, seemed ridiculous. He had had to spend years trying to make up for the lack of affection that he had been given, learning how to let people in, to show people that he cared. He wasn't all that good at it now, but he was better than he had been.

He glanced down at the boy in his arms and wondered if this was the first time he had ever truly been held close by someone. But what to do now?

As it turned out, he didn't have to think of anything. The Prince began for him.

'I've killed him,' he whispered in a croaky voice. His words caught in his throat several times.

'No you haven't. We're going to go and find him in just a moment. Merlin knows where Morgana's taken him.'

'He hates me.'

'It's Merlin; he doesn't know how to hate anybody.'

'No, he does. He looked at me and he was so…' he closed his eyes again, a few sobs stealing from his lips. '…he was so angry with me. So angry.'

'Once we find him, it'll be alright.'

'He'll still hate me.'

'Not if you show him how sorry you are when we return with him.'

'What?' the Prince asked sharply.

'If you say sorry-'

'No, I mean.' He got off Arthur's lap and stood up facing him. 'I'm going with you too, aren't I? I want to help.'

'You can't. It'll be quicker if it's just Merlin and I.'

'No please, Arthur. I want to help. I want to show him that I know I was wrong. Just like you said.'

Arthur surveyed his face. There was a determination in it that Arthur knew all too well. And as much as he tried to ignore what the boy was saying, he knew how he felt. He knew what being left behind would mean to the boy.

'Alright, you can come, but you do exactly as I say and no more ordering Merlin around,' he added firmly.

'I won't. I just thought he was right back then.'

'He was, but don't tell him,' Arthur replied. They made their way back to the clearing and Arthur couldn't help but notice how the two of them frantically scrubbed at their faces, trying to remove every trace of tears and emotional responses. He hoped that his attempt was more successful than the Prince's, whose eyes were still red rimmed. At least the boy wouldn't be on the end of Merlin's knowing looks when the sorcerer spotted them. Arthur on the other hand would have to face Merlin's barely concealed grin if the sorcerer spotted that he had been crying.

Thoughts of avoiding Merlin's sympathetic pride, however, vanished entirely when Arthur reached the clearing and spotted a man going through Merlin's supplies.

'Hey!' he shouted, drawing his sword and racing a little further around the edge of the clearing, until he had the sword pointed at the man's throat. Only then did he notice the telltale sign of the red Camelot cloak. 'Who are you and what do you think you're doing with our supplies?'

'Arthur!' Two voices called him. One belonged to Merlin and one belonged to the Prince.

'What are you doing?' Merlin asked, reaching him and breathing heavily after his sprint.

'This man is stealing from us.'

'This man is Elyan,' Merlin told him incredulously, 'one of your most loyal knights.'

'What?'

'Sire, your memories are going.' Elyan said calmly. 'It's me, Elyan. I'm Guinevere's brother.'

'She doesn't have a brother,' Arthur replied with a frown. Did she have a brother?

'Who's Guinevere?' Merlin asked. Now it was Arthur's turn to give Merlin an incredulous look.

'What do you mean, 'who's Guinevere?'' Arthur asked. 'Guinevere. Your friend. My wife!'

'Your wife?' Merlin all but shouted. 'Somebody agreed to marry you?'

'What's that supposed to mean?' Arthur hissed, taking his sword away from the man that was supposedly his brother in law and pointing at Merlin who was supposedly needed alive to help them sort out their current disaster. Arthur wasn't convinced by either of those things.

'Sorry,' Merlin blurted out. 'It just took me by surprise.' He shook his head as if trying to sort out his thoughts. 'When did you get married?' he blurted out, his voice going higher. Arthur rolled his eyes. 'Is there something wrong with…Guinevere?' He said it with such genuine confusion that Arthur felt his temper rise.

'Merlin.' The warning in Arthur's tone could not be mistaken.

'Stop!'

Both of them turned at the sound of the Prince's commanding voice. 'We're wasting time. This is Elyan, he's a knight –even though he's not of noble blood. His sister –who isn't of noble blood either- is Guinevere who also happens to be married to the King. That's you,' he added for clarification, pointing at Arthur. Arthur gave him a withering look. 'Both of you are loosing your memories, but if you want them back we need to go and find Merlin now! So stop arguing!'

His final demand echoed round the clearing, leaving all three men in silence for several seconds.

'I think he's right,' Merlin said after a while.

'Of course he is. He's me,' Arthur muttered at his friend. He was rewarded with a raised eyebrow from Merlin. Trying to focus on the task at hand and mustering as much kingly authority as he could, Arthur turned to Elyan, trying to pretend that he knew him, and at the same time struggling to spot anything familiar about him. He did, Arthur supposed, look a bit like Guinevere.

'…Sir…Elyan,' he said carefully. Elyan gave him a look which suggested that Arthur rarely, if ever, addressed him by his title.'

'Yes Sire?' he replied, equally cautiously.

'I would like you to ride back to Camelot and inform the council and Sir…' he cast around for the name of his chief knight, of any knight, but not a single one came to mind. He couldn't picture them. Did he even have any knights?

'…Sir Leon,' Elyan supplied.

'Yes, Sir Leon. Please inform him and anyone else who needs to know, where Merlin and I are heading. And please let your…sister,' it was almost a question, '… know as well.'

'Of course, Sire,' he said with a bow of his head. 'Do you want me to take Prince Arthur back as well?'

'No, he'll be with us.'

'Very well Sire.'

With that the man handed over the supplies that he had been in the process of moving when Arthur had threatened him with the sword and then led the two horses back into the forest, heading in Camelot's direction.

By the time he reached Kilgharrah, Merlin and the Prince had already packed the supplies onto the dragon and were ready to climb up. He handed Merlin the last few packs and then stepped back beside the Prince. The boy was hovering nervously, several metres away from Kilgharrah's front legs, while Merlin was making his way onto his back.

'Aren't you worried that you'll faint again and fall off?' the Prince called, making no effort to move forward, although it was evidently his turn to climb on.

'No, I think the connection I made with my young self has taken over whatever connection was causing the fainting. I think I'll be fine. Are you coming up?'

'Yes,' he snapped, but remained where he was.

'It seems that Arthur Pendragon is a frightened little child after all,' Kilgharrah mused to himself. Arthur saw the Prince square his shoulders and hold his head high and was conscious that he did exactly the same at the words. The dragon's chuckle whistled around the clearing.

Soon, all three of them were on Kilgharrah's back and Arthur tried not to think of what would happen next. Kilgharrah gave no warning, but with a mighty leap, jumped into the air and flapped his huge wings. Arthur felt the wind whip around his face and held on tightly to the neck spike that was in front of him. He saw the Prince up ahead, clinging desperately to Merlin's back, his eyes tightly closed. Merlin on the other hand looked perfectly at ease, aside from the confused expression on his face. As if sensing Arthur's gaze, he turned back and looked at him.

'What's the matter?' Arthur asked him.

'Did you really get married?'

Had there been anything to throw at Merlin, Arthur would have hurled it as hard as he could at the man's head, but as it was he had to settle for glaring at his friend. This had no affect on Merlin, who simply shook his head in contemplation.

'Must be some girl,' he mused to himself, before turning back round.

Arthur didn't argue with that one. Instead he focussed on every memory he still retained of Guinevere, going over each one again and again in his head, until every detail was so clear in his mind that he couldn't imagine ever forgetting her. Up ahead, the sun finally sank behind the horizon and they flew through the air, black and invisible, like spectres from another world.

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