Past and Present Danger

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Not much action in this chapter, but hopefully plenty of good moments. And then after this chapter the action barely stops! Please review!

Chapter 25

Merlin knew that Morgana was suspicious. Something about the way she was looking at him, about the fact that she hadn't commented on his sudden increase in hope. He was trying his hardest to hide it of course, and what with the hunger and thirst that still plagued him, despite what the King had given him, it wasn't difficult to appear like he was at death's door, but try as he might he couldn't seem to control his body completely. When she was talking to him, or very close to him, it was no struggle to just appear like the frightened child that he was, but as soon as she moved away, he felt himself relaxing, felt the hope rising. He knew that she had caught him smiling to himself on more than one occasion, but so far, she hadn't commented on it.

He knew he should stop, but how could he when they were coming for him, when he had actually been able to talk to them? King Arthur had said that they would come and find him soon and he believed him. His older self trusted Arthur completely, so he knew he could too. If the King said that they were going to rescue him then that was what was going to happen.

Prince Arthur on the other hand... Merlin was still filled with an incredibly powerful anger whenever he thought of the boy. Even more so because of how he had acted in the clearing. He had stood there, looking frightened and all but crying. What did he have to be frightened about? What did he have to cry about? He wasn't the one stuck with an evil witch intent on killing him. Merlin tried to fight back against the furious and vengeful thoughts, but it was more difficult than hiding the hope he felt. He knew it wasn't like him and he could hear his mother and his older self telling him that the Prince regretted what he had done, but some how, this time, that didn't seem enough for Merlin.

And so Merlin tried not to think about the Prince, except when Morgana caught him smiling and he needed to give his emotions a turn around. And now it was just a matter of waiting. Waiting. He hated waiting. He wasn't that bad at it, but it just gave him far too much time to think and reflect and he'd done too much of that already.

So instead, he tried to sleep. When they came and got him, he would need to have enough strength to go with them. He was sure that the King could carry him if it came to it, but what if he had to fight Morgana with Merlin?

Sleep was a long time coming to him and he woke up on several occasions to be met with the darkness of the cave, or whatever it was that Morgana was keeping him in. But it wasn't the darkness that unnerved him. It was the fact that more than once when he woke up it was to sense Morgana right beside him, her breath on his cheek and her hand on his head. The sensation made him want to shudder, but he held still, terrified that she would realise he was awake. At least he would be free of her soon. It was that thought, and that thought alone, that kept him from screaming into the air.

Arthur squinted down at the ground far below them, trying to get some idea of where they were, but even if the moon had given enough light to show the land in detail, Arthur doubted he would have recognised it. He was quickly beginning to realise that travelling the land on foot and soaring above it were two very different things. Nothing looked familiar from this angle. Vast and varied forests became a plush carpet; rivers became silver necklaces laid out across the dark skin of the land.

All Arthur knew was that they had been flying for several hours and that he was uncomfortable. Merlin had very kindly cast some spells to try and ease the feel of Kilgharrah's hard scales, but they seemed to be wearing off and Arthur longed to walk on solid ground once again. Up ahead, Merlin seemed to be watching the stars with child like wonder, while the Prince appeared to have fallen asleep. That didn't sit easily with Arthur, not when they were this high up. It was true that Kilgharrah flew very smoothly, but one wrong gust of wind could send all of them, let alone a sleeping boy, careering down to the ground.

'Merlin,' he called as quietly as he could whilst still being heard over the rush of wind around them. Merlin turned to look at him. 'Can you keep hold of Arthur, he's asleep.'

'I've already put an enchantment on all of us. We won't fall,' he reassured him. Arthur nodded; he should have known Merlin would have thought of that.

'Merlin,' he called again. Merlin turned back and waited patiently. Arthur took a deep breath and struggled to meet his friend's gaze, but he couldn't remain silent. 'I can't remember my father.' Merlin stared at him for a moment and then, in a move which made Arthur's stomach drop, stood up and turned round so that he was facing Arthur. He grinned when he caught sight of Arthur's face and then sat back down.

'Don't worry. Even if my enchantment wore off Kilgharrah wouldn't let me fall.'

'Don't do that,' Arthur breathed.

'Alright,' Merlin agreed. Silence fell on them again, but Arthur felt like he should be the one to break it.

'Do you remember him?'

'Mostly,' Merlin nodded after a few moments. 'Those memories still seem to be there.'

Arthur studied Merlin intently, wondering how the next request would make his friend feel.

'Can you tell me about him?' Arthur watched the change come over Merlin's face; the way he looked away and took several breaths, like he was choosing his words, or feeling uncomfortable with where a conversation was going.

'I'm not sure I knew him well enough,' he said quietly.

'Anything at all will do,' Arthur pressed. More silence, but then Merlin spoke.

'He loved you very much. I think you were the thing he was most proud of and he died with no doubts about your ability to be a great King.'

'Am I like him?' Arthur pressed, realising that Merlin had not really answered his question.

'Sometimes,' he nodded. 'You have the same stubbornness, but I don't think you're so…blinded by it. You have the same passion for Camelot as he did; in fact you are probably more passionate.'

'And was he a good King?' Arthur asked. This time Merlin didn't answer for a long time and only the howling of the night air attempted to answer Arthur's question at first.

'I don't really remember.'

'Merlin.'

'I think he did what he thought was right,' Merlin eventually said. 'But I don't remember all of his decisions being good.' Arthur nodded and mulled over the words. He didn't know why he wanted to know these things now, but with his life's memories disintegrating around him, he was struggling to remember the things that made him who he was. He was struggling to get a grasp of where he came from. He had thought that trying to remember his father again would help, but it hadn't. It had only left him with more questions that he wasn't sure Merlin wanted to answer even if he could remember. He wasn't convinced he wanted to hear the answers either.

'Do you remember Gaius?' Arthur asked instead. Merlin face grew sad at the words.

'I only remember what he looks like. I don't remember him as such. I just have a feeling that I've lost a lot by forgetting him. I don't remember my mother. My father must have been a Dragon Lord, but I can't remember anything about him.' He looked at Arthur hopefully, but he just shrugged his shoulders apologetically. He was at as much of a loss as Merlin was. At the moment neither of them seemed to have come from anywhere, or been anything before the events of the past few days. Their roots were being cut away quickly and without regard and Arthur knew that if things didn't change the only outcome could be their deaths.

'Will we be able to do this, Merlin?' he asked after several minutes of dark silence. Arthur didn't like the sound of defeat in his voice. He didn't feel despair very often, at least he didn't think he did, but somehow he knew that Merlin would be the one to pull him out of it. He was wise; Arthur was sure he remembered that about his friend.

'Well we've obviously done it once before; otherwise how are we here?'

'So there's no chance that we can fail?'

'I think there's every chance we could,' Merlin answered slowly. 'There's no guarantee that everything will happen exactly the same this time round. We still have the opportunity to do things that will lead to us failing, but at least we know that it's possible. We just have to find the right way.' Arthur wasn't sure that the words comforted him exactly, but they gave him a sense of purpose and a clearer focus. He was about the start discussing the plan once they arrived at the gorge, but Merlin spoke up.

'Arthur,' he began quietly. 'What do you remember about us? About the things we've done together? About our friendship?'

They were the worst questions Merlin could have asked him because the truth was that he remembered very little. In fact, a lot of the bond that he currently felt with Merlin was not based on past experiences, but on the knowledge of what he knew their relationship was. He knew that he could trust Merlin, but aside from the rooftop and a few other incidents, he couldn't remember why. He knew that Merlin had magic and that he used it for good, but he was having to cling onto that understanding very tightly. In the past few hours, the memory loss seemed to have sped up.

'Not a lot,' he admitted.

'Nor me,' Merlin agreed solemnly. The unspoken fear stretched out between them palpably in the night air. How could they complete this mission if they didn't remember each other?

'Arthur,' Merlin said; his tone was much firmer now, the determination and desperation in it very clear. 'You have to remember that I am on your side. Whatever else you forget, you have to remember that you can trust me.'

'I know,' he nodded. 'If I forget-'

'You can't.'

'But if I do,' he pressed, 'tell me to look at the scroll in my jacket, alright?'

'What do you mean?'

'It doesn't matter, but if it comes to it, tell me to look at the scroll. It might buy us a little more time.'

Merlin looked like he wanted to ask more, but eventually he nodded his assent. Arthur was going to ask what Merlin would do if he forgot the relationship between the two of them, but he realised, with a sense of shame, that that wouldn't be a problem for Merlin. As far as Arthur was aware, Merlin had never turned against him. At most, he might think Arthur was a prat, but Arthur was relatively sure that Merlin still thought that now anyway, memories or no memories.

The weight of the conversation seemed to press down on Arthur as the night sky passed them by and he didn't want to think about the endless possibilities of what could go wrong over the next few hours. He felt his mind slip into a more practical focus. He was a knight and a king. Even if he couldn't remember the majority of his life so far, he still knew a thing or two about strategy.

'We need a plan,' he said quickly. Merlin nodded in agreement. 'And we might as well wake up Arthur so he knows about it.'

'I suppose having one person in on the plan who isn't suffering from memory loss might be useful,' Merlin grinned. He quickly woke the Prince, who looked confused then terrified as he realised where he was and finally settled into a state of grim acceptance of the situation.

'Are we there already?'

'No,' Arthur told him. 'But we need to have a plan of attack and you need to know about it.' The boy nodded quickly, unable to hide his pride at being included in the process. 'Merlin, what can you tell us?'

'I know roughly where Morgana's keeping him in the gorge, but she may have moved him again over the last few hours, so once we arrive, I'll reform the link and check where he is.'

'Is that really a good idea?'

'It's the only way we can be sure of his whereabouts, otherwise we might waste time heading the wrong way. Once the switch is made, you two need to tell him what's going on. I'll try and keep the connection going for a minute or two, while you give him as much food and water as you can. He'll need whatever strength we can give him.'

'But what about Morgana?' the Prince asked.

'When you made the switch, Merlin told us her magic was back,' Arthur added. 'I don't remember very much, but I'm sure she's powerful.'

'She is,' Merlin agreed, 'which is why I'm going to go and get Merlin on my own.'

'What?' came the joint voices of Arthur and the Prince, their tones identical. Merlin looked back and forth between them and then sighed.

'Neither of you will be any use against her,' he sighed. 'You know that. It'll be easier for me if I don't have to watch out for the two of you.'

'So you want me to stay back and watch the dragon?' Arthur asked incredulously. At the word, Kilgharrah gave a snort and tilted them all violently sideways. Had it not been for Merlin's enchantments, Arthur was sure they'd all be crashing to the ground by now. Merlin was looking at him expectantly, nodding his head towards Kilgharrah's. Arthur rolled his eyes. 'I'm sorry,' he called to the creature. He didn't respond, but a moment later they were flying straight again.

'You need to stay with Prince Arthur,' Merlin added as soon as they were level. Arthur gave him a glare which conveyed exactly how he felt about babysitting.

'I don't need watching,' the Prince retorted. 'And anyway, what if you run off to get Morgana and then forget why you're there? You'll need me with you just to make sure you know what you're doing, even if you do leave Arthur behind.'

'I am not being left behind,' Arthur told him firmly.

'Actually, you both are,' Merlin cut across more firmly. 'This is the best way. And as for Morgana, I won't forget, and neither will Arthur.'

'How do you know?' the Prince asked.

'Because the only things that are truly clear in my memories are the events of the past few days: you, Merlin, Morgana, the time travel. She's central to the whole thing, she started it all. Her magic brought it about. Even if we forget who she is, we'll still know that she's the one we're fighting against.'

'You don't know that for sure,' the Prince retorted.

'Arthur,' Merlin said, asking for some back up.

'He's right,' Arthur admitted. 'I remember those things clearly.' It was true that he could only just remember the fact that Morgana was his sister, but what she had done over the past few days and her remaining intentions were branded on his mind. The Prince looked unconvinced, but eventually nodded. 'So that's it then? You grab Merlin, deal with Morgana and then Kilgharrah will take us back to the clearing?'

'Yes. As soon as we're there, I'll cast the spell which will activate all the others and then everything will go back to normal.'

'You're sure?' Arthur asked.

'Am I ever?' Merlin sighed. 'It's the best I can do. If it doesn't work…' He shrugged.

'It will work,' the Prince nodded; determination in his voice.

They left it there. It was a scant plan at best, but it was the only possible way. Merlin turned round and went back to star gazing and Arthur quickly filled the Prince in on the scroll in his pocket and on where Merlin was keeping the copy of the spell he would need along with the pendant. The boy seemed to take a certain strength from being involved in such a pivotal way and he listened to Arthur with rapt attention, taking in every word. He even turned himself round, as Merlin had done, to make sure that he missed nothing.

'Do you understand everything?' Arthur asked him a few minutes later when he had told the boy anything that could be of use.

'Yes,' he nodded. 'I won't let you down. I'll make sure we rescue Merlin. And I'll make sure that you remember everything that you need to.'

'Good.'

'And then, when I'm older and I have to do this again, I'll know exactly what to do. I'll stop my young self from letting Merlin be captured and I'll make sure that I keep the doors and windows locked to his room so that he doesn't try and runaway and-'

'No,' Arthur told him, a frown on his face. 'No, you won't be able to do that.'

'Yes, I will. It would save all this trouble,' he argued.

'Arthur, you won't remember any of this.'

'Of course I will.'

'No, you won't. I don't remember any of it and it must have happened to me. You are me.'

'But I remember everything,' he said, his forehead creasing in confusions. 'I won't forget. My memories aren't going.'

Arthur debated whether to tell him how those memories would disappear. That was another thing he remembered quite clearly. Merlin deciding that he would erase the boys' memories just before they were sent back. He considered saying nothing, but at least if he did, the boy would be prepared when it happened. He could argue it out now, rather than wasting time when they were being sent back.

'Arthur,' he began slowly. 'Merlin is going to erase your memories of coming here, both of you, before he sends you back.'

'What? But that's not fair,' he said, his voice rising. Arthur could see the fight coming into his eyes. 'Why do you get to pick what we can remember?'

'Because you can't be allowed to remember this. You know too many things about your own future.'

'I don't care! That doesn't matter.'

'Your life has to play out as mine did,' Arthur explained, wishing Merlin would turn round and help him out, but he barely seemed aware of the conversation. 'Otherwise history would be wrong.'

'No! It would just be different!' he snapped and Arthur was shocked to see his eyes glistening. 'Just because you lived your life one way, it doesn't mean I should have to!'

'Arthur.'

'No! I don't care what you say. I won't let him take my memories.'

Arthur felt his anger rising up. Why should he have to argue a point with himself?

'It's not as if this is something you want to remember,' he retorted, keeping his voice even, although his jaw was clenched. 'Which part do you want to think back on exactly? Being locked in the dungeons, being attacked by a witch, leaving Merlin to-'

'Arthur!' Merlin's voice snapped him out of his rant, but the boy had known what his next words would be. Arthur felt guilt fill him as he looked at the boy's shocked and hurt face. 'That isn't why he wants to remember,' Merlin told him pointedly. Arthur resisted the urge to scowl at Merlin; if he'd been listening all along then why hadn't he helped Arthur with the explanation? But then, perhaps this wasn't really about Merlin, or spells, or memories, or anything like that. Perhaps it was a conversation that Arthur needed to have with his young self.

'I'm sorry,' he told the boy. He nodded, but it took several seconds before he looked like he believed the words. 'Why don't you want to forget?' he asked gently.

'Because…' he began, clearly wondering whether his words would just start another argument. He pressed on. 'Because I don't want to forget what I learnt about being a King and about magic and about Merlin. If I don't remember him and if I don't remember that magic can be good, then I'll do horrible things in my future. I'll treat people badly.'

'Listen to me,' Arthur replied, fighting not to give in to the stricken look on the boy's face. The words made sense to him, so much so that he didn't find it hard to believe that he had said those things twenty years ago. How much heart ache could have been spared if he had remembered who Merlin was; if he had known that Morgana had the potential to become evil; if he had understood magic more fully? But those unknowns, as painful as their consequences had sometimes been, had shaped him and made him who he was. 'You will know all these things again one day. And yes, you will have made some mistakes along the way, but you'll learn from them and you'll become stronger because of them.' He sighed. 'I know that you believe these things with all your heart now, but you're only seven years old. What if your father and everybody else in the Kingdom, convinced you that you were wrong? What if you start thinking magic is evil again? What if you remember Merlin's magic and you hurt him because of it or…or even kill him?'

'I won't,' Arthur whispered.

'Can you say that for sure?' Arthur asked him. 'Can you risk it? Because if Merlin does die, then how will you fight Morgana twenty years from now? How will you fight anything magical if Merlin's not here?'

'I don't want to go back to what I was like before,' the boy eventually whispered.

'It's only for a while,' Arthur assured him. 'And one day you'll know that you thought like this,' he continued, smiling at him. 'You'll be sat here, on a dragon, in the middle of nowhere, talking to a seven year old version of yourself and feeling proud that you know what happened all those years ago.'

'Do you really feel proud?'

'Yes,' Arthur nodded.

'Why?'

'Because I know that I had the strength to sacrifice those memories to keep Merlin and everybody else safe. Didn't I?' he asked gently. The Prince realised what was being said to him.

'Yes,' he eventually nodded, his face clearing somewhat. He still looked sad, but there was understanding on his features now. Arthur put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it gently.

Looking up he saw Merlin watching him, with a small smile on his face. He got the impression that in times gone by, the look would have caused Arthur to glare back at him, but strangely he didn't feel like doing that now. Instead he returned the smile and nodded, reaching a hand forward and resting it on his friend's shoulder. He withdrew it after a few seconds and their conversation fell behind them.

A few minutes later, Kilgharrah started his descent, and down below the Esen Gorge became clearer: a jagged jaw line of stone and rock eating away at the land.

Please review.