Sam didn't count lying on the bed watching a movie with Mercedes in his arms as cuddling. It was just his way of copping a feel whenever he wanted.

Honestly. That's all it was.

It had been a couple of weeks since their irresponsible babysitting session. Sam had come downstairs to an awake Stacy in the kitchen, attempting to make herself another sandwich. Poor Mercedes had needed a little more time to recover. Their sex sessions just kept getting better and better.

The way her body rippled and quivered as he slammed into it was a thing of true beauty. Even while he was fucking her he couldn't seem to get enough. It was like his body wanted to be joined with her always. It knew her, every moan, hiss and cry held meaning to him now, each pant and giggle and groan was a secret language to him. The sounds of their frantic wet kisses and bodies slapping together was like music to his ears and he was constantly ready for an encore.

He knew her body now. He had it all mapped out. From the pillows of her lips to the pillows of her breasts, the pillow of her belly to the pillows of her ass. All soft and yet all different types of softness. Her hot mouth that drew him deep into kisses. The same hot mouth that drew his thick cock to ecstasy. The way that she would deep throat him without breaking eye contact. The painful yet pleasurable vacuum that she could create with her mouth, while massaging his balls and making him lose the power of speech and coherent thought. The way that she would hold her heavy breasts together while he pumped his swollen cock between them, head tilted so that she could lick and tease its head whenever it poked through.

The way she tasted. The cream that made her wet tasted fractionally different to when she came. Not very different, but slightly different. He hadn't even noticed at first. But now that he knew her he did. Now that he knew her.

And when she cries his name in the heat of the moment, he does his best to ignore the way it makes his heart beat out of his chest.

But today they hadn't even had sex. She was just finishing her period and still feeling a little grouchy but he really didn't mind. Just being together was enough. And watching The Green Lantern helped. Even now that the film had ended they were still unmoved, comfortably spooning on the bed, hands linked together, just talking.

They did a lot of that. Sam had never been one for just talking, but whenever he was with Mercedes words just seemed to fly out of his mouth. They would spend hours doing it, sitting on the couch, relaxing in her yard, even while cooking together. He told her all about his life, how he struggled with his situation, how he had initially been so angry at the whole world when they first moved into the motel and how he had had to adjust and get used to things. He told her about his old life in Tennessee, grandparents, his school, and even about a couple of the girls that he had been with. They talked about movies, about his dyslexia, his love of sport and love of country music. It hadn't taken him long to let Mercedes Jones in, and sometimes, when the motel room was dark and he was the only one lying awake with his thoughts, it scared him. But not enough for him not to want to be with her some more.

When he wasn't with her he ached. It was a new feeling. And it wasn't a good one. He didn't like to dwell too hard on why it might be happening. Why the fuck was it that suddenly, the last thing he wanted to do at night was to text her goodnight, or good morning when he woke up? Why whenever he saw a girl with a hot ass walking down the street, he would compare it to Mercedes' and hers would always win? Why whenever said hot assed girl walked out of sight he would calmly continue with whatever he had been doing, instead of lusting after her and plotting scenarios in which to make her panties drop?

He traced his fingers along her belly, tickling her slightly and she giggled.

Sam felt the buzzing vibration of Mercedes' phone. She sat up and leaned over to where it lay just out of reach on the bed. The expression of surprise was evident on her face as she read the short message.

Sam also sat up. "Anything interesting?" He was curious to know who could be sending a message to evoke such a response from his girl.

"Er… yeah. It's a party invite. From Marcus."

"Marcus! Why the hell is he texting you?" Sam fought and lost against the feeling that was falling heavily on his chest. He didn't trust the guy as far as he could see him.

She shrugged. "I don't know. He doesn't normally. But he says that the football team is having a party and do I want to come! It's weird. I never get invited to stuff like this." She looked over at Sam. "Are you going?"

"Of course! I'm on the team. But I don't think you should go."

One eyebrow immediately arched up and she stiffened very slightly. "Why not?"

"It's just that- I don't know... I still don't trust him around you."

She chuckled. "But I'm with you silly! I haven't seen or heard from Marcus since summer started. He's probably got some hot girlfriend by now anyway."

"Not as hot as mine!" he leaned over and kissed her softly.

"Hmmmm…" She returned the kiss a little harder. "Besides, I think it'll be cool to finally get the chance to get my grind on with you on the dance floor. When we go to this party we can-"

It was Sam's turn to stiffen. He was having a huge issue with the we part of her statement. "We can get our grind on right here Cedes!"

"True. But I haven't been to a proper party for ages! I want you to see me all dressed up and I want to dance with you again. We haven't danced since prom, and believe me, when I say dancing, I ain't talking about the robot this time!"

Sam smiled but the bad feeling in his chest was not going away. It would be the coolest thing to take Mercedes to this party but he was worried about how seriously they would take her and him. And he wasn't sure how ready he was to deal with it all yet.

"Sam? Are you okay? You're frowning." Mercedes was looking at him, concerned and he realized that he must have drifted off for a moment. "I thought that the prom robot was a good memory!"

"It is!" He shifted his position uncomfortably on the bed. "It's just that I'm not sure we should-"

The eyebrow raised for a second time and Sam knew that trouble was brewing for him. In fact, forget trouble, he was well and truly fucked. "Are you saying that you don't want to go to this party together?" She was slowly and surely backing away from him as her expression hardened.

"Cedes, I thought we already talked about this!"

"We did. And I'm not asking you to parade me around like a prize horse. I just want to be able to dance with you at a party without feeling self-conscious."

"We can still have a couple of dances-"

She was mad now. "Is that all I am to you Sam? A couple of dances?"

"No! It's just-"

"It sounds like you're ashamed of me! I'm not asking for a big announcement. But it sounds like you don't even want to act like we're friends while we there!"

"That's not true!"

"Well that's how it feels to me. Sam, I love being with you, I really do, but I always have this feeling niggling at the back of my brain that you and I want different things from this relationship. Whenever I mention it you always kiss me and make me feel better but it never quite goes away. When it's just the two of us, things are perfect. Things are better than perfect. But only behind closed doors. I know you're waiting to for things to get better with your family first, but what if that takes longer than you expect? Where does that leave us? There's a big part of me that thinks if you don't tell anyone about us then you can leave me when you get tired of me and there won't be any fallout because I'm the only that will know there was ever anything going on with us in the first place!"

Sam's heaviness transferred from his chest to his stomach. He knew that Mercedes had her fears and her insecurities. And he knew that by keeping their relationship a secret, he was fuelling them to some degree. But he had insecurities of his own too. And he had downright confusion to deal with too.

With Mercedes things were different. He was outside of his comfort zone. He was in uncharted territory. And as much as it scared her, it scared him too. Just days before, she had asked him to stay so that he could meet her parents but he had lied and said he needed to rush off. The truth was that he was scared. Scared that they might not like him. Scared that they might learn the truth, the truth that he was not good enough for their daughter.

He knew that he just needed to grow up, man up, and deal with this shit properly, but it was far easier said than done. Was it so selfish that he wanted things to be just as they are? Just for a little longer?

"It's not that I don't want to be seen with you!"

"Really Sam?" The 'judging you' glare was out in full force. "Because you've clearly known about this party for a while - you're in the football team for heaven's sake! But you've not once mentioned it to me. Not even in passing. Let alone invite me to go with you. Marcus has to be the one to do that!"

"It's always about Marcus! You know that guy only wants a piece of your ass!"

"Maybe so. But at least he's not ashamed to be seen with me. Not ashamed to be out with me. Not ashamed to invite me to his party, even tho I'm not a Cheerio or a football player!"

"I'm not ashamed of you Cedes!"

The expression on her face told him that she felt otherwise. He could see the shit winging its way to the fan and felt powerless to stop it's trajectory.

"I'm not asking for big grand dates, but it would be nice to go further outside than the back yard with you!"

"We go to the park!"

"Only with Stacy and Stevie in tow!"

"I'll take you out!"

"I shouldn't have to force you! Just once we've been out together. One romantic picnic by the lake where there's no risk of being spotted by anybody but the local wildlife."

"Cedes that's not fair!"

"No Sam! This is not fair!" There were tears in her eyes now and he was feeling like the biggest douche on the planet. "You make me fall for you but you don't let me be with you. And all I want to do is be with you. I want to be with you so badly. Is that so wrong of me?"

He shook his head. He wanted to be with her too. It was just too scary to admit right now. He brushed away a stray tear that finally broke free and fell down her cheek but she quickly slapped his hand away.

Sam felt more pain in his chest than in his hand at that reaction. "Please don't be like this!"

"Like what? You get to act like a jealous bear with a sore head at the very mention of someone who I'm not even interested in, yet whenever I ask about our actual supposed relationship you get all cagey." She unfurled her legs and slowly climbed off the bed. Sam followed her with his eyes, unsure of where she was going with her speech until she continued. "Like it or not Sam, I am going to this party. You don't get to dictate to me what I can and cannot do in my life. I am going to have my fun. And if I can't have it with you, then maybe I'll have it with someone else instead!"

For fuck's sake! It was Sam's turn to get to his feet. Something was very wrong here. And he needed to fix it. Quickly. But he didn't know how. He had a track record of falling at every hurdle with this relationship. "What do you mean with someone else?" he asked slowly.

She straightened her spine and looked defiant. "You are going to this party alone. That means, to every girl there that night, you're fair play. And they will be making a play for you and your hot self. That leaves me with two options. The first is to sit and pine while other girls try and put their hands on you. The second is to make myself look fine and grab myself a piece of the action. If Marcus wants a piece of my ass then maybe I should make him work for it on the dance floor. Or any other guy for that matter!"

The thought of that happening made Sam feel physically sick. "Other girls mean nothing to me Cedes."

"Then prove it!"

"I can't-"

"No Sam. It's not that you can't it's that you won't. And I'm getting sick and tired of the way that we keep stepping around each other without dealing with the real issues at hand. Am I being unreasonable? I feel like I'm yours, but you're not completely mine."

He felt his shoulders slump. He'd been here before. He was screwing it all up again and he knew it. "It's complicated Mercedes" was the best he could come up with. Even to his own ears those words sounded pathetic. That feeling of déjà vu was back. However hard he tried, he always seemed to be on a crash course to screwing things up.

He could fix this! He had to! "Mercedes?" He said her name softly, smiling as he watched her shudder at the way that he pronounced her name. "Why are we arguing like this? Why do we argue?" His voice was soft and he slowly ran a finger down her arm.

She shrugged sadly. "Because something's not right. This relationship does not feel completely honest. And if we can't be honest with each other and ourselves, then it can ever work."

"What do you mean we're not being honest? I've told you more about me than about anyone!"

"That's true Sam. Maybe you're being honest with me but not with yourself. Why are you even with me?"

"Because you're awesome! You're beautiful and you're fun and…"

"And what? Loads of girls are beautiful and awesome and fun. Why me?"

Because I'm crazy about you? Because the thought of being crazy about you scares the living shit out of me? Because when I'm at home and think of you I see more than I've ever seen before? "Because being with you makes me feel… nice!"

Pure and unrelenting fury flashed across Mercedes' face.

Sam wasn't an idiot. He knew that he had picked the worst possible word to describe a relationship with a girl, but try as he might, he couldn't think of a way to fix it. Not without admitting something he was not yet prepared to admit to himself.

"Nice?" She was livid. "I gave you the greatest gift I could give another person because I thought you felt something for me and the best you can come up with is nice?"

Sam swallowed. He could feel his world crumbling around him and felt powerless to stop it from happening. He was totally fucking this up and it felt like he was watching it happen around him in slow motion. Mercedes' voice went beyond anger to slow and calm. "Get out Sam!"

"Wait! You can't just-"

"I can and I am. LEAVE!"

"But we-"

"There is no we. There is no us. There is nothing Sam. If you can't tell me why you want to be with me then you'll never be able to tell others. You're never going to do it Sam. And I can't be in a relationship like that."

"That's not fair-"

"Life's not fair. This relationship is not fair. It's not fair to me. So I'm ending it!" She pushed him towards the door.

Five minutes ago Sam had been content. And now he was losing the only girl he had ever fucking cared about. Tears were streaming down her face and it broke his heart to see them but he knew that she was determined. An angry Mercedes was best left to calm down in her own time. But it didn't stop him from trying one last time. "Can't we just-"

"No we can't just anything. It's over Blondi-"

This time he spun back towards her, angry. "You know what Mercedes! I hate it when you call me that! It's offensive and hurtful and-"

"And maybe I want to offend and hurt you coz that's what you've just done to me!"

It hurt. It really did. But he couldn't let her have the last word. He grabbed her by the wrist and leaned in close one final time, totally invading her personal space, his lips just so close to her ear that he could feel the heat radiating from her skin. "And we both know that I'm not a true blond!" He whispered. Sam took small pleasure in the fact that her breathing still hitched due to his proximity. But that was as good as he could expect to get right now. "See you at the party!"

With that, he released her and without a backwards glance turned to the house.

It was only when he was outside that he finally ran his fingers through his hair and quickly caught the wetness in his eye before it had a chance to fall.

Thanks Emz. You know what for.

Party... smut... i'm looking forward to the next chapter!