Hello again everyone! I'm sorry for the delay in posting this, but I decided to wait until I got some reviews on it. I do appriciate all of the people that have added me to their story alerts, that tells me that you are reading, but it doesn't tell me if I've done anything wrong. If you see any mistakes, or have any suggestions on the plot, please tell me. I'd really like to know what everyones thoughts are on this. Not only that, but the reviews are what keep me going. If no one reviews, then I will eventually just give up this story as a lost cause. So, with that being said I would like to thank my one and only reviewer: Toola! Thank you sooo much for your kind words! This chapter is for you! I hope it pleases you. :)

Any questions so far? no? then on to the story!

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

Chapter 5

I woke early, before the sun even rose, the sky still bathed in black outside my window creating an eerie darkness across the still atmosphere. I had no idea how long I had slept this time and didn't really care. I opened my eyes and quickly scanned the room. I needed to get out of here; that was my only thought. I looked over at the dresser across from the bed wondering if there was any real clothing inside. I noticed Duo had not stayed the night with me this time, he probably got kicked out by the many nurses after they had to sedate me. I wasn't going to stick around for them to pump me full of anything else. I had enough and was going home providing I still had one at this point.

Making up my mind I swung my legs over the bed and slowly stood. My legs wobbled in weakness, it had been months since I last stood and walked. I grit my teeth with grim determination and padded my way over to the dresser only stumbling once in my weakened state. Once I got to the dresser I silently pulled open a drawer and was pleased to see jeans and a plain green t-shirt in there. I quickly dressed, looked around for anything I might need to take with me, not seeing anything of value I silently made my way over to the door. I opened it just enough to look out. The halls were deserted this early in the morning, only one single Nurse was behind the counter looking through some magazine in her obvious boredom. Perfect for me. Willing her to remain distracted I quickly slipped out and was in infiltration mode once more, my weak legs forgotten about for the time being. I didn't want to be seen, so I wouldn't. I made it all the way to the Elevator without being spotted. I decided to use the stairs since I would be to vulnerable in the elevator. I got down the four flights easily and slipped outside with no one the wiser. Then I realized I had made a huge mistake. It was the middle of winter, all I had was house shoes, jeans, and a light t-shirt. I would never make it home like this. I couldn't go back though! I refused to set foot back in that place! Deciding on a plan of action I walked out into the parking lot and made my way to employee parking. Seeing the guard in the small guard house, I crept up and tapped on his window then ducked down out of sight. I did this several times until he got so annoyed that he came outside. The moment he stepped out, my hand slammed down onto the back of his neck, rendering him unconscious. I dragged him back inside, took his warm coat and shoes and keys and made my way back outside. Inside the guardhouse was all the tools I needed to break into any car, so I grabbed a window jimmie and went over to the most inconspicuous car I could find; a small older model ford focus, perfect. I wasted no time in breaking in and hotwiring the little car. Once I got it started I said a silent apology, promising to return the car at a later date, and drove away.

Once out in town I realized I couldn't remember my address. I had no idea where I was going. I wracked my brain, trying desperately to remember where Duo's house was. After driving around for a good hour with no luck I pulled over beside an old phonebooth. Slamming my fist into the steering wheel in frustration I had to just sit for a minute and think. I didn't know the address, but I knew the name. I looked at the archaic GPS unit that was in the car with me and sighed. I doubt it would pull up Duo. He's only lived there for about a year, but it was worth a try. I went to the search area on the old thing called a 'garmin', man, people of old earth came up with some weird names for things. I typed in Duo's name, D-U-O M-A-X-W-E-L-L and was surprised at this list of results that came up. A ton of Maxwells popped up, but no Duo Maxwell. I sighed in frustration; there were three thousand Maxwells in the city of Sanq alone. Then a thought struck me, we didn't live in the city! We live just outside of it! I exited out of that screen and looked at a map of Sanq and the outlying areas. I must have been studying the map for a good hour before memories slowly started to come back to me. Plainfield rd! That was the name of the road our house was on! But I still couldn't remember the number. At least now I had a place to start. I backed up to GPS and typed in Duo Maxwell- Plainfield Rd. Two results popped up this time, a Duane Maxwell and a Deann Maxwell. One lived about a hundred miles away, so I clicked on the Duane Maxwell which was only 15 miles away and figured that must be it. I drove the whole way in silence hoping everything would start to look familiar soon.

I followed the GPS all the way to the start of Plainfield rd before turning it off. This was it, this should be home. I still didn't recognize anything, but that didn't matter I remembered what the house looked like and the fact that it was at the end of a road. I finally reached the end of the road and saw only trees. I was surprised, I know I remembered a house being here! Theres the forest…. I didn't dream up the whole house did I? I decided to wait until morning to finally arrive before making any more decisions. I turned the heat up full blast for a bit before turning the car completely off. I only had to wait about 2 more hours before daylight hit, so I should be able to last that long with no problems. I leaned my chair back and closed my eyes, hoping to get a little bit of sleep. The sun peaking over the trees is what finally woke me as daylight hit with full force. It was a little later than I meant to sleep, but as I sat up and looked around I decided that it was just fine. I smiled as I finally spotted the small driveway to our house hidden by the trees. I cranked the engine over and rolled up to the house. I don't know how long I sat there just staring at the house that I thought was too good to be true. I quickly got out of the car and made my way through the gate and up to the front door. I was just running my hand over the beautiful art when the door swung open and I came face-to-face with my love, Duo Maxwell. He was obviously on his way out the door and juggling a lot. He had a doughnut shoved in his mouth, a paper in one hand, and a coffee mug in the other. His eyes about bugged out of his head when he saw me, I couldn't help it. I smiled, "Duane Maxwell I presume?" and just before his doughnut could fall I reached out and grabbed it between my own teeth. He was so dumbfounded that he didn't even know which way to go. I took a bite of the doughnut and immediately felt bile rise up in my throat. I forced that one bite down anyway, now was not the time to show weakness. After swallowing I smiled at him and gently took his coffee mug from his hand before he dropped it and risked injuring us both. "He-Heero? How? Why? When?" he sputterd. I just laughed and gently pushed him back into the house. I led him to the couch and gently pushed him down onto it. After he was seated I took the paper from him and set it and the coffee mug down on the table. Once everything was out of the way I eased myself down onto the couch, only instead of sitting beside Duo, I straddled his thighs and sat right down on his lap. This seemed to help him get over his shock and he wrapped his arms around me pulling me closer. I put one hand on either side of his face and pulled him into a deep kiss. I poured everything into that kiss, all my love, wants and need for him as well as my happiness at finally being home again. It was a mind-numbing, toe tingling kiss that left us both breathless.

Once we pulled away from the kiss I rested my forehead against his and smiled. He smiled as well and stated the obvious, "wow!" he said. I laughed, yes I had to agree. Wow was right. I hugged him tightly and layed my head on his shoulder. He ran his hand up and down my back slowly rubbing away any tension I might have had. "Why didn't you wait for me Heero? I was planning on bringing you home as soon as possible. Did they release you? Or did you just leave? What happened?" he asked and I was obligated to answer. I didn't want to tell him that I broke out, that I wasn't strong enough to stay in that place even a moment longer, but, before I could stop it the words came tumbling out of me. I told him everything, how I escaped, how I knocked out the guard, stole the car, and even how I couldn't remember our address. That was the hardest part, telling him I had forgotten where we lived. He didn't say a word throughout my whole speal and looked like he was about to say something when the phone rang. He reached over to the side table and picked up the one that was there, "Maxwell," was all that was said in greeting. "Uh huh, yes. He's here with me." A pause while the other person spoke "No, I understand but he is not going back there. He's had enough of hospitals and so have I. I will be able to take care of him just fine here." Another pause and a flash of anger through Duo's eyes, "Absolutely not!" he yelled, "No, the car is here and it is fine I will bring it back myself and issue a full apology to the guard. I don't care what lawyer I have to get, I will make sure that Heero is never in a hospital or a jail ever again. If the only crimes you can come up with are auto theft and assault then you won't win buddy. I've got Quatre Winner and his lawyers on my side. You wouldn't want me to press charges for everything that was done to Heero while in your Psychiatric ward now would you?" a pause with an evil smirk. "That's what I thought. I'm glad we understand each other. Heh, you too buddy…" he all but slammed the phone down. "I can't believe those assholes! They had the gall to want to press charges for your leaving, knocking out the guard and grand theft auto moves. I can understand the guard and the car thing but leaving? I didn't realize it was against the law to leave on your own!" I smiled and kissed Duo right on his currently pouting lips. "I'm sorry Duo, I seem to be nothing but trouble to you. " Duo immediately stopped pouting and hugged me tight. "No Heero, don't ever think that you are trouble. I love you and would do anything for you."

We sat holding each other silently for a while after that, just enjoying the moment. The elation that I felt to be home with Duo in my arms was indescribable. Neither one of us moved for the longest while, until I heard a knock on the door. Groaning in frustration Duo gently pulled away from me and walked over to the door. With a growl Duo roughly swung the door open, a scowl already on his face for the offender that dared to disturb them already pasted onto his face. Once the door was open Duo's scowl almost immediately left his face as recognition dawned on him followed quickly by surprise. The person standing there was one of the last people Duo expected to see on this particular day.

Quatre Winner stood just outside the door with a very serious look on his face. The two were silently staring at each other through the door, one in shock, the other with an unreadable yet determined look in his eyes. Quatre swallowed once before finally speaking up, his voice coming out sounding desperately solemn, "Hello Duo, " he said. "Is Heero here? I must speak with him." Duo sighed and pulled the door open wider waving his arm in Heero's direction and allowing Quatre to step fully inside the house. Once inside Quatre looked over to where Heero was seated still on the couch, a look of relief instantly passed over his face before he broke out in a soft smile, "Heero." He stated before quickly striding over to me. Quatre kneeled on the soft plush rug in front of the couch before grasping my hands in his own. "Heero! I'm sooo glad to see your alright!" His eyes bore into mine pleading with me while sending me all the concern he could. I couldn't help it, I smiled, "Yes Quatre I am alright. Much better now that I am home." I looked up at Duo who was now standing beside the couch, looking down on the us. I reached over and grabbed Duo's hand, holding it tightly. "This is what makes me alright Quatre, without Duo I wouldn't have made it." My eyes never left Duo's whileI spoke, silently conveying to Duo what words could not. Quatre smiled, eyes darting between us, "I'm so glad you two are happy together, I always knew you were meant for each other. But, that is not what I came here for, Heero, we really must talk." He was still kneeling in front of me as I nodded slowly, "Alright, but lets get a bit more comfortable first? Duo?"I glanced back to Duo as he responded with just a silent questioning look. "Would you care to make us some tea, Please?" I asked. He gave a soft smile and nodded once before turning on his heel and almost bolting to the kitchen. "Quatre please, have a seat up here. I promise I wont mind if you sit next to me." Quatre smiled letting out a soft chuckle before plopping down beside me. "Ok, Heero. I think you know what I am about to talk to you about." I nodded I had a really good idea anyway, "The Zero system?" I ventured. He just nodded solemnly. "Heero, I am truly sorry that I did not tell you of this sooner. I had my breakdown a while ago and should have warned you and offered help right away. Instead I hid it from you, from as many of my friends as possible. I was ashamed that I had lost control, I thought you guys wouldn't trust me anymore. I thought I would lose all of you if you found out." I snorted at this drawing his attention back to me and away from his fidgeting hands in his lap. "I was being stupid, I know that now and I'm really really sorry. I cannot tell you enough how sorry I am. I-" I cut him off with a raised hand before he continued. Looking him straight in the eyes I spoke softly, "Quatre, you had no way of knowing when or if the same thing would happen to me. It did, but that is in no way your fault. As for everything that happened after my episode, you certainly couldn't have known that would happen! Quatre, please do no beat yourself up about this. It's not now, or ever was in any way, your fault." Quatre seem to brighten up at this and raised his head and eyes, smiling at me. "Thank you Heero. I am very glad to see that you feel that way. I truly do care about you." He looked over my shoulder then at Duo who had just appeared behind me. He was now scowling while holding a tray laden with tea cups and a tea pot. He quickly set it down on the coffee table and looked from me to Quatre in question. I reached up and snaked my arm around his waist pulling him down on top of me. I meant to have him sit on my lap, but as soon as his weight settled on me fear welled up within me as memories started to surface. Duo seemed to sense this and without missing a beat quickly stood up, pulled me up, and we swapped places. Now I was sitting on Duos lap, the fear slowly fading away. Once we were settled Duo finally spoke up, "So whats this about you caring for my boyfriend?" he asked with a mock glare aimed right at the young blond. Quatre just giggled, "That's right Duo, I care about him. He's no Trowa tho, so don't worry. He's safe from me" he winked at Duo then making Duo laugh softly. "So, what did I miss?" he asked. I snorted, "Quatre being stupid." I gave no other explanation and Quatre just shrugged.

We lapsed into silence for a minute before Quatre cleared his throat and hesitantly continued, "Heero, I have an idea I would like to run by you". I raised an eye brow in question urging him to continue. "Heero… I know this will be hard for you, but please hear me out before you deny me. Please?" I nodded once, watching as he poured himself some tea and took a small sip. "Heero, I would like to offer you the services of my Therapist." At my immediate scowl he started talking faster. "Please know that I would never offer up the services of someone that I didn't trust completely. I realize you have had a terrible time with "Therapists" so far but she is really good. I promise. She's the one that helped me get on with my life after my zero attack. She also has a history of doing wonderful things for victims of sexual assault" My eyes narrowed. I understood how he knew about my Zero system attack, that one was obvious, but how did he know about the rest. "Quatre…" my voice started, sounding dangerously low. "How much do you know, and how do you know?" His eyes widened his mouth going into a small 'O' of surprise. He apparently didn't mean to say that last part and slipped up a bit. "Heero, please understand I was just very worried about you. I consider you to be my family and I had to know what happened to you. You're not the only one that is good with computers you know. If it helps any then I swear I didn't tell a soul. Not even Trowa. I just told him the basics of what happened, but not all that was recorded." His hands were twisting around themselves in his lap again, obviously nervous. I took a deep breath willing myself to not get mad, it was too late now anyway. "Fine Quatre, but next time, why don't you try just asking instead of hacking your way into my private life!" Duo's arms tightened around me then, offering silent reassurance. Quatre looked slightly hurt at my sharp tone before letting out a quick apology. "I'm truly sorry Heero, I meant no offense. I thought… I don't know what I thought, but at the time I believed what I was doing was justified, although I realize now that it was not." I nodded, showing that I had accepted his apology. "So," he began before the silence could overtake us again. "About my Therapist, please at least give her some thought. I swear she is trustworthy and dependable. I know that right now you don't want to talk to anyone about anything, but if you don't get immediate help for this, it could destroy you later on down the road. Please Heero, at least think about it." He glanced at the clock then and slowly stood up. Putting his now empty tea cup down he smiled down at us, "Well, I really must be going. I have a shuttle to catch and I've taken up enough of your time as it is." Duo and I quickly disentangled ourselves and stood up to escort him to the door. Once at the door we said our quick goodbyes, hugs were exchanged along with promises to keep in touch, and he was out the door and into the waiting car.

Duo slowly shut the door before turning back to look at me. I suddenly felt very weary, I wanted nothing more than to just go into my bedroom and close the door to the rest of the world forever. Duo held his arms out to me and without hesitation I took the one step forward and leaned into him, his arms instantly wrapping themselves around me. "Why don't you go lay down while I make us something to eat?" he whispered in my ear. I nodded silently and pulled away gently before striding back into my old room and collapsing on the bed, I was asleep the moment my head hit the pillow.

I opened my eyes to a blinding light, I couldn't see anything other than the light that was right in front of my face. I turned my head to try and see something, anything, beyond the light. Without warning the light was moved to the side and his head appeared in my field of vision. I tried to scream but no sound came out. 'No! He's dead! I killed him!' He laughed, that evil, crazed sound reverberating off of the walls. "Whats wrong my little Heero?" he hissed. "I killed you! Your dead!" he laughed louder, "Now, Heero, you know that's not possible. You could never kill me. You have been out cold for a long time though. I must have given you too much in that last dose of 'Scopolamine'. This drug can cause you to hallucinate if too much is given, of course the others can too, combine all of them and your sure to see something. Did you see something my little Heero?" I blinked, this couldn't be real. How could this be happening again? I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping to transport myself back to my house with Duo. I felt a few tears slip out and start to trail down my cheek, a hand came up and almost gently, wiped them away. "Ah, Do not worry my little Heero. I will always be here to comfort you. I am a part of you now, and will never leave you." The hand pulled away then and when no other touch came, I slowly opened my eyes and looked over at him. He had another needle in his hand, I took one look at it and panicked. I started to thrash around madly noting that this must be real, since I could not use my arms. He laughed and brought the needle closer, I screamed and thrashed and squeezed my eyes shut. I felt a hand brush over my forehead. A voice was whispering in my ear, "My little Heero" it was saying. I heard my name over and over "My little Heero"
"My Heero." It was getting softer now. I must be losing consciousness. Funny, I didn't even feel the needle go in this time. "Heero…" again, still softer yet, I've stopped thrashing now and fresh tears are spilling down my cheeks. "Heero!" the voice is starting to sound different now. It's taken on a new octave and has a more urgent tone to it. I can't imagine why that bastard doc would sound urgent but there it is. "Heero!" more urgent still, but I can't do anything about it. My eyes feel too heavy, I can't open them. "Heero…. Please!" I squeeze my eyes for another second before slowly opening them again, I didn't want to see the bright light or the surrounding darkness. I didn't want to see the doctor in his pristine white coat and matching silvery hair. I didn't want to see any of it, because if I saw it I would know that my being back with Duo wasn't real, and it had to be real. I was still crying causing my vision to be blurred. Nothing looked familiar, blurred as it was, all I could see was light surrounded by darkness. I was still there! I started to struggle to free my arms, but they were pinned down, as usual. I started thrashing again. There was a weight on top of me once more, this realization made me thrash even harder, "No! Get off! Leave me alone!" I was screaming and fighting with every bit of strength I had. In my panic I had closed my eyes again, anything to block out what I knew surrounded me. "Heero! Calm down!" The voice again, only it was different this time. Something in the back of my mind kept telling me to listen to this voice, but I ignored it, my current panic too great. I began struggling more now, I knew I had to break free; it was my single thought, my only focus. The weight on top of me changed its position letting out a colorful stream of curses as one of my legs met them in a solid kick. As my struggles gained in strength, slowly the realization dawned on me that my arms were in a different position than usual. They had been tied so that my arms were straight with only my wrists bound by a thin rough rope. Now though, it felt different. My arms were pinned to my sides with the heavy weight that was on top of me. Also my legs were free, and I was no longer laying on a hard surface but a soft one. Once all of this became clear I stopped all struggling and went very still, keeping my eyes closed in fear of it all being a dream. "Heero?" came the soft inquiry. No, it wasn't real! I couldn't trust it to be! "Heero! It's alright! Open your eyes!" the voice again, only now it was sounding more panicked then before. I was no longer crying at this point and slowly opened my eyes expecting to see that damned light above me or white ceiling, what I did see was so much more than I could have hoped for. What I saw made me feel like a man lost in the desert coming face to face with an oasis, one that he thought was an illusion, only to find out it was real. I opened my eyes and was met by deep violet orbs staring back at me, full of concern, pain, and yes, even terror. I blinked a few times in disbelief before slowly looking around. I was in my room…. I looked back at Duo he was on top of me his arms pinning mine to my sides while sitting on my legs. It was Duo all along. Realization hit me then, that I could have seriously hurt Duo. The very thought made me nausous and I could feel bile rising in the back of my throat. I could have hurt Duo… I could have seriously hurt him!

"Heero…its me…. You know that now right?" He asked searching my face waiting for a response. I nodded dumbly, too afraid to speak. The words wouldn't come right now anyway. He slowly released me and moved off me to lie beside me on the bed. I felt the tears rise up in me again. I couldn't believe all this. Me, the Perfect Soldier, reduced to this…. This, weeping weak mess that couldn't even keep himself together for five minutes! I couldn't understand how I became like this. I couldn't even protect myself, how could I ever even hope to protect Duo in the future? I was so lost in self doubt and hatred that I didn't even notice when two arms wrapped around me from my right side. "Are you ok now, love?" Duo asked, squeezing me gently. "I was really worried ya know? You really scared me." I still couldn't look at him. I could only think to myself, 'great! Now he's afraid of me!'. "Heero… can you tell me about it? I mean, you were sleeping peacefully at first then suddenly started screaming." He paused for just a moment appearing to gather his thoughts. "You wouldn't stop screaming and I went to wake you up, you got even worse. I thought if I just said your name you would wake up, but you didn't. I shook your shoulders but that didn't seem to help either. Finally your thrashing was so bad that I knew I had to restrain you before you hurt yourself. I'm sorry Heero, I'm soo sorry! I should have realized that me restraining you would make you think the worse." I could feel him start to shake and knew that he was fighting with all he had to hold it together and appear strong. I rolled over in his arms so that we were face to face. "Duo," I started. "I'm sorry. I…I didn't know it was you. I thought… " I had to choke back a sob. Gods above I was so weak, a grown man crying like a baby over a mere memory. He rubbed my back and soothed me with his words, "Shhh, Heero. It's ok love. You didn't hurt me, well maybe my pride was a little hurt but that's it. You're even stronger than me in your sleep!" I gave a soft snort at this. I knew he was trying to make me feel better, but the only thing that saying that let me know was that I could have really truly hurt him, even though I was "asleep". This line of thought brought my mind back to my so called dream. "Duo," I said softly fighting back more tears. "I don't know whats real anymore!" He looked startled by this revelation but wisely said nothing, knowing that I would elaborate on my own. "That dream…. It felt real! I could feel everything; the hard metal table biting into my back, the feel of skin on my head as his hand touched me, the light burning the back of my eyelids. I could even hear his voice. He said that the drugs he gave me caused me to hallucinate all of this, and he wanted to know what it made me see." The more I said the faster it came out, in a panicky rushed tone of someone on the very brink of insanity. I was shaking now, all over but no longer crying. "Heero, don't worry. I promise this is the real deal. I'm here with you now. Focus on that. As for the rest, I can explain most all of it." I stared at him blankly, not compelling him to elaborate, but not stopping him either. He went with the former and decided to continue, "As far as feeling the hard table under you, you felt that for so long that your mind has that feeling imprinted in you. You could probably close your eyes right now, remember it, and truly believe that you are feeling it. It's the same with his voice, you heard only his voice for months so it's been imprinted into your mind. As for the light, when I walked in here you were facing the wide open window and the sun was pointed right at your face. It was burning the back of your eyelids. So I'm guessing that's what brought that on. Look, it doesn't matter, all that matters is that you are here with me now." He squeezed me again dropping a kiss on my forehead. I stayed silent for a moment. What he said made sense. I sighed, "Maybe I should take Quatre up on his suggestion….I don't want to be forced back there every time I go to sleep". He nodded. "I think that would be a wonderful idea"

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

Another chapter down! I'm not updating again until I get 5 reviews! So start reviewing people!

Heero: Review or omae o korosu!

Duo: Don't make me go shinigami on your asses!

Tsu-chan: I warn you all, things are about to get even crazier! What will happen next?

Preview of Chapter 6:

A violent shiver tore through me as my thoughts turned dark and focused around what could have been happening to me during the times I was out. Was I even out? Or was I just too drugged to remember what happened? Did he play with my memory too? I was suddenly very angry and if I could go and kill the bastard again I would. I was currently laying in my bed with Duo curled up asleep next to me and since at that moment I couldn't hold in my anger I turned to the wall and roughly slammed my fist into it, crushing through the dry wall and plaster creating a nice sized whole.

I lay there in the darkened room for quite some time, just listening to Duo's steady breathing, his hot breath ghosting across my shoulder. The sound was oddly soothing and I found myself concentrating on that alone. I am unsure as to the amount of time that I lay awake, maybe an hour, maybe a minute, who knows, but gradually I noticed a new smell in the air. It came on suddenly, like a change in the air, and yet so slowly that I was unable to notice it until it permeated the air around me. It was a smell I was very familiar with, the smell of sterility, death, and alcohol.

Want more? You know what to do.

Love you all!

Tsu-chan