San Evans was a coward. He knew he was. He just didn't need his subconscious reminding him of it every hour of every day. But it did. And it hurt. But there wasn't a lot he could do about it.
The first person he had told of his imminent departure was Mike Chang. He liked the guy. He really did. Out of the whole football team he was the one that he had the most in common with. The guy was fun as well as being the most stable. And Mike was definitely the most real. He totally saw himself going on double dates with him and Tina when they weren't sucking each other's faces off.
There he goes again! What's the point of even thinking about stuff like that? Nothing was ever going to happen! And much as he liked spending time with the guy, he had one major flaw. The guy was pretty fucking insightful. If anyone was going to figure out about him and Mercedes it would be Mike. And the guy was so pretty damn close it was scary. Mike knew they were close as friends but had asked on several occasions if anything had gone down when he had taken her home from the party. Apparently Marcus had gone back inside shooting his mouth with shit about Sam, only to very publicly hook up with Marie just minutes later.
"Come on man, she's hot! Are you really saying that you were able to resist that?"
Sam stayed silent and put all his concentration into a shot which landed the basketball perfectly through the center of the hoop outside Mike's garage.
"Coz I know if it wasn't for the fact that Tina would be all up my ass and unwilling to share, I know I would be more than tempted to go for it. Trust me, I'm telling you as a dancer, that girl can move!"
Sam fought the lopsided smile that was forming on his mouth. He didn't need to be told that. He knew all about her moves. He dribbled the ball for a moment. "I'm not denying that she's hot…"
"Damn straight you're not. I'm sure we were both looking at the same firework in that silver dress with those shoes that I made Tina order a pair of so that we can-"
Sam cringed. "Too much info dude!"
Mike looked unrepentant. "But you know exactly what I'm saying. You're single, she's single, you get on really well and Marcus clearly couldn't 'tap dat'! Time to step up man! Besides, you know how we all like to keep it in the Glee club!"
"But she's way out of my league. She'd never go for someone like me!"
"That's crap and you know it! Puck tried last year but crashed and burned because she could see right through him. Not only are you picture perfect poster boy, you guys already hang out. She already likes you for who you are. You're just taking things to the next level. Unless you're stuck in the dreaded 'friend zone'. That shit just hurts and you'll need to make her see you in a different light."
"Even if we could go out you're forgetting something major. I'm leaving Lima in three days. How the hell am I supposed to start a relationship when I'm about to leave?"
Mike paused for thought, dribbling the ball absently. "That's true. The timing sucks. But if you really like her enough I'm sure that you could make it work."
Sam bit his lip. He wasn't prepared to deal with that particular truth. He was a coward. And time and circumstances did not give him the opportunity to change that. If Mike thought that he and Mercedes were a good fit, then he wondered who else would think so too. Was he wrong to have kept them a secret like they had been for so long? Had he ruined this with his own stupid assumptions? Mike hadn't even mentioned his homelessness as being an issue and Mercedes had repeatedly told him that it was no big deal. Had he been sabotaging the one good thing that had been going on in his life?
He knew that he should talk to Mercedes, but now he just didn't know how.
By Tuesday word of his departure was out. Kurt and Quinn had called, and surprisingly, so had Puck and Lauren.
Wednesday night Artie had organized a barbeque for the gang in his honor. Mercedes wasn't there. Artie said that she had a family thing that she couldn't get out of and she sent her apologies.
Sam could smell the bullshit a mile off. If she genuinely couldn't have made it she would have at least sent some food. But she was mad at him. And with good reason. Mercedes was the one person that he still hadn't spoken to directly about his imminent departure. It wasn't intentional on his behalf to leave her in the dark like that. He just didn't know how to do it. They both knew it had to be done, but they sure as hell weren't going to be airing out their dirty laundry in public.
Sam stood outside Mercedes front door for fifteen minutes before he finally worked up the courage to knock. It then took every ounce of the self-control not to turn and run like a bat out of hell.
He had spent the entire week panicking about how this meeting was going to go down and now the time was here. He had no idea what the outcome would be, but owed it to her to at least do this in person.
They were originally supposed to be leaving on Friday afternoon, but there was now a meeting at his new office that it would be prudent for him to attend, Sam's dad had decided it would be far more sensible to leave on Thursday midafternoon. A Skype linkin was not going to cut it as a professional. Dwight knew that it meant less time for his kids in Lima, but as far as he was aware, they had already said their goodbyes and were looking forward to one less night in that hellhole they called a motel room. There was no way on earth he could have known what that small change of plans had done to Sam.
And now here he was, his heart sinking with every approaching step that he heard, like a man on death row listening to the approach of the man who was going to flick the switch that would end his life.
And then there was the sound of the front door being unlocked and opened. Her eyes immediately met his. "Oh hell to the no!"
As soon as she caught sight of him she attempted to slam the door back on him but he moved faster, putting his foot across the threshold and pushing the door to keep it open, knowing that he was stronger than Mercedes and knowing that we would never be able to shut it against him without assistance. But both of her parents would be at work. There was nobody there to help her this time. After a few moments of pushing the door against him she gave up trying. Her whole body language became slumped. She knew this was coming one day, she just wished it hadn't been so soon.
There were already tears in her eyes as she looked up at him and his heart broke.
He hung his head in shame. "I'm sorry I didn't call-"
His words were the trigger to end her sadness and incite her anger. "A two word text Sam! That's all I got! 'Speak later'. That was on Sunday! And then nothing-"
"Let me explain-"
"Explain what Sam? Explain why I had to hear from Tina that you're leaving? Tina! She has to be the one to tell me! Since when do I have to start getting third hand information on your life? Maybe I should call Tina and tell her to tell Mike to tell you 'good riddance'!"
"I didn't mean for you to hear it like that!"
"Oh really! Like you didn't expect Artie to text me to invite me to the barbeque at his place last night in honor of you leaving!"
Sam had expected her to shout and scream at him. But this was far worse. Her voice was quiet, barely a whisper. But it was so pained that he could feel it in every bone in his body. He had done this. He had hurt her. And there was no way in hell that he was going to be able to fix it. Why did he always allow himself to end up in this position?
He wanted to look her in the eye but he couldn't. The pain reflected in there was too much. "Why Sam?"
He finally looked up.
"Why what?"
"I know I was mad at you at the party, and I know I was wrong with the way that I treated you here. But… you stayed. I tried to explain and you stayed. You didn't leave. I had this amazing dream about you and me and when I woke in the night you were there beside me, holding me. And I felt…" She shook her head sadly. "I had a dream that night. That you wanted to make this work. That you wanted me. And not just in a possessive way because you saw somebody else wanted me, but in a true honest way. It scared you but you were going to go ahead with it anyway. And then I woke up and you were gone. No explanation, no nothing!"
"My mom sent a message-"
She shook her head and held up her hand for him to stop. "I opened myself up to you. You saw how messed up and vulnerable I was. And you didn't even say goodbye. I cried all day. No 'goodmorning' no 'goodnight'. Just a two word text to say we were going to have a non-existent chat. That was cold Sam. Even by your standards. I was left with my brain running over everything that had happened to see at what point I made you leave. Did I say something in my sleep? Because, if I did then I'm sorry. It's the only reason I could think of to cause you to go. Otherwise you would have left that night and not slept next to me. I woke up in the middle of the night Sam and I was in your arms. For the first time in my life I felt truly content and happy. For the first time in my life I just lay there and enjoyed the feeling of someone breathing next to me. When I had to get up you tried to pull me closer even though you were still asleep. And you said-" Her voice broke and a tear ran down her face..
What the fuck is she going on about? "What did I say?"
She looked at him searchingly, clearly hoping that he would remember for himself. But he didn't. The expression changed to utter devastation when she realized that he had no recollection of it.
"It doesn't matter. You clearly didn't mean it."
He grabbed her arm. "Please Cedes! What did I say?"
She shook her head and began to prise his fingers from her arm one by one. "You need to go now Sam."
"No!" His voice was firm and she immediately looked up at him. "I'm not going until you tell me what I said!"
She shook her head faster and her voice grew colder. "I can't Sam. If you can't remember then you're clearly not ready to handle it. You came here to say goodbye to me so say it and leave."
"Mercedes! I'm begging you."
"Don't beg Sam. It's not a good look."
He ran his hand through his hair in frustration. This was supposed to be easy. They were already broken up so it shouldn't cut this much to say goodbye. "We're leaving this afternoon, not tomorrow."
He noticed the wobble of her bottom lip before she nonchalantly bit it to keep it still.
"So this is it now. You've come to finish your rounds of saying goodbye with me! I had hoped you would have started with me, but I guess I'll just take what I can get I suppose."
"It's not like that!" He wanted to shake her and make her see sense.
"Then what is it like?"
"I didn't want to say goodbye. I don't want to say goodbye. I put it off because it hurt too much."
"Aha! Some honesty. Shame we couldn't have achieved this level of communication when we were actually together."
Sam shrugged. "I know it's all my fault. I'm emotionally retarded."
"Damn right you are! You stood in my kitchen and told me that you were going to tell the world about us when the time was right. But it's never going to be the right time. It was the right time for you and Quinn. For you and Santana, but never for me."
"I'm sorry Mercedes. I'm sorry for messing with your head. I'm sorry for not manning up. I'm sorry for giving you false hope."
She glared at him through her lashes. "Hmmmph!"
"Look, I know you may not believe me. But you've done nothing but offer me friendship and I'm eternally grateful for that. I have a lot to thank you for. I have to thank you for the tutoring, for the anime, for the movie afternoons-" he stepped closer to her as he spoke "for the laughs and the smiles. For the moments of just being ourselves. For helping me with the kids and for the lifts to work. And last but not least, for the fried chicken, and pot pies and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and other goodies that find their way out of that industrial sized fridge of yours."
He watched as she cracked a smile despite herself. "I guess I've got stuff to be thankful for too. Apparently, if it wasn't for you, I would never have known that I can give a pretty awesome blowjob!"
Sam choked trying to suppress his laughter and her smile back at him was the most genuine one that he'd had from her so far. "Let's not ruin everything that we managed to build up." He held his arms out open wide to her. "Friends?"
She looked at him skeptically.
"It's just a hug Cedes, Puck didn't look that scared when I hugged him!"
She chuckled before stepping forward and into his embrace. "Friends" She muttered under her breath. Sam could never get enough of the feel of her in his arms. She fit so perfectly and smelled so good. Even now, in a sleep shirt and a messy pony she still did things to him that he really wished she didn't as he was hugging her platonically. He buried his face in her neck and he inhaled the scent that was uniquely her. As she relaxed into the embrace he pulled her in closer. "I'm so sorry!" he whispered in her ear.
"I know" she whispered back.
At what point he started kissing her neck he didn't know, but suddenly he was and she wasn't pushing him away. She was lifting her head so that he could trail kisses along her jaw. Pulling her in even tighter she gasped as she felt his hard on pressed up against her.
Sam couldn't believe his luck when she began to rub up against it. "I bet Puck's hug was nothing like this" she whispered throatily.
"That's coz a certain someone hadn't mentioned the words 'awesome blowjobs' immediately before it. Besides, he's not my type."
"And I am?"
Sam said nothing, finding her lips and making sure that she couldn't argue back. She continued to rub against him harder until finally he had to pull back. "Cedes, if you don't stop that I won't be able to stop myself."
In response she threw one leg around him, rubbing her panty clad pussy directly against the bulge in his jeans and moaning at the sensation. "So don't."
"But we're friends!"
"Friends help each other in times of need."
"And I'm definitely sensing a need right now." He grabbed her ass and pulled her higher against him, copping a feel of his favorite place as she rubbed even harder.
"Let's take this upstairs!" Her voice was breathless.
"Are you sure?"
"Don't question it. This is one last ride. No strings. Friends helping each other out. For old time's sake."
He found her lips again and nibbled down on them hungrily. "For old time's sake."
"That's right."
He clasped both hands under her ass and lifted her, her legs immediately wrapping themselves around his waist and he carried her up the stairs. He would worry about the no strings bit later, but for now he was more than happy to make them both feel good one last time.
But this time was different to the others. After the intense grinding in the hallway, there was no frenzy of kisses. No bites or scratches or screams of obscenities or shouts of encouragement. Kisses were soft and lingering, touches were caresses. Every inch of their bodies was kissed, caressed and committed to memory.
All clothing slowly removed, they were laid out on top of the covers
Today Sam put aside all his wants and focused solely on Mercedes, kissing every inch of her caressing every curve and fold. Telling her without words that she was perfection just as she was. When his lips had worshipped every inch of her, he returned them to hers, starting with soft butterfly kisses until she whimpered for him to make them deeper, firmer and he responded by biting down slightly on her bottom lip before absorbing her moans with his mouth once more.
"Cedes, open your eyes." She shook her head as if scared to wake up from the dream.
"I need you to look at me. Please." His tone had become urgent and she responded by looking straight into his eyes. "I need to see you baby. And you need to see me."
She looked straight up at him and he kissed her one more time before pulling her legs wider and pushing his cock into her core. He kept contact with her eyes as they narrowed slightly at his penetration, then widened as he slipped his length inside her, her mouth opening and a slight hiss escaping her lips.
"Stay with me Cedes." He could see that she wanted to close her eyes and lose herself in the sensations, but he needed to see her. He needed to be connected. He didn't even want to blink and break it. Reaching down he grabbed her hand, interlocking the fingers as he had done on their very first time. Then he began to move inside her. Long gentle thrusts, reveling in the sensations. Of her tightness. How it squeezed the tip of him so well. How she was so damn wet for him.
How they fitted so perfectly.
Their movements were languid and unhurried. As if they had all the time in the world. As if he didn't have to leave soon. As if this wasn't really their last time. The only sounds they made were grunts and sighs. Murmurs of pleasure and of something else. He held her gaze, trying to tell her something without words, letting his body say the things that his mouth was too scared to say. About how he really felt about her. And about how he felt about leaving her.
He brought his their joined hands up to his mouth and turning them so that her hand was on top, he kissed it softly and tenderly. A tear escaped her eye and left a wet patch on the pillow. He placed his face down next to hers and soon began to worry that the rapidly spreading wet patch on the pillow wasn't just coming from her.
She moved underneath him, changing the tilt of her hips as she always did, helping him to hit straight and true. Now her head was tilting back and her eyes closed but this time he let her. His thrusts were becoming faster and harder. His lips locked onto her neck, sucking on her pulse point while the sound of her satisfied moans and gasps filled his ears.
Again he felt her body change, internally this time and without conscious thought his hips complied with even stronger, faster thrusts, his cock withdrawing less and less but pushing deeper and deeper.
"Open your eyes!"
She did. But her eyes were wild. They kept rolling back into her head. Every thrust of his hips caused a gasp of air or a groan to come out of her mouth. She looked caught between pleasure and pain.
"Please Saaam…" he words were more like a moan.
"I know baby." Their bodies continued to move, slick with sweat, on a one way track towards the inevitable. The earlier restraint was gone and in its place a desperate intensity. Sam pounding into her while her hips rocked back against him, sucking him in deeper and deeper, her walls staking a claim and refusing to let him go.
"Mercy!" Was it her name or was it a plea? He didn't know but it was the word on his lips as he spilled out into his condom. He hadn't meant to come first but something had come over him. He was overwhelmed. It was all just too much. He could feel that she was only milliseconds behind him, clenching with an impossible tightness to milk every last drop out of him. And then some.
He didn't pull out right away. He collapsed against her, holding some of his weight off her with his arms and staring at her face as she hit the pinnacle of pleasure before sliding back down. It was the strongest he had ever seen her have. Finally he rolled off and slipped out, the condom uncomfortably full.
Once he had tied and chucked it and cleaned himself up with a Kleenex he turned to see her staring sleepily at him. He reached over to stoke her cheek tenderly.
"You're going to be gone when I wake up aren't you." Her voice was sad and resigned. She knew the answer and was simply vocalizing the question more as a statement for acknowledgement.
"Shhh… Close your eyes."
He kissed both of her eyelids softly. Then, as he had done for her first kiss, he softly kissed her nose, followed by her left cheek, then her right cheek and her jawline. By the time he reached her lips he knew by her lack of response that she was asleep.
Being careful not to disturb her, he reached for his phone and took a picture of her serene and contented sleeping face. Not for sentimentality. Just because she looks pretty like that.
And now it's time to go.
Sam paused at the front door briefly and took a deep breath. Once he crossed through that door, everything would change.
Finally mustering up the courage he left the house, shutting the door behind him and not turning back. The Sam inside that house was admitting to feelings that were new and strong and fearsome. Feelings that had the power to hurt him. That Sam needed to stay behind that door. Now that he was back outside he was a new man. A different Sam. Old Sam. The playboy with a lot more swagger.
And yes, the swagger was back. He had a reputation to create and maintain.
Despite himself he turned back and looked at Mercedes' house one last time. Somewhere inside that house he had left someone that he wanted to be. Something better. A person who was never given a chance. A person who could be happy making someone else happy.
Plus he'd just had the best sex ever!
He quickened his pace, knowing that his family would be wondering where he was as they were due to be leaving the motel shortly.
But his brain was full of that infernal question. Can a guy and a girl 'just be friends' like that without feelings?
Surely the answer was yes!
Sure things had got a bit complicated towards the end, but he'd gotten away just fine. With the best of both worlds.
Hadn't he?
The answer was not nearly as clear cut as he had hoped.
Just like his feelings.
Struggling to ignore the telltale sting behind his eyes and heaviness in his chest he shoved his fingers in his pockets and hurried towards his new future in Kentucky.
OK so this is the end of Infernal Question. Not the ending that people wanted I know, but as the prequel to I'm Back it has to end here. And to think this was originally only supposed to be a twoshot! Lol!
I will definitely be continuing I'm Back! because we all know this Sam is in denial. Besides, this has been so much fun and makes me feel like a proper writer.
Thanks to everyone for the reviews and the feedback. I scream every time i get a new one and I read them over and over again!
Thankyou for reading and following and i'll see you all with I'm Back! (Coz despite the fuckery in the show, we all know it's Samcedes FTW!)