Chapter 9-

"We're almost there." Doc stated. Their arms weren't linked anymore but they walked side by side none the less. It was a bit awkward for them to be alone for such a long while. Doc didn't know what to say to her, he was at a lost for words. He knew something was up with her, but didn't know what that something was. He searched for a way to touch that delicate subject without upsetting her.

Charlie stayed silent. She was starting to feel uncomfortable. She has never been this close to a man before, emotionally. She had issues with that sort of thing and trusting people. That long silent walk with Doc got her thinking and she just wasn't being herself. Well, she wasn't being the person she thought she was. She wasn't sure if the person she portrayed on a daily basis was even the real her. Probably not. Events change people. If circumstances were different, she may even be that sweet little southern belle and married by now to someone of her parents' choosing. If only they were there now.

Again, Doc tried to say something. "I know it's none of my business-"

"Then you should stay out of it." Charlie snapped at him. Although she immediately regretted it and lowered her head. "I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that."

"No, I did. It doesn't matter if you want some to laugh at or someone to blame. I'm your friend, and I'm here for you." Doc tried to reassure her, comfort her. He knew there was hardly a way to ask someone if they were okay or 'what's going on' if they were prideful or stubborn.

Charlie heard that and smiled. The guilt leaving her for that moment. "Really? You mean that?" This seemed too real to her. Having someone say they were 'There' for her. That was new. Something she hadn't heard since she was a teen coming from her older brother. But after she said that, she reverted back. She was getting too close in just a few short days to this man. It wasn't possible. She couldn't trust him. Couldn't trust him yet.

"Hey, look. I can tell you are suffering. I just happen to know too much about that as well, darling." Doc continued, noticing her withdrawal once again.

"Yeah, well, suffering. It builds character." She was being a smart-ass, she knew. She had to think of a way to get him to leave her alone, she decided. It was no good getting him involved with her life.

Doc was completely in the blue to how she was thinking, though. He didn't realize that she was trying to get away by being cold. He didn't realize she was being cold. He thought it was just how she was.

"Indeed it does, darling," Doc said, he was sure a colorful character. Noticing that they were talking once again, he tried to put his arm around her. He did it slowly though. Charlie noticed and quickly slipped away pushing his arm slightly. That was enough.

"Could you just stop one moment, Doc? I'm not ready for this. I don't like you!" That was a lie and she was being harsh. "I don't want you touching me. It's fine if we are just talking but don't pry into my life." She said this last part through gritted teeth. She was glaring at him cruely she noticed but she didn't care. "Just leave me alone." Charlie said this more calmly getting herself together and turned around so she didn't have to look at Doc. Poor Doc. She felt bad, but it had to be done so she could protect herself. That's all it ever was. To protect oneself.

"I'm sorry, Charlie. If that's how you feel I'll try not to bother you so." Doc was hurt but tried not to show it. He was starring at Charlie's back and asked "See you tonight at Virgil's?"

"Sure." Charlie said still turned. Although she wasn't sure she would even go. She couldn't show her face. She didn't deserve to be in such company of wonderful people. She would just have to wait and see. Play it by ear. "Bye, Doc."

Charlie turned so she could walk the way towards the stable to buy the horse. Whatever way her life's direction may be, she needed a horse. That much was sure.

As she walked she could feel Doc's stare on her back. She had hurt him, she knew that. But it was necessary. She kept thinking of ways to reassure her actions. To justify them. She had to keep the guilt away for as long as possible or it would destroy her. She hated her damn insecurities and damn commitment and trust issues. She loathed them to a point where she loathed herself.

When she felt far enough away from Doc, she turned to look back. Would she stare the Devil in the face? She didn't know. But she did know that Doc wasn't there anymore. And that relieved her guilty conscience even if just a little bit.

She got to the stable and walked in. She could smell the horses and the way they lived shone through. Horrid acrid smells, flys buzzing around. Was this really the only stable? But being in there took her mind off Doc and she felt better.

"Hello? Anyone in here?" Charlie called out. As soon as she did, heavy bootsteps could be heard coming out from one of the back stalls. She looked up. A grizzly of a man was there covered in dirt and his hands were grimy. He had a long tangled blonde beard. And a hat atop his head where his hair was as long and as tangled as his beard. In his hands was a horse's shoe.

"May I help you, ma'am?" He asked. His voice nothing like his appearance. He was soft spoken and sounded gentle.

"Yes, you can, I'm looking to buy a horse?" Charlie said smilling. She liked him as far as she could tell.

"Any one in particular?" He asked the same way as when he first spoke.

"No." She said immediately. Then she thought and said. "Not black."

Why not? he wanted to ask but thought better of it. Charlie saw he was about to ask it and decided to answer his unasked question.

"My last horse was black. I couldn't stand to have one that looked the same." That was all she had to say. The grizzly man knew enough. Especially of a person's bond to a horse.

If anyone asked Charlie about her past horse, she would say she never got to know it. But that was a lie. She couldn't admit to herself that Stixz was gone. She would say she never got attatched to her. But that wasn't the truth either. She loved that damn thing.

"Okay, what's your name, miss?" He asked her.

"Charlie. Charlie O'Connor," She said simply.

"Nice to meet you, Charlie Charlie O'Connor. I'm Jeremy Rudd." He smiled at her sheepishly.

"The pleasure is mine." She smiled back. "So how about that horse?"

"Oh sure thing, sugar. Come right this way." Jeremy led her towards the back where the horses for sale were. She looked at them. More of them were black than any other color. "There's this horse I think you may like. No one really wants him though. Would you like to check him out?"

"Why not?" Charlie said and followed him to a corner where that horse was. She peeked in and saw him. He was white with hazel eyes. He just stared at her. That was the horse she wanted. "Why doesn't anyone want him? He's gorgeous."

"He carries the dominant white gene and many people think he's not a true white. They think he's a gray horse and think I'm ripping them off. He's a rare one he is." Jeremy stated matter of factly.

Charlie didn't care if he was ripping her off or not. That was the horse she knew she wanted. "I'll take him, money isn't an issue."

"What's his name then, sugar?" He asked her.

"He doesn't have one?" She asked and stared him squarely in the eyes.

"Is he fast?" Charlie inquired.

"Like the speed of light," Jeremy replied.

Charlie had a huge smile on her face for the thought that this horse would be fast enough to get her out of this town and away from her past pleased her. Pleased her very much. "I shall call him Rusher, then."

"Very well. Take care of him, Charlie Charlie O'Connor."

They exchanged money and horse, got horse gear and she thanked him and left on her way with Rusher. This would be a good horse for her. And Rusher liked her and she was fond of the liking.