~Chapter 1~

Written by CaraNo

Reference to Good Vs. Evil and Self Storage. Oh, and a tiny reference to Down and Derby.

Note: Since Kitkat really did name one of the fictional kiddos after me, I'm mighty pleased about using Self Storage!

Ms. Katherine Komma's POV

"Jesus Christ," I whisper under my breath as my next potentials enter my office. A man and a woman, though my eyes are definitely on the man. Talk about blessed in the making.

"Yeah, that'd be me," the woman says…for some reason. She smiles sweetly, and the fuckhot man looks at her adoringly. "But please, call me Bella."

I gather my wits. After all, I'm not one of the best real-estate agents in the area for no reason at all. Granted, I'm new at this agency, but not in general, and if I have my way, my boss won't call me Newbie for long.

"Bella," I say, standing up. "Very nice to meet you. I'm Katherine. Please, have a seat."

"Thank you," she responds. "And this is my husband – Edward."

Rawr.

"Pleasure to meet you, Edward," I say politely.

He looks devilishly delicious. There's a spark of something wicked in his eyes, and two proverbial horns push out from his hairline, basically letting people know that he's the devil if fucked with. Oh, don't worry, honey. I won't fuck with you. I'm just going to find you a home and get a big-ass commission. You're my eye candy, though. Suck it up.

As Edward takes a seat next to his wife, I watch as he slowly licks his bottom lip.

"God, have mercy on me," I whimper to myself.

Unfortunately, my comment didn't go unnoticed. "Oh, my Father is always merciful, but let's leave him out of this," Bella says, still smiling that sweet smile of hers. I don't understand her one bit, but perhaps her handsome hubby fucked the smart out of her. Who knows, really?

Anyway… "You're looking for a house," I say, clearing my throat. "I have your file right here." I dig through the shit on my desk and find the papers my assistant gave me earlier. I also notice the clicker my boss gave me earlier. With an internal shrug, I keep it close...just in case.

"Big family, I see." I smile down at the document, and then I look up at Edward and Bella. "You've stated that you need a house big enough for you and your four children?"

Edward cracks a big smile at that. "Yeah, we have four little angels. All girls, all giving me grays."

Bella throws him a playful glare. "Hey, we're lucky they didn't take after your dad or something."

"Amen, love," Edward chuckles. He throws me a smirk. "My dad is quite the devil."

Um…

Okay. "Well." I clear my throat again. "I have several houses I think you're going to love."

Looking down at the paper, I add, "And you've also said that you need plenty of storage space, which is why I think you might even settle on the first house I'm going to show you. The couple who are selling, also own a storage unit nearby, and they offer the first six months for free."

Edward shrugs.

Bella smiles. "Let's go take a look at it!"

*o*O*o*

When we arrive at the big house, I take the lead and walk up to ring the doorbell.

Bella and Edward stand slightly behind me.

It doesn't take very long until I hear someone on the other side padding closer. The door swings open and I'm met by this huge…man-boy…if you could say that. He can't be more than seventeen, but he shares the size of a linebacker. A geeky one, at that. But he's kind of cute, I suppose, even in his glasses.

"Hello," I say. "My name is Katherine Komma, and I'm with Ellipsis Real Estate. Is Mr. or Mrs. Cullen home?"

The man…boy…he… eh, Glasses grins hugely. "Well, how about this!" he booms out, laughing. "Classic!" A little girl joins the party of confusion, though I think I'm the only one who's confused. "Cara, you actually did it, didn't you?"

The little girl, Cara – who looks about eight years old – grins proudly. "Grampa helped me!"

I still don't understand.

"DADDY!" Cara suddenly screams. What an obnoxious little thing. "I pranked you! Daddy! Mommy!"

Looking over my shoulder, I share glances with Edward and Bella, and I'm thankful that they don't seem to know what's going on, either.

Expecting to see an adult or two joining us, I'm more than a little surprised when two little boys come running.

"Uncle Emmett, we need your help!" one of the boys cries out.

Glasses – or Emmett – looks down at the set of twin boys. "Where's your little sister?" he asks anxiously, looking around. "Where's Samantha?"

The boys look down, and I'm growing impatient.

The clicker in my pocket might get...you know...clicked.

"MOMMY!" Cara screams again. God, screamers are the worst.

"Samantha kicked the bucket," the other boy mumbles.

Bella and I gasp in horror, and Bella speaks first. "Oh, no, that's so sad. How did she die? What happened? Oh, heavens." Facing her husband, she adds, softly, "I'll talk to God about this. Mark my words."

Wow. Someone sure has faith.

"Um, lady." Cara huffs and places her hands on her hips. "Nobody died. Sam just kicked the bucket."

For the love of Satan, would somebody just tell me what's going on?

By the way: click, click, click.

Emmett pipes in. "She's talking about the poop bucket. My sister is pregnant again, and Sam kicked her bucket. You know, she uses it to throw up in. I just hope it wasn't full, if you know what I mean!" He starts laughing.

The what?

"Jesus," Edward mutters behind me.

"Yes, honey?" Bella responds, and don't ask me why.

While the couple behind me starts talking quietly, I turn to Emmett. "Is there an adult here that I can talk to?"

Before Glasses can reply, though, a very attractive man appears in the doorway.

He sort of reminds me of the handsome devil behind me.

"Mr. Cullen?" I inquire.

The man, who is holding a mop for some reason, nods and frowns. "I'm not interested in whatever you're selling," he tells me, causing me to choke on…nothing, really. "Look, I just found out my wife is pregnant with our sixth child, okay? As happy as I am – and God knows I'm happy-"

"He sure does," Bella chimes in behind me.

Okay, I need Ritalin or something! STAT!

"Uh, right." Mr. Cullen shakes his head, looking only half as confused as I feel. "Whatever. I'm fucking thrilled, but cleaning up puke ain't all that hilarious, ya know? So, the last thing I need right now is some salesperson going from door to door, selling crap I won't ever need."

"We have a bucket for crap," one of the boys says, nodding solemnly.

Mr. Cullen cracks a small smile at the boy before facing me again. "Thank you, but the answer is no. Now, I gotta get back to my wife."

"Wait!" I say before he can close the door. "I'm-I'm really confused here, but…" Fuck, deep breaths. "I'm here to show my clients your house."

He frowns deeply. "Why the hell would you do that?"

Do not yell at the man. Do not yell at the man. Click.

Another deep breath. "Your house is for sale, is it not?" I grit out.

.

"W-what?" he chokes out. Behind him, Cara and Emmett are laughing. So are the two boys.

"No, our house is not for sale! We just moved here, dammit!" Excuse me? "We moved from our townhouse a few months ago because it wasn't big enough! So, why on earth would we move?"

Fuck Ritalin. A bottle of vodka and some horse tranquilizers is more like it!

"We pranked you, Daddy!" Cara squeals, and I think I could just choke the kid. "When you fooled Grampa on April Fool's Day, we swore we'd get back! And we did, Daddy! We did!" She's laughing so hard that she's wheezing. "GOTCHA!"

"Wait, so you and Grampa put our house on the market?" Mr. Cullen asks her incredulously.

Cara giggles and nods and wipes away tears of laughter. Really, I could kill her. Mr. Cullen groans at his daughter. "Oh, Jesus Christ, baby."

"Hey, don't call my wife 'baby'!" Edward snaps behind me.

All right. I've fucking had it.

CLICK!

We're so outta here. It's clear that this couple isn't selling their damn house.

I guess I should just take them to the next house…before I lose my goddamn mind!

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