Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Give Me A Little Trust

Chapter Seventeen: Falling Into Turmoil

Bella's POV

For the next ten days I was to receive strong and powerful injections which were going to force the eggs to mature and then be ready for collection. Yesterday I had the first one and it made me exhausted so I wasn't looking forward to the one I would receive today.

Edward planned on coming with me, for which I was glad about, and we would be leaving the house momentarily. He was going to be there at the clinic for the injections and then drive me home before heading on to his work. There was no doubt about it, he would be late, but according to him he said that didn't matter and no one would care.

As I had to have these injections every day I wasn't going to let him accompany me to all of them. That would just be ridiculous given all the days he wouldn't be in on time. Although he claimed that his job could never be in jeopardy I didn't want to take the risk.

It wasn't so much I was worried about him being fired, more about the questions his family would ask if they were to notice his constant tardiness. Explaining to everyone our decision to have a baby together, despite not being together long, would just cause too many problems. The added pressure of success for the fertility treatment would also not help.

That morning when we went to the clinic things were much like usual. Edward didn't say anything the whole time there and on the journey. He was always silent and I hated it. His thoughts were most likely eating away at him and it wasn't healthy at all to keep it bottled up. I was very close to suggesting he go see someone but knew right now I would lose that battle.

Without too much fuss I went in and the nurse gave me the injection for the day. All I had to do was keep reminding myself this was worth it in the end, because it was. The pain and the hardship right now could easily be forgotten once I held our baby.

After the injection was administrated I returned to Edward's arms. He kissed me on the cheek and checked the details pertaining tomorrows visit before we headed out to the car. His expression was sad and serious, as though he had just been told his favourite pet had died. There was nothing I could do for him. My words were going to become hollow if I kept repeating the same thing over and over again.

When he pulled up out front of our house I reached for the handle to get out immediately only to stop when he spoke. I was a little startled, having gotten used to the silence but regained my composure quickly.

"I love you, you know that right?" he said softly. I smiled and nodded at him, trying to convey how much I loved him too.

"Yeah, I know. And I love you too." The corners of his mouth lifted ever so slightly but it wasn't enough to call it a smile. "See you tonight?"

"Yep. We're going to Alice's, you remember?"

"Oh, no I forgot but I still want to go. Just give me a call when you're leaving the office, I'm thinking I will probably be asleep."

"Of course I will. See you later." I leant over and kissed him tenderly, cherishing the feeling of his lips against mine. He pulled back far too fast for my liking but I ignored it and began getting out the car once more.

Edward waited until I was inside the house before driving off. I watched his car turn at the corner of the street and then shut the door. My heart felt heavy with worry for him. He was really struggling with this and I had no idea how to support him.

I recalled that whenever I was in trouble or needed help I could rely on one friend to come to my aid no matter what. Picking up the phone I dialled Angela's number and waited for her to pick up. Over the past few months we had spoken briefly but it was usually just to check the other was okay. She knew she could call me anytime if she wanted something and thankfully the same offer applied for me.

"Hello?" she answered, clearly not recognising the number.

"Hey Angela, it's Bella here," I said, taking a seat on the sofa and curling up against the arm.

"Oh hey Bella, how are you? It's been a few weeks. What's going on? Do you need something? Are you in trouble?"

"Whoa slow down there," I said laughing. "I'm okay but I do need your help."

"Name it, what can I do for you?"

"Remember your friend, the counsellor?"

"Eh, yeah."

"Well I was wondering if you could give me his number."

"I can do that but what's going on?" she asked, a hint of worry in her voice.

Calmly I explained the situation and all too soon I was in tears. The doctor had warned the whole process could be very emotional due to the hormones I was being injected with but I brushed it off. Now I was getting the full force of that, and so was Angela who was doing her best to pacify me.

She realised it was hopeless over the phone and hung up, telling me she was on her way over once I gave her the address. When Angela did arrive she let herself in and immediately wrapped me in her arms, allowing me to cry on her shoulder.

Angela was the first person I had confided in about everything going on and afterwards it was like a small weight had been lifted. I felt better, if only slightly. Granted, my head was sore from crying and I just wanted to sleep but aside from that I felt like I could successfully get through the IVF treatment. Whether it would be successful would be another matter.

After I managed to compose myself I made Angela and myself some tea. As she had come over it did give us a great chance to really catch up on everything the other had happening. Although we had stayed in contact we mainly glossed over the details but this opportunity allowed us to open up to one another again.

Despite Angela only meeting Edward once, at his wedding anniversary, she was very accepting of him and our decision to have a baby. I could tell she wasn't just saying that to make me happy, but that she genuinely was supportive of the decision. Due to all that I was very thankful.

Angela made me promise to call her more often so I wouldn't be loaded down with all these worries. She also gave me the number of the counsellor but did suggest that I get Edward to tell someone he knows first, who will keep it a secret, and maybe that will help him get past the guilt.

By the time Angela left it was after lunch time and I was drained, emotionally and physically. As we were going to Alice's later I thought it best to get some sleep now. The couch was closest and I was too tired to go up the stairs so just lay there, eventually drifting off. The phone woke me later and I answered it groggily.

"Hello?"

"Hi," Edward said, sounding sad. "You sleeping?"

"I was yeah. You coming home?"

"Yeah I'm just leaving now. Are you still up for going tonight because we can cancel?"

"No, I want to go. I'm going to get ready."

"Okay, I'll see you in a few."

"Bye Edward."

"Bye." He hung up and I put the phone back.

Stretching my muscles out I got up and went to hunt an outfit for tonight. Alice hadn't specified dress code but knowing her it would be causal/smart. There was a fitting dress I could wear with a cardigan which didn't make me appear overly dressed but still decent enough. Hoping that would be alright I headed into the shower.

Edward made his presence know by opening the bathroom door slightly and poking his head in. He told me he'd use the other bathroom and would be ready soon. Once I was completely ready I went downstairs and saw Edward was ready as well.

He was sitting in the kitchen reading something in the paper. Standing there watching him just amplified the intensity of my feelings for him. I loved him with all my heart and knew he would make an amazing father. All we needed was for God to grant us the gift of being parents.

"I'm ready," I said softly, getting his attention.

Edward smiled at me and walked over. I leant up and kissed him, fixing his collar in the process. He moved away from my lips and kissed my neck, one hand on my stomach where, if I was pregnant, our child would be.

"Let's go," he said, dropping his hands and stepping back.

We went out to the car and drove over to Alice's in silence. The journey gave us time to put masks on, to hide the pain and torture of IVF, incompetence and fear. We would both be watched tonight to see if everything was alright as I could tell our friends were slightly worried so everything had to be good. Edward and I had to present ourselves well or questions would be asked which we wouldn't want to answer.

Alice lived further away than I thought but we soon arrived. Edward opened my door for me and helped me out before locking the car and walking us up the pathway to her front door. He rang the doorbell and only seconds later we heard the jingling of keys on the other side.

"Come in, come in!" Alice cheered, greeting us. She ushered us into her hallway and took our coats.

Edward grabbed my hand and led me through his sister's home, which I had never visited before. It was so Alice, the décor, the layout and just everything about it. She had done an amazing job using all the space so it appeared bigger than what it actually was and there was just a lovely homey feeling about it.

Once Alice had put our coats away she steered us into the living room at the back of the house. Emmett and Rose were in there bickering about something but it all seemed to be in good humour. I was expecting to see Jasper around as I knew how close he was to Alice but he didn't appear to be there. As if Alice knew what I was thinking she nodded towards the kitchen.

"It's not going well, I think we burnt it," Jasper said, coming out wearing oven gloves and carrying a pot.

"Aww, really?" Alice pouted and went over to investigate as Edward chuckled at them.

"Are you really surprised Alice? You can't cook to save yourself," he said, sitting down on the couch where I joined him.

"Well I thought since Jasper was here he would maybe balance out my bad cooking."

"So you didn't call the caterers sis?"

"Not tonight, which means you're just going to have to put up with this slightly burnt dinner. Any complaining and I'll make you eat seconds," she warned us, pulling Jasper into the kitchen.

"Ten bucks we order take out," Edward declared, retrieving his wallet.

"I'll take that. There's no way those two will get take out for us, they're so happy to be playing house."

"Rosalie, would you care to get in on the action?" Edward asked, seeing the gleam in her eye.

"Yeah, but I think they'll order take out. Sorry Em, you're not winning this." He frowned but shook his head.

"No way, I'm right. Jasper has been talking about this for days and how successful it will be. They won't admit defeat and order something in."

The three of them put their money on the mantelpiece and sat back down. Jasper came in the room then, wiping his brow and sighing. I raised my eyebrows at him, noticing the pink shine of Alice's lip-gloss on his lips. He blushed and wiped it off before Edward saw him.

Although Edward would be happy for his sister and Jasper I doubt he would be over the moon about them being so intimate with one another while he was around or while they were around food we were about to eat.

"You alright there Jasper? You look a bit flustered," Emmett said, grinning wildly. He clearly saw the lip-gloss too.

"Yeah…I'm fine." From the sounds of it he was definitely not. My guess was that Alice had turned him on and he had yet to turn himself off. "Dinner's ready," he said taking a deep breath.

Snickering we made our way to the dining room, Edward frowning at what he had missed. Everyone took a seat and Alice and Jasper brought in the food. In their defence it wasn't that bad and Emmett actually enjoyed most of it, though as Edward said, he'd eat anything so that doesn't really count.

We all seemed to be enjoying ourselves, despite the somewhat dodgy food. It felt good to leave the worries over everything else at home and just relax. Edward appeared to think so as well and I was actually seeing him smiling properly again after so long. It felt really good.

Of course then things took a turn when we moved through into the living room after dessert.

"Whoa," I said, feeling very light headed and swaying on my feet. I reached out to balance on the fireplace but clearly was standing further away than I originally thought as I missed it and fell to the ground.

"Jesus Christ!" Edward cried after the thud of my body hitting the wooden floor.

I felt Alice's small hands trying to help me up and then Emmett's on my other side. Edward was then in front of me, lifting my head up so he could see me. The worry and fear was written all over his face.

"Are you okay?" Emmett asked worryingly.

"I will be, yes. I just need to get up." With that the three of them got me to my feet and over to the couch. "Sorry about that," I said, feeling bad for causing such a palaver.

"Oh please Bella, there's no need to say sorry," Rosalie said, also looking concerned.

"You sure everything is alright?" Alice asked, rubbing my arm soothingly having sat next to me.

"Yeah, I'm just a little tired," I said glancing up at Edward. He frowned and shook his head, excusing himself from the group. "I'll be back in a sec, okay?" They all nodded as I followed him out.

He was standing in Alice's kitchen, hands on the counter top, head down and with his back to me. I walked up slowly and placed my hand on his shoulder. The movement startled him a bit but he calmed when he saw who it was.

"I shouldn't have agreed to come here tonight," Edward said quietly. "We should go home. I don't want you tiring yourself out."

"I'm okay, don't worry about me."

"I do worry about you though Bella. How could I not? You're putting yourself through hell for me. I have to worry," he said angrily.

"Don't do that. Don't make this about you because it's not Edward. I'm not doing this for you I'm doing this for me. I want this baby, it's not just you."

"Fine. Look, I'm sorry but this whole situation frustrates me!" he cried heatedly. "It's my fault yet you go through the pain!" His head slumped forward and his breathing picked up. My man was breaking down.

"We're not doing this every time I feel tired, am in pain or get upset. You have to stop this now Edward or it will destroy us. I can't hold the both of us together if times get hard, I need you there too. You need to get past this and if you can't then you need to learn how to work round it. I won't let you wallow in self-pity for something that was completely out of your control." He nodded and spun round, wrapping me in his arms.

I hugged him back, inhaling deeply and losing myself momentarily in the smell of him. Edward was slowly but surely losing him mind with this, and we had barely even started. There was so much ahead of us that could go wrong. Just seeing him like this was torture as I knew if something else failed or if I had to go through it all again he'd lose himself completely.

"I think we better go home," Edward said, kissing my cheek.

"Yeah, I'll go thank Alice." He nodded and went to get our coats before saying goodbye.

I exited the kitchen and walked over to Alice who was looking at me with concern. She gave me a tight little hug, knowing we would be leaving now, and said that I should go see a doctor. That caused me to laugh a bit, which she didn't get.

"It's just the flu Alice, nothing more. It'll pass."

"Well it better. Edward, make sure you take care of her, will you?" she asked as he entered the room.

"I'll take care of her," he said, helping me put on my coat.

"If I hear you've not got her seen to there will be trouble," she cried, taking Jasper's hand.

We then said goodbye to everyone else, who all were rather apprehensive about what was really going on. I don't think they bought the flu lie but I wasn't exactly going to spill to them about the IVF. On one hand they deserved to know as they were our friends and family but on the other I was scared of their reactions. It would be less stressful if they didn't know for now.

Edward opened the car door for me and helped me in before going round to his side. He started the car up and waved goodbye to the others that were standing round the door, watching us leave. At some point on the journey back I must have fallen asleep because I woke up being carried up the pathway to our house.

"Why didn't you wake me?" I asked, holding on tightly to Edward's shoulders.

"You were looking so peaceful, I didn't want to disturb.

"You shouldn't have to carry me; I can walk now I'm awake." He looked at me for a second, as though contemplating what I had said and then set me on my feet at the door.

He unlocked the door and let me inside first, watching me carefully as I did so. I knew he was worried I was going to fall again but that wasn't the case as I felt better now than I did then. Still, he watched and even attempted to help me up the stairs.

After getting changed out of my evening wear I settled into bed, with Edward leaning against the doorframe. I motioned for him to come to bed but he shook his head. He did walk across the floor though and kiss me softly on the cheek before leaving, switching the lights out behind him. It kinda felt like I had been put to bed as if I were a child.

Shaking my head of that thought and all the worries I had about Edward I lay down in the comfortable bed, alone. His issues were still eating at him but right now there was nothing I could do. I would talk to him tomorrow about talking to someone, a professional or not, and we'd go from there. Regardless of the situation, I loved him and didn't regret taking this challenging path with him.

Let's just hope the remaining 9 days of injections wouldn't be as hard as today had been. If they were then we wouldn't make it though this in one piece.

A/N

Updates will be slow for this story, I just find it really hard to write, but it will be updated eventually. Thanks for being so patient.