~Chapter 9~

Written by: Shell Shock

References Chocolate Covered Kisses

This is it. I've finally found the perfect house for the Evil-Good's.

Five bedrooms, four baths, huge kitchen with lots of counter space for cooking and nice professional-grade ovens. Plus, the only reason the family is moving, is to downsize and be a bit closer to the heart of town where they have own their own business.

I've been burned one too many times in the past with the Evil-Goods, so I did my research this time. The sellers, Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen, own a chocolate store, 'Goût de Chocolat' in town and they've only been married a few years. They have a small daughter together and another that Edward, (and seriously… how many Edwards are in this town anyway?) adopted when he and his wife married, even though the girl was already 18. The house is definitely for sale as I've called them twice to confirm.

I pick up my phone to call the Evil-Good's as I shuffle through some of the previous houses we've visited. Just as I hear the other line pick up, I slice my finger on the 'disappearing cottage' listing and can't stop myself from muttering, "Christ, that hurt!" as a sharp pain burns in my finger.

An angelic little voice giggles on the other end, "Jesus or Anti?"

"Umm… what?" I question. Do I have the right number? I check the number on my phone and confirm it's correct. Of course, the children would be as odd as the parents. "I mean, I'm sorry. May I please speak with your mom or dad?"

She giggles again. "Sure," she says before I hear the phone drop and her scream. "MOM! DAD! Someone is on the phone looking for Christ but she won't tell me which one!"

"I'll take it," I hear Bella call in the background. "I've been getting a lot more calls since I took down your Gdaddy Devil. People are finally starting to see the light, thank the good Lord!"

I swear I hear a deep, muffled, "You're welcome!" in the background as Bella picks up the phone. Needless to say, she is ecstatic about the new listing and we agree to meet there at nine the next morning. At least I'll be able to squeeze in a quick run this time before meeting them.

*o*O*o*

I arrive at the house at 9 AM sharp with the Evil-Good's pulling in directly behind me. I give the clicker several warm up clicks, knowing I'll likely need to start doing some kind of thumb exercises before getting out of my car to greet my clients. We offer our usual pleasantries while walking to the front door and I try to keep my eyes off of my H O T hot client. The wives don't usually like it when they think I'm hitting on their men.

I give the front door a quick knock even as I'm sticking the key in the slot to unlock it. The couple has promised they wouldn't be here so as not to make the potential buyers uncomfortable, but I always knock just in case.

As I'm opening the door I hear, "Jesus! Edward… They're here! I told you we didn't have time! Get off of me!"

Oh my goddess... They're here! Click click click.

I hear a deep, manly chuckle and the sexiest accent I've ever heard say, "Who cares, ma Belle. Let them see how much I adore you."

"No worries," Mr. Evil-Good pipes up as he begins to push through the door. "But please, call my wife Bella. She much prefers that while we're down here. Less conspicuous you know?"

I am utterly useless at this point. Mr. Evil-Good is staring at me as if I'm the crazy one and I'm trying my best to stay upright after hearing this man speak to his wife. His voice is like sex to my ears. It is rich and velvety with a thick French accent that makes me want to fall on my knees and worship him. As I gather my wits, I try to keep my clients from seeing anything untoward while still trying to get a glimpse of the action myself… Oh please…like you wouldn't!

Thankfully, the owners walk into the foyer from the direction of the kitchen and bring the smell of chocolate with them. It smells Heavenly and I don't waste any time telling them so.

"Actually," Bella chimes in, "Heaven has more of a catnip odor. It's my favorite. Dad changed it just for me after I saved the world. He's just the best Father a girl could ask for."

Everyone stares at Bella as if she's the second coming for a moment while we process this information. Except for Edward, of course, who smiles and wraps his arm tighter around his wife, while kissing her just below her ear. "And I'm so glad you did, baby. You were magnificent that day."

"Okay," I try to recover quickly as I look over to the sellers. "Why don't we look around the house and…"

I trail off as homeowner Edward comes into view. The man is absolutely gorgeous. Amazingly so. I'm starting to get a complex with all of these beautiful people in the room.

His hair is a mess of blond and red, molded into a faux Mohawk.

His shoulders are broad and sexy.

But it is his face that draws my eyes…

The entire left side of his face is covered in scars. It looks like he made it through unscathed, but his eyebrow is gone. Even as he pulls his lip up in a sneer, he is devastatingly handsome and I want nothing more than to run my hands up his chest, pulling his shirt with it, and slowly run my lips over every scar I can find.

I know I am staring… I know it, but I can't stop.

"I'm so sorry!" I finally begin babbling. "I don't know what is wrong with me lately. It's been a really, really weird past few days. This is mortifying."

"It's okay," his wife answers for him as he looks down at the ground, obviously trying to hide his face now. "If I could send the bitch that did this to him straight to Hell, I'd do it in a heartbeat."

Edward, my Edward, I mean… my client Edward, chooses this moment to chime in and say, "I'll see what I can do for you, but I'm not really on speaking terms with my dad anymore. But he always likes increasing his minions down there. Ever since this one here saved me, more and more people are following her rules." He squeezes Bella again as she beams up at him, clearly in love.

I look back at the sellers and see Edward still looking at the ground, hiding his face. I feel awful and go to offer my apologies again when Bella begins to speak softly to him. "Ne pas s'irriter, bébé. Voyez-vous la façon dont elle vous regarde? Vous êtes tellement sexy qu'elle est pratiquement se déshabille vous avec ses yeux que nous parlons. En fait, si elle ne s'arrête pas à cette minute je ne sera pas tenu responsable pour ce que je fais pour son"

Aaaand… now I'm getting a lady boner for the wife. Fuck. Was that French? So hot.

Edward glances in my direction, now with a small smile on his face, and then looks back to his wife. "Calme, Belle. Je crois qu'elle vous donne la même attention maintenant et je ne peux pas lui reprocher un peu. Sortons d'ici et se rendre à la boutique pour que nous puissions terminer ce que nous avons commencé, oui ? "

Oh. My. UNF! I think my panties just spontaneously combusted. Maybe I should start bringing an extra pair with me when I show this couple around. Wait, what am I saying? Everyone knows I don't wear panties! So just my finger vibe then, so it'll fit in my pocket.

Because what's hotter than Edward's wife speaking French? Edward himself.

"Well, if you'll excuse us, we'll be going now. Business to take care of, you know. Our apologies for not leaving before you got here." Edward grabs his wife's hand and starts pulling her towards the door.

I turn to apologize one more time before they leave and notice a rather large chocolate handprint on his wife's ass.

"I really am sorry, Sir," I begin, still mortified. "I'm not usually so uncouth. I have a cat that's been badly burned and I hate it when people gawk at her. Truth be told… the scars make you even hotter than you already are! I'm going to stop talking now. I think maybe I need a vacation."

"Ah, it is, no worries as you say." Edward smiles at me. "Please, feel free to help yourself to the freshly made chocolate truffles. I apologize again for not leaving in time."

"Umm…," my client, Edward, begins. "I'm not sure how to say this tactfully but you have a chocolate handprint on your ass."

"Mmm.. Yes, I'm aware," Edward's wife, Belle apparently, croons into his neck. "I think I'll leave it there for a while so everyone knows this man owns me… completely."

Did she just side eye me? Click. What the fuck? Click click.Sorry I ogled your man, lady, but you've seen him. And heard him.

"Alright!" I say gathering myself… yet again. "Well, you two have a lovely day. Your home is beautiful and I'm sure the Evil-Good's are just dying to see it."

"Been there, done that," Edward and Bella chime in unison.

Clickclick. Ok... I realize I'm using my clicker more as a stress ball now than for its intended purpose, but these people are so... Weird.

"Yes… well… right this way!" I say as cheerily as I can. "Let's check out this fabulous kitchen first."

I usher them away as Edward and his wife head out, laughing and speaking in French to one another. No doubt in anyone's mind what they are about to finish doing. Lucky, lucky girl.

We continue through the rest of the house without further incident. There are pictures of the family up all over the house. Some appear to be taken in Paris. Several are of their chocolate store, with a young woman that looks remarkably like Bella standing with Edward proudly displaying their chocolate creations. There is a large family portrait over the fireplace of Edward, Belle and their two daughters.

I'm feeling really good about this sale, but of course as it turns out, the Evil-Goods decide not to buy the house.

Click.

Of course not. Click click.

Something about her dad not approving of all of the modern conveniences in the kitchen. Click click click.

Is he Amish or something?

Clickclickclickclick. Ahh... That's better.

Guess we'll keep trying. I know of one house for sale not far from here, but I've been reluctant to show it because every time I drive by, a man is standing in the window, staring out at the street. It's just a little creepy if you ask me.

.

.

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* Bella: "Do not be angry, baby. You see how she looks at you? You are so sexy that it is practically undresses you with his eyes as we speak. In fact, if it does not stop at this moment I will not be held responsible for what I do for her "

*Edward: "Quiet, Beautiful. I think it gives you the same attention and now I can not blame him one bit. Leave here and go to the store so we can finish what we started, yes? "

Gotta love google translate. Don't tell Alterite... :)