So there was a bit of confusion in the last chapter concerning the King's letter where he declared Penelope heir to the throne. I want to make it clear that there was a clause in the letter in which Rilian's return voided the decree. So, since Rilian did return, Penelope is not the heir. Rilian is.

Any who... On with the chapter!

I Will Wait…

Chapter 12:Only to find you there…

I came to my decision before the week was out. I did not love Rilian. I couldn't! I had loved him once before, but those days were over now. It was like I told the King in September, love was a mortal thing. It was here one day and gone another. It decayed and died with time like we all did. I loved Rilian once, but I didn't love him anymore. I stopped loving him over a year ago. My head was wise. My head knew I didn't love Rilian. My heart, however, was weak, and it seemed to think my feelings for Rilian still lingered. I just had to push on until my heart finally agreed with my head.

I did not love Rilian anymore.

But Rilian still loved me. That much was very clear. It was clear in the way he spoke to me, and it was clear in the way his eyes lingered on me. And his pining looks did nothing to convince my heart that it didn't love him anymore. Any time I was around or near Rilian I felt jittery and on-edge, like at any moment my stomach would sprout wings and take flight. That…that feeling…that wasn't love. It couldn't be, because I didn't love Rilian.

Not anymore.

2356 December 13

The plans for Rilian's coronation were well underway. The week long celebrations would begin in just a few days with the actual coronation and would cumulate with the Winter Ball at the end of the week. Narnians from across the land were already making journeys and filling the local inns, and royal visitors and dignitaries from the islands would be arriving in a day or two for the festivities. These visitors included the Duke from the Lone Islands, the Duke of Glama, the Archenland King, and the Seven Isles Princess. There were even a few dignitaries from the land south of Narnia, the land of Calormen; we were all a bit surprised to hear that they had accepted the invitation to join the festivities, and a bit wary as to their reasons for accepting.

Everyone was coming for the celebrations. Everyone was excited about the approaching coronation. The atmosphere around Cair Paravel was thick with anticipation, and it was enough to keep the coldest people warm through the night. But for me, all the excitement and anticipation did nothing to help me. Rilian had been back in Narnia for three weeks and still my heart refused to believe the logic of my head.

Rilian's feelings had not changed either; it's as though he refused to believe that I didn't love him anymore, even after I had told him it could never be the way it was before. I tried to convince him, but he was just as stubborn as my heart was. I tried to keep my distance from him. There were only so many rooms in the castle to hide in though, and eventually he found me. He always found me.

One such time occurred in the library three days before his coronation. I was down one of the aisles retrieving another book to add the pile I had created. I was around the corner and already skimming through the book on my return trip, so I didn't know he was standing next to the table until he spoke.

"Suddenly taking an interest in royal coronations?" he asked with a smile in his voice.

"Yes, I suppose you could say that." I laughed lightly as I looked at the massive pile I had created. As I looked at him though, I saw the light and hope his eyes held and I knew what he was hoping.

"Not for that, though," I said apologetically. The hope in his eyes fled instantly. "I'm sorry."

Rilian gave a single shake of his head. "You have nothing to apologize for, Penelope. I know the feelings I have for you, and I know they will not fade. So…" he sighed, "Why the interest in coronations?"

"It's for the children."

"What children?"

"The children of the village. I've been meeting with them weekly for the past few years now."

"Ah yes. I remember hearing about that now. I have heard of many of your deeds. You meet with the children once a week to tell them of Aslan. You deliver food to the elderly in the cold months when there is snow on the ground and they cannot venture outside. And you have given a voice to the women, encouraged them to speak up for their right to choose whom they marry. You are Penelope of the People, they call you."

I cringed slightly. "That's not a very flattering name."

"On the contrary; I find it rather fitting. There are very many who admire and adore you."

"They should do neither. I am no one special."

"Regardless of your wishes, you cannot change how the people feel about you."

"How unfortunate."

Rilian smiled. "Now, why all the interest again?"

"It's for the children; they are very curious about the coronation. They want to know exactly what happens, how it's done, and why it's done the way it is. And they wanted to know about other coronations too. So, I figured I would try to do as much research as I could to answer their questions."

"Aren't you supposed to meet with them today?"

"I am." I cringed. "I meant to get around to this a lot sooner, but Lorna had to go and give birth so Mother has been busy helping her with the baby and she hasn't been able to attend to the plans of the festivities."

"And so that responsibility has fallen to you?"

"You know my family well."

"I know you well. How selfish of Lorna to interfere with your research," Rilian said teasingly.

"Rilian! That…is… not at all what I was trying to say. I am very excited to be an aunt yet again."

"I have no doubt that you are. So, are you finding anything useful in all these books?"

"Lots, actually. Your father had a great memory. After the war ended he was obviously very busy trying to establish a new and united Narnia so it was several weeks before he got around to it, but he had his coronation scribed, word for word. Every question he was asked, every answer he gave, and every detail of the ceremony, he had written down, here, in this book." I held the particular book out for him; it was already open to the page.

"Did you know," I continued, "that the questions he was asked were the exact same questions asked of every king in Narnian history. Apart from the Telmarine Kings obviously, who had their own way of doing things. And King Frank's were just a bit different too; the actual word for word questions didn't come around until his oldest son was crowned king of Narnia, but those questions were modeled after the ones King Frank was asked."

"I did know that actually."

"Right. Well did you know that they are the very same questions asked of the King of Archenland?"

Rilian smiled. "I did. It was one of King Frank's sons who first moved to Archenland and established it as a country. It would only make sense that he borrowed from Narnia's coronation."

"Fair point. Did you know that the questions, though not quite word for word, are more or less the same ones asked of the King of The Seven Isles? It is done of course in their own language, and that's where the variations come into play."

Rilian nodded. "I knew that too. Aslan established the Isles government just as He established Narnia's. Again, it only makes sense that they would be very similar. Are there any other coronations you would care to try and stump me with?" He smirked.

I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest, but I was not ready to concede defeat. "Well, Terebinthia's is a little different, and Carlormen's is…well, it's Calormen."

"And they are both very different from Narnia. It makes sense."

"Yes well…I am sure there is something…Ah yes!" I smiled triumphantly as the perfect thought came to mind. "The Queen's coronation is different in each of the three countries: Narnia, Archenland, and The Seven Isles."

"I…I…" Rilian hesitated and my triumphant smile grew larger and turned into a smirk of my own. "I actually didn't know that. How are they different?"

"A few bits here and there, really. Archenland's Queen is to submit wholly to the King's will, whereas The Seven Isles Queen actually holds rank above the King. Narnia's King and Queen are viewed as equals; however, where the King is expected to be the first in the charge and the last to retreat, the Queen isn't expected to go to war at all. In fact, war and battle aren't even mentioned in the Queen's coronation. Obviously and outdated notion."

Rilian laughed vibrantly. As I waited for him to calm down—I wasn't quite sure what he found so amusing—I took a seat at the table and continued to look through the most recent book I had acquired. At long last he stopped, and took a seat too.

"So, how will you share all of this with the children?" Rilian asked.

I huffed and looked up from the book. "That's the problem. I have no idea. I can't just tell them; I can't feed them bland information. They would never focus. It has to be fun. And exciting. I've been trying to figure out something, but I've come up with nothing so far."

"What about holding a coronation?" he said easily.

"I'm not sure I follow."

"Let them put on their own coronation. You can walk them through it, explaining each step as you go, but let them ask the questions and crown the King."

I sat back in my chair as I thought over his idea. "Rilian, that's…that's kind of brilliant actually."

"You sound surprised."

"Well, considering who's idea it was," I teased. Rilian merely took it in stride. "Really, it is a great idea, but I'm not too sure of how well it would go. I can go over the actual questions with them, but most of those concepts are a bit beyond their grasp. The oldest in the group is not quite eight yet, and the youngest is five."

"So…put the questions in a way that they would understand. You can explain the general concepts behind the questions without going too in depth. Perhaps they could even make up their own questions in the manner of a coronation?"

"Again that's rather brilliant."

"And you still sound surprised."

"Well…" I shrugged and smiled in a teasing manner. "Thanks Rilian. You really did help."

"I do what I can." Rilian stood up as though about to leave. "Will I see you tonight at dinner?" he asked hopefully. "You weren't there the past few nights."

"Umm, maybe," I replied. "I was with Lorna and the baby, but I believe your sister is coming to dry land for dinner tonight." Ever since Rilian returned, Rhea had spent most of her time in the Narnian waters. I actually hadn't seen her in nearly five days when she last came to dinner.

"She is, but I was hoping you would join me too."

"We'll see, I guess. It depends on how long I meet with the children today, and I do want to see Lorna and the baby."

"You could always see her after dinner."

"I could," I said with a nod. "Or I could have dinner with her."

"Well, you know where I will be. It was nice seeing you, Penelope, and I'm glad I could be of service." He bowed his head to me before turning and walking towards the library entrance.

"Rilian wait…" I called out suddenly as I thought of something else. Rilian partially turned around. "Would you be willing to help with the children's coronation?"

"More than I already have?" he replied cheekily.

"Yes, more than you already have. They will need a King to coronate after all. I could allow one of them to act as King, but I foresee an argument breaking out over whom gets to be said King. And besides, I think they would really enjoy coronating the actual King of Narnia."

"If it means spending more time with you, then I would be glad of it. When did you have in mind? At the next meeting?"

"No. We won't be meeting as usual next week because of the evening banquet. What about next Saturday though."

"That's the day of the Winter Ball?"

"Yes, but it's also the day with the largest break. There are four hours between the end of the tournament and the ball, so that everyone may prepare for the ball. We could have a quick ceremony then. If that time works for you."

"It sounds great. I look forward to it."

"As do I. Goodbye, Rilian."

He bowed his head to me once more before turning to leave again. And when he left, he left me once more with wild, fluttering emotions.

XOXOX

I did not dine with Rilian and Rhea that night. I could say it was because I became engrossed with the children and my new nephew, who was named Orlich for my dad, but that would be a lie. The truth is, I didn't go because I didn't want to see Rilian. Our interaction that morning had me more annoyed than ever about my feelings, and I didn't want to muddle things anymore. I could not think clearly when I was around him; I could only think of him and I together. I could only think of our future, and it was a future that didn't exist anymore.

It couldn't, because I didn't love him anymore.

I was hoping that the arriving guests might provide a better distraction than the planning had. Well, one guest in particular. Pierre. I'm not sure why, but I was certain he would show. He didn't; only his brothers Armel and Basile and a small guard came. At first I was rather disappointed when I discovered that Pierre had decided not to come, but looking back, perhaps it was for the best the Pierre did not come. I believe now that his presence only would have complicated matters with Rilian even more. Either way, Armel and Basile arrived only a day before the coronation and so I was quickly swept away into that.

The coronation itself was grand and majestic. It was held in the grand hall, and the room was full of spectators. Those that could not make it inside stood outside in the courtyard. After he was crowned Rilian stepped out onto the balcony and the applause that greeted my ears was deafening. The ceremony was enough to make my breath hitch in my throat and bring the moistness of tears to my eyes. I'm not entirely certain, but I think a few may have even fallen.

Rilian did great. He was bold and confident. He spoke with firmness, but he was gentle enough for the children. He instilled a sense of pride, well being, and safekeeping amongst everyone present. He was everything a King should be, and all were proud to call him such. And I—I could not have been more proud of him, or happier for him. Of course, those feelings only muddled things even more for my heart.

After the coronation, the week was a blur of feasting and entertaining. In the mid-sun hours everyone gathered around the arena for a five day tournament of jousting and dueling. In the evenings we gathered in the large banquet hall where we were entertained by singers, story tellers, minor magicians, and fire jugglers. All around spirits were high and faces were merry.

Before anyone knew it, the end of the week was upon us and the ball was a few hours away. As planned though, Rilian was about to be coronated…again. The small makeshift ceremony was being held in one of the parlors that was not being used for the ball and currently unoccupied by visiting guests. It was just Rilian, myself, the group of children, and their parents. The children and their parents, who were serving as the witnesses, were already in the parlor. I stood in the hall just outside the door with Rilian going over a few things before we began.

2356 December 21

"Thank you again for doing this, Rilian. The children have had so much fun putting it together, and they are very excited about it."

"The joy in your eyes and the smile on your face are reward enough for me," Rilian replied.

I pressed my lips together while trying to keep my smile. I didn't really know how to respond to his remark.

"I'm sorry," Rilian said with a sigh. "No. Actually I'm not sorry, Penelope, and I won't apologize anymore for how I feel."

"It's okay, Rilian. I understand, and I won't ask you to stop." Truth be told, for whatever reason, knowing that Rilian still felt so strongly about us was comforting. I think it was possible that my feelings for him were beginning to soften a little more. I'd seen already how royally he had handled himself this week, and it reminded me of how I'd fallen in love him so many years ago.

"Now," I said pressing forward with the upcoming coronation. "Each child has come up with a question to ask. The question may seem silly or a bit child-like, but they are matters that are important to them. That is how I described the questions of the Royal Coronation: matters of importance to the country and people. You need to simply answer as you did before, with your promise to do so."

"Sounds simple enough."

"It will be."

"And what will you be doing?"

"I will be standing behind the children, prompting them on when to speak and watching and waiting, until one of them needs me to jump in and help with a word. Some will have scraps of paper to read the question from, and some have memorized their question. But every question has been rehearsed and approved by me, so you will not have some wildly inappropriate question. Now apart from the children asking questions there will be one officiant, and one crowner."

"There's a crown?"

"I told you, the kids are very excited about this and Perinus, the young Faunling, taught the others how to make a crown from leaves and flowers. They all worked together to make one."

"Wow. They really are your children then." I looked at him curiously, not sure of his meaning. "They hold nothing back."

"Well, I try."

"You try to hold back?"

"No. I try to set an example." Rilian and I both laughed softly, before I asked, "Are you ready?"

"I believe so, yes."

I looked him over briefly. He was wearing his simple royal garb complete with his long red cloak and his gold circlet containing the Lion's head. I reached out a hand and gently brushed off a bit of dirt on his shoulder and smoothed out some of the wrinkles on his chest; I was flooded with a strange warmth before realizing my mistake. I had touched him. Whenever I touched him, even if it was just a faint brushing, I was bombarded with thoughts of us together, both past and future. I quickly dropped my hand from his chest, but it was too late; I had already received the images.

"I'll be needing that," I said hastily as I tried to rid myself of the images.

"You'll be needing what?"

"Your crown, Rilian. I'll need your crown."

"Why?"

"You can't very well be crowned if you're already wearing a crown."

"Oh. I suppose you're right. Well, here you go then." He gently lifted the gold band from his head and held it out for me to take; I did so hesitantly.

"It's remarkably light, isn't it?" he asked as I spent a moment looking it over.

"I imagine its weight is felt elsewhere."

Rilian simply nodded his head. "Shall we begin then?"

"Yes, we shall. Wait here for just a moment while I check to make sure they are ready in there." Rilian nodded his head again and I opened the parlor doors just enough to pass through.

XOXOX

The Kid's Coronation went very smoothly. Once again Rilian was great; he answered regally and with great ease. He responded well to the children's questions and reacted to their enthusiasm. Even from behind them, I could clearly see the joy he placed in their eyes and I could feel their happiness radiating off of their small bodies. They were simply thrilled, and as such I was thrilled.

Everything went as well as I hoped it would…that is, except for one question. Little Sophia was the last to ask a question before Girahall was to crown Rilian. Sophia was supposed to ask Rilian if he would remember to always tell his children a bedtime story. That was the question that I had approved and that we had all agreed on, but apparently Sophia had a different idea.

"Do you so promise to dance with Lady Penelope at the ball tonight?" Sophia asked.

"What?" I said suddenly, before Rilian could respond. I took a small step forward. "No, that's not the question we agreed…"

The children all turned their heads and shushed me at once before I could finish my protest. "Lady Penelope, we're in the middle of ceremony. You shouldn't be speaking now," Sophia said.

"But I…"

The children shushed me again and I forcefully closed my mouth. I was almost certain I heard Rilian chuckle.

"Now, Sir Rilian, once more, do you so promise to dance with Lady Penelope at the ball tonight?" Sophia asked again.

Rilian locked his eyes squarely with mine, promising me as much as he promised Sophia. "I do so promise to dance with Lady Penelope at every ball henceforth…if she be willing."

And that is what led me to this moment. To this place. To this rush of emotion I now felt. That was the very reason why I now found myself dancing with Rilian. I had been trying to avoid it all night, but thanks to my mother, who stopped to congratulate me on such a great ball, Rilian managed to come up behind me unaware and ask me to dance. From the corner of my eye, I saw Sophia watching, and I couldn't deny her my dance with Rilian.

It's not so much that I didn't want to dance with him, because, to be honest with myself, I did want to. I just knew what would happen the moment I took his hand. I knew I would be bombarded with overwhelming emotions. There was no denying them. There was never any way to deny them, and believe me I had tried. They were just too strong.

But maybe there was a reason for that?

Maybe there was a reason why I was bombarded with thoughts and images of us together every time I took his hand.

Could it be? … … I had thought that I had rid myself of such weakness. I thought—after Pierre—that I was in control of my feelings, and that I would never succumb to love again. I was certain it was over. I was certain that my feelings for Rilian were no more.

But could it be?

Could the late King have been right? Was it possible that such love, as the love he shared with his queen and as the love I once shared with Rilian, could never die? Could it be that instead of my head convincing my heart like it had tried, that my heart had actually convinced my head?

Could it be that I still loved Rilian?

This chapter probably took me two, maybe three weeks to finish because I kept getting held up by the Kid's Coronation. I wanted to have it in here, particularly for Sophia's question, but I couldn't make the whole thing work. Once I realized that all I really wanted was Sophia's question and I could do without the others...everything fell into place and the rest of the story was done in a week and a half. Amazing how sometimes the simplest things hold us up.

Speaking of the rest of the story...not to put up a countdown or anything...but there are two chapters and the epilogue (which is just as long as a chapter) left, and that's it! Yikes!

Hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and that you'll enjoy the next three updates.