I Will Wait…

Chapter 13: And in the night when our dreams are still…

The days following the Winter Ball and leading into the New Year strengthened my hypothesis, until at last there came a day where it was confirmed. And once I gathered up enough strength and courage to finally admit it, to myself at least, I was rewarded with a most sensational sense of freedom. I was no longer bound by the paralyzing chains which once held me captive, restricting my thoughts, and keeping me a prisoner to my own pain. I was free to dream, free to hope, and free to believe in a future radiating with happiness. The facts were simple and plain, and lying directly before me.

I love Rilian!

It was undeniable. I loved him. Not only did I love him, but I still loved him. I had never stopped loving him. "What about Pierre?" one may ask. "How could you love both Pierre and Rilian?" I did love Pierre, do not doubt that, and I loved the happiness I could have had with him. But the foreign Prince was right; I could never love him the way I loved Rilian. Some things couldn't be helped, and my love for Rilian was one of them.

When I came to terms with this revelation I know there came change within me. I could feel it, and I couldn't help but show it. I smiled more, and I laughed more. I couldn't seem to stop smiling even if I tried, but honestly I didn't really try too much; I was too joyous.

I didn't reveal my feelings to anyone though. They were my feelings for one, and for another I believed Rilian should be the first to know. I was unable to tell Rilian, though, for several weeks. I knew a written letter wouldn't do my feelings justice; it had to be face to face. And it wasn't going to be some public announcement at meal times, but for several weeks after the ball meal times were the only times I saw Rilian. He was kept busy tied up in court listening to his people and overseeing official Kingly business with the Lords.

It was over a month before I got a chance to tell Rilian how I felt, and when I did…it didn't quite go how I thought it would.

2357 February 8

I swung the sword in my right hand down at an angle with great force while blocking an attack with the sword in my left hand. Then I did a quick spin over my left shoulder before issuing another attack. It, like the first, was blocked. A minor setback; I would gain my victory soon enough. For several minutes the only sounds heard were the ringing of swords and the huffing, puffing, and grunting of my opponent and I. Then, at last, one of my swords contacted with chainmail and my opponent let out a very un-knightly swear.

"I am glad your son is not around to hear you use such language," I said. "A mind so young absorbs everything."

My opponent merely glared at me in response.

"You look upset. Please, what bothers you?"

"You win again, Sister!" he said a little bitterly.

I laughed breathlessly as I walked over to my youngest brother. "It was no easy feat this time, Ivor. Your skill has improved greatly since we last dueled."

"Be that as it may, it is still not enough to defeat you."

"I wouldn't take your loss so hard, Ivor," Rilian said suddenly joining the conversation; he had not been around for the duel—at least, I don't think he was. Ivor and I both turned our attention to Rilian, and I couldn't stop my smile from spreading when I saw him. He was once more dressed in his standard royal garb with his Lion's head crown, for he had just come from court.

"There are very few who can go head to head with your sister and come out victorious," Rilian continued as he walked down the stairs into the training room.

Ivor quickly bowed and greeted Rilian with a very proper, 'Your Majesty.' I laughed with a little more force since my breath was finally returning to me.

"It's just Rilian, Ivor. We've known him our whole lives; there's hardly any need for such propriety."

Ivor looked at me with shock before responding. "Well, even if it is just Rilian, he is the King of Narnia now, and as a Knight of Narnia it is my duty to show my respect."

"Perhaps you could teach your lovely sister here to show me some respect," Rilian said. "For she never shows me any."

"That is because I am no Knight," I said.

"Clearly. Nor, as I recall, do you prefer to act like much of a lady. And yet, you could beat the best of my Knights in a duel."

"Do not under estimate me, Rilian. I can beat the worst of them too."

Rilian laughed fully. Oh! how I loved to hear him laugh. I loved his bright smile, and the joyous sound coming from his lips. Most of all though, I loved the way his full laughter made his eyes shine. I could hardly pull my eyes from his as I became absorbed in his laughter. I felt myself sinking deeper and deeper into his laugh, and with a great effort I closed my eyes to let it consume me. It was Ivor clearing his throat that suddenly pulled me back to the surface.

"I should be going," Ivor said. "It is near dinner time."

"Yes, of course," I said somewhat weakly. "Thank you for the challenge—" Ivor huffed, "—and give my love to Kareen and my niece and nephew." I kissed his cheek sweetly.

"Surely, Sister."

Ivor bowed to Rilian once more before leaving and then it was just the two of us. Rilian and I were alone. We had not been alone since before the Winter Ball. I could still hear his laughter echoing off the walls and I felt my happiness and my love begin to consume me once more. We were alone.

"So, I see you are free," I said at last.

"Just until tomorrow morning and then it is back to court."

"Ah. Well, what news do you bring from court today?" I asked as I walked over to a nearby table where the sheaths for my swords lay. "Has Master Perkquin come to complain about the smell from Ms Tobi's garden yet? Or has Old-Man Yarwin come to demand that the local children be imprisoned for playing on his land again?"

Rilian laughed again; how delightful! "I have heard the story from both Perkquin and Tobi, and I have nothing more to offer them then what has already been offered. As for Yarwin, I suggested he had a fence made, but seeing as how the man would trust no one to build it, I doubt it will happen."

"And I do not see him building the fence himself," I said after I had returned my swords to their covers and turned back around to face Rilian.

"Nor do I," Rilian agreed. "What else do you know of court matters?" he asked curiously.

I shrugged. "Not much really. Rhea forced me to attend the sessions with her. She said if she had to suffer through them, then I did too. I only rarely paid attention to what was being said."

"Pity, I believe some of your opinions would be well welcomed."

"Or, I'd speak from my mind and say something completely inappropriate and make someone very angry and perhaps spur the next civil war."

"Also a viable possibility," Rilian agreed with a chuckle. I couldn't help but laugh a little with him.

"So, any other news from court. Is there a threat of war, for instance?"

"No. There is none."

"Not even with Calormen?"

"There is none," Rilian said again. "The treaty my father signed with the Tisroc held very strongly, and the one I just signed with him holds the same promise."

"Well that is excellent news. There were many secret worries that the Calormenes had some scheme in mind since they agreed to join our festivities."

"I had the same secret worries. But no, Narnia is at peace with the world and it appears the world is at peace with Narnia."

"Well let us hope that such peace does not cause your Knights to grow weak in skill."

"That is why I have you too keep them in line. Perhaps the mere threat of facing you in combat will encourage them to stay strong."

"And if the threat will not do it, then I will gladly duel them if my King asks it of me. No Knight likes to be defeated by a girl."

"Not even the girl's own brother it appears."

"Oh, especially not her brothers. Her brothers loathe it most assuredly. But…they love me and know I need to train regularly, so they duel me anyways."

"Would it be so terrible, if you allowed them to win every once in awhile?"

"What? You can't be serious? What would letting them win accomplish? I'd never just let anyone win."

"Oh? Never?" he asked curiously.

"No," I replied. He smiled sheepishly. "What are you thinking?"

He chuckled. "You used to let my mother win all the time."

I thought back to the first time Rilian had accused me of letting his mother win. It was during one of their weekly rides. Rilian had convinced me to come along, and after a small lunch the Queen had asked me to duel her.

2344 October 5

"You win again, Your Majesty," I said as I gave a small bow after our third duel. "It is like I warned; I am not very good."

"Ah, but you do have some small skill," the Queen replied. "Which is not surprising in the least, given who your parents are." She glanced over to my mother who stood watching. I looked in the same direction. My eyes did not fall on my mother, however, but on Rilian who stood just behind her; he smiled as though he knew my secret, and I quickly looked away. The Queen mistook my sudden downcast eyes.

"Do not feel shame, Penelope," she said with concern. "With a little practice your skill will be great some day. I fully believe that."

"Thank you, Your Majesty. You are too kind," I said earnestly with a smile. "Now, if you will excuse me, I feel the need for a quick washing in the river."

"Certainly Penelope, and thank you for the duels."

"You are most welcome, Your Majesty." I bowed again before sheathing my sword and heading down to the river bank. My mother of course called out a warning to be safe as I walked away.

The river bank was down a small slope, and when I reached the bottom I could not see the rest of the party. I was hardly frightened though; I was more than capable of defending myself. It takes some skill with a blade to win a duel, but takes even more skill to lose and let your opponent think she won fairly. I set my sword down on the river bank and ventured out onto a broad stone. I knelt on both knees to scoop the water up in my hands and splash it on my face. It was cool and refreshing; just what I was hoping for.

"Have I not told you before, that it is against the law to lie to the King or Queen?"

I stood up and turned around quickly. "Rilian!" I whispered severely. "What are you doing here?"

"I am calling your bluff." He walked over to the rock and held out his hand towards me.

"I do not know what you're talking about," I lied as I took his hand and he helped me back onto the bank. He did not drop my hand when I stood before him though.

"Oh? I believe you know exactly what I'm talking about. You didn't lose your duels, Penelope. You let my mother win them."

"Don't be ridiculous, Rilian. Your mother is simply a better fighter than I." I tried turning away to walk back up the slope, but Rilian still would not let go of my hand.

"And don't lie to me, Penelope." He pulled me back to him; my free hand flew up to his chest to brace myself. "I know you too well," he whispered as he stared down at me. "You let her win."

"You have no proof, and even if you did, I would never admit to it."

His hand brushed my cheek, and I closed my eyes and leaned into it. When I opened my eyes again it was to find Rilian leaning in for kiss. I pulled back.

"What if someone sees?"

"You can't see any part of the bank from where the party is. I already checked for that."

He leaned in for a kiss again, and this time I didn't refuse him.

2357 February 8

"You let her win," Rilian said again, sounding just like he had twelve years ago.

I smiled. "Of course I let her win, Rilian. She was the Queen, and I was much younger then, than I am now."

Rilian shook his head. "My mother would be very disappointed if she ever found out you let her win your duels. And she would have insisted on another in which you vowed not to hold back."

"And she would have lost, which is exactly why I never told her I let her win."

"You sound certain that you would have won."

"Your mother didn't have the same training I had."

"My father trained my mother."

"And mine trained me."

"Are you suggesting that your father could have defeated mine in a duel?"

"No. Your father," I paused slightly as I thought of King Caspian, "was an excellent fighter."

"You dueled him as well, didn't you? Did you also let him win because he was King?"

I almost didn't want to answer him. "No. I didn't have to. Your father won all on his own."

"So he defeated you?"

"A task even you couldn't achieve."

"You think I couldn't defeat you today if I tried?"

"I base my assumptions on past experiences, Rilian. In all the times we dueled when we were younger, you never once defeated me."

"Would you care to see if that too has changed?"

"Are you asking me for a duel, Rilian?"

Suddenly Rilian's expression changed drastically. His smile and teasing manner vanished entirely. And his tone became quite serious.

"I am," was all he said.

XOXOX

My heart skipped a beat or two…perhaps even three. He was serious. Rilian wanted to duel me, and he knew what it meant to do so. I had never told him about how I dueled away my suitors, but just by looking at him I knew he knew. And now he stood before me asking for a duel. I was so overwhelmed with joy and love I could hardly breathe. Of course I would grant him the duel, but it didn't matter what the outcome was; I knew what I wanted.

"Then duel we shall." My answer was soft and quiet, but Rilian still heard it.

"Good." He sounded relieved, giving me the impression that he thought I would not accept his challenge. "Shall we set aside a time for the duel tomorrow?"

"No!" I said hastily. I had waited nearly twelve years; I didn't want to another day.

"Let's duel now," I said in a softer tone. "Let's do it now. I do not need a large crowd or fanfare. I only need you…and I." I took a step towards him as my love for him filled me and poured out of my heart. "I need us. Rilian…. I need us. Duel me now."

Rilian didn't smile; his lips didn't even twitch. He simply nodded curtly. "Very well then."

And then he turned his back to me abruptly as he went to the wall behind him to grab his weapon. I was momentarily stunned, and stood rooted to the spot. What had happened? He sounded relieved when I accepted the challenge, but then he showed no sign of joy when I confessed my desire. Was I too late?

"I do believe one usually needs at least one sword to compete in a sword duel."

I turned my head quickly to look at Rilian, and found—to my great relief—that he was smirking. It was a small smirk, but a smirk none-the-less. Perhaps it was not too late for me after all.

"Generally that is how it works, but I am certain…well, nearly certain that I could defeat you without a sword."

"I believe it would be best to not leave that to chance this time around. Do you agree?"

"I do."

I fully agreed that such a risk should not be taken yet; though' it mattered very little if Rilian lost or if he won. I would love him either way. Regardless, I quickly went back to the table and grabbed my swords. As I pulled them from their sheaths though, I noticed my hands had a small shake in them. So before turning back around I took a deep breath to find my focus. There may have been more riding on this duel than any other, but I still had to treat it like any other.

"Are you ready?" I asked once my hands steadied.

Rilian replied, "I am."

Without any further warning or hesitation I spun around, raising both swords for an attack, and brought them down with great speed. Rilian gave a cry of surprise, but easily deflected both of my swords. Unlike any other opponent I had faced, Rilian chose to fight with two swords of his own.

"What was that?" he asked.

"I thought you said you were ready?" I said with a smirk. Rilian paused briefly before returning my smirk, and our duel began.

Our swords clinged and dinged as our feet danced and our bodies twisted. This duel was truly unlike any other. Our swords were constantly connecting with a ring. One was always attacking while the other was always defending. There was no pause between attacks. We moved around the training room as one entity; it was as though he knew every move I was going to make the moment I had decided to make it. It was at least fifteen minutes before anyone scored the first hit.

It was me.

Then it took another twenty before Rilian got his first hit. After that we took a few moments to catch our breath, drink some water, and see to our nicks and bruises. Rilian tenderly fingered my right jaw; his finger gently grazed along the bone line. I winced slightly as he touched a particularly tender spot.

"That is going to leave a visible mark. I am sorry; truly, I feel terrible about that."

"Do not apologize, Rilian. We're dueling with sharp swords. A few minor wounds are to be expected," I said after I finished tying a bandage around a small cut to his upper arm.

With a small smile I picked up my swords again, and our duel resumed. There was very little difference between the two sets of matches. All that really changed was our speed. It was as though we both decided, without verbal discussion, that speed would not ensure our victory. So we each tried to out maneuver the other. As it was though, Rilian knew all of my secret moves and I knew all of his.

Or so I thought. After another twenty minutes, Rilian did something quite unexpected and gained his second hit. He needed only one more to win, and he knew it.

"Come on, Penelope, don't start going easy on me. Where's the challenge?" he taunted.

Oh how a part of me wished I could honestly say that he had only gotten the hit because I had gone easy on him. It appeared that my jaw was not the only thing be a little wounded. I had no witty comeback for him though, so I kept my mouth shut and focused only on the duel.

The next match went much like the others. Rilian kept my swords well at bay and prevented me from getting another hit, but I did the same with his swords. At some point during the match, at least I think it was during that match—it could have been sooner—the castle bell tolled signaling the start of evening meal. Though both of our stomachs were moaning and groaning, pleading to be fed, neither Rilian nor I were ready to quit. We would not pause for food. We would only stop when this was over. We didn't want to wait any longer.

At last a hit was made, and it was mine. We now each had two hits. Once more though, we were both breathless and thirsty, so we took a brief respite. And then we began again.

The final match, I can easily say, was the greatest match I have ever been in, and when we found ourselves down a weapon we used whatever we could find to take its place. There was passion and intensity unlike any other. Each move was made with determination, and each attack was blocked with great precision. At one point Rilian had somehow managed to disarm me of one of my swords and wrap an arm around my shoulders, pinning my back to his chest. But by some means I was able to twist and roll out of his arms before he could bring his other arm in for the final hit.

After that I was able to disarm him of both of his weapons. He avoided my attacks though and fended me off with a long spear he pulled from the wall. He used that as his new weapon until he could regain one of his swords. I have never fought harder in my life, than I did in that one match against Rilian. And I'm certain he felt the same. The tips of his hair were beginning to clump up and stick to his face, and as for his face, it shimmered with a sheen of sweat, as I'm sure mine did.

In the end I stood panting and breathless. My back was pushed against the stone wall. My head was tingling slightly from the rush of the duel. My swords, both of them, lay several feet away from me, out of reach. There were no weapons around me, and none on my person. Even if there were, I wouldn't have been able to get to them. My legs were pinned by one of Rilian's as he pressed it against me. And my hands…My hands…Somehow he had gotten a hold of some rope and wrapped it around my wrists, and my hands were tied behind my back. Rilian secured his victory by gently placing a dagger at my throat. I might have been frightened….if it were anyone other than Rilian pinning me.

He had done it. He had won. Not only had he won, but he had proven himself. He held nothing back. He fought me with everything he had, knowing I would defend myself. And when I couldn't defend myself, like when he had me pinned against the wall, he was gentle and caring enough for me to trust him. He was everything I wanted, everything I needed, everything I loved. And I could hardly restrain my joy.

"Congratulations, Rilian," I said breathlessly. "You've done what very few have. You've defeated me in a duel. Not only have you won though, you've proven yourself to be a great man, a man worthy of my love. As I knew you would. Now…if it is your desire, and I do hope it is, I offer you my hand in courtship."

I stared longingly and lovingly into Rilian's eyes waiting for his response. But what I heard, was not I what I wanted.

"No," he said. "No. I do not want to court you."

I know, I know...but hey...I haven't left you with a true and honest cliffhanger in a long while. Maybe if you're good, I won't leave you hanging for long and post the next chapter early.

So, tell me what you think. Should I put up my other Rilian/OC story or do another Caspian/OC? Or should I hold off a bit and try posting both when I enough written? The Rilian story would be the one that I've been teasing the Trilogy readers with since the beginning, Finding Home, about a young mother and her son who find themselves in Narnia. The Caspian story would be a new idea, an alternate universe of an alternate universe really. Based very heavily on the movie Prince Caspian (which is already AU). Remember the scene during the castle raid when Edmund couldn't get his light to turn back on? Well, what if he never got it to turn on and he couldn't signal the troupes? What would have been the outcome of the raid and the battle then?

I am currently working on both stories, but let me know which you think you'd like to read most.

Also, I just wanted to pass along a great read. I read a superb Rilian/Lady of the Green Kirtle story called Master of Puppets. It's really long, but it is wonderful. The author had me feeling for and cheering for the Lady of the Green Kirtle. I felt terribly wrong for doing so, but she was written in a way that makes you hope she will be victorious. The story exploits the side of the LGK that we never knew. I highly recommend you try it. It's complete and was all written before the movie Prince Caspian. You can find it on my favorite stories list.