Fan Fiction
Disclaimer: do not own anything, well, except this plot, but besides that it all belongs to j.k... Once again, I envy your rights
Warnings: in this chapter there is self harm and abuse, only Harry, and also of Snape seeing this happening..
a /n: ok, so sorry for not updating, I was in the hospital and then I had all of my finals for school, so it was chaotic, but thanks for the reviews and adding me to your update lists, and I hope this chapter is worth the wait, most of my chapters will be about this long, anyways, hope you review after reading, thanks!
-identity
Harry was sitting at the table in the great hall. His eyes scanning the head table looking for the headmaster, his eyes fell when dinner started and the potions professor did not show, Harry shook his head in disappointment as he took the food off the table and ate a few bites and then started listening in to the conversations of the rest of the students were having, Ronald and Hermione were talking about their family, Seamus and dean were talking about lineage, and the rest of the table was having conversations ranging from favorite color to if nargles were real or not. Harry shook his head and looked at the head table again, his eyes resting on the empty headmaster seat, He sighed and turned to Hermione when she called
"Harry, are you alright?"
She asked in a gentle tone, reaching across the table to pat his hand, Harry looked up and smiled
"Yeah, fine 'mione, just tired"
He told her, hoping she would not see past his mask, he had finally learned to keep a mask of composure on when he was near any of his friends, Harry stood, leaving the great hall and almost all of his food un-eaten then turned and headed to the astronomy tower, it was where he went when he needed time to think, and also when he needed to release his emotions in the only way he knew how, a few minutes later Harry was sitting in the tower, his eyes closed as he reveled in the sensation of his blood running down his hand and dripping onto the floor, the razor blade was on the floor as well, sitting in a pool of blood, Harry sighed, healed the wound enough that it would scar and cleaned up the mess , he got up and cleaned the blood, then he turned towards the Gryffindor tower and grabbed his homework, he headed to the library and sat in his seat, close to the window, and not visible from the entrance doors, he sat down with a sigh, then pulled out his defense against the dark arts and potions homework, he needed to write an essay on the difference between a werewolf and an animagi, and Snape was making them write an essay on the draught of the living dead potion, boy did he have his work cut out for him today, he thought with a roll of his eyes and he started work, first he looked up the DADA homework he sighed and stood up and walked to the dark arts section in the library, he pulled out the book he needed and sat down again, only to see Hermione sit down on the other side of the table
"Hey 'mione"He said, his eyes scanning the stacks searching for Ronald, just then he saw the bright orange hair pop out from the potion section
"Ron" He eyed the stack of books the boy had in his hands
"What has Snape got you doing!" Harry exclaimed, his eyes wide and he looked at Hermione, expecting and answer she smiled sheepishly and looked at him
"Ron was caught trying to copy off my parchment during the brewing of the vertiaserum potion, and was giving a five page essay to write for tomorrow's class..."
She explained and Harry laughed
"Really, Ron!" Harry smiled and shook his head and then he looked at the book and flipped to the animagus section, and then read over it
"Hermione" Harry said looking up
"An animagus it able to change at will, it that right?" He asked, his eyes alight with an idea, although if Hermione saw, he would explain it as a figment of her imagination, Hermione nodded, and she looked up from her transfiguration homework
"Yes, but only a very powerful witch or wizard is able to become one, and it is not unheard of for there to be multiple animal animagus"She explained eyeing him carefully
"Harry, why do you ask?" She looked at him harder, trying to figure out his reasoning for the question, Harry looked at her and gestured to his home work, and the books spread out on the solid wood table
"the new defense professor is giving all eighth years an essay on the difference between the animagus and the werewolf" He shook his head and sighed, remembering Remus who had died in the war
"Waste of time if you ask me" he said and then the table fell silent, Harry kept studying the books, a few hours later he had finished his work he got up, he turned, took out the book on the dark arts and then left the library, he went to his rooms, put away his things, and then headed to the dungeons.
his head spinning, he stopped at the stairs and closed his eyes, he then, with some concentration, forced all the thoughts and memories and feelings he really did not want Severus to see to the back of his mind, he was able to create a small shield, and protected those memories, then he opened his eyes and headed down to the potions masters chambers, he took a claming breath, and he placed a glamour on himself, covering his scars and bruises, and then he knock, once, twice, then stepped back.
"Enter"
His heart leaped at the sound of snape's voice, and he pushed open the door.
Severus was correcting first and second year essays when he heard the knock on the door, he cast a tempus charm, 7:59, damn, the boy was actually on time, and he sighed and called
"Enter"
He said, his voice echoing in the room, he looked down again, continuing to correct, without looking up, he gestured to the seat in front on his desk, and Harry sat down, he finished correcting the essay, and looked up.
"Well, tonight we will be doing your first lesson of occlumency, now; I want you to close your eyes"
Severus stood and walked around to stand in front of the boy, whose eyes were closed, he could see his eyes twitching, trying to see where he was standing in the room, and Snape sighed, twice in the past five minutes, must be a record, he mentally noted before speaking
"Last time we did this, you were…less then satisfactory in the art, so let's see if you have improved, shall we"
he drew his wand and pointed it at the boy, then taking a calming breath he cast the spell
"Legilimens"
immediately, Snape was pulled into Harry's mind, his thoughts mostly consisted of homework, and visiting with Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger, and then they shifted, he was studying the was the other boy was looking at granger, and Snape felt understanding, understanding to what, Snape wondered, and then he figured it out, Weasley was in love with the girl, then the scene changed, it was a dream, it was Voldemort standing in the graveyard, the Diggory boy's body was laying on the ground, and then it changed again, all of a sudden he was pushed from Harry's mind, he stumbled back, and he looked at potter
"well, potter I see you have been practicing, but only a small amount, let's go again"
Snape stood in front of the boy again, and he cast the spell, once again he was pulled into the memories, and then he hit something, a wall, Snape almost laughed, a weak wall, but still, a wall, so potter was hiding something, Snape began to dismantle the wall, and he was thrown from the boy's mind once again
"Sir, please"
Harry's eyes were wide, he looked, almost...Scared, what could he be hiding to cause him so much of this fright, Snape looked at the boy, he could tell his energy was almost gone, and he shook his head
"Potter, we will continue, until the point I can not access your head in the first place" He stated, he was curious, and well, it would probably end up being a bad idea, but really, when had he ever had an idea that ended in a pleasurable situation, he closed his eyes, took a breath and threw himself back into potter's mind, and continued to dismantle the wall, he hit the first memory, it was black, but there was the senses. Severus could feel the cold of something on his arm, he guessed because that was were it would most likely be situated, and he felt the short pain of something cutting his skin, then he clued in, it was a blade, and it was cutting his arm, then he felt relaxed all of a sudden, and the warmth of blood running down his arm, and just as he felt his eyes opening, he was pushed from potter's mind, and the boy was standing up, his breathing heavy, and his eyes wide, he was pale
"potter, what was that!"
Snape exclaimed, his voice heavy with anger and worry, just one word came from the boy's lips before he turned and ran from the room, his last word lingering in the air like smoke me and Severus sat down and tried to finish correcting, his mind wandering.
A/N: hi, so as you can probably guess, this story is not pre written, and not beta'd, so please, all mistakes are mine, and all comments are welcome!