No Gray

by bjxmas

7.03 The Girl Next Door - A series of drabbles – Dean is in a no-win situation. A glimpse inside his head as he considers his actions. How hard is it to be a hunter, to make those impossible decisions? Last chapter is Dean's final journey to discovery.

5. Monster

Chapter Five – Monster

Sam isn't the freak, I am.

Sam cares, he wants to do good.

I can't blame him for wanting to protect his friend.

For wanting to spare her.

I wish I could be so innocent, so caring.

The things I've done.

What I've seen.

On earth and in Hell.

I can't let it touch me.

Can't let it stop me.

This caring…this compassion.

I have to lock it down and do the job.

Life is hard.

What we do as hunters even harder.

I can't allow myself to feel.

I know I'm a killer.

Maybe that makes me the monster.

The End

bjxmas

October 2011

All standard disclaimers apply.

Dean could never be less than heroic in my eyes. I only wish he could feel good again about what he does instead of focusing on the nastiness of the job. The very fact that he thinks so little of himself shows he isn't lost to the dark. He just doesn't see the light within his own soul, the tenderness he shoves down because in this life it seems a liability. It isn't, it is what keeps him human.

Thanks again. Comments?