Wisdom Reigns … Denial Remains

Disclaimer: I have no affiliation with the CW or the producers, cast and crew of Supernatural nor do any monies pass hands. I do however love to play with two certain brothers and return them in relatively good health.

Author's Note 1: Warning! This fic will contain very dark themes and violence, if it offends then don't read. Dean is 27 and Sam is 23 this story is set around season 2 but probably will not follow canon to the letter, so can be classed as AU if you like.

Author's Note 2: Apologies from the bottom of my heart for taking so long in updating, as some of you are aware I had a very tragic start to this year and now I am back studying, I have just finished journalism which sucked my creative muse dry … total dehydration … But now I am working on a unit specific for my MA and it involves writing creatively again! YAY

SO this is a warning: My muse is back … be afraid … be very afraid!

What happens when the brother you can see is not the brother you know?

Chapter 16: The Long and Winding Road Home

The long and winding road that leads to your door, will never disappear I've seen that road before. It always leads me here, leads me to your door…

Then:

'Mister Singer?' Doctor Edward McIntyre tried once again to get Bobby's attention, 'are you alright Mister Singer?'

'What? Ah yeah sorry Doc,' Bobby said his cheeks tinged red as he shoved his cap back on his head and resettled it before looking up at the pretentious looking man. 'You were saying?'

'The results of Sam's rape kit came back, as we had already discussed Sam has severe bruising in the genital area and inner thighs however, I can tell you that Sam was not penetrated anally … he has not been sodomised. The extent of the emotional trauma won't be known until Sam is conscious and aware … although not a lot of good news its better than we could've hoped for.'

'Thanks Doc … it's great news for Sam and the rest of us …' Bobby sighed with relief as he sat back down and stared at Sam, 'Sam? Doc I think he's trying to wake up.'

Now:

Four weeks later:

Dean paced the length of Bobby's veranda nervously chewing on his thumb nail as he periodically stopped and stared at the driveway. Sam was finally coming home from the hospital and Dean was freaking out completely.

He stubbornly refused to visit Sam in the hospital, insisting that he was staying away so he wouldn't hinder his brother's recuperation. That seeing his face could possibly send Sam over the edge and get him locked up.

Bobby, Caleb and Rufus all had tried to reason with Dean but to no avail; as stubborn as the other members of the Winchester clan he point blankly refused to listen to any other arguments against his self-imposed exile from his brother's side.

For Sam, it wasn't as impactful as they had first thought. Heavily sedated for the first couple of weeks he was barely conscious enough to register who was there and who wasn't. Although, when the doctor started to wean him off the strong drugs and he was becoming more aware each time he woke, Sam started to put names to faces in his mind and knew deep down that someone was missing.

By the end of the third week Sam was asking the question that no one could answer adequately for him. 'Where's Dean?'

At first Bobby had him convinced that although they had exorcised the demon, Dean was still suffering the effects of the ritual and possession and he wasn't strong enough to make the trip into town.

Sam accepted that for a day or so until the fog was completely lifted and he started to replay the last time he was with Dean or possessed-Dean in his mind and then his brother's absence was starting to make sense.

In his depressed state of mind Sam had decided that Dean was ashamed of him, of his inability to fight back and hold his own against the onslaught. That he should have tried harder did more or said more to get to his brother. Dean was possessed and Sam did nothing to help him, instead he gave up and let the demon use Dean to do whatever he wanted.

Silently Sam had decided that he deserved everything his demonically charged brother did to him and more.

Sam's sudden silence worried Bobby to no end but even playing the ill-Sam card did nothing to change Dean's mind, to relent and to go visit his brother. 'It'll be better for Sam in the long run' was the only answer Dean would give him in the end.

The haunted look in Dean's eyes and the way he spoke brought Bobby's worry meter up to heart-failure level and he decided it was time to enlist some help; deep down he knew that Dean was going to do a runner before Sam came home.

It hadn't taken a lot of convincing from Bobby for both Caleb and Rufus agree to become Dean's unofficial bodyguards and watchdogs. They had both noticed the subtle changes in the older Winchester brother, the increase in his anxiety and temper, the way he spent most of his time working in or around the impala, especially the trunk.

They had also noticed the changes in his demeanour that had saddened them and prompted them to try and convince Dean to go to Sam. The black eye Caleb now sported was testament to how well that had gone down.

Now it was the day they were all dreading and looking forward to all at once; Sam was coming home.

Bobby had left to pick Sam up leaving Caleb and Rufus behind to make sure Dean stayed put; kick starting a battle of wills between the three hunters.

S—D

Sam sat on the side of his bed patiently waiting for Bobby to come and pick him up; he readjusted the uncomfortable immobilising sling holding his injured arm snugly against his chest. Even though the doctors were able to reset his shoulder, the fracture in his collarbone needed to be kept stable and the best way was to immobilise his arm, giving him some relief with the residue pain in his shoulder as well as the pain from the fracture.

He had to keep his back as straight as possible and that pulled on his still healing ribs and kidneys, all in all he felt miserable and very sore although it was nothing compared to the agony in his mind, heart and deep in his soul.

Tiredly he rubbed at his aching eyes and felt the pull towards sleep, a quick nap while he waited was starting to look good to Sam. He hadn't told anyone, not even Bobby that they had assessed his sight during his stay in hospital after he had trouble reading some of the paperwork they had him sign. A pair of glasses now resided in his backpack and he dreaded wearing them in front of Dean and the others. The specialist had told him that he was now legally blind, he had gone on to explain about the damage done to his optic nerves during the assault but also the scarring on his retinas which had baffled the doctors but when they told Sam he knew immediately what had caused it and his depression became deeper and darker than ever before. At least they're not covered with that milky white like before.

'Sam? Hey Sam you doing okay?' Bobby asked as he shook the younger man's uninjured shoulder gently.

'Huh? Oh sorry Bobby didn't hear ya come in.' Sam smiled softly at the older man, 'I'm ready to leave as soon as …'

'Papers are already signed.' Bobby grinned, 'just waitin' for yer chariot to arrive.'

'Huh?' Sam blinked tiredly up at Bobby when the door opened and a nurse came in pushing a wheelchair, 'oh okay I get ya now.' He said although his smile faded slightly, 'ahh do I have to get in it?'

'Sorry Sam but if you want to go home you're going to have to let me escort you.' Nurse Marian West said with a smile, 'though sure am going to miss you.'

'M'gonna miss you too Marian,' Sam said as he smiled shyly up at the woman, Marian had taken straight away to Sam and unofficially adopted him throughout his stay in the hospital.

Carefully he pushed himself off the bed and wobbled slightly until he got his bearings, and then with Bobby's help he eased himself into the wheelchair, 'so are we gonna get this show on the road?' Sam asked as he tried to put his own Dean-style mask on.

'Sure thing kiddo,' Bobby said as he picked up Sam's backpack and placed it on Sam's knees before picking up the small duffle bag, 'got everything?'

'Yep my meds are in here,' Sam said indicating his backpack and then with as much dignity as he could muster Sam let himself be pushed out of the hospital and into the fresh morning air.

S—D

'What the hell did you two do to my car?' Dean yelled as he rounded on both Caleb and Rufus, 'damn you what gives you the right to touch her?'

'Didn't do a thing Dean now settle down,' Rufus said raising his hands in a placating manner 'might be the battery.'

'Yeah right, what did ya do Cal? Take the distributor cap or something as equally stupid?' Dean asked as he moved slowly towards his friend.

'Calm down Dean or we'll hogtie ya until Bobby gets back,' Rufus said as he continued to try and calm the volatile younger man down.

'Look guys I just wanna go into town and get a few things before Sammy gets here,' Dean said as he tried for a Sammy-style kicked puppy look on the two hardened hunters, 'ya know some food and stuff.'

'Got all we need earlier including some of Sam's favourites and pie for you,' Caleb said grinning at Dean, 'next?'

'Ah fuck it, I can't face Sammy just yet,' Dean said as he finally decided for his version of truth, 'I'm the one who put him in hospital, me with my hands…'

'It wasn't you Dean you were possessed and possessed by not just any demon but by THE Demon, so cut yourself a break. I'm sure Sam is not gonna blame you.' Caleb argued.

'Yeah right, it's gonna make him worse having to look at the face of his attacker all of the time and to try and …'

'Enough Dean you're gonna have to face your brother sooner than later, and sooner is it.' Rufus said his voice matching the stony look on his face, 'do you understand me?'

Dean opened his mouth to argue as his gaze darted between the two hunters and then he held his hands up in mock surrender and stalked away from them. Heading inside he deliberately let the front door bang as he went in search of a stiff drink … and pie before he plotted his next move.

S—D

Sam sat resting his aching head against the cool window pane as Bobby drove up his driveway towards his house. He did feel a little bad in feigning sleep and not talking to Bobby but he wanted to get his own thoughts in order first.

'We're nearly there Sam,' Bobby said as he glanced over at his passenger.

'Huh? Oh sorry Bobby … you knew I wasn't asleep?' Sam blinked owlishly at the other man.

'Yeah thought though you needed some quiet … how's the head?'

'Aching … what are you a mind reader now?'

'Nope just know ya too well … ah Sam ya know Dean's here don't ya?'

'Yeah I do, I'll be fine Bobby honest. I'm looking forward to seeing him.' Sam replied as he stared up at the front door of Bobby's house. 'Nice to be home.'

Bobby opened his mouth to answer him when he realised what Sam had just said and with a warm smile and slight shoulder squeeze got out of the car and went around to help Sam out.

'I can walk Bobby.' Sam said as the older man braced him but there was no heat in his words and he stayed held securely to Bobby's side.

The sound of the front door slamming made Sam snap his head up and stare directly into the green eyes of his big brother.

'Oh God Sammy,' Dean breathed he thought he had more time to hotwire one of Bobby's clunkers and to get away but they hadn't told him just how soon Sam would be arriving and now it was too late.

'Dean?' Sam whispered and took a staggering step towards him, 'oh God Dean is that you?'

'Sammy?' Dean took the last few steps in one before colliding with his brother, mindful of his injuries Dean wrapped his arms around Sam's shoulders and hugged him as tightly as he could. But, before he broke contact he glanced up at Bobby standing behind them and gave him a glimpse of his full on anger at being played in one look.

'Come on you two idjits, let's get Sammy inside,' Bobby said as he ignored the barbed look Dean was giving him and shuffled past with Sam's duffle bag and backpack.

Dean put his arm around Sam's waist and helped him to slowly climb the front stairs, worriedly he watched Sam stumble on the first step. 'You okay there Sammy?'

'Huh yeah just a bit blurry,' Sam said without censoring himself, 'ahh just tired that's all.'

'Hmm okay we'll get ya in bed and …'

'Dean can we sit down and talk for a minute please?' Sam said as he turned his head to make it easier to focus on Dean's face.

'I dunno Sammy, you need to rest and …'

'Please Dean?' Sam asked pulling out his most lethal kicked puppy look.

Grumbling under his breath about annoying little brothers Dean guided Sam over to the chairs on Bobby's veranda and then lowered him down on the first one. 'Do you need anything? Drink? Meds? Anything?'

'Nope I'm fine … okay for now,' Sam said giving Dean a shallow grin, 'how are you doing?'

'How am I?' Dean said frowning he stared out at the salvage yard in front of them and tried not to show any of his inner panic, 'I'm fine Sam.'

'Ah okay Dean look at me and say that,' Sam said as he silently prayed he could get away with his squinting and failing sight, probably would have been better to talk inside.

'Sam … shit you know I hate chick flick moments and this is already way over the line…'

'Why didn't you come to see me at the hospital?' Sam blurted out the question without thinking, his own anxieties were now at explosion level and he desperately needed an answer, any answer would do as long as Dean said something.

'Sammy … Sam I – I couldn't come at first…'

'Yeah I know coz of the exorcism but after that?'

'How could I face you … knowing what I did to you?'

'What you did to me? Stuff that Dean what do you mean what you did to me?'

'Fuck Sammy do I have to spell it out to you? Look at ya … I did that!'

'Dean no, no you didn't do this to me, the demon did, the moth man did they did but not you … you wouldn't do this to me.' Sam said trying to get Dean to look at him was just as hard as trying to see clearly, a big fat ball of nothing was happening. 'Look at me Dean!'

'Sam…'

'No Dean look at me, really look at me … I need you bro … I'm not gonna get through this if you won't … it is my fault isn't it, it's all my fault I wasn't even strong enough to fight off a fucking moth.'

'Oh God Sam don't … don't you dare do that …' Dean said in a low even voice, standing up he stood in front of Sam and twisted his fists in the front of Sam's shirt, without looking at where he was grabbing he hauled his brother up onto his feet and shook him, 'don't you dare fucking think like that…'

'Why not? You can't stand to look at me, you wouldn't come to see me in hospital what else am I supposed to think? I know you're ashamed of me, of how weak I am … why not go Dean, get in the car and go leave me behind with Bobby … it's all I'm good for now.'

'Oh no you don't Sam, you don't get to turn this around it's all down to me and me alone and what the hell do you mean by wanting me to leave your ass behind?'

'I can't hunt Dean I'm nothing but a liability now.'

'What the hell? Sam you will never be a liability.'

'That's what dad used to say and ya know what Dean his words have come true.'

'That is bull and you know it Sam,'

'Dean I'm legally blind!' Sam said, overwrought with emotions and pain he was unable to stop himself but he did stop himself from crying, tears shone in his eyes but he refused to let them fall.

'Sam I … what … no … what … no … blind?' Dean stumbled over his words as the impact of what Sam had just blurted out hit him.

S—D

'So how long are we gonna let those idjits sit out there?' Bobby asked as he glanced out the window once again, 'Sam will need his pain meds soon.'

'Just another minute or so Bobby, give em time to work it out,' Rufus said as he stretched his legs out in front of him and folded his arms behind his head he sat back and watched his friend and hunting partner fret over the two brothers, 'you're gonna give yerself a heart attack if you don't come down.'

'Idjits all of ya,' Bobby said as he made his mind up and headed for the front door, 'stupid idjits inside and even stupider ones outside.'

'Bobby?' Caleb stood at the bench pouring four glasses of whiskey and one coke, 'they'll be in very soon.'

'No they'll be inside now if they know what's good for em.' Bobby said as he pulled the door open and stepped outside, 'right you two idjits git yer buts inside now afore I take a switch to 'em.'

'Bobby?' Dean and Sam said in unison as they turned around to stare at the older man in shock.

'Ya heard me, git inside now!' Bobby said before he went back inside banging the door behind him.

S—D

'Sam?' Dean turned back to his brother and stared up at him, taking in the paleness of his features, the tight pain lines around his eyes and the slightly unfocussed glassy stare Sam was giving him before it hit, 'come on let's get you inside.'

'Dean please talk to me first, I'll go inside in a minute … please just talk to me.'

'We will talk Sammy I promise but for now … you need your meds and some rest and I need a drink.' Dean smirked and once again wound his arm around Sam's waist to guide him into the house.

'I can make it on my own Dean.'

'Yeah I know but humour me,' Dean said without looking up, he knew just from the trembling in Sam's limbs and the hitch to his voice that he was past all the last vestiges of his energy and endurance.

Sighing heavily Sam let Dean lead him inside but deep down he resolved to make sure that they would finish their conversation, 'Dean did you hear that?' he asked as he jerked his head up and squinted out into the late afternoon sun.

'Sam? What did you hear?' Dean stopped with his hand on the door handle and looked to where Sam was staring.

'Dunno … it kindof sounded like … wings fluttering … No please not again.' Sam cried out.

TBC