Chapter Eleven – Normal
What is normal?
Since when have we ever been normal?
I don't even remember what that feels like.
What that is.
Sam thinks he's not normal.
He doesn't realize, no one is.
We're all damaged…bent…wrong.
The most we can hope for is to keep trying.
Striving to do the best we can…with what we've got.
I don't know when I lost all hope.
I feel like nothing will ever be the same.
I'll never be the same.
I'll never be normal.
That's okay.
I learned long ago to not expect more.
I just don't want to be what I am.
The End
bjxmas
October 2011
All standard disclaimers apply.
I'm always conflicted on how Dean feels about himself, and about all the comments from Bobby and Sam that he doesn't feel he's worth anything. I don't know if that is it exactly, or if Dean simply has such impossibly high standards for himself that he could never feel he measures up…and also that he is the sort of person to always put others before himself. As much as I love John, John contributed to Dean's self-image with the unreasonable demands he put on his eldest. I think for a very long time, Dean's biggest fear was disappointing Dad…or Sam.
Like Jo said, I don't think Dean knows himself…and a part of him is afraid to find out. He needn't worry. He is a good man, an incomparable hero and someone we all find worthy of our respect.
Comments appreciated. Take care, B.J.