Chapter Fifteen - Cold
Some might call me cold.
Unemotional…detached.
I can't argue the point.
But I'm not cruel.
Not intentionally.
It needed doing.
It was necessary.
How do I handle it and get through another day?
There's drinking and pills.
But those only take the edge off.
I lock down the emotion.
Deep inside.
And I try to survive.
If I allowed my emotions to surface.
If I felt it all.
Well…I don't think I could keep going.
Beyond a monster getting me one day.
That's the biggest threat.
That one day I won't be able to ignore what's rumbling in my gut.
The End
bjxmas
October 2011
All standard disclaimers apply.
No, I absolutely do not believe Dean is cold or detached. Rather he feels too much...and there is so much for him to feel bad about, which is why he tries to distance himself from his feelings, tries to do the job and not let the fallout touch him. He never succeeds and that is what makes him so vulnerable to the hurt and the pain. He tries to be strong and not acknowledge it, but it is always there, tugging at his consciousness and causing him unrest. Denial is a bitch...
Thanks for reading and reviewing (if the mood strikes). Later, B.J.