Title: Misunderstandings
Theme: #13: Wedding
Claim: Zoro
(Words:) 3,437
Rating: PG
Warnings: Bit of language, that's it
Disclaimer(s): I do not own, or pretend to own, One Piece or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

Life was nice and easy for once, Zoro reflected, as he walked through the local marketplace. This island had initially seemed like it would be a problem, with frightened townsfolk and bandit overlords. But as soon as Luffy had learned the reason the restaurants refused to serve him was because of heavy food tributes to be sent to the bandits, he'd been more than willing to kick a few asses for the sake of a meaty lunch (Luffy claimed he'd never much liked bandits anyway). The bastards had been a piece of cake to defeat, and the awed townsfolk now treated them like champions and heroes, treating them to as much booze and food as they wanted for free. Zoro was never one to say no to a free drink or twenty.

Of course, it wasn't all good, he decided. While the perks of being raised on a pedestal as champions were definitely nice, it came with plenty of annoyances too. For starters, since they were pretty much celebrities amongst the locals now, it meant they were followed everywhere like celebrities too, and given way more attention than was normal. Some of them, like Usopp and Brook, ate it up. But for Zoro, at least, it was way too many people staring at him than he'd care for.

Which was why he was looking for another bar at the present moment. The last establishment had started getting awful crowded, and not with the usual drunkards and brawlers he was used to. Most of the people in the last tavern hadn't even been looking to get a drink; ninety percent of the people packed in the building had been there to just stare at him in awe as they discussed his various exploits on the island with not-even-remotely-concealed whispers. It was damned annoying, and he'd finally gotten tired of it, ditching the place in search of a quieter haven.

Sadly, being a celebrity also meant he couldn't move anywhere without being watched. Which meant most of the watchers from the last bar were now following him around in an ever-growing crowd as more people on the streets realized who he was and joined in. This was damned obnoxious. He didn't know how all those super stars did it on a regular basis.

He was just thinking of making a break for it and trying to get back to the Sunny unseen when he heard a squeal of surprise behind him, and instinctively turned to look. Several of his loyal followers were so desperate to get a look at him they'd started knocking over stalls of merchandise set up on either side of the street, spilling food, clothing, toys and more as they tried to squeeze past. As if that wasn't bad enough, one of the vendors, a girl who looked like she'd just barely reached eighteen, had been knocked over and half-buried in some of her stock, and looked in severe danger of being trampled by his over-eager watchers as they tried to keep up with him.

"Oh for fuck's sake," he growled in exasperation. It was one thing to have them in awe of him for being a champion or whatever. That was obnoxious as hell, but ultimately harmless. But it was going too far when people started getting put in danger, and he'd officially had enough.

"Out of the way," he snapped at his onlookers, and threw his best pirate-hunter glare in their general direction for added effect. They scuttled backwards like frightened puppies, thankfully before trampling all over the girl. He pulled one of the braces of her now-destroyed cart off of where it had been laying on top of her and hauled her up by one arm, and spotting something glinting not too far from where her hand had been, snatched it up as well.

"Here," he told her curtly, handing her the dropped object—what looked like a now-broken but probably valuable necklace. She didn't answer, trembling slightly, and he frowned. He gave her a quick once-over, thinking maybe she'd been injured more than he'd first guessed when the crowed had buried her in the cartload of apples she'd been selling. Other than a few scrapes and bruises, though, she didn't look particularly injured.

But she still didn't respond, and now Zoro was getting annoyed in addition to concerned. "Look," he finally said, "D'you want me to call for somebody to come get you?"

He'd really just meant calling for a doctor, or maybe for her family to close up the cart and take her home. Judging by the sudden stunned gasps that he heard from probably ever single mouth in the jostling crowd, though, he guessed whatever he'd said had some other significance. He frowned and gave the crowd a confused look, before crossing his arms and glancing back to the girl.

That was when he realized she was blushing, and clutching at the necklace he'd handed back to her like it was a lifeline. He took an automatic step back, suddenly unexplainably nervous. Whatever was going on, he had an unexpected urge to turn on his heel and run as far in the other direction as he could.

"Yes," she said suddenly, her voice trembling. Zoro realized rather uncomfortably that the girl was crying now, although she was smiling too, so apparently she wasn't suffering from unexpected internal injuries. He had a feeling he would have preferred those. At least it'd just be easy to take her to a doctor and be done with it.

"Yes," she repeated, more excitedly than before, and gripped one of his hands between hers, with the necklace digging sharply into his palm. "Yes, yes, yes, I absolutely accept!"

Uh-oh. "Accept what?" he growled, yanking his hand away from hers. "Look, I just gave you your necklace back, it's not anything to get all excited over—"

But he was interrupted by the enthusiastic, excited cheering of the crowd, as the people threw up their hands in unison and leapt up and down excitedly. Zoro heard a number of congratulations thrown their way, and then several women swept forward out of the crowd to bundle up the girl and lead her away. She was still trembling and crying, and chattering excitedly with the women, and in a moment she'd been led out of sight somewhere.

Zoro figured he'd make a break for it while he had the chance, because it seemed this entire town had gone crazy overnight. But when he turned to leave he found himself surrounded by no less than ten grinning, happy-looking men, who promptly seized hold of his arms and started dragging him off in the opposite direction of the girl, patting him on the back and congratulating him more.

"Lucky bastard, we never thought any of our women would be good enough for the likes of a Champion!"

"She's a fine lass, we're so happy to know she'll be in good hands!"

"Not from around here, so you probably don't have any of the traditional garb, but it's okay, the tailors will definitely be willing to work hard to make you something!"

"You can borrow my headdress, it's authentic!"

"Aye, and my beaded necklace, make ya even more acceptable in the eyes of the gods!"

"What the hell is going on!" Zoro finally managed to interject, as he tugged ineffectually to free his arms. He didn't really want to hurt any of these guys—yet, anyway—but that was easier said and done, when they had iron grips on his wrists and were steering him with great enthusiasm towards a large building on the end of the street.

"Why, the wedding, of course!" one of the men offered helpfully. He laughed. "You can't be having second thoughts already! I never figured a Champion with your skills would be so shy."

"What!" Wedding? How the hell had he gotten himself into a wedding? All he'd done was dig the girl out of the rubble of her own cart and hand her that necklace back! "Look, I don't know how you people do things around here, but there's gotta be some mistake. I didn't ask to get married—"

"But you did!" another man responded, grinning. "And what a beautiful proposal it was! I know a lot of men take the flowery romantic road, but yours just took the cake with that white knight approach!"

"She'll always know she'll be taken care of now," another man said with an agreeable nod. "You tied the knot saving her life and everything."

"Very solid, noble presence," a third man added. "Just perfect. Almost puts my own proposal to shame."

"What! No, I didn't—hey, stop—let go of my—look, I'm not getting married, so just—hey, I said let go already!"

They steered him into the building and down the halls, where a skinny-looking man with at least a dozen different-colored tape measures draped around his neck shot forward almost immediately to start taking measurements. He poked Zoro angrily with pins whenever the swordsman twisted away, attempting to escape his unexpected capture, and muttered to himself under his breath the whole time. "Broad in the shoulder, but that's workable, hrm yes, I can modify something in time, yes, yes, hrm, a touch more here..."

"So what made you pick her?" one of the kidnappers asked cheerfully, as he dutifully held Zoro's arm out against his will for more measurements.

"I didn't," Zoro snapped at him, patience fast dwindling. Breaking a few heads was starting to sound like a better option more and more. "Fuck, if I knew I was gonna get signed up for marriage I would've let her get stepped on—hey, give that back!" The measuring guy had stolen his haramaki and tossed it aside without care, muttering about 'tasteless fabrics.'

No one had listened, apparently, because one of the other men helpfully holding out his other arm added cheerfully, "Well, it can't have been for personality, she's always been so shy I don't expect you've had a conversation with her. But she's a damned fine looker if I do say so myself!"

"She's good with kids, too," a third man added helpfully. "Be a great asset when she starts havin' yours."

Fucking hell this could not get any worse. Face now a little red from the way the topic was turning, Zoro attempted to pull one of his arms back while growling, "I am not getting married! Let me go!"

"He's a bit shy," the first man said helpfully to the others in a terrible stage whisper. They nodded sagely in understanding. Zoro seriously considered resorting to murder.

The man with the tape measures finished his work, and Zoro was bundled off unceremoniously towards the showers to freshen up. He considered making a break for it—running through the streets in nothing but a towel would be embarrassing as hell, but even that was worth getting married against his will. Unfortunately, the men had taken his swords in addition to his haramaki just before they'd shoved him in the bathroom, and there was no way in hell he was leaving without those. In the end he was forced to come out sparkling clean, and wearing some sort of traditional garb on the island—a robe thing covered in feathers and shells and who only knew what else—since they'd stolen his usual pants and shirt while he was in the shower itself.

"Look," he said, sounding and feeling thoroughly exhausted by the whole mess. "I'm not getting married, okay? Give me back my swords and my clothes and I'll get out of your damned hair."

"Don't be silly," one of his kidnappers said, still with obnoxious cheer. "Absolutely you're getting married! I saw the proposal myself. And the whole village is already talking about it, it's going to be the event of the year! Lowly fruit merchant's daughter marries bandit-killing Champion!"

"No," Zoro said in exasperation. "No events, no marriages, no talking! Look, will you at least tell me how the hell this all started?"

"Of course!" the second man said excitedly. "It's only natural, you're clearly not too familiar with our culture, and why would you be? You've got to be off adventuring and killing bandits and whatnot."

"Yeah," Zoro groused. "Sure. Just explain already."

"Marriage proposals are simple," the third man of his babysitting trio dutifully chimed in. "Every family has a heirloom item they pass down to each of their children. When a man is ready to propose, he offers her his heirloom item to bind them. If she accepts it, he calls for her family to come take her for the marriage preparations and the wedding will be held within the same day. Normally the wedding garb is donated by the families, but since you're not local, the village has come together to provide for you!"

Zoro didn't even hear the last part. His mind was flashing back to when he'd picked the girl up and handed her that necklace. "That thing wasn't hers?" he asked with a groan. What shitty, rotten luck, that he'd picked up somebody else's heirloom whatever-it-was. And that he'd attempted to be helpful in exactly the wrong way. Do you want me to call for somebody to come get you? Why couldn't he have just asked if she wanted to go to a doctor? Damn his stupid fucking luck!

"Look," he said, more insistently, as he looked around for his swords and tried to drive off the half-dozen people fussing with his collar and arranging the feathers and shells 'appropriately.' "There's a mistake, okay? I've never seen a wedding done like that before, and I had no intention of proposing, alright? It was just an accident, a mistake."

"It's alright to be shy," the first man said to him, patting him understandingly on the shoulder. "I was very nervous myself after I proposed! But you can't get out of it now, of course. You did propose in front of six hundred witnesses after all, and you're a Champion, so it's best for you to just accept it. After all, you made a promise, and we all saw it."

Zoro grit his teeth. He was really, really going to kill somebody over this.

He protested for over an hour, as they fussed over his clothing and lectured him on important points of cultural significance and things he'd need to do during the wedding itself (which he completely ignored, as he was not getting married). He would have gone on a rampage long ago, except he still had no idea where they'd put his swords, and that was the only thing insuring his good behavior. Not that any of them knew it, as they still thought he was just nervous about his wedding day and displaying a shy side they hadn't expected in their beloved bandit-walloping Champion.

But in the end it was all pointless, and against his protests he was dragged to the center of town, where the religious ceremonies always officially took place—including weddings, apparently. The entire population had turned out for the event, it looked like, sitting on the cobbles and the rooftops and in the decorative trees; that guy hadn't been kidding earlier when he said this was the event of the year.

Even worse, to his extreme horror and absolute embarrassment, the entire Straw Hat crew had shown up as well to watch. They'd probably heard about the event from all the rumors around town, and had been granted places of honor at the ceremony by the mayor, who seemed delighted to not only be marrying off one of his people to a Champion, but had eight others as guests as well. The pirates seemed to think the whole situation was damned funny; most of them couldn't stop laughing, and even Robin had way more of a smirk than she usually did on her face, without bothering to try and hide it.

It was bad enough that they had to be here under normal circumstances as it was, but with this ridiculous getup it was ten times worse. In addition to the stupid robe they'd forced him into, they'd also wrestled him into a positively ugly-looking bright-red fur-and-feather-covered headdress, which even he with his limited fashion sense could tell clashed horrifically with his hair. The Straw Hats started laughing all the harder when they caught sight of him in his stupid 'ceremonial garb,' and Zoro felt his face heating to a point where the color of his skin probably matched that of the headdress.

He protested several more times, but the locals would hear none of it, and for all his increasingly loud declarations that he was not getting married they ignored him and began the ceremony. Zoro tried to bolt several times and was restrained by several of his oh-so-helpful kidnappers, who figured he was still just getting last-minute nerves and kept pushing him back towards the altar. The priest skillfully ignored him whenever he was asked questions about how he would treat his wife and Zoro insisted that he wouldn't be doing any of those things because he'd be remaining perfectly fucking single, thank you very much. Possibly the only good to come out of it was the shocked yell and furious shouting from Sanji behind him, when Zoro's so-called bride to be came out in mid-ceremony and was revealed to be an (admittedly) drop-dead gorgeous woman, and the resounding smacking noise a few seconds later that suggested Nami had probably punched him.

But the ceremony was drawing to a close, and it looked much to Zoro's horror like he was going to be married against his will, no matter how many times he protested that this was all a mistake. He tried to interject one last time, but the oblivious wife-to-be and priest ignored him, and the religious overseer launched into the last part of the ceremony. "If there are any who object to this marriage, speak now; or this beautiful couple will forever be tied together and to the land as they rule happily in our fair country."

"Wait," Luffy interjected suddenly from behind, "Tied to the land? You mean Zoro would have to stay here?"

"But of course," the priest explained patiently. "As a Champion marrying one of our fine women, it would be his duty to remain here and rule over us as lord, protecting us from dangers."

"Oh," Luffy said, and then a second later, "Never mind then, he can't get married. I need Zoro for adventures and stuff. This party is pretty neat though!"

Had Zoro been less of a manly man, he might have burst into tears and given his captain a hug. As it was, he thanked his lucky stars that Luffy had been clever enough to speak up before the ceremony was finished, otherwise he'd be stuck here for all eternity, a prospect he did not relish in the slightest.

"That is most unfortunate," the priest said with a heavy sigh, as the would-be wife burst into tears and was promptly escorted away by a dozen women. "But alas, if another Champion speaks against it, there is little we can do." Almost immediately upon hearing these words the crowd sighed sadly and began to disperse.

Zoro immediately tore off the ridiculous headdress. He would have followed up with the robe (he'd thankfully been allowed to keep a pair of pants on), except that Sanji kicked him in the back of the head and sent him sprawling. "How dare you break that poor girl's heart, marimo!" the curly-brow snarled.

"What the hell did I do!" Zoro snapped back at him furiously. "I've been saying since the beginning I didn't want any damned marriage!"

They fought for a few minutes (it was blissfully routine after a day from hell), while the others questioned him about how he'd managed to get himself in such a situation to begin with. He told them about the misunderstanding before going to collect his clothes and his swords from the building they'd kept him at, with Usopp and Chopper accompanying him helpfully to ward off any more confusion. They were still snickering at the whole incident; apparently to them it was hilarious.

That was it, Zoro decided. If ever in the far, far future he decided to get married, none of these jerks were invited, because he was definitely going to elope.

'Wedding' is prime fuel for shipping, unless you're not a fan of shipping, in which case it's prime 'make Zoro's life miserable' fodder haha.

~VelkynKarma