-o0o-

Brooke's head whirled around in time to see her boyfriend wheel his way out of the gym. She couldn't quite tell why, but after she saw him leave it became nearly impossible for her to concentrate back on her duties as cheerleader captain. At some time Peyton even came up to her to scold her for constantly ruining the girls' efforts to complete a new series of dance moves. But not until the blonde lightly smacked her across both cheeks did Brooke's senses finally return in full.

"Ouch, P!" she whined. "What did you do that for?"

"Excuse me?" said her friend. She sounded slightly exasperated, Brooke noticed.

"Yeah, I mean…"

"You mean, you weren't paying any attention whatsoever in the last couple minutes, Brooke Davis. If you go on like that we'll all look like complete idiots coming Friday because you'll be stepping out of line throughout our whole goddamn performance."

"But…," Brooke started, falling silent almost instantly once she saw the looks on the faces of the other girls. They seemed to be more than a little discouraged, and with a pang Brooke realized that the reason for that was she. She hadn't been paying any attention—and not just since that day. No; ever since the accident, ever since Lucas had been injured so badly she had no longer been paying attention to anything other than the progress he was making. And now that he was actually back at school… Frowning, she stared at her best friend.

"Oh P. I'm so sorry, I—God, I can't believe I've been such a bad captain all those last weeks. Such a bad BFF!"

She must have looked comically devastated since all of a sudden Peyton started laughing, then pulled the somewhat dumbfounded brunette in for a hug. "B. Davis, that's alright," she laughed. "We all know how in love you are…"

"I'm—," Brooke pouted. Yet her lack of anything smart to say only made her look like an upset little girl, not a teenager with world-shattering words of wisdom for the masses.

"Aw, B., don't deny it. It's okay, really. I suggest that I take over for today, though, if we want this to look halfway decent by the time of the game. And you: go and follow Lucas now." Turning to the other girls she said smirking, "Because don't we all know that that is what your downstairs brain wanted you to do right from the second he came back to school today?"

Gasping in exasperation, Brooke lightly slapped her best friend's arm, only earning her another heartfelt laugh. "Your dirty imagination, Peyton, not mine…," she half-chanted, before taking the blonde's advice and walking out of the hall, a big grin now plastered across her face.

So, she better tried to find Lucas fast…

-o0o-

Haley was of course faster than Lucas with his stupid wheelchair. He had tried to quicken his pace, but after a while the strength in his arms had reached a limit and he couldn't go any faster. Hence it was only natural for his best friend to finally overtake him, and with an exclamation somewhere between a choke and a shout, he heard her say in passing, "I'll handle this, Luke, okay? Let me…"

So there he was, still on his way following his half-brother. Or rather, brother, since why would one kiss turn him into a mere half-brother again? No, it wasn't like Luke didn't like Nathan and Haley getting closer like that… Or maybe it was. Didn't mean he was not mature enough to deal with it. He was not Nate after all. He didn't make other's pay for the things he himself had difficulties with.

Right, he thought, keep telling yourself that, man, and maybe you'll eventually be able to believe yourself. Sighing, he forced himself to continue his way until he saw that Hales had apparently just managed to catch up with his younger brother. Good. That gave him a bit more time to reach the two of them, because, seriously, he needed to talk to the guy. About Dan, about other things, too. Probably even the accident, although he still remembered the exact words of what Nathan had said to him last time he had tried to bring that subject up.

"Luke, you really wanna go there? I mean, really? Coz, if you do, I'd have to go there as well. I'd have to admit to myself that nothing of it would probably have happened—if I hadn't been so wasted—if I hadn't screwed up at the friggin' game—if I hadn't persuaded Tim and the others to go to that stupid party instead of having our own over at the beach house—"

Lucas closed his eyes briefly, stopping in his tracks for only a moment. He wasn't sure he himself could go there again, either. He just didn't know. Yet it might be the only smart thing to do for them. Surely their bottling everything up was not the right way of dealing with things…

"Nathan? Can we talk?" he suddenly heard Haley's voice once he was close enough to overhear the two.

"Haley…"

"Please. Nathan, what's going on with you? What Lucas was implying…"

"God, Hales, what's with the pretty words, huh?"

A frown appeared on her face, wiping away some of the worry and replacing it with anger. "Fine. Then you tell me the ugly truth you Scotts are trying to hide with all those 'pretty words' of yours!—And don't think you can run away again, Nathan. Not this time," she threatened, though her tone was rather soft and gentle for an actual threat. Lucas noticed how she held onto his brother's arm, effectively keeping him from walking away. Though if Nate had honestly wanted to leave, she wouldn't have posed much of a hindrance.

The whole situation felt uncomfortably charged, and Lucas thought it would probably be for the best if he'd stepped in and separated the two before Nathan managed to hurt Haley with his patent arrogant-jock routine once he found himself cornered in one way or another. "Nathan," he therefore began, only to be surprised as Haley shot him a killing glance.

"Lucas, go. I said I'd handle this…," she hissed, shushing him with a movement of her free arm. He could only stare at her, a little startled by her sudden venom. "Go," she mouthed again. It was then that he realized that Nathan hadn't been looking at him, not for one second. Strangely, that realization hurt quite profoundly, though he couldn't quite pinpoint why it would. It was just… Obviously, something convinced his best friend that she was in a position to deal with Nathan's shitty attitude while she doubted Luke's presence would do any of them any good.

But they were brothers, weren't they? Didn't they have all too many things in common these days? A horrible traumatizing experience, a more than sorry excuse of a father, basketball… Being brothers….

Haley.

"Haley, I don't think you…"

But she only glared at him, effectively silencing him with the way she wordlessly indicated Nathan's tenseness, his sudden seclusion from them. And then her glare softened, turning into more of a Haley sort of look, a silent plea. To let her deal with this, let them alone…

… So he did, finally.

-o0o-

"Nathan…"

He didn't look at her. At least he wasn't trying to run away again, either. Still, Haley felt more than a little awkward, standing there at his side, watching him take heaving breaths.

"Nathan," she repeated, lightly tugging at his sleeve, feeling tremendously like a very small child waiting to be noticed by the grownups. "Nathan."

"It's nothing, tutor girl. Just, go back to your books and leave me alone."

Haley's frown deepened. She let go of his arm, but didn't otherwise move. So there he was again, the old Nathan, the jerk, the "before the night of the accident jock with an attitude." He had called her tutor girl again, not Hales, nor even Haley. She had to admit to herself that being called that suddenly stung, because it held no trace of the old light endearment. It was just a derogatory term now, tutor girl. Go back to your books… Haley bit her lip, then made a sudden decision. She would not allow him to go back to his old self. She would not allow him to put up those stupid walls around himself to keep others out, others like Lucas. Or her.

"Tutor girl?" she queried. "So, now that we kissed it's all back to tutor girl? And Lucas? Are you going to try to keep him from reentering the team again?"

"Dang, Haley."

"Nathan?" She knew she was challenging him in a situation where challenging him could be the last straw to make him drop his shutters completely. It couldn't be helped, though, for this was no longer solely about him. It was about them as well.

"Can't—can't you just let it go?" He sounded tired, desperate even. Which was enough to make the lines of her frown soften and calm her fury. He so reminded her of the boy she had first met on that horrible night a couple months ago, the frightened kid with the wide-eyed empty stare, who had been so terribly worried about his brother. Nathan Scott… That was why she couldn't let it go. Not anymore. They were past that stage, even if he tried to deny it.

"No, Nathan. I can't. You'll eventually have to open up to someone, you know that, right? I don't know what it is, whether it is the accident—," she saw him flinch, but continued nonetheless. Because if she didn't speak her mind now, she wasn't sure she would find the courage later. "—Or whether it is anything to do with your dad, and the things you wrote in that essay, or with what Luke was talking about—"

"Lucas doesn't know shit, Hales!" he inserted heatedly, but she chose to ignore it.

"Either way. I want you to know that I'm here for you, okay? You can ignore me all you want. You can deny our kiss, or… or what there was between us the other day, when your dad showed up. But I know it was there. I know what I feel. And I won't deny it. Not even if you fall right back into old habits and behave like that stupid jerk who thinks he owns the place just because he is Nathan Scott.—"

"Hale—"

"I won't!" she spoke over him. She was starting to feel really stupid. In fact, she was cursing herself for having started talking in the first place. But now she simply couldn't go back anymore. She couldn't. "Because I love you, you idiot. And you… you can treat me like crap all you want—though I'll tell you now that Lucas won't have any of that. He is more my big brother than yours in that department so… you better keep that in mind…," She was really making things worse. The way he was looking at her now was making things worse. That mixture of true wonder, and bewilderment, and… affection, maybe?

Nathan was half smiling now, but only half.

Eventually daring to approach him, she slowly walked right up to him until she stood right in front of him. He was still avoiding her eyes. She let him, for the time being. Haley felt him tense again, before her hand even touched him. She saw his expression return to a hard frown. When she finally put one hand on his cheek, with the other fisting his shirt, she felt him flinch and back away again. This time, though, she moved to close the gap between them, showed him that she meant no harm. "I'm right here, Nathan," she whispered, no longer sure whether her closeness to his body was more intended to calm and reassure her, or him.

Finally, with a sigh, the youngest Scott faced her, his eyes flickering darkly, yet not unkindly. With apparent defeat tingeing his words, he muttered, "You won't give up, huh?"

And all she could get out was one breathed "No."

"It'll sound stupid," he hedged, still trying to find a way out of it all. But Haley just gave him a warm look and shook her head. So he continued, "It's really… nothing, I'm just… I'm just…"

It would have been cute, or funny even, seeing him stutter like that, seeing the cocky Scott kid fight insecurity, if it hadn't been for the look he suddenly gave her, shockingly glassy-eyed and pained. Or for the deep lines appearing on his forehead.

"It's okay," she repeated then, soothing—or trying to, as she pulled him in for a hug.

-o0o-

Lucas felt more than a little awkward. Having been sent away by his best friend, who he knew now tended to his enigma of a brother in his stead; it felt wrong. In a twisted sort of way it just felt wrong. Of course it wasn't exactly like he had been much of a caring brother to Nathan before. (Not to mention vice versa…) And yet…

His brooding was interrupted quite suddenly, though, as Brooke called his name from only a few feet down the hallway.

"Hey, Scott!" she shouted. Still wearing her full cheerleading attire and running to meet him, she looked gorgeous; a true stunner. It was enough to make a small, short-lived smile appear on Luke's face, though not enough to smooth the lines of worry on his forehead. "Hey," she repeated once she reached him and came to a spot right in front of him, effectively stopping him from continuing his way. Oh, how he hated sitting in that darn wheelchair, when all he wanted to do now was put his arms around her and hold her tightly, pressing her body to his.

She smiled at him at first, one of her sweet dimpled-cheek smiles that always got down right to his core. It didn't last long, though, since he failed to return it.

"You were gone all of a sudden," she said, the words sounding lame even to her own ears.

"Yuh," he made, not sure what else to say.

"Is Nate alright?"

Lucas shot her a glance. "You know him…," he muttered tiredly, "Tough guy." He sounded unconvinced and Brooke frowned at him. She cocked her head. Scrutinizing him, she tried to make out whether he actually believed what he just said. Tough… It was all those Scotts seemed to care about. But somehow she hadn't thought of him as one of them. Until now.

She nodded anyways, "Yeah. He is. I guess… He seemed pretty upset, though. Back there…"

"Brooke," he hedged, suddenly unwilling to talk about his brother with her.

"I'm just wondering. You and him, are you guys really okay, Lucas?" She kneeled down in front of him in order to be able to face him at eye-level. A part of him hated her for it, hated her for making him even more aware of his current situation. Sitting in a wheelchair, his girlfriend having to kneel down to face him, like someone would to face a child…

"Course we are," he said, just as his expression turned more angry.

"Okay…"

"What are you getting at, Brooke, huh?"

"Never mind, Luke. Let's just go back to the gym now, shall we?"

"No. Honestly, what were you trying to say just now?"

"Lucas…"

"Tell me."

Brooke sighed, already sensing the bad outcome of their whole conversation. And she had no one to blame but herself. Lucas really wasn't ready yet to face all his demons. She hadn't kept most of her worries, her thoughts about that night to herself for nothing. No…

"Luke," she said warningly in one last attempt at trying to keep him from pursuing that topic any farther. But to no avail.

"Brooke…"

"Fine. But don't get mad at me for saying this. I warned you."

"Just go ahead."

"Promise me."

"Brooke." He sounded annoyed, but she wanted him to say it. Because she knew him, she knew his type. She knew the Scotts, and how screwed they all were.

"Alright, okay. I promise. So?"

"I'm worried for you, Lucas, okay? That's all. We haven't really talked about that night, yet."

"Yes we have."

"No. Lucas, no. Not really. We haven't talked about it at all. I don't even know whether you are dealing with it all right. With the others' deaths, with what you have been through. You—you haven't talked about what it was like for you that night, all alone in… in that car. You haven't talked about what happened with you and Nathan—"

"Brooke, it's—there's not all that much to say about it. You already know everything there is to know. We had an accident. People died. We survived. Period."

Brooke smiled at him sadly, placing a hand on his knee, mindful not to touch his injured leg. Still, Lucas tensed under her touch, thus making her pull away. Again, her smile vanished. Worry replaced it. "Don't, Lucas. Don't make it sound like a trifle. It wasn't—it isn't. You can go on bottling it all up inside of you all you want. It won't go away."

"I know that, Brooke, okay? I know that. And I'm not. Bottling it up… Now, let me go back to—"

"So what if I told you that Brooke and I were kissing that night? I mean, you guys had practically broken up, hadn't you? Right, Brooke?" someone else's voice suddenly chimed in incongruously. With a start, Brooke jumped to her feet as Lucas repositioned his wheelchair so as to be able to see who had interrupted their awkward conversation.

Greg…

"Lucas, we…," Brooke began. But right then, Lucas was in no mood to listen to anymore of that crap. He had gone to check on Nathan. Nathan Scott of all people, who had been nothing but a nuisance to him in a life prior to this. A nemesis, even…

Yet strangely, all he wanted was for that nemesis to return, and all the other crap to just vanish. He could deal with Nathan being a jerk he hated. As long as he had a best friend, a beautiful girlfriend, a freakin' life.

Now, though, all he had was an unwanted brother he nevertheless couldn't stop worrying about, a best friend who was too much in love with said brother to be there for Lucas much, a girlfriend who made him realize that he hadn't really processed all those terrible memories as sufficiently as he had made himself believe, and a life as a cripple who was told his girlfriend had made out with the one guy he honestly couldn't stand one bit though he might even owe him his goddamn life.

So what did Paul Auster once write? Everything falls apart. But not every part of every thing. At least not at the same time.

Right, Lucas thought. Maybe he just had to find the few things that hadn't fallen apart, yet. Maybe there was still hope. No matter how much he doubted it just now… And without being able to look Brooke, or even that idiot Greg in the eyes, he pushed past them, ignoring Brooke's shouts for him to let her explain, though deep inside of him he knew he couldn't really blame her.

For if he was quite honest, the only one to blame for any of all this was he, Lucas Eugene Scott. Who had not only screwed up his own life, but also that of his brother, and that of Tim, and Bevin, and… no, he couldn't even say their names…

He heard footsteps behind him, then just as he felt his eyes start to sting with the burn of tears. He heard them slapping the concrete floor in a fast-paced light rhythm and knew that he couldn't even run away anymore.

He couldn't…