Comfort

Diane Noble didn't comfort people. She was not one to ever put herself in that position. Yet here she was watching as her sergeant cried in the changing rooms for the man they had lost; the man who had died whilst Nikki was puppy walking him.

If she had her choice she would have walked out, let Nikki's husband comfort her, but Smithy had asked her personally.

"Diane, you know what it's like to lose people you work with. Please, have a word with her." Smithy had asked, reminding her of the time in war when she had lost more than one mate. It was this memory and the feelings that were associated with it, that led her to the changing rooms. Yet here now, she stopped. What could she say? They rarely talked, and even then they weren't what you would call friends.

Suddenly Nikki looked up.

"Oh Diane, I didn't see you there." she said trying to wipe her eyes, rid herself of tears that kept coming.

"Nikki, it's okay to cry. I know what you're going through, I've been there to." She said as she quietly walked towards Nikki, pulling her into a gentle hug as she got closer.

"It hurts Diane. I should have looked after him. I should have done more..."

"Nikki there was nothing you could do. He wanted to kill a police officer, and he wasn't going to stop until he did. I know it hurts, and it's not going to stop hurting, but I promise that over time, it will get better." She continued, stopping for breath. She hadn't spoken about this to anyone outside of the corps before today. Did she really want to open up now? As Nikki's sobs continued she sighed, she had no choice really.

"When I first lost someone in the army, we were patrolling together; Paul was shot by a sniper. He had been standing where I had been only moments before. There was nothing I could do, but I felt so guilty. I pushed everyone away and worked myself to the bone due to guilt. But it didn't work, it can't work. I was never at fault, because it just happened. Like Billy today, if it wasn't him, it would have been you or someone else. Doug almost got killed." Diane took a breath and then continued.

"Nikki, I know that you want to blame yourself, but you can't. He would have killed someone. You can't go through what I did... it doesn't work. You need your family, okay? Don't push them away, please."

Diane looked up and saw that Nikki was looking away, but her shoulders weren't shaking, she wasn't crying anymore.

"I don't think it will ever get easier, Di."

"I promise it will. You just need to remember that it wasn't your fault, please Nikki."

Nikki shook her head and slowly stood up, leaving Diane's embrace.

"Thank you, Diane."

"Anytime Nikki. Anytime."