"Payson what happened?" My coach the man who saved my career asked me. I tried to say nothing and that I am fine, but all that ended coming out was more tears. I then started to hyperventilate. Sasha's eyes were bugging out of his head. "Payson calm down" Sasha kept saying over and over again. I continued to hyperventilate, and Sasha started to give me instructions on how to slow down my breathing. Sasha became even more alarmed when I wasn't able to follow his instructions. He grabbed Phoebe's leash and picked me up bridal style.
Sasha ran to The Rock carrying me the whole way. Phoebe brought up the rear, running as fast as her little legs would carry her. I ended up on a mat while Sasha ran to go get something. My vision started to get really blurry, until I felt a piece of plastic over my mouth and air being pushed into my lungs. Sasha had grabbed the CPR kit and had used the airbag to calm my breathing down. When Sasha was convinced my breathing returned to normal, he got out his cellphone. I could make out something along the lines of emergency from the other end of the phone. Sasha responded with "I need an ambulance at the Rocky Mountain…". I immediately starting shaking my head and saying no. Sasha of course didn't pay any attention to my protests.
My mother arrived before the ambulance did. After hanging up with the 911 operator, Sasha immediately dialed my house. I of course was told to stay on the mat, and just focus on breathing. The minute I would start to talk, I got Sasha's command of "Just Breath". My mother gave me the once over, then turned to Sasha and asked "What happened?" I started to answer, but Sasha again cut me off with his breath command. "I don't know Kim, I was out running and found her crying on the trail. When I asked her what was wrong, she started to hyperventilate. She couldn't stop so I carried her here and got the CPR kit. As he finished in came the paramedics, and he repeated the story over again.
The paramedics started to work on me. They took my blood pressure, oxygen level, checked my pupil response, listened to me breath, listened to my heart, and then started to ask me questions. When they were finally done humiliating me they turned to Sasha and told him it was just a panic attack, but I should see my doctor to make sure. Sasha's response did not please me. "Are you sure she doesn't need to go to the hospital?" The paramedic's response was that it really wasn't necessary, but I should still see my doctor as soon as possible, and that I should be kept under close observation. Sasha and my mother both thanked the paramedics and they left the building.
Once the paramedics had left, both Sasha and my mother turned to me. "Can I speak now?" I directed at Sasha, a tone of defiance in my voice. Sasha not used to hearing that tone from me simply nodded. "Why on earth did you call the paramedics, I was fine!" "You were not fine, I had to use the CPR kit to get you to breathe normally! Plus I found you crying on a running trail, and you couldn't even say two words to me! Now please tell me what the hell is going on and why are you here in Boulder and not in Colorado Springs?"
The scared look on Sasha's face was what did me in. There was only one other time I can remember Sasha giving me that look, and that was when I broke my back. "I was out for a run to clear my head. I hadn't seen Phoebe since I left, so I took her with me. As I was running I started to think about all the different pressures in my life. The constant pressure of trying to make the Olympic team. Having to push my body beyond its limits day in and day out. The pressure of having my entire family's dreams wrapped up in mine. What really got me was the pressure of failure, what would happen if I let everyone down. What would happen if I let you down Sasha? What would happen if I let my family down, would we still be able to live? No sponsor wants a failure, and right now a lot of my money is supporting my entire family." My mother looked hurt as I said this, while Sasha just nodded.
"So you ran away from the USATC, came back here to go for a run and cry with your dog?" I completely forgot that Sasha still didn't know why I was in Boulder and not Colorado Springs. "Actually my dad overheard me telling Lauren that I lost my virginity" a hand in my face stopped me. I'm sure my face was bright red, but Sasha's was even more red. He walked away from me for a minute, and I could hear Romanian curse words being muttered. After a few minutes Sasha turned to me. In the lowest voice I have ever heard he said "You will not have sex again until after the Olympics! Do you understand me?" "Yes Sasha" was my immediate reply, almost a reflex response. Sasha seemed to calm down after that. He knew I wouldn't disobey him.
"After overhearing that conversation dad brought me home. My Mom and Dad gave me a lecture, and he's bringing me back to the training center today." For some reason even though it was deeply embarrassing, talking to my coach about all this felt like a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. "Does coach Mac know where you are?" Crap I completely forgot about that. My mother spoke up for me, telling both of us that she had called Coach Mac telling him there was a family emergency and that I would be back in time for practice later today.
"Here is what we are going to do: I'm going to accompany your father with you back to the training center. When we get there, you are going to have a full physical, including bloodwork just to make sure nothing is wrong with you." I tried to argue this point, but Sasha silenced me with "no buts, you are getting that physical I don't care what you say". "I will tell Coach Mac that you had a panic attack and I just wanted to make sure that was it, besides he called me last night to ask if we could meet." "As long as the doctors say you are ok, you will go back to training and be the Olympic champion I know you can be." "Kim can I have a minute alone with Payson, there is one other thing I need to tell her, and its kind of private." My mother nodded and headed for the car.
AN: Should I continue this story, or is no one reading this anymore?