Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.
July 6, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California
My stomach had been in a knot for two days. The night of the fourth had done nothing to quell the spark of hope burning inside my heart – somehow, amazingly enough, it seemed my attraction for him might not always be one sided.
And… I didn't know how to react to that bit of information.
Last night, I'd tossed and turned with dreams of the possibilities. If I were just a little bit older… If he were just a little bit younger. I'd woken up sweaty and breathless, with a pain in my chest that didn't want to go away.
Now, I stared out the window, watching as Edward pulled up to the curb in his Jeep. He'd reminded me before leaving on Wednesday that he'd pick me up this morning for our surf lesson.
I took a deep breath and grabbed my things before heading outside to greet him. With every step closer to him I took, the tightening in my chest only seemed to get worse. All I could see when I closed my eyes were his hands on my skin, and I swore I could still taste him on my lips as I had in my dreams.
"Morning," Edward said, smiling as I climbed in the Jeep.
I nodded in response, but kept my mouth closed.
Once I was buckled, he put the Jeep into gear and pulled away from the curb. I closed my eyes and pulled my jacket tighter as the cool breeze swirled around us.
"You ready?"
"Not even a little bit," I answered honestly. Because truly, I wasn't ready for lots of things…
Edward laughed, the sound full of early morning roughness. "You'll be fine. And if it doesn't happen today, there's always next time…"
I scowled. "Are you always this inspirational in the morning?"
He glared at me playfully. "Are you always this grumpy in the morning?" he challenged, and I couldn't help but laugh.
Two things became clear as the sun inched higher in the sky. First, whatever had happened the other night, he seemed to be the same old guy I'd known for the past little while. There was no awkwardness on his part, no leading looks or strange pauses. Which led to two: if he could act normal, then so could I.
I calmed slightly as I realized that Edward and I could still just be friends on the outside, even if my heart was waging war on the inside.
We pulled up to the beach, parking easily in a prime spot. There were hardly any cars around and absolutely nobody on the water, for which I was thankful.
The less people around to witness my humiliation, the better.
As eager as someone walking toward a date with a firing squad, I hopped out of the Jeep and moved slowly toward the back to help Edward unload the boards. He had brought one of Jasper's old longboards for me to use.
We suited up and started our walk down to the water. I trailed behind, taking my time. I'd been so wrapped up in thoughts of Edward that I hadn't had much time to be nervous about anything else until that moment.
I stopped as Edward walked to stand in the surf, letting the cool water run over his bare feet. He turned to me and must have read the hesitation on my face. The look he gave me told me I was in charge.
I knew if I were to tell him I wasn't ready, he wouldn't push.
Slowly, I stepped toward him, gasping as the chilly water slid up and over my feet.
Edward chuckled. "You'll get used to that. Best thing to do? Just… dive in."
With that, he turned away and dove beneath the water, disappearing into the waves.
Taking his advice, I decided to just go for it and dove in after him. I surfaced with a shiver and my lips trembled. "Damn, that's cold."
"Come on you big baby," Edward yelled over his shoulder.
He led us out past the break until we were about chest deep and we both climbed up on our boards. He stayed quiet as I got my bearings and took in how it felt to actually be in the water. We'd talked about it so many times before. We'd watched video after video, and he'd answered every question I could come up with, but now that it was here… I just wanted to be back on the sand.
Sand was easy. Sand couldn't suck me under.
There were no sharks in the sand.
"Chill. I can almost hear you freaking out in your head right now. Remember what we practiced and just do it."
"What if I fall?" I asked.
"Then you fall. Who cares," he said. "Just wait for a wave that feels good and go. Stand up like we practiced and give it your best. If you don't feel steady, give up and go for the next one. Don't push yourself."
I looked over at him in pure terror. He always made it sound so simple. "But…" I trailed off.
With a shake of his head, he reached out and pulled my board closer to his. He smiled softly. "Remember what I said. Stay out of here." The tip of his finger grazed my temple. "And keep yourself in here." He pressed his fingers right in the center of my chest to indicate my heart. "Let it happen naturally."
Then he let me go.
I drifted away, taking a deep breath as I turned to look at the surf over my shoulder. With my hands and my body I memorized the board beneath me, taking careful stock of how the waves washed around me. The wetsuit restricted some of my movement and I knew that I'd have to adjust, that it wouldn't be as easy as it had been in shorts on the beach. I would have to account for every little change.
One wave passed, and then two. I tried to pretend I couldn't feel Edward's gaze on me.
When number four headed toward us, I went for it.
I lay forward, looking ahead as I paddled my arms as strong as I could. The water gathered beneath me and I felt the board fall into the right spot on the wave and begin pulling me toward the shore. When I felt steady, I pushed up with my arms and immediately lost my balance. With almost no time to react, the board tipped sideways… and then so did I.
Air rushed from my nose as I struggled against the current. I swam, fighting to get myself back to the surface without getting hit in the face by my board. When I broke through, gasping out a breath, Edward looked relieved. He watched closely as I swam back out toward him and climbed back on the board.
"You all right?"
My heart was pounding, a mixture of fear and adrenaline pumping through me that caused my chest to rise and fall with each labored breath I sucked in, but somehow I managed to tell him I was okay.
"That was a good try," Edward said.
I rolled my eyes at him. "If it was good, I wouldn't have fallen off. I wasn't in the right position."
"Stop being hard on yourself. Let it go and try again."
I huffed and turned away from him, my eyes examining the surf once again. I didn't want to take my frustrations out on Edward, but it was difficult.
Because I knew not making it up on my first wave wasn't the only thing I was upset about. And neither of those things were really his fault.
Once more, I waited for a wave that felt right. When it surged forward, I lay down and paddled my heart out. I felt good that time, exhilarated. I wanted to scream and celebrate as I pushed up and got my feet under me…until I slipped and ended up tangled in the surf for a second time.
After the fifth wipeout, I decided I was done. Instead of swimming back out to where Edward waited, I rode the water on my belly all the way back into shore.
I slumped into the sand and fought hard not to cry at how badly I'd failed.
Edward's movement caught my eye as he paddled forward, grabbing the wave he wanted. He hopped up so fast, I almost missed it. He made it look effortless.
His footsteps splashed across the low tide as he approached me. Not wanting to see his disappointment, I stared down at the sand.
He dropped down at my side and I watched from beneath my curtain of hair as he rested his hands on his bent knees. "I told you not to get frustrated. It kills your mojo if you try too hard."
"How am I supposed to do it if I don't try?" I snapped, glancing up at him finally.
He sighed. "I'm not saying not to try… I'm just saying to relax."
"Why are you even making me do this?"
"I'm not making you do anything," he argued.
"Yes you are! If you hadn't made me accept that stupid condition I wouldn't even care about all of this." My hands motioned wildly around us. "Now I'm invested, and I hate failing. I hate it!"
He put his hand on my arm and squeezed. "You didn't fail. You did well; it just takes time, Bella. Don't get discouraged." He stood up, motioning for me to join him. "And, I wouldn't have insisted you do this if I didn't think you actually could."
Remember how Bella mentioned her tendency for getting frustrated easily? She's feeling it. And Edward appears cool as a cucumber…but is he?
Thank you all so much for reading, and for indulging me by answering my question about surfing. I loved hearing all of your stories! I have another question for you today: what's the craziest (or stupidest) thing you've ever done to get the attention of the opposite sex? For me it was probably taking up hockey when I was a senior in high school. Boy was I dumb.
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Reviews are love, and love really makes me happy. Especially when it comes from one of you.
Until tomorrow!
xx