Chapter seven! Woot. Please review!

beta: Icescim

The Philosophy of Self

Chapter Seven

They reached his suite in the diplomatic building, and he sat in one of the chairs in the outer room, looking to Sakura expectantly. She had her attention trained on the floor, a slight frown on her face. She didn't sit, but stood rather absently in the middle of the floor. She was clearly deep in thought, so he didn't interrupt.

After a long moment, she sighed, sat down, closed her eyes briefly, and then looked at him. She opened her mouth, hesitated, and then said: "Your… Sasuke's…"

"Just call me Sasuke," he told her. She gave him an uncertain look.

"But—"

"I am going to be tried for Sasuke's crimes, so I might as well be Sasuke," he said. She grimaced.

"I guess." Sakura sighed again, giving in. "The first charge is desertion. Even though we weren't technically at war, we'd just been attacked by Suna and Oto. The Hokage had been killed. People were dead, people were injured, and you just left. Without leave. You abandoned Team Seven, abandoned Konoha, abandoned you oaths."

Anger and frustration were beginning to tinge her words. "You left and you went to Orochimaru. You knew who he was. You fought against him just before you joined him! And still, you…"

She stopped abruptly and took a breath, obviously grappling with her anger. "So. Treason. The first count, anyway. There were others after that. Attacking Konoha ninja with intent to kill, on several accounts. Aiding and abetting known enemies of the Village. Those, Uchiha-san, are what we're sure they'll bring up at your trial. I'm sure they'll find others."

He sat, taking this all in. Then, he asked: "Why… did I leave?"

Sakura's head snapped around and she glared. "Why?" she hissed. "Why? You left for power."

She sneered. "You left because you wanted the power Orochimaru offered you, even though you knew what he planned for you. Even though it would set you against your Village. Even though you had a whole Hidden Village full of ninja ready and willing to help you!"

She stood up and walked stiffly toward the wall, turned, and walked back. She stopped in the middle of the room, fists clenched at her sides. She met his eyes, fury making them a vicious, snapping green.

"I can't do this. I'm leaving," she said abruptly, angrily. She stalked to the door, through it, and away.

He sat where she'd left him, his eyes distant with intense thought, going over what she'd told him.

The charges she'd told him would be leveled at him sounded familiar. He remembered that he'd left Konoha, was considered a nukenin, and the place he'd gone to… Orochimaru had been there. But…

But he didn't feel that he gone to Orochimaru. That phrasing was incorrect.

And what about… what about killing his family… Why hadn't she mentioned that? He had done it, but that evidently wasn't on the list of Sasuke's crimes.

Which meant that he was right, and he wasn't Sasuke?

He cradled his head in his hands.

Whether or not he was Sasuke, they were going to try him for Sasuke's crimes. Should he just let them?

But then he would be getting away with murder. Literally. If they didn't try him for killing his family…

He didn't deserve to take Sasuke's place. Sasuke's crimes were nothing compared to his. By assuming Sasuke's identity, he was effectively evading the punishment for his own actions. Certainly he'd be sentenced for the other crimes, but the greater of them would go by with impunity.

That almost made him feel sicker than the crime itself. To kill one's family is abhorrent, but to get away with it?

He couldn't. He could no longer entertain thoughts of letting go and accepting the mantle of Sasuke's identity. He did not deserve such a boon.

However… It wasn't particularly likely that the people of Konoha would accept that he wasn't Sasuke. Not if his previous experiences meant anything. It was obvious they had already determined that he was Sasuke and that his protestations that he wasn't were symptoms of mental distress.

Should he then admit to his crime? Say that he'd killed his family?

Although… if they thought he was Sasuke, and they hadn't listed that crime among the others, did that mean that they did not believe Sasuke had committed it? What if they dismissed his confession as a product of a confused mind?

Or, perhaps he should ask Sakura who killed the Uchiha Clan. He might indirectly discover who he was, then.

He should have done that from the start, but when the truth had first surfaced from the mire amnesia had made of his mind, he'd been so confused… And then, he had been unsure of that memory, unsure of its truth, of its source.

It was past time. Now, he would ask.

The day after Sakura had left with the firm steps of anger was the first day since he first woke that he did not see her. He wondered briefly if she was still angry from the questions he'd asked the night before, but let his contemplation of his broken memories distract him from waiting.

By noon on the second day, he wondered if she would ever come back, or if he had driven her beyond her tolerance. It was a distinct possibility, considering that any time she was around him she seemed angry, wary, or some combination of the two.

With nothing else to do, he sat in the front room of his suite and thought.

The monotony of the day was broken a couple hours after noon, by Hatake Kakashi.

The Copy Ninja entered the room after a perfunctory knock, lifting one hand with a lackadaisical "Yo."

Uchiha watched as the older shinobi meandered closer. A silence fell between them, as both watched the other. The silence stretched…

He remembered Hatake Kakashi. The man could have been Hokage, had he shown a touch more ambition and etiquette. Another early-graduation, and a fast rise through the ninja ranks. The last Hatake was also one of two known non-Uchiha to have acquired a Sharingan and been able to utilize it.

…'Two?' He frowned slightly and tried to grab that memory, but it lingered just out of reach.

"So," Kakashi broke the silence with a lazy drawl. "It's Uchiha-san, isn't it?"

Uchiha's eyes snapped to the other's face, and he lifted his eyebrows at the Copy Ninja. "I imagine you have already made your own decisions on who I am."

Kakashi's visible eye creased in a smile. "Ah. Yes, you've caught me," he said amiably. But he didn't volunteer what his decision was. Uchiha watched him thoughtfully.

He remembered that Hatake Kakashi was a man of great intellect, instinct, and skill. He was quite adept at 'looking underneath the underneath,' as he said. Uchiha wondered what Kakashi saw when he looked at him.

"Sakura-chan sent me," the Copy Ninja said. "There was an emergency at the hospital that she was called in to deal with; she apologizes that you've been cooped up these past two days."

Uchiha felt a small breath of relief at this. So he hadn't driven her away. He was glad; he felt that she was his best shot for regaining his memories. Naruto was too determined to consider the fact that he wasn't Sasuke. Sakura… she was too grounded to cling to her own similar hope, once she recognized the truth staring her in the face. She knew Sasuke, and would eventually come to realize that 'Uchiha-san' wasn't him.

Perhaps Kakashi realized the same. Looking at him, it was difficult to discern what exactly he thought, though perhaps Uchiha could eke it out of him given enough time. Uchiha wondered if maybe he could persuade Kakashi to escort him outside the diplomatic building, in Sakura's place.

"That being the case," Kakashi continued, "I've gotten permission to let you out of your quarters. If you want some fresh air, that is."

"Please," Uchiha said, politely, "I would appreciate it."

"You have not been to the Uchiha Compound since you've awakened, have you?"

A muscle twitched involuntarily along Uchiha's jaw at the sudden question, but his voice was mild when he replied: "No. I have not."

Kakashi was quiet a moment. "Going there might stir up memories for you. You are an Uchiha; seeing your family's home would be the most effective stimulus."

:Effective stimulus,: Uchiha thought with a bitter pain. He wasn't sure that the memories that would stir up wouldn't leave him broken in their wake. He already felt crushing guilt and sorrow from the thought 'I think I killed my family'. How much more potent would memories of the actual act be?

Enough to make him well and truly insane? Possibly. Enough to make him remember who, exactly, he was? Probably.

"Yes," Uchiha said slowly. There was a chance that he'd regret this decision, but he didn't have much to lose. "I think… I would like to see it."

Kakashi nodded, and with his hands in his pockets and a slouch to his shoulders, led them off toward the Compound. They walked in silence, and Uchiha felt a knot of unease tighten in his gut with ever step.

When they reached the first gate into the Compound, Kakashi stopped and glanced at him. "Do you remember where you lived?"

He paused, but then stepped forward. Kakashi followed as he wandered, with only a few brief hesitations, through the streets.

It was sunny, clear-sky day, but it seemed somehow dimmer, dark, in the Uchiha Compound. As if the sun didn't dare shine on those streets. Uchiha tried to ignore the long, deep shadows and kept walking.

The streets were made of pale, almost sand-like dirt, hard-packed until it was nearly stone. Time and neglect had left them slightly disheveled and speckled with weeds, which didn't surprise him very much. What was somewhat surprising was the lack of any signs of the massacre he remembered. The only indication that such a thing had happened was the absence of people. But other than that, there were no bloodstains, no signs of violence. Either someone had cleaned it, or he was remembering something incorrectly.

"My—" he started, turning toward Kakashi. Memory seized him then, catching the words in his throat.

Standing in the street, his eyes burned with the Sharingan… (the tears he couldn't shed burned too). The scent of death clogged his nose with foulness, and he felt something shrink inside him, itself fouled.

Why? Why, nii-san? Why did you kill them all?

Hate me, despise me…

There was a weight in his hand, familiar; a weapon. There were bodies all around him; his family. He felt a pain rise in his chest as he fled. He coughed, and saw bright blood on his hand after.

He blinked, and it was gone, and Kakashi was standing in front of him, sharp gaze catching the moment the focus of his eyes changed. "Are you alright?"

Uchiha paused, lifted a hand to press the back of his hand lightly to his nose. He said, a little dazedly: "It reeks of blood here."

"Hm," Kakashi said, thoughtfulness in his tone and his eye. "Do you want to go on?"

"I…" Uchiha hesitated. The bodies of his parents lay crumpled on the smooth, polished wood floor. Their blood was black in the low light. He took a careful breath. "No… No."

The walk out was worse, as if that instant of memory had knocked something loose inside him. He saw faces in the shadows, like echoes of the dead, and heard susurrations that weren't the wind.

By the time they reached the entrance to the Compound, he was sweating and staggering, as if ill. Kakashi finally looped an arm around him, supporting and guiding him to a small shrine that had been wedged between two nearby buildings. There were ledges on either side of the narrow alley, on which the guardian statues were set. Kakashi eased Uchiha down onto the ledge behind one of the statues.

Uchiha's head lolled to rest against the statue's tail, his breath uneven. He felt cold and hot at the same time, and a phantom cough tickled his throat. Kakashi crouched in front of him, surveying him with a narrowed eye.

"What is it?" he asked, "Have you remembered something?"

Uchiha looked at him, forced out between breaths: "Who was it… that killed… the Uchiha?"

Kakashi was silent a while, staring at him with an eye that did not seem so sleepy and lazy anymore. Finally, the older shinobi replied: "Uchiha Itachi."