CHAPTER FIVE
JASPER'S CHOICES
JANUARY
THIRD PERSON POV
Up in Alaska there was a one-story contemporary home, surrounded by snowy, barren land and woods. Through a large picture window, Jasper gazed outside while Alice and Carlisle argued heatedly. Esme looked desolate and Emmett's face was blank. Rosalie sat at his side and was growing more and more irritated.
"No," Carlisle was saying, "We promised Edward."
"But she won't do well without us," Alice begged, "I get flashes of her, but they're unclear-"
"Forget her," Rosalie said, "Let's drag Edward home."
"He'll come back when he's ready. After Bella moves on," Esme told them.
"Yes," Carlisle agreed, "When she's living her life, safe from danger-"
"You mean safe from us," Jasper interrupted. He thought about Heather, wondering what she was doing, how she must be feeling, what she was thinking. Without him. Was she happy?
Rosalie looked pointedly at Alice, "And when will that be?"
"Can you see him, Alice?" Emmett asked her quietly.
Alice took a moment to try and see something, "The only decision he's made...is to be alone."
Rosalie stormed off. Emmett sighed and followed his wife. Esme looked so sad to see her family is such disarray. Carlisle sighed, "Then that's that. There's nothing we can do."
Alice glared, "She's only going to get worse with time." She looked over at Jasper, "What about Heather? Huh?"
Jasper looked over at her, "Have you seen her?"
Alice sighed, "I see glimpses of her. She's putting on a brave front for her dad and Bianca but it's about to snap."
Jasper sighed and ran a hand through his hair, looking out the window again.
Alice pleaded with him, "This is killing you both. Why do you insist we stay away? It's not doing either of you any good."
Jasper glared at her, "You think I don't know that? You think I'm happy staying away from her? You think I'm not miserable everyday without her?"
"If all that is true I don't understand why you're still here. Why we can't just go back!" Alice raised her voice. "Don't think we don't know about where you go at times. We know that you go back to watch her at a distance. This is too hard for both of you and yet you watch her and won't just go back and be with her!"
Jasper stood, angry, "Because it's not safe for her – for them. I'm a liability, Alice. I can hurt her. I can kill her!"
"But you won't!" Alice said confidently.
"You don't know that. She's already been hurt just because of my feelings for her," Jasper said.
"And staying away is hurting her more than anything," Alice said quietly, "Can you really live with that?"
Jasper sat heavily down by the window. And he said nothing.
HEATHER'S POV
Thy soul shall find itself alone
'Mid dark thoughts of the grey tomb-stone;
Not one, of all the crowd, to pry
Into thine hour of secrecy.
I pulled my lead body out of bed. I got up, got dressed, made breakfast and helped Bianca and myself get ready for the day. Dad was in San Francisco, meeting with lawyers and my mother. He was fighting for full custody of Bianca. He didn't have to fight for me. I wasn't going anywhere. But my mom was fighting back tooth and nail. I had a theory that she was after the hefty child support check that my dad would be forced to pay if she got Bianca. Because right now, she had to pay it.
When I got to the daycare, Leah wasn't there. She and her fiance Sam had broken up. Apparently he left her for her cousin, Emily. Leah wasn't taking it very well. She stopped coming into work.
Guess heartbreak was becoming a trend.
Be silent in that solitude
Which is not loneliness – for then
The spirits of the dead, who stood
In life before thee, are again
In death around thee, and their will
Shall overshadow thee; be still.
I sighed my way through school like any other day. Mr. Brunner stopped me though when I tried to run out of the room when the bell rang, "Heather, wait a second. I'd like to talk to you about your latest work."
I slouched and tried to look enthusiastic, "What about it?"
He held the paper out that I had emailed him. He coughed, "It's rather good. I'd like to enter it in the competition."
I nodded, "Alright."
But he didn't look finished, "Um... There's just..."
"Is something wrong with it?" I asked, disinterested.
He shook his head, "Not that. But, um, it's rather... depressing. That seems to be a theme in your work. And it's starting to worry me."
My forehead crinkled, "Teen angst. It's very common, nothing to worry about."
He held up the paper as his evidence, "This brings 'teen angst' to a whole new level. Heather," he sighed heavily, "I'm worried about you."
I shrugged, "Don't be. I'm fine." I turned on my heal and left.
The night, though clear, shall frown,
And the stars shall not look down
From their high thrones in Heaven
With light like hope to mortals given,
But their red orbs, without beam,
To thy weariness shall seem
As a burning and a fever
Which would cling to thee for ever.
I laid in Jasper's balcony, staring up at the dark sky. I closed my eyes, seeing Jasper's face again. I sighed as I fell into a deep sleep.
I laid in the big, fluffy green bed. I heard a chuckled beside me and looked over to see Jasper, shirtless at least, chuckling at me. I gave him a smirk, "What are you laughing about, Mr. Hale?"
He wrapped his arms around me, "Just marveling at how lucky I am... Mrs. Hale."
I stood, throwing on a robe. I looked around and noticed a wedding portrait. I was in a beautiful yet simple white dress and Jasper looked so handsome in his tux. But there was something different. I peered at the photo, looking closer. My skin was so pale. My eyes looked... golden. Like Jasper's.
Like a vampire's.
I gasped. I turned around as Jasper asked, "What's wrong?" I looked at him. He was still in the bed... but there was blood on him.
I whipped around, looking into a mirror. I was still in my robe... but it was stained red with blood. I looked into my eyes, they were blood red. Like a human drinking vampire.
My hand flew to my mouth, "What?"
Jasper came to stand behind me in the mirror, "It's just nature."
I gasped loudly and shot up as I heard my phone ring.
Now are thoughts thou shalt not banish,
Now are visions ne'er to vanish;
From thy spirit shall they pass
No more, like dew-drop from the grass.
I let out a huge breath as I answered the phone, "Hello?"
"Hey, Heather... it's Embry."
I held my head in my hand, "Embry. Hi."
"Yeah... I was wondering... if you... and Bianca would ever be coming back to La Push. I—we miss you."
I sighed, "um... I don't know. I've been busy."
"Maybe the beach will help, you know, clear your head."
"I'd rather clear my life," I laughed bitterly.
"What do you mean?"
I stood up and began walking out of Jasper's room, "Nothing. Maybe we'll stop by this weekend. If Bianca's up to it. I'll let you know."
I heard Embry sigh, "Alright. We're worried about you down here."
I opened the front door and closed it, locking it behind me, "I'm fine." I hung up the phone and got into my car.
The breeze, the breath of God, is still,
And the mist upon the hill
Shadowy, shadowy, yet unbroken,
Is a symbol and a token.
How it hangs upon the trees,
A mystery of mysteries! (Spirits of the Dead; E.A. Poe)
THIRD PERSON POV
Jasper stood in the trees high above the roof of his house as he watched Heather laying on the porch outside his room. He didn't know how she got there or how often she went there. He wished she could move on from him so she could get better. If she were better – happy – then staying away would be worth all the pain he would feel for eternity.
He saw her stand – she was on the phone with someone – and started walking out, "Nothing. Maybe we'll stop by this weekend. If Bianca's up to it. I'll let you know."
Jasper heard someone – a boy – sigh, "Alright. We're worried about you down here."
She opened the front door and closed it, locking it behind me, "I'm fine." She hung up the phone and got into her car, driving away.
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