After we finished at Emily's, Embry took me home. My dad wasn't home yet, so, since the first time I got there, I sat down and watched television. I was never a really big TV person, but it was relaxing to sit down and just let my mind go numb.
I fell asleep in front of the TV until my dad woke me up.
"Ana," my dad whispered. "Ana, wake up."
"Dad," I moaned. "Leave me alone."
"You need to go upstairs to your bed." He picked me up. "Let's go."
He carried me up to my room, and I fell back asleep.
But I was awoken again by a knocking on my window. I got up, rubbed my eyes, and walked over to my window. Embry was standing bellow me.
"Embry?" I whispered. "What are you doing here?"
"Back up," he whispered back. "I'm coming."
I took a step back as he climbed my tree and slid through the window. I was so amazed at his strength that I didn't really know what to do. I watched him as his muscles flexed when he climbed up. I loved his body; it was amazing.
"Ana," he whispered, taking me in his arms. "How are you?"
"Great," I laughed. "What in the world are you doing here?"
"I'm just hanging." He raised his eyebrows. "What are you doing here?"
I closed my eyes and shook my head; I rested my head on his shoulder. "Embry, what if my dad hears?"
"He's a sound sleeper," Embry laughed.
"And you know this how?"
"I just do." He wrapped his arms around me and rubbed my back. "So what do you want to do?"
"I want to sleep," I chuckled.
"Oh really?" he asked, rocking me back and forth. "Is that so?"
"Yeah, it is."
"Well, let's lay down."
He led me to his bed and flopped down with me on top of him. It felt awkward to be laying on him, but it also felt nice. I cuddled to his chest and took in his smell. He was so comfortable, so amazing. I had never felt this way about any guy before.
He ran his hand through my hair and wrapped it around his fingers. I closed my eyes and sighed. I couldn't let myself do this; I couldn't let myself like him so much.
"Embry," I whispered.
"Yes, my angel?" he asked.
"I don't know if I can do this."
"Do what?"
I stood up and out of his arms. "Like you. I just don't know what I'm doing, or how this works, or anything. I can't like you anymore."
"I don't know why you're saying this," Embry whispered. "How could you say this?"
"I guess I just didn't know what I was doing. I'm sorry I led you on."
"This isn't the reason you're saying this, Ana. I know you; you wouldn't leave anyone hanging out to dry like this."
"You don't know me," I fought. "You know nothing about me!"
"Ana, you need to be quiet, or else your dad will wake up, and we'll both get into a whole hell of a lot of trouble."
I shook my head. "I don't care. Just leave, Embry."
"I'm not leaving until you tell me why you're doing this. Why are you doing this to me?"
"It's not because of you; it's because of me."
"Don't even feed me that bull shit, Ana. That's the worst line you can tell anyone."
"It's the truth. What do you want me to do? Lie to you?"
"You're lying to me right now." He stood up as well. "You need to sit down and tell me what's wrong."
"Embry, go away!"
"Ana, I'll warn you one more time, if you continue to scream, your dad is going to wake up and we'll both be in trouble."
"Then go! Leave!"
He shook his head. "Fine, but, if you need me, you know where to find me."
He jumped out of my window and left.
My door opened; it was my dad.
"Ana, are you okay?" he asked. "I thought I heard yelling."
I ran my hand through my hair and sighed. "Everything's fine. I just was talking on the phone with Nessie."
He smiled. "I'm glad. She's such a nice girl."
"Yeah. She is."
He looked at the clock. "Well, it's late. You should be getting to sleep."
"Yeah, I should." I climbed into bed. "Night, Dad. I love you."
"I love you too. Remember you have school tomorrow."
"Yes, father." I shook my head with a chuckle. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Okay, Ana. Sleep well."
"Thanks, Dad."
He closed the door and turned off the lights. I turned on my side and stared at the wall. I didn't know what I had just done, or how it would affect my life. All I knew was that I wasn't sure if it made me feel happy or sad.
Suddenly, I remembered my mom. I remembered her wanting so badly for me to be happy; I didn't even know if I could be happy without Embry, but I couldn't just call him back. It didn't work that way. If I wanted him back, I would have to work for it, but I wasn't even up to working for it. I didn't want to have anyone in my life; I didn't deserve to be happy.
Eventually, I fell asleep, but I didn't even know how I did. My mind was full of overpowering thoughts. How was I supposed to work this out?