CHAPTER SIX

NIGHTMARES AND THE CHOICE

Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy for from off my door!"

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

I sighed as Mr. Brunner changed his voice with the poem. I only stared at my notebook, repeating verses in my head to hear how they might sound. And envisioning what the judges may think when they read this from an 18 year old.

I ignored the teacher when he asked us what we thought the poem meant or what symbols were in it.

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting

On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;

And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's tat is dreaming,

And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;

And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor

Shall be lifted – nevermore!

"Nevermore..." I whispered as I tacked a picture of a raven I printed off the internet onto my wall above my headboard. I heard a knock on my door and called out, "Come in!"

I heard my door open and looked over to see Embry awkwardly standing in the doorway. I climbed off my bed and stuffed my hands in my pockets like Jasper used to, "Embry."

Embry cleared his throat, "Hey Heather. You wanna come down to La Push today? We're gonna drop by Jacob's garage. Rumor is that Bella's been hanging around there for a while."

I furrowed my eyebrows, "Really?" I had spent months going to her house and reading to her without so much as eye contact. And Jacob caused her to physically seek him out for companionship? What the hell was that about?

"Yeah," Embry shuffled his feet, "So do you want come?"

I sighed, "Can you go get Bianca and I'll be out in a sec?"

When he was gone I sighed and started getting dressed – I was in pajamas. Bella met me with Jasper. She connects me with the Cullens. I'm a link with the Cullens that is painful for her. No wonder she doesn't want anything to do with me.

"God, you're right, you're like Satan-" we heard Jacob telling Bella when Embry, Quil, Bianca and I started walking through.

Quil called out, "Yo, Jake, you in there?"

I heard rustling and Jacob say, "It's cool, it's just my boys."

We walked in as Embry said, "Hey, Jake-" but he stopped when he saw Bella. Embry and Quil shared a mischievous smile.

Jacob smiled at me quickly, "Hey Heather. Guys, this is Bella. Bella, that's Quil and Embry."

I was worried how Bella would react to my being there but when she smiled at me I was pleasantly surprised. Encouraged, I walked over to her and she welcomed my hug. She gave a little wave to a sleepy Bianca just as Quil was saying, "So the bike building story is true."

Bella nodded, "Taught him everything he knows."

"What about the part where you're his girlfriend?"

Bella frowned awkwardly, "Oh. We're just friends."

"Ooh," Embry laughed, "Burn."

Jacob scrambled to answer, "I said she's a girl and a friend."

Quil smirked, "Embry, you remember him making that distinction?"

"Nope."

Bella came to an embarrassed Jacob's rescue, "So I guess you guys have girlfriends. That's awesome."

I gave a little laugh as Jacob laughed loudly, "Right. Quil took his cousin to prom."

We all laughed at that as Quil gave us a sarcastic look, "Yeah, that's still a riot. You want funny, Black? I'll give you funny." Quil made a run at him but Jacob dodged. They started scuffling as Embry came between me and Bella and rested his hand on the small of my back.

"I got five bucks on Quil."

Bella didn't take her eyes off Jacob, "You're on."

It had been three weeks since then. Bella was constantly getting better and better with Jacob's help. And I felt like I wasn't. I had Embry... Quil... Bella... Bianca.. Jacob but nothing was working. I still had this hollow ache in my chest that just didn't go away.

"Jasper..." I sighed as I turned a corner and entered his room. Jasper was standing with his back to me on the balcony.

In visions of the dark night

I have dreamed of joy departed-

Jasper turned to me with a hollow look on his face, "I'm leaving Heather..."

I jolted awake. The nightmares weren't bad for a while there. On the nights I had hung out with my friends at La Push. But other nights there were unbearable.

I sobbed into my pillow.

But a waking dream of life and light

Hath left me broken-hearted.

Maybe after thirty minutes of crying, I fell into a deep sleep. Safe. Not.

I walked out the front door of the Cullen house when I heard a growl. I whipped my face over to see what it was. But it was pitch black.

Ah! what is not a dream by day

To him whose eyes are cast

I willed for whatever it was to show itself, "Who's there?"

Nothing.

I took a shuddering deep breath, "Jasper?"

Light broke through and I saw diamonds.

On things around him with a ray

Turned back upon the past?

Then I saw fire. Bright, tight curls of fire. Victoria.

That holy dream – that holy dream,

While all the world were chiding,

Hath cheered me as a lovely beam

A lonely spirit guiding.

Victoria smirked, "He's gone. You're alone. Unprotected."

I heard a scuffle in the woods and an ancient Indian Warrior emerged into the clearing. He drew his bow and fired at Victoria.

She crouched and hissed, swiping at the man.

He dropped his bow onto the ground and erupted into fur and snarls.

Suddenly, there was a giant horse-sized wolf in front of me.

I bite back a scream when the wolf and Victoria collided in snapping teeth and sound breaking growls.

But it came out when I sat straight up in bed, awake.

What though that light, thro' storm and night,

So trembled from afar-

What could there be more purely bright

In Truth's day-star?

(Dream by E.A. Poe)

That night I slept soundly in bed. But a chilled feeling crept up my spine, making me shiver. It was winter in my dream, and snowing. I was with Jasper - as was a theme of my dreams, I'm sure you can tell. I was in that messy place between sleep and wake and i wanted to sleep. But that chilling feeling kept creeping down my body until finally, I had to open my eyes.

I sat up in bed and looked around. A tall figure was in the corner of my room, by the window. My eyes watered.

"Jasper?"

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