A/N: I am personally really proud of this chapter. I hope you guys like it too !

(I feel as if I'm going kind of off track with the storyline surrounding Alli's suicide. Sooo here ya go ;) )

Read:')

Clare lay in her bed one Saturday afternoon. Her curtains were closed, shielding any light from coming in. Her door was locked and she lay silently in the protection of her wool blankets; music blasting from her stereo, blocking out all disturbances of the world.

It was just one of those days. Clare's depression had not been an issue in the past couple of months due to the happiness Drew had brought her. But after the horrifying dream she had been granted with the night before, she'd come to the conclusion that she'd never be able to fully escape the misery Alli's suicide had brought her.

The dream kept replaying itself in her head over and over.

Alli sat on the floor in a corner of her own room, while Clare stood hovering over her, yelling angrily.

"How could you do this to me?"

Alli crouched back futher and further into the corner as possible. She wept while helplessly whimpering "I'm sorry"'s, begging for Clare's forgiveness. But this weakness just made Clare even more merciless and raise her voice even louder.

"I HATE YOU, ALLI! DO YOU HEAR ME? I HATE YOU!"

Thick tears were streaming down Alli's face,uncontrollably as she continued attempting to crouch as far as possible into the corner.

Clare continued yelling and yelling, denouncing her as her best friend.

Alli buried her head in her hands, weeping. She suddenly began raise her head slowly with an eerie look in her eye. She slowly rose to her feet, meeting eye-level with Clare. Clare confusedly stopped yelling, anticipating Alli's next action.

Alli reached her hand toward her back pocket, never breaking her gaze with Clare's. Alli's hand rose from her jeans pocket to her head. Clare's eyes widened at the sight of the small handgun Alli had pressed against her temple.

Alli stared into Clare's eyes, repeatedly murmuring something uncomprehendable. Her tone grew louder and louder with each murmur until Clare could finally understand her words: "I'm Sorry"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

Alli repeated over and over, still holding the gun to her head; he finger dangerously tapping the trigger.

Clare attempted to snatch the gun away from her, but she couldn't move. She was no longer in control of her body. Her hands and feet refused to move; It was too late. She could not stop Alli from her next action. All she could do was stand there and watch in complete shock.

Alli continued. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

Her chanting grew louder and angrier each time, until she reached the point of screaming.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!, I'M SORRY! How many freaking times do I have to say IM SORRY?"

Alli's voice boomed through Clare's ears, followed by a gunshot.

Alli's body fell to the ground.

Clare regained control of her body and was now able to approach Alli.

But it was obviously too late.
She fell to her knees, staring down at the still body.

"NO!", she cried desperately.

This couldn't be happening.

"No!", she cried again, only to find herself awake in her bed.

It had all been a dream. A completely horrifying dream.

It was now around 2 in the afternoon and she still lay in the same position as when she had awoken.

She did not plan on getting out of bed for the rest of the day. She'd stay there in the same position for the rest of her life if she could.

Because once she got out of bed and lived her everyday life... She'd just be living a lie.

Nothing was ever going to be okay. And when Drew made her feel happy... It was a lie.
It wasn't real. Because how could anyone be truly happy after killing their best friend?

And even if this happiness was real...

She didn't deserve it.

She hated herself. She hated herself even more and more every time she was reminded of Alli's death.

Clare hated herself. And it seemed as if nothing would ever change that.

A/N: Tell me what you thought, please! :)

There are pictures corresponding with each chapter on my Tumblr :) even if you dont have an account there, just check out the page. I think it'll bring the story more to life if ya check it out ! :

moxxyrain . tumblr . com

Reviews:')
(Please tell me whatcha thought... Starting to feel as if no one's reading this anymore :/