He had called Lelouch a child. He had made the claim that he had matured so much to be pass him in term of understanding.

How wrong he is. How wrong is this world?

His eyes stare at the water, and he gulped. How foolish is he? His morales, his path in this world, keep getting muddle up by the dirt. Why couldn't it stay as clear as he saw it? Why did the water always get muddy ...why wasn't it the way it was naturally, clear and perfect.

He put a hand to his face and cover his eyes. He could hear the command and the voice over his intercom inside of the Lancelot, and he couldn't help wondering?

When did water and blood start to look the same to him?

Code Geass : The River Divides

Chapter 4

Water, clear, pure, perfect.

Darkness, night, ...it wasn't just the sky that was colored by that blackness. A cold feeling in the pit of Suzaku's stomach was lodge there as he shoulder the rifle in his Lancelot, and thought of those that stand on the ship. Defenseless, harmless, this was the last stand of the japanese liberation forces, and it was already planned as being a merciless massacre. The only survivors those that the Britannia considered more useful as war trophies than as corpses, and he was to be the executioner.

All these things can describe water if you only looks at it's surface, but water is much more.

A test of loyalties.

Lloyd had called it that, and Suzaku didn't doubt it.

Darlton had said as much himself, that this was a test of his loyalty. A test he was no longer so sure he could pass as his mind went back over past events. His discovery of Zero's identity stood out the strongest, as he realized that after this, if he simply wanted to end the war all he had to do was tell Zero's identity.

All he had to do was let them kill his best friend and his crippled sister.

How many lives would he save by doing that? Thousands, Millions, Billions of lives would be spared, and he actually gain a reward from it. A reward maybe for all of Japan.

It's something that can sustain.

Though hadn't he done that before? Haven't he traveled this road and surrendered the life of one for his morals, his standards, his version of right, and what had that gained him? Self-hatred, loathing, fear, exile, and a ever present hunger to correct what he had done wrong with his life. Could he live with more sins against his heart, and what of Lelouch ...what of Nunnelly? Aren't they simply pawns thrown into this mix by the selfness of others. So, how can he do it again?

How can he turn upon the hand that risk everything to save him? That lost itself to darkness because ...he had thought he had died. Thought he had fallen.

Something that can destroy.

Suzaku takes a deep breathe and level his scope. His eyes narrowed ...as he tries to get his sight straight. His heart pounding as he see the man on the side of the ship take a bullet through the head. The others already running for cover as the bullets whizz by their heads ...as one side of the ship seemingly implodes from one of the knightmare's bullets. Then there was one man, one man that stood still on that deck and he pointed. He pointed outwards towards the sea ...towards the far off surf as the Lancelot's scope changes with that hands direction. As Suzaku looks away, and in that moment he see the dark ship break the surface, and in his heart he thinks that they are saved. That he is saved, but then ...his vision is suddenly blown into a world of fire and red and death. The ship that would have had some survivors ...then had none ...as his mouth drops.

There was no mistake ...their orders were to keep the ship in tact. To take their heads alive, so, the ammunition ...the weaponry couldn't possible do that. As for them sacrificing themselves, the airwaves only moments before was blasting with their cry of surrender. With their wish for a way out of this mess, and now ...nothing.

Suzaku closed his eyes.

And more than anything, it's something that reflects.

The mistakes of his past, he see them again in Lelouch, in Zero. He kills a hundred to save a thousand, he would sacrifice a thousand to save a billion, but in the end ...it will be the same. He will look back when it's all over, and find no joy in his heart for what he had done. He will get no thanks, he would have no praise, for he would look into the eyes of those he killed and realize what a monster he has become. He would realize what a monster he really is, and he will hate himself and crave death.

Just like Suzaku does ...for in his heart he knows the truth.

He is the reason that Japan fell, and he was the reason for the hell that fell upon the land after his father's death. He could not, would not, let Lelouch travel down the same road as him.

The river divides again.

The two clashes ...as the Burai is easily overpowered by Lancelot. Suzaku had known from the moment that the freighter had burst into flames what Zero's goals were. What Lelouch was really after as he gets in between the Princess and Kallen and Lelouch. It was becoming more common place for her to be overwhelmed by them ...as he arrives once more in the nick of time. Driving one foot heavily into the chest of the Lelouch's Burai when Princess Cornelia is cornered by it. Kallen would lose sight of her target then. The sound of metal as it screeches against the ground gets her attention much faster than a bullet ever would have ...as she turns in Lelouch's defense.

Attack the king and the queen will immediately shift to his side.

The thought ran through Suzaku's head for a moment ...as he pushes off and lands safely away. Awaiting the incoming blow of her new Knightmare. The old one ...he had shredded and put to flames to save her ...to protect her identity as he narrows his eyes even inside of his Knightmare. It was amazing how things have changed, how terribly wrong it had become. His classmate was his enemy, and so was his best friend ...as he moved to handle her with kid gloves and she moved to kill him out right. Of course, she might hesitate if she knew it was him, but then again ...maybe she wouldn't hesitate at all ...if Lelouch gave the order. If he used that eye.

The two of them collide, but it's brief as Cornelia would interrupt the battle as she slam her Knightmare into's Kallen's. Once more it would be those two battling as Suzaku is left only to face Lelouch alone. To face Zero, and he had him ...though what was he to do. If he wins, he lose. If he lose ...well he is dead. He knew that Lelouch had no clue he was in the white Lancelot. That every attack he makes would be to kill, to disarm, to maim, while all he wanted was to end this mess ...as he strikes forward. In a battle of power, the Burai that Lelouch is riding has no chance, and it is quickly decided ...as he forces Lelouch to eject. Though ...even he could see as the pod waivers in the air for a moment before crashing harshly into the ground that something had gone wrong. That the pod hadn't ejected as it should, but, Suzaku gets no time to worry about that before he finds himself facing off against Kallen again.

The Queen's wish to save the King is strong.

A moment in time comes into focus then,

the rivers split and reform and curl and change,

and in the end ...one thing remains the same.

Those green eyes that stare at the man unmasked,

her heart skips a beat,

the gun rests lax in her hands.

She clenches it tight

She draws up it's sight

All she had to do is fire

All she has to do is fire

The gun goes off, but it's not as she wished

Her heart skipped a beat

The gun went lax in her hands

She tosses it away, she runs away

And Zero still lives to strike another day.