A/N: You guys are the most amazing readers. All I can say is that I'm incredibly lucky to be sharing my story with such fuckawesome people. Thank you. :)

This chapter might be a little boring... There's lots of chatter, a little kissing, Oh, and we hear why Edward went to prison. Boring stuff like that so if all that crap doesn't interest you, then you might as well skip this one. ;) Totally being sarcastic there.

Softragoo ~ Without you, I'd be pathetic. :)

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all thing Twilight

Chapter Fourteen

God, I was warm. Especially, my hand. My feet were pretty toasty, too and my bed was moving; up and down, slowly and hypnotically. I grinned in that half awake state of bliss you merge into upon waking when you've had a good, restful night's sleep.

Then I remembered the reason for that good night's sleep.

My eyes popped open and I forced myself to stay frozen in the position that I'd woke up in so I could take stock in the severity of the situation. Somehow, the pillow that had been laid between us was gone and I'd crawled halfway on top of Edward at some point in the night. His arm was smooched between us as if he'd tried to fight me off but had lost and his face was turned away from me, an act of denial. My left leg was wrapped tightly around one of his and my knee was pressing against the large bulge of his crotch. Worst of all, my left hand had ventured up his shirt and onto his chest where his heart beat.

I lifted my head and mouthed a curse. If he found me like this, he'd never let me into his bed again. I'd have to be stealthy—not a natural attribute of mine—in order to get out of this situation unscathed.

After I studied his breathing to make sure that he was still sleeping, I unwound my leg from his. My knee grazed the large bulge and I swear to fucking God, it twitched. An instinctual moan built up in my chest and my belly tightened. My traitorous body and its unrelenting attraction to Edward were going to get me into heaps of trouble.

His breathing pattern remained deep and steady so I decided the next danger was my hand that was stuffed up his shirt. I moved my fingers and found the scattering of chest hair that was hidden beneath the cotton. The hardness of his pectoral muscles were velvet against my palm and I grazed my thumb over one of his pointy nipples.

Holy cow, I was in so much trouble. I couldn't seem to remove my hand but it wasn't because the physical feat was too hard to pull off without waking him up. It was the feel of his heart beating against my palm, the feel of his chest hair gliding between my fingers, and the muscles of his torso rising and falling with each breath—that was what kept me from removing my hand.

Unfamiliar feelings rushed through me as I blindly and slowly explored his upper body. I never knew this sort of temptation existed. My romance novels always built up all these feelings in the characters that sent them reeling and writhing with just a touch. It was something that only existed in books, I'd always told myself. But now…now, I knew without a doubt that those feelings weren't fiction. It was possible.

I wondered briefly what it would feel like for Edward to reciprocate. The thought of his hand on my belly, up my ribcage and over my breasts made my breath hitch. A sudden urge to wrap my body around him and mold into him took over but I kept it in check, barely. There was no fear, just anticipation...

While I let my thumb graze over his hardened nipple one more time, I devised a plan. I'd concentrate on the things I saw everyday to calm myself down: The scar on his forehead that my fingertips twitched to touch, the uneven scruff of his beard, and that messy head of hair that screamed "pull me!" It wasn't working; I simply wanted to touch more of him…all of him.

The freckle on his ear, the tattoo on his shoulder that was black against his pale skin, hell, even the wideness of his feet seemed to make the tightness in my stomach increase. I had no hope.

Because I'd given up hope of ever getting out of this with any humility, I continued my slow decent of Edward's torso. My hand slid down his ribcage and on his tummy where a trail of hair led into his sweatpants. His breathing pattern hadn't changed; a deep sleeper, apparently. I let my fingertips dance in the soft hair of his belly and my mind—that had never been dirty before—imagined what the bulge in his sweatpants would feel like against my palm.

"You know, it's only fair that I get to do some of my own exploring." Edward's voice may as well have been a gunshot.

I yanked my hand off of him and rolled onto my back, my face burning with humiliation. With a groan, I put my hands over my face and muffled out an apology.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I have…I don't know what came over me," I cried. "That was unforgivable."

The bed shifted and I sensed his eyes on me. What he must have thought. He invited me into his bed to help me sleep and I ended up molesting him. I was more fucked up than I realized. If I wasn't so terrified of being found, I would have admitted myself into a psychiatric hospital.

"Bella, it's okay." There was a smile in his voice but it didn't ease my embarrassment. "It was the best wake up call I've gotten in…well, ever."

"I think I'm going to vomit," I told him.

He laughed. "Take your hands down and look at me." I shook my head frantically. "Come on, I'll pretend that I was asleep and didn't realize you were feeling me up."

"Oh God," I groaned. "I'm a pervert!"

He laughed harder this time. "You're not a pervert. Come on, take your hands down."

"No, they're staying here, forever."

The bed shifted again and I could feel him looming over me. His breath washed over my hands and his fingers slid through my hair.

"Okay, then if you're going to make yourself suffer then we should talk about it. What was your favorite part?"

I lifted my foot and blindly kicked at him. My heel connected with his shin.

"That was just mean," he groaned. "I was just trying to ask you a question."

"I guess I deserve it," I offered. "Go ahead. Have your fun. How long were you awake, anyway? Or do I want to know?"

"I'm a light sleeper."

A groan of despair slipped from between my palms and he chuckled.

"You were awake the entire time?"

"Well, when a pretty girl rubs a leg against a man's nether regions, it tends to perk him up a bit," he teased then added, "Pun intended, of course."

"Oh God," I groaned

"Seriously, I'm just trying to make you feel better. Look at me for a second."

I peeked at him through my fingers. "How do you not hate me right now?"

With one hand, he took hold of both of my wrists and gently pushed them away from my face. Closing my eyes would have felt safe but I owed him eye contact for being such a creep. The expression on his face was calm and reassuring and it made me hate myself so much more for taking advantage of him.

"You know why I don't hate you? Because, the blush that is turning your cheeks pink is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," he said earnestly.

A chill ran up my backbone and onto my scalp. I wanted…I wanted…what did I want? Something, that was for sure. A tremendous ache filled me from head to toe; it throbbed in my lower belly. His green eyes were filled with sincerity and devotion.

"You're just trying to make me feel better," I whispered.

He leaned down, letting go of my wrists and ran his fingertip over one cheek, then the other and then down the bridge of my nose. It was an intimate gesture that couldn't be mistaken for sympathy. Then his palm cupped my cheek and his lips met mine with a gentle kiss.

I refused to think. I just let my body take over my mind, allowing it to guide my movements with the incredible, aching feeling that pulsed in my belly. One hand wound around his neck and I pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. He groaned when his tongue entered my mouth, and I nearly cried. It felt so good, too good to be right. Something was wrong. It had to be. This feeling, this incredible, glorious feeling was too simple and plain to be right. My insanity had taken hold of me and was driving me over the edge—that had to be the truth of it.

His leg overlapped mine as his tongue moved along the contours of my mouth, skimming my teeth and cheeks. The hard bulge between his hips pressed into my thigh; internally, I flinched as memories invaded my mind. But I held my ground and ignored everything that was happening below my neck. My tongue chased his as if it couldn't get enough, obsessed with the soft, velvet feel of it. No matter how much practice either of us had at kissing, the feeling of it was purely delicious.

All too soon, he broke the kiss and nuzzled his face into the pillow next to my head. Our chests heaved with breath and our bodies squirmed with unsatisfied lust.

"I'm sorry," he whispered huskily. "I shouldn't have…I wasn't planning on…"

Pain etched its way into my chest. An apology wasn't what I wanted to hear. It made me feel hollow and sad.

"It's okay," I whispered, my voice breaking and revealing my lie.

He looked up at me, a pained expression playing at his face. "Bella, if I could…if I was in a position to be with someone, I'd be with you. From the first day I saw you, I wanted you. You are the most beautiful creature that I've ever laid eyes on."

I barked out a laugh and rolled my eyes. "That's ridiculous and it doesn't make me feel better about the whole 'It's not you, it's me' speech. I'm not angry and I understand that you don't see me like that. I don't expect—"

"That's where you're wrong," he interrupted. "Don't make me go spouting off all the things that make me want to kiss you senseless because it's not my style."

"What is your style?"

He chewed on my words for a few beats before answering, "Honestly, I have no fucking idea. I've never…I don't find myself in this situation very often so I have no clue what to say or how to act."

My eyebrows shot up. "What did you do last time?"

The tip of his tongue shot out and he wet his lips. "There's never been a last time."

The bed shifted when he rolled away from me and my excitement tingled. He'd been so close to revealing something about himself that he grew uncomfortable. There was so much I wanted, no, needed to know about him and it was like using plastic pliers on a rusty nail trying to get it out of him. It only made me want to know more.

"You're going to be late for work," he grumbled. "It's almost nine."

"I'm working late tonight. Esme has a thing that she has to go to so—"

"What? How late do you work?"

"I close the store at nine," I replied.

He stood up and faced me, his eyes glaring daggers into mine. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me? How are you getting home?"

"I suppose that I'll walk."

His head shook and he ran a hand through his hair. "You're not walking home in the dark."

"I can take the bus, then."

"The bus can be just as dangerous as the street, especially on a Saturday night." He paced a little and rubbed his palms over his face. "Rose has to work and I'm supposed to watch Em and Sam at seven. Would you be okay if someone I knew picked you up and brought you home? I wouldn't just send anyone. It would be someone that I trust."

"I'm not your problem, Edward. You don't have to make sure that I have rides to and from work," I assured him as I got out of bed. "I'll be fine."

"You will not walk home in the dark," he growled. "I'll find a way to be there so just expect me at nine when you get off."

I sighed. "Alright but it's not really necessary."

He narrowed his eyes. "Don't be difficult."

As I walked out his door, with his eyes on my back, I was overwhelmed with the events of the morning. I'd felt up my neighbor, proceeded to make out with my neighbor and best of all, he called me beautiful.

The smile on my face was exuberant.

At work that day, my good mood continued to be obvious. As I worked, I kept catching a small smile playing at my lips without even thinking about what was putting it there.

"You're awfully peppy today," Esme noted. "Did you get some sleep last night?"

"Yeah, I did, actually," I told her. "Can I ask you something?"

She smiled and leaned into the door frame of the back office. "Of course you can. Ask away."

I tightened at my ponytail and wet my lips before proceeding. "There's this situation and…and I don't know if it's okay or not." She furrowed her brows and her expression grew serious. "No, no it's nothing like that. It's kind of silly, actually."

"I could use a little silly right now. That dinner we're going to with our friends tonight is going to wear me out. So, shoot me some silly."

"Well," I started, "do you think it's insane for me to have feelings for someone?"

Her face lit up. "Why would you think it's insane?"

I shrugged a shoulder. "A month ago, hell, a week ago, I swore off all possibilities that I'd ever even consider being involved with someone. After going through all that with James, I couldn't take the chance with someone. It wasn't worth it to me. But now…now, it's almost like a switch went off inside me; I feel like being with someone might be not only possible but…nice."

"You're worried that it's too soon?"

"Yeah, exactly," I answered. "I shouldn't be thinking about this, you know? I should be recovering and thinking about getting my life back. My dad is in Forks, wondering where the hell I am and here I am, in Chicago, falling in love. It's preposterous, really, now that I think about it. I should be—"

She didn't let me finish. "Happy. You should be happy, Bella."

"How can I be? I feel so mixed up. Hell, I don't even know if Edward wants to be with me."

"Does he know how you feel about him?"

I snorted. "If he doesn't, then he's got his own screws loose."

"Sounds like you two need to have a chat," Esme advised then grew serious. "You've been through something horrific, Bella, and you won't forget it for a very long time. It takes a strong person to find themselves again and even if you don't, that's okay too."

"Edward has been amazing. In fact, if it weren't for him, I would have fallen apart weeks ago. Just being with him is comforting, you know?" She nodded. "But, I don't want to ruin what we have by doing something stupid."

Esme watched her feet as they shuffled on the carpet. "The day I met Carlisle for the first time, I was getting over something pretty traumatic myself." I raised my eyebrows. "Before Carlisle, there was Demitri. He was a boy from a good family and had aspirations to be a doctor. We dated for a year while I was in college and to make a long story short, I got pregnant. I was excited because I loved him and I thought he loved me. When I told him, he accused me of wanting to rope him into a marriage because I wanted his name."

When she hesitated, I asked, "What did you do?"

She let out a soft laugh. "I smacked him across the face and told him to go to hell. He either didn't believe me or didn't care because I never saw him again."

"The baby?"

"I had a miscarriage in my third month. The emotional pain was tremendous. I swore to myself that I'd never even look at another man because they couldn't be trusted. He told me that he loved me but he left,"—she snapped her fingers—"just like that."

"Then you met Carlisle."

Her smile was warm as her memory slid back in time to the first time she saw her husband. "It was a week after my miscarriage and I was still feeling pretty rotten. I'd never seen him before but he'd seen me and he knew just by looking at me that I wasn't feeling well. He took care of me, even back then. I was incredibly lucky that he saw what he saw in me or I'd be…well, I don't know where exactly I'd be.

"When the right man comes around, it's not always at the most opportune moment. The important thing is that you recognize the feelings and don't let them slip away because the timing is off. Fate is a funny thing."

"Fate definitely has a wicked sense of humor, that's for sure."

At a quarter after nine, after closing up Blossom's, I stomped up the concrete steps in hopes that Edward was true to his word. The dark was so easy to dismiss when it wasn't right there laughing at me and now, that's what it was doing. Shadows danced across the pavement and I was surrounded by desolate sidewalks. My stomach clenched in fear. A tree branch snapped a few yards away and I almost screamed. The new muscles in my biceps and my recently learned knowledge of self-defense seemed pretty lame as I stood, cowering and shaking, at the top of the steps.

James would love to see me in this situation. He'd hide in the trees, gun hugged into the holster on his side, and he'd wait for me to run. Then, just when I thought that I outsmarted him, a gun barrel would appear right in my face. Or, sometimes I'd just feel the cold, metal pressing against my temple or back. No matter where I ran or how fast I went, he'd be there—ready to kill, if the mood struck.

I started walking. I wasn't going to let the fear strike me down. If fate decided that Oklahoma was where I was meant to be, then he'd find me. If I was meant to be pulled into a dark alley and mugged…or worse, then that's what would happen. I wasn't necessarily happy with fate at the moment because I was currently in a pickle. A pickle that was made from the very cucumber that I'd picked happily from the vine. It was my own doing; I could have called Edward or even Esme. She would have happily left that dinner to come get me if I was too scared to walk home. No, I couldn't blame fate on this one.

"Hey!" The voice made me yelp and I clutched my purse to my side. "I told you to f…freaking wait!"

I turned to see Edward sticking his head out the window of his car. Emily bounced in the backseat beside a yawning Sam. I nearly fell to my knees and said a prayer of thanks.

"I didn't know if you were for sure coming," I said stupidly.

He got out and opened the passenger door for me. "When I say I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it."

"You weren't there when I got out," I explained. "I thought you forgot."

He leaned in, his breath flowing deliciously into my ear. "I'll never forget." Then he leaned back and added, "Sam, the man, decided to take a gigantic poop right before we left to come get you. You've been through too much to be trapped in a car that smells like Sammy poop. I had to change him."

"You're so kind," I told him as I climbed in.

When we got back to the apartment, Emily coaxed me into her room. I watched her recite her part in the school play which was very convincing. She played a fantastic wicked witch and I was sure that her mom was due some gratitude for her natural dramatics. Who knew, though; it was possible that Emmett was just as theatrical.

After she was done, she changed into pajamas and climbed into bed. She told me about school and her classes and the different books she was reading. I told her that she needs to get her mom to come to the bookstore so that she could pick out her own books instead of suffering through the books that the school provided.

"Would I get to see Esme again?" she asked.

"Probably," I replied. "You like her, don't you?"

She nodded. "I like Carlisle too. I bet he'd be a really good Dad."

"You have a really good dad, too," I told her.

"I guess," she sighed. "Mom told me that he's coming home next month, a couple weeks before Halloween."

"Are you nervous about meeting your dad?" I asked.

"I don't know," she said with a small shrug. "He writes me letters all the time and stuff. He seems okay."

"You know that you don't automatically have to love him, right?" She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth and chewed on it with her teeth. "He's going to love you because he's your dad but it's going to take some time to get to know him before you're going to feel comfortable around him."

"What if he expects me to…hug him and kiss him and stuff?" She cringed. "That would be weird."

"If you're uncomfortable, just tell him. He'll understand."

"And if he doesn't?"

"Then you've got some serious people who love you on your side who will help him understand," I told with a smile. "Got it?"

She giggled and nodded. "Do you love me, Bella?"

My chest swelled at her question. "I love you tons, Em."

"I love you, too," She looked over my shoulder. "What about you, Uncle Edward? You love me?"

I looked over my shoulder and found Edward leaning against the door frame with his hands stuffed into his pockets. By the looks of his posture, he'd been there a while, eavesdropping on my conversation with Emily.

"Do I have to?" he playfully whined.

She picked up small book from her nightstand and tossed it at him. He caught it and narrowed his eyes at her. "That had better have been an accident because I don't tolerate little girls throwing books at me."

Emily sat up in bed and scooted toward the wall with a mischievous glint in her eye. The scene was familiar; just like the one I'd witnessed months ago in Rose's living room after Emily had accidentally hit Edward. That time, I'd freaked out and ran from them, crying and shaking the whole way back to my apartment. This time, I watched and smiled as he approached her bed and crawled toward her. His shoulders rolled like a lion and he growled as she squeaked and begged me to save her.

"You're on your own, Emily," I said, laughing. "You shouldn't throw books at your sensei."

As soon as Edward reached her, he went in for the kill and she squealed as his fingers jabbed and poked at her rib cage. He made her say "mercy" three times and an "I'm very sorry" before relenting.

"Time to go to sleep," he murmured. She whined. "You were supposed to be in bed two hours ago, so don't even try it."

"I'm thirsty," she complained.

"I'll get you something," he told her. "Lie down. Lights out."

While he filled up a cup of water and took it into her, I sat on the couch and rejoiced at the sight of the TV remote sitting on the coffee table. I grabbed it up and started flipping, my eyes wide with insane delight. Nothing says "good time" like free range with the remote. I settled on a cheesy Lifetime movie.

"You hungry," Edward asked from the doorway of the kitchen. "We ordered pizza; no pineapple."

"I'm starving," I told him and started to get up.

"I'll get it," he told me, "sit tight."

He brought the pizza, box and all, into the living room and plopped it down on the coffee table, followed by a can of soda. I happily dug in as we watched Tori Spelling get stalked by some crazy psycho who she also happened to be married to.

"At least I didn't get married," I muttered.

Edward choked on his drink. "Maybe, we should watch something else."

I shrugged and started flipping again, landing on an old episode of The Newlywed Game. Happy, I took a big bite of my pizza as Bob Eubanks asked the newly married women what their husbands' favorite condiment was.

"You must be hungry," Edward commented as I went for a second piece.

"I was," I told him around a mouthful, "thank you."

"No problem," he said with a small grin. "I'm sorry I was late tonight. Please, don't walk home at night like that. Promise me that you'll call me before you decide that I'm not coming."

"I'm sorry," I told him.

"And?"

"I promise."

He nodded and leaned back into the couch.

"Emily said that Emmett is coming home next month," I remarked. "Is that right?"

"Yeah, I think so," he replied. "I think Rose said around the fifteenth or something."

"Huh," I said, "Emmett is a good guy, right?"

He raised his eyebrows at me. "As far as I know; I've never seen him outside of Pekin."

"He might be an asshole?" I asked, putting down my half eaten piece of pepperoni with extra mushrooms.

"I hope not but ten years in jail tends to harden a guy." His tone was matter-of-fact. I proceeded to chew on my fingernails. "Look, Bella, Rose is a strong woman and she's not going to put up with any shit, regardless of where Emmett has been the past ten years."

"What about the kids?"

"I think we're all in agreement that none of us will let anything happen to the kids," he said.

I nodded and picked up my pizza again. "Was he violent in prison?"

Edward sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Prison is a cruel place and Emmett stuck out like a sore thumb. In fact, he could have been paroled four years ago but he got into too many fights."

"That doesn't make me feel better," I told him.

"What if I told you that I was in solitary confinement at least once a month for fighting," he said with a raised eyebrow.

"You were?" He nodded. "Well, I guess it would make me feel a little bit better about Emmett."

"Don't be scared of him," he said, "because if you are, Emmett can smell it."

"You know how you just made me feel a teensy bit better? Well, you just ruined it."

He laughed. "Don't worry about it. We'll all be fine."

"If you say so," I said, picking up the half-eaten piece of pizza. "Are we on for our morning run tomorrow?"

"Yeah, sure," he said with a strange tone to his voice. "We're going to take a detour tomorrow."

"A detour? Where to?"

"We're going to run by the lake so dress warm."

XxXxXx

A run on the banks of Lake Michigan sounded refreshing but it turned out to be the opposite. The wind coming off the water lowered the temperature by at least twenty degrees. My teeth chattered and my muscles ached with tightness as we jogged the sidewalk along the boardwalk. I wished we had taken this detour our first week out since it had been rather hot outside but now that fall was fast approaching, it wasn't a pleasant experience.

"I told you to bundle up," he teased as I pulled my hood up over my head.

"I'm wearing two t-shirts and a hoodie; what more could I put on?" I asked.

"Come on," he said motioning me with his hand, "let's take a break."

We walked over and sat down on a bench. The wind whipped loose strands of my hair around my face and I hunkered down into myself.

"Is there a reason that you are trying to freeze me to death? Some sort of lesson?"

He cut his eyes to me and grinned. "No, I kind of wanted to talk to you about something."

I swallowed and waited for him to begin.

"I like you, Bella. I like you a lot and…" he paused, watching the waves crash into the shore. "There can't be anything between us."

Pain etched its way into my chest and I pulled myself into a tighter ball on the bench.

"Okay," I murmured.

"No, it's not okay. You need to understand that…" he turned to me and looked me in the eye. It was difficult to remain looking at him but I managed. "I need you to know exactly why I can't do this with you."

"I'm all ears," I informed him.

He looked back out at the water, as if that would help words form in his brain. I waited patiently because I needed to hear this on his terms, no matter how cold I was.

"When I was eighteen, I had everything: Great parents, a scholarship to college, and my sister, Alice. My grades were good and I was excited about leaving for school. I finally felt like I was starting my life, ya know?" I nodded in understanding. "Well, after graduation, I went to a few parties. I wasn't a big drinker and I couldn't handle my alcohol for shit but I figured that if there ever was a thing to celebrate, it was getting out of high school." He ran a knuckle across the stubble of his jaw. "Alice showed up at one of them with her boyfriend, Jasper. I was pissed. Jasper had graduated with me but he should have known better than to bring her with him. She was a sophomore so she was only sixteen.

"Jasper and me, we got into a fight in the front yard. He was bigger than me but I was less intoxicated so I had him flat on his back after a few knuckles to the face. Neither of us knew how to fight so I'm sure it must have been comical to watch. We probably looked like a couple of pansies out there, dancing around and falling all over each other."

He laughed and I followed suit because I wanted him to feel comfortable. Nothing about this was funny, though. My body was stiff with trepidation because he was finally telling me his story. I was afraid—not that I'd find out he did something terrible but that I would do something or say something to threaten the trust that he had in me.

"Anyway, I grabbed Alice and took her to my car as she kicked and screamed at me to let her stay. She wanted to go to Jasper and make sure he was okay. I should have…" He rubbed his palms over his face and puffed out his cheeks with air. "I pushed her into the car and strapped her in. She spit in my face but I shut the door and got into the driver's seat. I'd never seen her so upset but I was right there with her. She had no business being at that party and I was just trying to protect her." His voice broke and I ached to touch him, to hug him and tell him that no matter what he told me, it didn't matter. "I don't know if it was the alcohol or my temper but I went left of center and hit a pick up truck. Alice…"

I waited and when he didn't reply, I grabbed his hand and squeezed. He pulled away gently and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Alice died a few hours later at the hospital. My parents blamed me. They hated me for it and I couldn't fault them for it. I haven't seen them since my sentencing." I started to shake my head and call his parents wicked, wicked names but I stopped myself. That wasn't what he needed from me. "I was charged with Vehicular Manslaughter and driving under the influence. For shits and giggles, they threw in an assault charge because of my fight with Jasper. I got three years plus two of community service, and I had to attend AA meetings for two years post-release."

"I'm sorry, Edward," I said as a tear ran down my cheek.

He glanced at me, his eyes following the tear and he shrugged, "You shouldn't be."

I shook my head. "It wasn't your fault."

A humorless laugh exploded from him. "How is it not my fault? I killed my little sister. My own parents blame me so how could it not be my fault? Three years in prison wasn't enough."

"You're punishing yourself," I pointed out. "Is that why you don't want me?"

In a blink, he turned to me and cupped my face with his warm palms. "It isn't a question of whether I want you, Bella. Trust me when I say that I've never wanted anyone more than I want you. You deserve better than me. I am not someone that can make you happy and you deserve…" His thumb swiped a tear from my cheek and I watched him swallow as he looked at me. "You deserve everything."

He released my face and turned back toward the water. "I hope you understand now, why I can't…why we can't do this."

Looking at him, I snapped. Edward had always been my strength. He used several methods to kick start me into feeling better about myself whether it was words or actions. I was a better person because of him and here he was, sitting by Lake Michigan, wading in a sea of grief and self-blame. I wouldn't let him do this.

"No, I don't understand," I ground out. "It's bullshit."

He snapped his face in my direction. "Watch it, Bella. I didn't tell you this for the sake of an argument."

I narrowed my eyes. "Then why did you tell me this? So you could let me down easy? It's fucked up, that's what it is."

He stood up. "I'm leaving."

"Fine," I spat, "I'm going with you and you're going to have to listen to what I have to say."

He started running. Hard. And I followed.

"You can't punish yourself like this forever." He ran faster. "You made a stupid mistake that cost you dearly and your parents were assholes about it."

"They did what any parents would do," he said through his teeth.

"No, they didn't. Most parents would have realized that you were their child too and stood behind you. They had a right to grieve and have some anger but they shut you out of their lives. That's an asshole parent." He picked up his pace and I was having a hard time keeping up with him but I was running on adrenaline and sheer determination. "Don't you think that you've put yourself through enough? Don't you think that you've earned the right to live your life? Alice sounded like an amazing person." He cut his eyes to me in warning. "She would have wanted you to live your life for her, don't you think?"

"I think Alice would have wanted to live her own life but I took that away from her," he said through heavy breaths.

"It was an accident," I heaved.

He was quiet, his pace still going strong and killing me. I was wearing out fast so I had to reach for something that would get to him.

"In your way of thinking, I guess I deserved what happened to me, then."

His pace slowed down as he ran silently beside me.

"I did a really fucked up thing and got engaged to someone I didn't love. It's my fault that I had the shit beat out of me every day for doing something as simple as spilling wine on the sofa or not getting the bathroom clean enough."

"Bella, that's not what—"

"No! We're going by Edward's thought process here," I screamed. A few people along the beach stared at us and I held back on the urge to give them the finger. "Since I made a big mistake and moved to Oklahoma, then it was my fault that James took a knife to my back and carved into it like I was some cow to be branded. It was my fault that he used to choke me to death as he…as he raped me."

I was done. I stomped to a stop and put my hands on my knees. My breath came in ragged jolts and for a moment, I thought that I was sure to pass out. Edward grabbed my arm, trying to help hold me up but I jerked out of his grasp.

"Don't touch me," I hissed. "I'm ruined and dirty and…"

I went down on my knees, my palms smashing into the pavement.

"Jesus!" Edward helped me up and pulled me to a nearby bench. "Are you okay? What do you need, Bella?"

I looked at him. The worry so clear in his eyes was proof that he cared for me. We'd both lost too much for us to lose this thing we had between us. It was too powerful and good to let go.

"I need you," I sobbed, fisting my hands in his sweatshirt. "When I escaped from Oklahoma, I promised myself that I'd never, ever get involved with someone again. I promised myself that no man was worth it, no matter how brilliant he seemed. I refused to fall into that again and become something or someone that I loathed. Then, I met you and I got to know you and you know what I realized?"

He swallowed and shook his head.

"I realized that you are worth it."

With a quick, strong movement he grabbed me and pulled me into his chest. His hands rubbed circles on my back and he whispered over and over again that he was sorry. I didn't have the strength to ask what he was sorry for and a part of me didn't want to know the answer. Only one thought was clear to me as he held me on that bench by Lake Michigan: I was in love with Edward Masen.

A/N: So, any thoughts on the big talk? What do you think Edward is going to say? Bella had a HUGE revelation and it only took a little feeling up to make it clear for her. If only RL was that simple.

Let me know what you think! Each review like a fantastic hug. :)