A catch, right. He should have seen it coming, this was GLaDOS they were dealing with. Chell didn't look to worried though, so he knew it couldn't be torture or anything like that. It had to be something that would satisfy the sadistic android, but not so strict that Chell would simply murder Her and run off with him. At the moment, he had no idea what the catch could be. Nothing could be such a contrasting mix of severe and mild. He suddenly had the funniest mental of Chell sneaking up behind Her and whacking Her in the head with a frying pan, just not dealing with Her crazy plans. Of course, that was never going to happen. Aperture didn't believe in cooking. So he just stood there, watching the two of them exchange looks, as though they hadn't yet agreed on the circumstances. This worried him, as her apology had certainly not been sincere. Knowing her, she would end up killing both of them with deadly neurotoxin to "further the cause of science." He shot Chell a nervous glance, but her calm crystal gaze quickly reassured him. He would be safe, she wasn't going to let GLaDOS hurt him.
"Keeping the fact that I let you come back in mind, Moron, you mess up ONCE, and all deals are off. I'm being very generous and trust me, I don't need to be. One mistake and it's off to android hell. Don't think I'm lying. I wouldn't lie about this." She practically hissed the last word, her whole being exuding pure hatred for him. The fact that she could do nothing to him, for fear of losing her best test subject, made him want to laugh. He figured this wouldn't be a good time though. Her yellow eyes were watching him like a hawk, searching for the slightest mistake she could call him out on. Speaking of losing Chell, hadn't She promised to let her go? All those months ago... he hadn't been able to touch the lower levels of Aperture, but he could sure as hell hear what was going on. And he clearly remembered Her promising Chell freedom. Of course, the A.I was a pathological liar, but she'd seemed to be telling the truth right then. Had Chell... come back? The thought made his skin crawl. If she had, why? She'd spent ages trying to escape, only to return after being granted a hassle free ride to the surface? Was something up there more terrifying than Aperture? He didn't see how that was possible, but there didn't seem to be any other logical reason for her return. Unless... had she come back for him? He hoped not, he'd hate to be what spoiled her freedom, especially since he'd kept her from it in the first place. His thoughts were interrupted by Chell, who he decided could read minds,
"I know you're wondering why I'm back here. And I know you think it's your fault. Don't worry. I came back because, it turns out Black Mesa screwed up pretty bad. I figured I had a better chance, surprisingly, surviving down here." He knew this was meant to comfort him, it was what he'd wanted to hear after all. But he still felt uneasy, so she hadn't come back for him? Did that mean she didn't care what GLaDOS did to him? No, that was stupid. If she hadn't cared, he'd still be floating around in space. Unless Chell hated him as much as GLaDOS did and they were both planning to torture him... He shook the paranoid thoughts away, Chell was nothing like Her. He couldn't imagine her torturing anyone. She simply did what she needed to. Never making anything more painful then it needed to be. Including the way she'd killed Her. As she noticed his anxious expression, she gently took hold of his hand and said,
"Of course, I came back for you too. But don't feel bad, I would have come back, even if we'd escaped together." He knew she hadn't meant anything by it, but it still stung.
"Right, so, the catch?" He said, trying to keep his mind off the past.
"Yeah, since She's short on humans, She hasn't had much of a chance to study their social habits. So we'll be... testing. But not cube and button based. She wants to see us interact. And I think she's hoping for very close interaction." Chell glared over at GLaDOS, who was rolling her eyes at Wheatley's completely oblivious expression.
"I see you aren't getting what I'm saying... I'm not sure how to explain it though..." Chell was not very good at explaining these sorts of things. She much preferred things that had one straight answer. Not a multitude of possible awkward situations.
"Okay, Moron, since Fatty seems unable to explain the circumstances, not surprising, considering her brain damage, I'm going to tell you right out. I want the two of you to be sexually intimate." Despite GLaDOS' attempt at making the situation as blatantly obvious as possible, Wheatley remained confused.
"What do you mean? More hugging? That's it? Are you sure that's al- I mean, um, yes. Very informative stuff... hugging. Definitely worth quite a bit of scientific research." At this point even Chell was ready to roll her eyes.
"That isn't what she means-" Chell was cut off by GLaDOS' thoroughly annoyed voice,
"There are two of you, one is male, one is female. I know they programmed you with at least a basic understanding of human mating protocol."
"That? We have to do THAT?" Wheatley looked horrified.
"I don't see why you're so upset. I suspected you of all people to enjoy such-" Chell cut the A.I off, finally fed up with her attitude.
"She doesn't expect us to do it now. She wants to see us form a relationship, and study how we act romantically."
"Of course, I'd be perfectly happy if you just went at it and started making me more test subjects."
"More test subjects...? How?" At this point Chell realized exactly how basic his knowledge on the subject was.
"Okay. That's enough discussion for one day."
"Fine. GLaDOS sighed. "It's late afternoon, so I suspect you'll be wanting some food." She immediately summoned a table from the floor. It was covered in all kinds of delicious foods he... didn't know how to eat. Obviously, both GLaDOS overlooked this simple but crucial fact, as neither of them showed signs of teaching him. He stood there waiting. He saw Chell pull out a chair to sit down, and imitated her motions. He watched her pick up a fork and sink the prongs into a piece of beef. He stared intently at her as she put it into her mouth and chewed it. He did the same. She picked up another piece and chewed that one as well. Where had the first piece gone? He wondered, as his food was still slopping around in his mouth. Was it supposed to disintegrate? Chell eventually realized that he had no idea what he was doing. She was hardly able to hold back a laugh as she explained the process of swallowing to him. He was very cautious at first, not seeing how this was supposed to work. He knew he needed his throat for breathing, he could feel the air go down and through some type of tube, he supposed, to make his chest rise and fall. He also knew that when a human's chest stopped moving, they were no longer living. It seemed safe enough though, she seemed fine. He wasn't sure how much he was supposed to eat, so he took exactly the same amount as Chell, figuring she knew what she was doing. After they had eaten, Chell took him back to their new room. It only had one bed.
"I'll sleep on the floor... if... you want me to..." Chell grinned at him and gently pushed him onto the mattress.
"We're sharing it, silly." She giggled as she fell down beside him. They lay beside each other for a while, and the whole time Wheatley was unnaturally quiet.
"GLaDOS was unusually pleasant." He noted. He hadn't realized it before, but the A.I had been pretty chummy with Chell.
"Yeah, ever since she met Caroline, she's been much more bearable. She said she deleted her, but I don't believe a word of it."
"You two seemed pretty friendly with each other."
"I guess so. She made that android body so I'd feel more comfortable talking to her. I don't think it helps much," Chell giggled, "She's still the same crazy murderess, But again, ever since she was a potato, she's been more or less looking out for me." Wheatley wasn't convinced, GLaDOS didn't seem like the person to simply forgive anyone for murdering her. It had to be a trick... but she had seemed pretty happy to be around Chell, and had even let her bring him back from space. That was pretty drastic by Her standards. Still, he was definitely going to keep as close an eye on her as she was on him. He shivered at the thought of her champagne eyes watching them talk. He pulled the covers up over his head, and was immediately overcome by a wave of exhaustion. He had only been awake for a couple of hours, but after years in cryogenic storage, this body was certainly not ideal. He snuggled up against Chell, who wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and held his head to her neck. He was warm, and safe, and happy. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this good. He was with her. He dozed off, only partially aware that she was humming softly to him.
Authors Note: I'm debating whether or not to put any smuttiness in here. I guess I'll leave it up to you. I've never tried to write any smut before, so it could turn out pretty bad. Also it will not be very graphic... and it will be awkward. I can promise you that. Yeah. That pretty much takes all the smuttiness out of smut. Anyways... up to you.