A/N: Yeah, so, in reference to my "I hope you weren't too bored with this chapter" in my A/N from chapter 14...I tried my hand at sarcasm and failed miserably. :) So, I took that bit off. Just FYI. :) Sorry, bout that. When are they going to invent a 'sarcasm font'? Anybody know?
I know I keep repeating myself here but thanks for reading!
If I could get one of those shrink ray thing-a-ma-jigs, I'd use it on my pre-reader, Softragoo. I'd keep her in my pocket like a lucky rabbit's foot. That's how freaking awesome she is.
Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight.
Chapter fifteen
Edward had asked for time to sort through his thoughts, so I gave it to him. I never imagined that it would be two weeks that he'd disappear. I was starting to not only worry but I was feeling guilty, along with irritated. I'd never meant to run him off, away from his home and away from Rose. I was quickly becoming a basket case, regretting every word I'd said to him on our run that day.
It wasn't all about me.
The things that he had told me about his sister and his family were heartbreaking. It left me feeling hollow inside, knowing what he'd been through and still feeling the desire to care for other people. His parents had turned their backs on him and he wasn't bitter. Everything he did revolved around taking care of people he loved. I couldn't remember a time that he did something for himself. It was his own way of redeeming himself in the eyes of…I wasn't sure who he was doing it for. Maybe, he thought that Alice was watching him and he wanted to make her proud. Or maybe, he had the hope of one day seeing his parents again and he wanted to see happiness on their faces, not disgust.
All I knew was that I wanted him back whether he spoke to me or not. The empty apartment across the hall was sad and quiet. My nerves were on edge, just knowing that he wasn't there…just a phone call away if I needed him.
I began day dreaming as I lay in bed at night, trying to sleep under the dim bulb of my bedroom light. In these dreams, I imagined that I'd never met James but Edward instead. I didn't wish away his problems because they made him the man that he was but instead, I helped him through them. I wasn't some poor girl who depended on him but the strong Bella—Charlie Swan's girl. My dad would love him, even with his checkered past and stint in prison because he'd understand that people make mistakes.
In one particular fantasy, we'd be having dinner at my dad's house. The three of us wrapped around my kitchen table, enjoying spaghetti…no, it would be some new casserole that tasted horrible. Everyone would try to suffer through it until my dad made some joke about how it would taste better burnt. We'd laugh. Edward would laugh. Then, we'd order pizza and we'd eat in the living room around the television while my dad watched whatever sporting event was in season.
My dad would fall asleep in his recliner and I'd curl myself around Edward. He'd smile at me and his eyes would be full of hard-earned peace. With his arm wrapped tightly around my shoulders, he'd kiss me and tell me that I was beautiful to him.
The fantasy wasn't complete unless I shook myself out of it with a shattered heart.
I finally decided to stop thinking about where he was or how he was coping. My focus became rooted on getting home. Since Edward was AWOL, I didn't have a running buddy or anyone to punch. I was at a very costly standstill. My rent was only paid for six months which took me through November and I couldn't afford another six grand to cover the next six months. What I needed was a plan. I needed to get out of there.
My brain was sorting through different scenarios when I knocked on Rose's door. She had invited me over for dinner and I'd been happy to get out of my boring apartment. Laundry was done and I'd cleaned my entire place from top to bottom. I was on my last romance book and I'd already read long past the good part. The kids had played a big part in keeping me from boredom since I'd volunteered to watch them while Rose worked. On those nights, I'd made a bed out of their sofa and slept through Rose coming home at four in the morning. She was grateful, but I couldn't help but feel I was responsible for running off her normal sitter.
I knocked on the door and heard Rose invite me in by means of a shout. It was unusual for her to keep her door unlocked. As I walked in, the colorful party decorations didn't faze me. Queen playing in the background didn't even make me blink. I didn't realize what was happening until I got to the kitchen.
"Surprise!"
Everyone I knew from Chicago was standing in her kitchen, watching me expectantly as I blinked at them with my mouth drawn open. With one exception. There was no sign of Edward.
"Happy birthday, Bella!" Emily's party hat was lopsided on her head in an effort to make the colorful triangle of paper look cool. She wasn't succeeding. All of them looked goofy.
Esme and Carlisle grinned from ear to ear, each of them holding a balloon with birthday wishes on it. Their party hats had little glossy streamers coming from the tops. Sam had some sort of crown on, Rose's triangle paper hat was hot pink, and Jake was sporting a purple one with flowers on it. All of them looked insanely idiotic…and it was all for me.
I grinned big at the sight of them. How could I love these people so much in such a short period of time? It didn't seem conceivable. Each one of them played a certain part; a different piece of the puzzle to the recapture of my soul. Jake, with the music that he shares with me; Esme, providing the motherly advice that I didn't know I needed; Rose, my support system; Carlisle, and his generosity and compassion; Emily, with her fragile innocence; Sam, with his chubby perfect grin.
Where would I be without them?
"Thanks guys! This is…this is amazing!"
We ate pizza with half of us spread out in the living room and the other half at the kitchen table. The apartment was filled with different chatter. Carlisle showed off his new prosthetic leg to Jake who looked utterly impressed. Rose and Esme shared recipes for cheap casserole dishes. Emily was showing off to no one in particular with some very complex dance moves to Shania belting out that she felt like a woman.
"Time for presents," Rose sang.
I grabbed her hand and pulled her close to me. "Thank you, Rose. I don't know what to say, seriously. How did you even know it was my birthday?"
A mischievous smile flashed over her lips. "I peeked at your driver's license a few weeks ago. I was hoping you wouldn't be mad."
My eyes widened and I smiled. "Mad? How could I be mad? Actually, I'd forgotten that today was my birthday."
"How could you forget your own birthday?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. I just did."
"Well, I'm glad that I could help you remember it."
A pile of presents was set in front of me. Apparently, I wasn't fast enough—Emily grabbed one up and put it on my lap. It was from Esme and Carlisle and it was heavy.
With the excitement of a five year old, I tore it open and revealed an espresso maker. My stomach fluttered with excitement as I looked at the box, admiring all the special features.
"Now, you don't have to stop on your way to work." Esme's smile was warm and genuine.
"Thank you." I hugged the boxed appliance to my chest and blew it a kiss. Everyone laughed. Typically I hated being the center of attention. Everyone's eyes focused in my direction made me nervous and clumsy. But these people didn't. If I dropped something, they'd offer to pick it up for me. If I said something stupid, they'd say something even stupider back.
My next gift was from Jake. He'd gotten me a scattering of CDs and a small CD player to play them on. It seemed intimate for some reason and I thanked him with a kiss on the cheek.
"I made sure that I got you a small enough one so that the noise wouldn't carry. Nothing more annoying than a neighbor with bad music taste." His eyes twinkled and his teeth flashed white.
"Tell me about it," Rose muttered.
He turned to her. "Hey, I've got great taste in music."
She rolled her eyes. "Okay. Sure, you do."
"Name one song I've played that doesn't stack up to—oh, it's probably that crap that Bella made me play." He turned his attention back to me. "I don't care what you and Leah say, that is not good dancing music."
I let my mouth fall open. "What? I could dance all night to Queen!"
"He's got you there, Bella." Rose, the traitor. "You can't cabbage patch to We Are the Champions."
"I wouldn't want to 'cabbage patch' to We are the Champions," I retorted. "That song is way to cool for the cabbage patch."
"So, do tell us, Bella," Jake said, grinning. "Tell me what kind of dance goes with Queen."
I pressed my lips together into a frown. "Queen is more for emotional belting; like when you just need to sing at the top of your lungs."
"Ha! So, you admit it: you can't dance to Queen!"
"Mommy, Gwen says that her Uncle Melvin is a queen," Emily announced.
Crickets chirped. All the grownups blinked at each other.
"Okay, then," Rose chimed in, "open the next one, Bella."
The next one was an envelope from Rose. She'd gotten me a hundred dollar gift card to Target.
She winked at me when I thanked her and told her that it was way too much.
"Once Emmett is home, we're going to start going out on the weekend. You need to be physically prepared."
"Who's going to get me mentally prepared?" I grumbled.
She smirked. "That, you're going to have to learn on your own."
Emily got me a cute silver necklace with a heart pendant. Sam gave me one of his cherished stuffed teddy bears. What else could a girl ask for?
"Okay, time for cake!"
Rose flew to the kitchen and I followed after her. The cake had been baked by Rose and Emily and the frosting was blue. "Happy Birthday Bel" was written on it and I flashed a curious glance at Rose.
She shrugged. "We ran out of icing."
"It's awesome, Rose. Everything is just awesome."
"It was fun," she told me. "How many candles do we need?"
I quirked an eyebrow and replied, "You should know, you little license thief."
"Well, what was I supposed to do? If I asked you, you would have given me that 'oh, Rose, don't do anything for my birthday. I'm not a big birthday person and you know how I hate attention' spiel." Her voice went two octaves higher when she imitated my voice.
"I do not sound like that."
"How many?"
"Today, I turn twenty four."
As she counted out candles and proceeded to stick them in the cake, I wiped down her counters and tied up her trash bag.
"He's okay, you know," she said, breaking the silence.
"What?"
She glanced at me from over her shoulder. "Edward—he's okay. I know you're probably worried."
It was painful to know that she'd talked to him. Deep down, I knew that she knew where he was and what he was doing but it irked me to know that he couldn't fill me on that information. Two weeks, he'd been gone and I hadn't even gotten a phone call. A fucking note, for God's sake. I was done missing him. Anger boiled up inside me at the mention of his name. He didn't show up when Rose had asked everyone else that cared for me to be here.
"He wanted to be here," she said as if reading my thoughts. "He had—"
"Yeah, I know; it's Sunday. He's got obligations."
Rose licked her lips and put a hand on her hip. "He's trying, Bella. This isn't easy for him."
I narrowed my eyes. "Wait, weren't you the one who told me that if I gave him a piece of me, then he'd jump on it? Or were you talking out of your ass when you warned me not to hurt him."
Her face twisted a little. "You're really pissed about this. I didn't realize that you were so upset about him taking a couple weeks to pull his thoughts together. I'm sorry, Bella."
At that, I felt like shit.
"No," I sighed, "I'm sorry, Rose. I didn't mean to lash out, it's just…I threw my heart down on the ground in front of him and he's trying to make up his mind whether he wants to smoosh it out like a cigarette butt or pick it up and dust it off. A phone call would be nice." I pulled her into a hug. "I'm an ungrateful bitch for yelling at you like that. Forgive me?"
"Of course," she squeaked in my ear.
I pulled away and looked her in the eyes. "If you say anything to him about this whole conversation, I'm going to be the one bitch slapping you."
A couple days later, I was straining spaghetti and bumping my hips to one of the CD's that Jake had given me. Thankfully, it wasn't rap but The Black Keys whom I'd grown to love as I listened endlessly to their music on my tiny boom box I'd gotten for my birthday. Just when I'd plated some noodles with sauce on top and set my plate on the table, someone knocked softly on my door. As usual, my entire body stiffened and my heart caught in my throat.
He wouldn't knock…he'd just bust right in…he wouldn't knock…
"Who is it?" I called out.
"It's Edward."
I gasped softly and hugged my waist, uncertain if I felt like talking to him. My dinner—which I was starving for—sat on the table, getting cold. Plus, I was still peeved that I hadn't heard from him since he left to think. It was possible that I was overreacting but I couldn't help the ache that swam through my chest when I thought about his no-show at my birthday party.
With shaky hands, I unlocked the door and opened it. To say he looked terrible would be an understatement. His eyes were so tired, they looked bruised. He had a full out beard and it was possible that he'd lost weight.
"I was just getting ready to eat. Hungry?"
He swallowed. "I could eat if I wouldn't be imposing."
I quirked an eyebrow and opened the door to let him through. "Since when do you worry about imposing, Coffee Nazi?"
His beard twitched. "You're still mad that I held out coffee on you before we went running. That was almost two months ago."
I shut the door behind him and locked it. "What can I say? I hold a grudge when it comes to coffee."
With unnecessary roughness, I plopped spaghetti onto a plate and poured sauce on it. It clattered on the table as I set it down. He watched every move I made with intense curiosity which I chose to ignore. I sat down and fumbled with my fork and he didn't budge.
"Well? Sit. Eat."
I forked some food into my mouth and chewed with purpose. He took of his jacket and folded it over the back of his chair before sitting down.
"It smells great." I grunted in response. "How are you?"
I stopped chewing and blinked at him.
"Are you mad at me?" he asked.
"I'm irritated," I said around a mouthful.
His eyebrows twitched and he ran his fingers along the thick beard on his jaw. I couldn't help but watch the movement, as meaningless as the gesture was, I couldn't help but find some sensuality in it. Before I could stop it, the urge to run my own fingers through the dark auburn growth became so overwhelming that I dropped my fork on my plate. The noise drowned out the music.
"Are you upset that I didn't call?"
I cleared my throat and lied to save face. "A little."
"I'm sorry but I knew that if I heard your voice, I'd come back before I was ready."
I licked my lips and his eyes followed the movement of my tongue.
"I was worried," I told him.
"Rose was supposed to let you know that I was okay. I'm sorry that you worried."
"Stop apologizing," I spat. "It's fine."
He chuckled humorlessly. "No, apparently, it's not fine. I don't know you as well as I'd like to know you but I can tell that you're more than just irritated."
"Can we just eat?"
He watched me for a moment before answering, "Sure."
We ate in silence, save for the clanking of silverware against my cheap, second-hand plates. The CD had even ended and I was too into my punishment by silence to break stride and pop in a different one. When we were finished, we cleaned our plates separately and he helped me wash the pots that I'd dirtied for dinner. Afterwards, he followed me to the couch and we sat on opposite sides. He stared at me while I stared at my hands which were wringing nervously in my lap.
"Just say it, Bella," he said softly. "Tell me what you want to say. We're not going to get anywhere if you don't."
I rubbed a palm over my face and blew out a sigh. "I put it all out there for you that day. I laid it at your feet and I feel like you stomped on it and walked away."
"I told you I needed some time and you said you were fine with it."
"When you said 'time', I thought you were talking a few days. Not weeks. I felt like…" I stopped because I was doing it again, putting my heart out there for him to stomp on again.
"You felt like what?"
"Nothing."
"No, it's not 'nothing'. What did you feel like?"
"Where have you been?" I needed some reciprocation; something that told me that he was feeling it just as much as I was. Until I got that, I was too vulnerable. If he didn't want me, I wanted him to just say it so we could just move forward.
"I stayed with a friend downtown," he said. "She helped me sort through some shit."
I refused to question who the "she" was in that statement. In fact, he'd already partially answered my silent question. He'd left to stay with another woman and that's all I really needed to know. I was sure that she helped him sort through his problems; probably using her naked body as guidance.
"So?" I asked.
He leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees. "I don't know what I'm doing so you're going to have to help me out here. The last relationship I was in was when I was sixteen and I don't even think I liked the girl much." He chuckled at his own joke. "Anyway, you're the first person to come into my life that makes me want something."
"What is it that you want?"
He looked into my eyes and I found the vulnerability that I had been seeking. "I want you in my life every second of every day. I want to be able to eat dinner with you. I want to be able to watch stupid reruns of game shows with you. I want to wake up every morning with your hand up my shirt."
My throat was tight and the anger was being quickly replaced with something stronger. I'd heard similar words from James and I'd believed him. The promises of forever and the fantasies of being loved beyond my wildest dreams—it had all been lies that he'd told me to get me to Oklahoma. I fell for them—hook, line and sinker.
But this was Edward. Abrasive, brutally honest, amazingly kind Edward who had never failed to tell me exactly how it was. When Edward said something, he meant it and when he did something, he put everything he had into it.
"What about waking up and finding my hand down your pants?" I asked, fighting a grin. He choked on a swig of soda. "Because, if you hadn't woken up when you did that day…"
"I was going to add that in there but I thought it was too vulgar."
I shrugged a little. "You're probably right." I scooted closer to him on the couch as slow as a caterpillar. He met me halfway and I caught a smile somewhere in the beard. "I was afraid that you were staying away for so long because you couldn't think of a way to let me down easy."
His expression grew pained. "When you said what you did, the question wasn't about whether I wanted to…" He ran his fingers along his bearded jaw and then into his hair, tugging with frustration. "I don't feel worthy, Bella."
"I know you don't but you should," I replied.
"I'm trying but it isn't going to be easy. This whole thing isn't going to be easy."
"Not for either of us," I offered. "Have you thought about that? You think that I'll be dealing with all of your issues but have you thought about what kind of shit I have going on in here?" I tapped my temple with my finger. "I'm a mess. It's not reasonable that I should be thinking about this kind of relationship but I can't stop myself. When I think about everything that I could experience with you, I…I don't know, I guess it makes me feel happy in a situation where it's hard to feel happy at all. When I'm with you, I feel strong and safe and hopeful—emotions that I never knew I could experience again."
With a tight face, he pulled me to him and crushed me against his chest. I gripped him and pulled him as close to me as I could get. He kissed my hair and rubbed my back with his palm. I shamelessly pulled his scent in through my nostrils and held it in my lungs like a drug.
"We need to take this slow, Bella. You deserve flowers and…and boxed chocolates and dates to fancy restaurants." I opened my mouth to talk but he kept going before I could get any words out. "And don't tell me that you don't want it or need it because that's tough shit. You're getting it whether you like it or not."
"So, in other words, you're going to force flowers upon me?"
He chewed on that for a few beats. "Yeah, I guess I am."
"I don't have any nice clothes to wear to fancy restaurants."
"Well, then, I'll have to take you shopping."
I raised my eyebrows. "Wow. I get flowers, chocolates, fancy restaurants and new clothes? I think you have done this before."
"Done what before?"
"This whole girlfriend thing," I replied.
"I did once when I was sixteen but there's been no one since."
"No one? Not even a date?"
His tone turned serious. "No, there's been no one. I'm sorry I missed your birthday."
"It's okay."
"No, it's not." He wrestled with something in his pocket for a moment. "I got you something. It's not much but…"
He held his hand out, dangling a black leather bracelet from his fingers. The leather was woven together to meet a silver pendant.
"It's Celtic. I've got Irish in me. When I was in high school, we had to do an essay on our ancestors and I learned a lot about Irish symbols. That's a—"
"It's the trinity: Father, Son and Holy Spirit."
He smiled. "It has several meanings and most people see it however they want to see it."
"How do you see it?"
"The Celtic knot is everlasting—it's unbreakable. Just like I see you."
I fumbled with the bracelet in an effort to tie it on. Edward gently took it from me and helped me get it settled on my wrist. His fingers brushed against my skin as he tied the leather together and my entire body tingled.
"Thank you," I said. "You're completely forgiven for missing my birthday."
His eyebrows shot up. "Damn, you're easy."
I playfully slapped his arm with the back of my hand. "Watch it or you're going to have to buy me a matching necklace."
Since we'd decided to take things slow, Edward retired to his own apartment later that evening after a quick kiss to my cheek and a slow grin. After getting ready for bed, I lay for an hour in the soft glow of a lamp I'd found cheap. The light was less abrasive than the bedroom light on the ceiling so I'd hoped to get more sleep but it wasn't coming easy.
Things had happened so fast. I never imagined being with someone, another man, ever again in my life. Then again, I had never met anyone quite like Edward. There was something about him that I couldn't let go. Taking risks had gotten me into a horrible situation and here I was again, taking another risk. But Edward posed no threat, except to my heart and I closed my eyes and prayed that he wouldn't break it.
The next day, I got out of work and hopped on a bus en route to Target. The gift card in my purse that Rose had gotten me for my birthday was making me feel slightly giddy and the thought of spending it was exciting. I tried to be stingy but there were a few things that I needed that weren't conveniently placed on the discount rack: Sweaters for winter, a couple dresses, a good fitting pair of jeans and a few pairs of shoes. I'd spent the gift card plus another sixty but it was worth it to have clothes that had never been worn before. The small things that I'd taken for granted growing up were priceless to me now. Good coffee, new clothes, shoes that I got to break in myself—the feeling I got when I walked out of Target and down to the bus stop was pure happiness.
That was until I heard my name being called by an unfamiliar voice.
"Bella! Bella Swan!"
I thought about ignoring it. A deep seed of fear planted itself in my belly and spread outward until all my muscles stiffened with unease. I kept walking until the voice grew too loud and close that I had no choice but to turn my attention to it.
"Bella Swan!" It was a girl I'd went to high school with whose name I couldn't recall. "Holy shit! It's really you!"
Her blond hair blew in the cold breeze as she reached me.
"Hey," I said making an attempt at a grin. "How are you?"
"I'm fantastic! Mike and I just got married! We're on our honeymoon!" she squealed, happily putting her ring finger on display for me to see. I managed a pleased expression, complete with an audible surprised gasp.
Mike…Mike…Mike and…Jessica! That's it!
"That's great, Jessica! I'm happy for you guys." This wasn't good. At all. If she knew about anything, she'd be sure to be on the phone to Forks as soon as I left from view. Forks was a small town with lots of wagging tongues so the chance that my vanishing act was kept on the down low was pretty slim. I decided that I had to act confident and genuinely happy to see her if I was going to make her believe that there was nothing wrong. "So, you're on your honeymoon at Target?"
She threw her head back, barked out a laugh and then playfully slapped my arm. "No, Silly! Mike forgot to bring his dress belt so I came here to get one for him. We're going to see a play tonight at The Goodman Theatre. I'm so excited!" She squealed a little and hopped around to show her enthusiasm. "Have you been yet?"
"I was thinking about going next weekend," I lied.
"Oh, well, give me your number and I can let you know how it is! What are you doing in Chicago, by the way? I thought you moved to Texas or something to get married."
I waved a dismissive hand at her and scoffed. My heart was pounding in my ears. "Oh, we broke up. I'm actually just visiting myself." I was so proud of myself for the sudden white lie that I did some excitable hopping myself. "I'm leaving next weekend."
She smiled brightly. "Where are you going to? Back to Forks?"
"Phoenix. My mom lives there and we haven't been able to spend much time together lately so…" I trailed off, immediately regretting my reply. If the lie got around to James, he'd be on my Mom's doorstep in a heartbeat. I tried desperately to recover. "But I'll only be there a couple days since she's so busy. I'll probably head over to California or something from there."
"You're, like, a world traveler or something! That's totally cool!"
I didn't want to point out that the places I was going weren't very exotic or sophisticated but I grinned and nodded in return. At least I was considered trendy in my web of lies.
"How long are you in Chicago?" I asked.
"Oh, a few more days," she answered. "I can't believe I'm married! Soon, I'll be a Mom!"
My eyes widened. "You're pregnant?"
She snorted. "Possibly! Mike hasn't pulled out since the night before we got married so…who knows!"
Now, I remembered Jessica clear as a bell. She was the annoying, sweet girl who chattered endlessly and had no idea that there were some things that were meant to be private. In my history class my junior year, I'd gotten stuck in front of her and I listened to her tell one of her friends every detail about her period cramps. A year later, I was in her gym class and the entire locker room heard an echoed account of how much it hurts to have your cherry popped but how good it felt afterwards.
"Well, that's…great!" I thought about holding my fist out for a congratulatory bump but I didn't want to encourage her.
"I know, right?"
"Well, my bus is supposed to be here in a few so…" I shifted awkwardly on my feet. "It was good to see you and congrats, Jess."
She beamed. "Thanks, Bella. It was good to see you too! Hey, what's your number so that I can call you and tell you about the play?"
I recited off my old phone number from the cell I'd left in Oklahoma. Chances were it was either broken into pieces or out of service since the bill hadn't been paid. Probably both.
The entire bus ride home, I panicked. Jess would probably talk to her parents. Her parents would probably talk to my dad. My dad would relay the information to James. James could be here by tonight, searching the city for me. He'd show my picture to people, tell them a sob story and he'd eventually find me. By the time the bus reached the stop outside my apartment, I was having trouble catching my breath.
Jake was sitting on the front steps, sucking on a cigar as I wobbled up to our building. "Hey, Honey, what's up? You look like you just saw a two headed cock."
I opened my mouth and closed it, fascinated by his observation and statement. I was tempted to ask whether the cock he was referring to was in the genital or chicken category. I pictured both in my head and both were equally appalling and shocking so I figured it didn't matter which he was going for.
With a sigh, I flopped down beside him and let the suffocating smell of the smoke fill my nostrils.
"Did you spend too much money or something?" He asked pointing at my shopping bags. "Your face is all pale and I'm figuring on you passing out here any second."
He took another drag and made some smoke circles for me in an attempt to cheer me up. His grin was proud and bright and I couldn't help but smile in return.
"There's that sweet smile," he remarked. "Now tell me what the fuck is going on."
I swallowed and then gave the story to him in a nutshell. "A year ago, I moved to Oklahoma with my fiancé and he turned out to be psychotic. He did incredibly horrible things to me for nine months until I was able to escape. I came to Chicago to disappear. My dad doesn't know where I am or why I left Oklahoma. He still thinks that James loves me but really, he just wants to hurt me.
"By chance, I ran into a girl from my hometown. I'm terrified that she's going to call home and he's going to find me, somehow. If he knows I'm here, he'll come for me and he won't give up until he finds me. Then he'll drag me back to Oklahoma and I'll never see the light of day again."
I sighed out a breath, realizing that expelling all of it so quickly wasn't as difficult as I imagined it would be. Jake raised his eyebrows and took another long drag from his cigar. The smoke was exhaled in a long thick cloud over his head. I felt small next to him, especially now that he knew my past.
"Huh," he replied. "Chicago is a pretty big fucking place. You know that, right?"
"Yeah, but James is smart. He'll find me." The words didn't seem real; it was as if I was acting in the play that Jessica and Mike were going to at The Goodman.
"If he finds you, then he finds me too." Jake's voice was calm but there was a threat there. He turned to face me as smoke escaped from the corner of his mouth. "I owe you for those cookies, honey."
"He's dangerous, Jake," I said. "He's killed at least once before, in cold blood."
Jake chuckled darkly. "Yeah, well, sounds like a fun guy to beat the shit out of."
"I don't expect you to—"
"If he comes near you, all you have to do is scream and there will be at least a few of us coming to your rescue. If you can't scream, throw shit. If you can't throw shit, make him scream at you. Make some kind of noise so that I can hear it through that wall. If I hear it, I'll come running and a locked door isn't going to stop me." His brown eyes were somber and honest as he looked at me. A small smile pulled at the corner of his mouth as he directed his gaze at his half-smoked cigar. "Just be careful if lover boy elicits some screams out of you in that bedroom of yours. One thing I could do without for the rest of my life is a clear view of his pale, hairy ass stuck up high in the air."
In spite of his crack on Edward's perfect rear, I snorted out a laugh.
"Thank you, Jake. Seriously. I don't know what I ever did to deserve your friendship but…thank you."
"Sometimes, people earn friendships without ever realizing it," he noted and then grinned. "Plus, you make some damn fine cookies."
That evening, over dinner, I told Rose and Edward about my run-in with TMI-Jessica.
"That was smart—what you told her about leaving next week," Rose offered.
"Yeah, but now I'm afraid he'll go after my mom."
Rose shrugged. "Yeah, but he'll see that you're not there so he'll be back to square one."
"He'll figure it out. I know he will." The afternoon had wreaked havoc on my stomach so instead of ingesting my spaghetti, I twirled it on my plate like a two year old.
"Chicago is huge, Bella. How would he even find you…where would he even begin? It's not like you go out and people see you all the time."
"Jessica can tell them where she saw me and that's where he'll start," I muttered. "He'll find me."
Edward was oddly quiet but I could see the worry on his face—the frown and furrowed brows hovering down over his green, fiery eyes. He didn't know what to tell me, there was no advice that he could give that would make me feel better. Edward didn't lie so there wouldn't be any "everything is going to be fine" speeches coming from him. He knew just as well as I did that James just got a lucky break in his hunt for me.
"You shouldn't be alone anymore, Bella." Rose glanced at Edward and then back to me. "Anything can happen in your apartment and none of us would know until it was too late."
Her words panicked me. Big time. My worst fears since leaving Oklahoma were going to be realized, sooner rather than later. James would have my location narrowed down to a city.
"You can stay with me, if you want," Rose said. "The couch isn't the most—"
When Edward finally spoke, his voice didn't convey the concern on his face. His tone was strong and silky, just as I needed it to be. "She's staying with me."
"You really don't have to—"
"Bella, if you tell me that I don't have to do this, I'm going to brain you," Edward said calmly.
I blinked at him. Rose let out a gasping snort.
"Nice, Edward! The girl is terrified that this maniac is going to bust down her door any minute to drag her back to hell and you threaten violence on her. Just great! No wonder you're so freaking lonely. You have no tact. At all."
Even though I was the reason for the whole discussion, I had an urge to grab the kids and go to a different room. I wasn't sure how much Emily knew about my situation but she seemed oblivious to the whole exchange. Apparently, she was so used to hearing Edward and Rose gripe at each other that she tuned them out. I, however, didn't have that luxury.
"It's just a figure of speech, Rose," Edward said around a mouthful of buttered bread. "She knows I wouldn't really do it."
"But I bet it's a relief for her to hear that from the one man that she actually trusts!" She hunkered over, scratched her armpit and then proceeded to imitate Edward's voice. "You don't like what I have to say, woman, I'm going to whack you upside the head! Me man. You woman. Me boss. You—"
"Stuff a sock in it, Rose!'
Emily had started to giggle. When Edward's voice rose, no matter what the cause, it made Sammy go ballistic with excitement. He squealed with enjoyment as he watched Edward's face turn red with anger. I bit back a grin.
Rose sneered at Edward. "I am not going to stuff a sock in it! Unless, you're going to do that for me! You going to tackle me and force a sock in my mouth? Is that how you roll, Edward?"
Sammy tossed a slimy noodle and it landed in Edward's hair. He didn't feel it because it was three inches above his scalp. Emily slapped her palm over her mouth so that the giggling wouldn't interrupt the show.
"I've never given you reason to think that I would hit a woman, Rose," Edward said through his teeth. The end of the noodle wobbled as his head shook slightly with each word. "Why would you say that shhhh…crap?"
Rose motioned animatedly with her hands. "I know you really wouldn't do it but Bella is sensitive to this!"
Because the first noodle he'd lobbed elicited such a comedic response from myself and Emily, Sammy picked up another one and tossed it in Edward's direction. This time it caught around his ear and there was no hope that he wouldn't feel this one. He reached his fingers up and pulled the slimy noodle off his ear with a look of disgust. Sammy giggled. Emily giggled. I sputtered out a laugh.
Edward narrowed one eye at Sammy. "You think this is funny?"
Sammy curled up the best he could while in his highchair and squealed with delight as Edward focused all his attention on him. Emily became jealous, apparently, and decided to wage her own war with her spaghetti. Her aim wasn't as good as Sammy's—go figure—so it didn't hit her intended target which was Edward. Instead, it flew in front of Edward's field of vision and landed directly across Sammy's face. It reached from his eyebrow, across the bridge of his nose and down to the corner of his mouth. He jerked with the sudden shock of cold, slimy noodle on his face. All of us stared at him in silence to gauge his reaction. At first, I thought he was going to brush it off but after a few blinks, his bottom lip started trembling and he emitted a sad little whimper.
"Nice job, Edward," Rose mumbled as she crossed the kitchen to comfort her son.
Edward lifted his hands up and his mouth fell open. "What did I do?"
She ignored him. "No more throwing food. Any of you." Even though Edward hadn't thrown anything, she directed her glare at him.
As Rose coddled Sam and Emily cleared the table, I felt a tap on my ankle. I looked across the table and Edward was watching me.
"You okay?" he asked.
I nodded. He quirked an eyebrow, calling me out on the untruthful gesture.
"I'm scared," I admitted, "but there isn't anything I can do about it."
"Bullshit."
"Mom! Edward said a bad word!" Emily whined.
Edward ignored her. "We're going to keep running and you're going to get stronger. You're going to stay with me and you won't be walking to or from work by yourself anymore. If this bastard—"
"Mom! He did it again!"
"—finds you, he's going to regret it."
This was the reason I was falling for Edward. He didn't dance around things, he didn't give up and he sure as hell wouldn't let me feel like a victim. Ever again.
Waking up next to Edward was delightful and brutal all at the same time. I'd fall asleep on my side of the bed, doze in blissful unawareness throughout the night and then wake up on top of him. Every night. He didn't seem to mind. In fact, he laughed and I could practically see his ego swelling each morning. Unfortunately, for my modesty, other things tended to swell as well.
Just as he'd promised, we were taking things slow. Exceedingly slow. Mind numbingly slow. We'd barely kissed and when we did, it was chaste and gentle. The passion that I'd felt the first morning I'd woken up on top of him was either non-existent or bottled way down deep inside of him. I'd begun to wonder if—in wake of the Target incident—he'd had second thoughts about me.
I, on the other hand, had these new feelings. It happened every time I watched him out of the corner of my eye. I'd stare at his finely stubbled jaw, the muscles bunching with movement under his thin white undershirt, and the mess of hair on his head, and I'd get a feeling like I'd swallowed a dozen goldfish. The little fish would swim hungrily in my belly with each passing moment of spying on Edward. Sometimes—as I imagined what Edward's naked chest looked like—the swimming would go low into my core. Beads of sweat would form on my brow and black spots would dance through my vision. My body responded to him. It was like starring in my own romance novel only this wasn't fiction.
While, the thought of sex still made me shudder, I still wondered what it would be like to have him over me; the fire in his eyes burning into mine as he moved into me and out of me in one fluid motion; the sounds of his heavy breath and the feeling of strength in his arms as he balanced himself over me. Would he make noises? Would he touch me and if so, where?
I could do it for Edward. Perhaps, one day, I could learn to like it.
He'd given me half of his dresser and most of his closet. I didn't need much room since I didn't own that many clothes. In the mornings, he'd walk me to work and he'd leave his car with Rose so that she could pick me up in the afternoons. I felt like a pain in the ass but both of them assured me that it was no problem. At one point, Edward grew so annoyed with my constant yammering about my presence being a nuisance, he told me I'd given him a headache and to promptly stuff a sock in it.
"Can I go with you?"
We just gotten back from our run and Edward was swigging a bottle of water. It was Sunday and he'd told me that he had to leave in an hour. I knew he went to church and then to the homeless shelter, and I'd wanted to go with him. It was a stretch to ask because he kept his Sundays fiercely private but if I went with him, it would feel like he was opening himself up for me. Probably, it was the reason he'd say no.
"Why?" He capped the empty bottle and tossed it into the trash. "It's boring."
I rolled my eyes. "I doubt that it's boring."
"You should take today and relax. Read a book. Go visit Rose."
"I see Rose everyday. I work in a bookstore. I want to go with you."
He sighed and looked pained; like someone had asked him to put on a thong. "Bella, this thing I do on Sundays…it's kind of my thing. I don't want you to think that I don't want you there, it's just…"
I felt sympathy for the struggle he was going through so I intervened. "It's okay, Edward." I shrugged. "Maybe someday."
He pressed his lips together and nodded tightly. "Yeah, maybe."
He walked down the hall as I threw my own empty bottle into the trash. Ten seconds later, I heard him walking back into the kitchen. He had peeled his shirt off and I got a glimpse of what my imagination had conjured up only hours before. His torso was long with lean muscles. A long scar ran down his side, from ribs to hip that was sure to have been from a painful injury. A smattering of hair covered his chest and fell in a line into the waist band of his pants. Shamelessly, I stared as I remembered running my fingers through it and the goldfish in my lower abdomen started swimming like they were hopped up on crack.
The tattoo stood out, black against white on his skin. It was a wolf. Its long snout rose up—in mid-howl—over his shoulder and its face covered his pectoral muscle. Another tattoo, symbols of some sort, covered his bicep. The wolf was a testament to his sister. It was a reminder to himself so when he looked in the mirror, he'd think about what he'd done and what he was worth for doing it. As if he'd ever forget it.
"Do you really want to go?" he asked.
I nodded enthusiastically. "I do."
He sighed and rubbed his knuckle against the scruff of his beard. "Can you be ready in an hour?"
I smiled. "Most definitely."
A/N: If you don't know what Target is, my friends, it's my most favorite place on the face of the earth. Well, that doesn't involve my imagination *nudgenudge* It's a store where you can get pretty much everything from clothing, to electronics to grape ICEE's.
Sooooo, favorite parts? Favorite lines? Favorite part of Edward's naked chest? Do tell... :)