A Fork in the Universe
CJ/Danny
Rating Adult – Married sex
Spoilers through end of series
Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul
Feedback and criticism always welcomed
- - - - - -
9:15 PM PDT, August 11, 2012; Santa Monica CA
Danny Concannon quietly opened the door to his son's bedroom. As he expected, Paddy was sleeping, so Danny carefully slipped the transformer from the boy's hands, pulled up the sheet over his son, planted a light kiss on his hair, so much like his mother's, turned off the lamp, and left the room.
Forty-five minutes earlier, Paddy had protested when Danny told him it was time for bed.
"Stay up for Mama!"
Danny told Paddy that he had to get into his pj's and into bed.
"Go potty!"
Rick was right; a few days after they returned to California, Paddy lost interest in standing up to urinate. Danny guessed it was a combination of not having any Cheerios at which to aim, and the fact that his closest friend, little Maggie, didn't stand up to go to the bathroom. Maybe when he began to play more with the slightly older boys in the neighborhood – .
After the trip to the bathroom, a final drink of water, and a story, Danny told Paddy he could play with a toy if he wasn't sleepy. He could try to stay up until his Mama came home, but he had to stay in his room and in his bed.
The Hollis Foundation plane bringing back CJ and Nancy from the marathon one-day meeting in San Luis Obispo was scheduled to land at the Santa Monica municipal airport at 10:10. Jesse Muñoz had volunteered to take CJ and Nancy to the airport that morning and to pick up the women that evening. It would keep Danny from having to get a babysitter or from having to take Paddy with him to the airport in the wee hours of dawn or after the boy's bedtime.
It had been a very busy month since they had returned from New Hampshire. A week ago, he underwent the final tests as part of the exam required by his insurance company. Two weeks ago, he had finished his dissertation and submitted it to his advisor. The professor would take two or three weeks to review the work and then let him know if it was ready to be presented to the doctoral committee for defense. Aisling had flown in from Salisbury and DC a few days after they returned from New Hampshire. She alternated between doing things with the other young adults on the block and relaxing by the pool and in the courtyard. Right now, his niece was with Ken, Laura, and Jill Robbins in Palm Springs, where Jill was competing in a woman's golf Pro-Am, but would be back late Sunday evening. On Monday, CJ, Danny, Paddy and Aisling but would drive up to Albion; they planned to stay there through Labor Day. Carol and David would be joining them for a few days at the end of the month.
"Whew!" Danny caught a whiff of himself. He and Frank had spent the afternoon helping Li Wei. The men laid a brick patio in the back yard and it was dirty, sweaty work. Danny decided he should clean up before CJ returned. She had gone to bed early last night with a bad headache and had to fly out very early this morning in order to be at the foundation headquarters by 8:00 AM. Danny didn't know if she would have any energy tonight, but if she did, then he did. Danny headed for the shower.
Ten minutes later, a cleaner and better smelling Danny walked out of the bathroom and opened a dresser drawer, looking for a pair of cotton pajama pants. It was a very sultry evening and he wanted to be comfortable. Then he had second thoughts. CJ might ask Nancy and Jesse to come in for a few minutes; he better put on more clothes. Danny found a pair of cotton boxers and then pulled out a pair of shorts and a tee shirt.
Sitting on the easy chair, he pulled on the boxers and then yawned widely. Laying the patio was also tiring work, he thought, and yawned again.
10:30 PM
"Danny?" CJ called as she opened the door and stepped into the house.
"That's funny," she said to Jesse, who had escorted her to the door. "Usually, when I'm out at night, he's waiting for me in the living room or the den, or at least the courtyard."
"Well, let's make sure he's okay before I return to Uncle Frank's." Jesse had dropped off Nancy at the Muñoz place before taking CJ to her house.
The two of them checked the kitchen and the family room, then walked to the bedroom wing. When CJ caught sight of her husband dozing in the easy chair, she tiptoed out of the room, and followed Jesse to the front door, which she locked after the young dentist left.
CJ walked back to the bedrooms. She checked on her son, replacing the sheet he had kicked off in his sleep, slipped into the master bedroom, and used the bathroom.
The flushing of the commode must have awakened Danny, because he was stirring as she reentered the room.
"I'm sorry, I meant to be up for you," Danny said as CJ bent over and kissed him. He returned her kiss.
"I was surprised that you didn't open the door when we drove up," she said as she walked toward the dresser, reaching for her earrings. She turned around to smile at him, and then turned back again to place the hoops in her jewelry box.
The moonlight was coming in full through the bedroom windows, catching in her hair. She was wearing a summer maternity suit, with short sleeves and a double-breasted jacket in a silvery lilac tone that shimmered in the moonbeams. Danny suddenly found himself very awake and very aroused.
"Claudia Jean."
CJ turned around at the raspy voice. Danny very rarely used her full name, and never with such obvious desire in his voice. In fact, except for their wedding vows, the few times he did use it, he was definitely not very happy with her.
Danny's voice became even raspier. "Undress for me, Jeannie."
CJ's eyes locked on Danny's. She unbuttoned her jacket and removed it. She unzipped her skirt, let it slip to her knees, and stepped out of it. Next she removed the silver chain from her neck, and then her watch. She reached behind her to put them on the dresser. Next came her shoes, with the low square heels, and her pantyhose. She reached under her slip for her panties. Putting her hands behind her, she unfastened her bra, and slipped the straps from her arms. Finally, she reached for the hem of her half-slip and pulled it over her head.
Now her entire body was silvered by the moon. Danny held out his hand to her and she walked to the chair.
"You are so beautiful," he whispered as he pulled her onto his lap.
"You're sweet to flatter me," she said lightly, her hand on her non-existent waist and bulging tummy.
"You're carrying our child; nothing could be more entrancing."
The chair was oversized; there was more than enough room for her to kneel on either side of his thighs. His arms and hands provided a brace for her shoulders as he buried his face in the valley of her breast.
She began to whimper and move against him. Danny lifted his feet to the edge of the heavy mission-style coffee table that sat in front of the chair. CJ leaned back against her husband's knees. Danny's thumb found its way through the nest of curls where her legs met; he circled the throbbing core, first in one direction, then in the other. Finally, Danny slipped two fingers inside her. Carefully watching her face, he slowly moved them up along the wall until her twitching told him he had found the right spot. The fingertips played against it as his thumb lightly moved up and down right across that little nub of her that, had she been born male (and thank God she wasn't) would right now be as long, thick, and hard as he was.
Danny seriously thought about lifting her in the air, to free himself from his boxers, to allow her to position her legs over the arms of the chair, and to take her where they now sat. But he knew that his need for her was such that he could not risk injury to her and to the child should he lose control and not be able to keep her balanced on his upper legs.
Danny steadied her as he lowered his legs and as she stood. When they reached the bed, he stripped, lay back, and helped her to impale herself on him.
Twenty minutes later, they were lying on their sides, caressing and calming each other.
She told him that the South American consortium of business leaders were very anxious to start a "Road to a Better World" project on their continent. CJ had already told Frank Hollis and the foundation's board that she wanted to slow down after the baby was born. Although she had total confidence in Nancy, Bonnie, and Glen being able to handle the ongoing projects in Africa, CJ felt that the three of them would not be able to handle a second start up without at least one other participant. Two would be better.
Frank and Sarita said that they had been in discussions with Lewis Berryhill. The former Secretary of State was not finding his teaching position at UVA as rewarding as he thought he would.
"So, one down and one to go," CJ laughed. "By the way, Frank made some private noises about maybe I might consider joining the board, especially if I want to do the 'not work outside the house mom' thing. I told him that the drop dead issue is health insurance for us and the kids. If you get a teaching position with decent benefits, then I have more options."
Danny told CJ what he had already told her several times. If she wanted to stop working and stay home with Paddy and the new baby, he had a standing offer from the LA Times.
CJ told Danny what she had already told him several times. His goal was to teach at the university level. He was so close; she could hold on until next year.
"But what if my dissertation isn't approved?"
"And what if the Pope gets married? Same odds," she joked.
August 14, 2012; Albion, CA
Danny woke to the sound of birds chirping. There was a slight chill in the air as a light wind came in through the open window.
Danny carefully sat up in the bed and looked over at his sleeping wife. His child was moving inside her; not enough to disturb CJ's sleep but enough to be seen through the stretched skin.
"You aren't even here yet, little one, and I love you so much," Danny whispered to the unseen baby. "I want only the best for you, for your brother, for your mother."
Time passed as he continued to sit there, continued to watch CJ as she slept next to him.
Five years. Five years of having her wear his ring, bear his name. Five years of having her in his bed and in his heart. Five years of loving her, caring for her, protecting her, encouraging her, restraining her. Five years of seeing her achieve, marveling in her vision, being proud of her accomplishments, of her honors. Five years of joy in Paddy and the new baby. Five years of dealing with the loss of the twins, of dealing with the bureaucracy to transfer her father from the auspices of the Ohio nursing home to California, only to have him die before the final red tape was cut. Five years of growing, of loving, of fighting, of making up. Five years of getting good at new things.
"I hope we have many, many more years together, my darling, but for these five years I am so grateful," he whispered.
Then he turned his thoughts to Someone Else. "I leave it in Your hands. I keep thinking that I am coming up on some crucial point in my life, in my universe. I love my wife; I love the life we are making together. But if You have other plans for me, I accept them. Only please, I beg of you, make sure that CJ, Paddy, and the new little one are cared for."
"Penny for your thoughts."
CJ smiled up at him.
"You."
Danny lowered his mouth to hers.
Later that day, he set up the pool and uncovered the hot tub. No, he told his son, they couldn't go swimming just yet. But the solar blankets would concentrate the rays of the sun and maybe in two days, the water would be warm enough. Yes, maybe tomorrow they could try to find a stream with fishies in it. They might not be able to swim, but they could at least go wading.
That evening, it rained a bit, so he built a fire in the living room fireplace and they cooked hotdogs on sticks for supper, followed by marshmallows for S'mores.
After he carried a sleeping Paddy into the smaller bedroom, he built up the fire. Aisling excused herself to the upstairs bedroom, the one they had enclosed last year.
Trusting to his niece's understanding and discretion, they quietly made love, lying on their sides; the blanket over them barely moved with their motion.
For the next few days, they relaxed in the woods. In the nearby state park, Danny did find a small stream where he and Paddy could wade in the water and let the little fish play with their feet. Danny took his son canoeing; he took his niece kayaking. All four of them went fishing and caught enough for two meals.
The sun did warm the water in the pool; CJ and Aisling tended to leave the hiking in the woods, the canoeing, and the fishing to the "menfolk". They bought paperback romances at the used book store in Mendocino and spent their late mornings and afternoons in the sun, slathered with sunscreen, floating on rafts in the pool and reading.
They ate supper at the little coast restaurants every third night and renewed their friendships with the permanent residents as well as with the "summer folk".
Danny was having a wonderful time with his family. He spent the mornings making love with his wife and working on projects around the house. The afternoons were spent with his son. They took endless walks in the woods, with Danny pointing out the different birds and little animals in the forest. He taught Paddy about the different trees and wildflowers and how to find the north by looking for the mossy side of a tree. Danny told Paddy that if he ever got lost, he should follow a stream in the direction that the water was flowing. Danny's heart swelled when, after one such afternoon, a glowing Paddy told his mother "Mama, Daddy knows everything!" Starry evenings were spent holding CJ as they talked of their plans for their expanding family, of the changes that his degree might bring to their lifestyle.
August 19, 2012
Danny and Paddy looked up as the car turned into the drive.
"Mama's back!" Paddy ran up to the car as CJ exited from the driver's side and grabbed hold of CJ's legs. "Popsicle!"
"Popsicle, what?" Danny asked as he moved to the trunk, ready to help Aisling with the grocery bags.
"After lunch, Paddy," CJ told her son as she bent down to kiss the top of his head.
The four of them went into the house. Danny and Aisling put away the groceries while CJ made tuna salad sandwiches and tomato soup for them.
"Honey, Dr. Caldicott called while you were gone," Danny told his wife.
"And?"
"He had a few minor corrections; he's emailing them to me. He'd like me to defend on the 27th." Danny tried to hide his grin, but failed miserably.
"That's wonderful!" CJ stood up to hug her husband. "But why so soon?"
"Susan Griese will be unavailable after that date until early December and he can't find anyone else with her qualifications to fill in for her; Dr. Caldicott said that if I successfully defend, I was all but certain to be offered a part-time teaching job for the Spring semester even though the PhD wouldn't be conferred until the end of that semester.
"I'd feel a whole lot better knowing it was over and done, but I hate to cut short our time up here."
"It's just one day, isn't it? Could you fly down from Santa Rosa on Sunday and come back here Monday night or Tuesday morning?"
"You know I don't want you and Aisling alone here, CJ."
"But Carol and David will be here, remember?"
He remembered and was glad. He didn't want to take CJ, Paddy, and Aisling away from their wooded retreat earlier than necessary but he would be glad to get the dissertation defense over and done. Also, they had planned to have Aisling fly to visit Siobhan and Liam from San Francisco International on the 30th. After making sure that she was safely on her way, the Concannons would spend Labor Day weekend driving down the coast from San Francisco to Santa Monica.
August 22, 2012
Danny woke up to the sound of the kitchen door clicking in its latch. He looked at the bedside clock. 4:38 AM.
Slipping into the pajama bottoms that CJ had removed some five hours ago, he went to check on the noise.
Aisling was sitting on the back deck. As Danny came outside, she turned to face him.
"I'm fine, Uncle Danny. This is the time when I feel close to God's creation. But come, sit with me." She held out her hand.
Aisling wished she could say something to assuage the uncertainty she could sense in her uncle. She knew what she had seen, she knew what Aunt Sorcha had seen; there should be no problem. However, she also knew that just as God had given humanity free will, He had also given them, at times, the power to affect their lives. Sometimes, wishing did indeed make it so. In a few cases, obsessing on tragedy did indeed make it so. We Celts can bring about self-fulfilling prophecy for ourselves, her great-aunt had told her. At times, Aisling feared that her uncle was doing that, and Aisling didn't know what, if anything, she could do about it.
When the sky had lightened to a pale violet, they went inside. Danny made a pot of coffee, the real stuff, and not the decaffeinated that he drank for CJ's sake.
He asked her again about her time in Rehoboth, again expressed concern not only about Mike but about the boys she might meet at Allegheny this school year.
Aisling sighed and once again explained that he had nothing to worry about.
"I'm saving myself for the right guy for me, Uncle Danny. It's not Mike, although he is a good friend and I have a good time when I'm with him. And he's not any of the boys in Meadville. He's safe back in –" She stopped herself, not quite sure she wanted to reveal how much she knew.
But Danny was not to be deterred.
"Back in Ireland? You have a beau?" (She smiled at the old-fashioned word.) "Your mother didn't say anything about that."
"No, not in Ireland, in Scotland. Uncle Danny," her eyes got really serious, "this has to be just between you and me. I've seen him (and Danny knew what she meant by "see"). He doesn't know yet, just thinks of me as a distant relative. But two years from now, he'll be besotted by me," her eyes began to dance.
"I'll keep your secret, honey. But who? Do I know him?"
"You do, but I won't tell you just yet."
"Ash, I keep feeling as if I'm at a turning point. If something happens to me, I'd like to know that you will be happy."
She sighed again. "Uncle Danny, if anything were to happen to you, I would see to it that you knew."
"Daddy!"
Paddy ran into the kitchen, effectively ending the discussion between the two redheads.
August 24, 2012
"You found it!"
CJ ran up to the car holding Carol, David, and Clarissa. Carol had called CJ when the three of them had picked up their rental at SFO and told her that they were about start for Albion. "Send out a search party if we aren't there by dark."
"It wasn't that bad, just ten minutes more than the Mapquest ™ estimate," David said as he released his daughter from her car seat. "This place is spectacular! Your pictures don't do it justice."
Danny hugged Carol and shook the other man's hand.
"Welcome to our little corner of paradise."
Late afternoon August 27, 2012; Albion, CA
"Daddy!" Paddy scrambled to the edge of the pool. "Mama, Daddy's back! Take out!"
"Let me do that, Paddy." David swam over to the edge of the pool and easily lifted the little boy over the edge of the four foot deep above ground pool that occupied one quarter of the deck that surrounded the house on three sides.
"Sweetie, don't get Daddy all wet! He's still in his good suit!"
"Well, the pants anyway." Danny had ditched his coat and tie as soon as he left the USC campus. He didn't have time to change before catching his plane to Santa Rosa. "It's okay, Paddy, it's just water," he said as he reached down to pick up the little boy for a big hug. Then Danny walked over to the pool and helped CJ climb up, over, and down the side.
She leaned over to kiss his mouth and grabbed a towel.
"So?"
"I think I did okay. Dr. Caldicott thought so, too. Time will tell. Right now, I'm going to get into my suit, grab a beer, and get into that wonderful-looking water."
September 1, 2012; Carmel, CA
"Big fishies!"
Danny looked in the direction in which Paddy was pointing off the pier.
"Those are whales, Paddy. Actually, they aren't fish, they are animals like dogs and horses."
"But they're in the water!"
Danny tried to explain, in simple terms, that whales didn't lay eggs the way fish did; that the babies grew inside their mothers "just like you did and just like your little brother or sister is". Sometimes, Danny thought, it might be better to leave well enough alone, to not always tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. He decided to leave out the part about mothers nursing their newborns.
Aisling had safely arrived on Mackinac Island and after a night in Palo Alto with Vic and Ellie, the Concannons had started their trip down the California coast.
Danny reminisced about the first slow trip down the coast with CJ, when she was carrying the twins. In one sense, they had been such neophytes, married less than a year, together as a couple for a little more than a year, so much in love with each other. Four years later, they were settled into married life, but even more in love. CJ, Paddy, and the baby were worth more than all the Pulitzers, all the honors. I am so truly blessed, Danny thought.
"Mama!"
Danny looked up to see CJ walking toward them. She had gone off to find a restroom and was now returning, carrying what appeared to be hotdogs, fries, and sodas. He reached over to kiss her as she reached them, took the food from her.
After they finished their meal, Paddy curled up in Danny's lap. CJ lay her head on his shoulder.
An elderly couple, maybe in their early '70s, walked by, hand in hand.
"Someday, that'll be us," CJ said.
Danny silently prayed that she was right.
September 4, 2012; Santa Monica, CA
It was an easy drive down the coast; they arrived home by midafternoon.
Carmen Muñoz offered to take Paddy to the park to help him work off some of his pent up energy. CJ prepared two glasses of lemonade and they sat on the family room couch, sorting through the mail that Hank and Steve had brought in every day.
CJ pressed the "play" button on the answering machine. Several hang ups. Someone from St. Monica's, reminding them of the parish picnic (already past). The screeching noise that indicated someone had miskeyed a number on a fax machine.
"This is Dr. George's office calling for Daniel Concannon. Please call us as soon as possible. Dr. George needs to talk with you."
Danny keyed in the callback number. The receptionist checked the doctor's schedule and asked Danny if tomorrow morning at 9:30 would be convenient. Yes, it would be.
CJ and Danny tried to maintain an even composure for the rest of the afternoon and evening. At night in their bed, they slept fitfully in each other's arms, abandoning their standard spooning position.
The office assistant escorted the Concannons into the doctor's private office and told them that the doctor would be with them shortly. They sat on the couch and clasped hands.
This was it. Danny knew that he had come to the crucial point of his life. There was a fork in the universe; either he would have a long and happy life with CJ or their life together would fall apart.
Danny was surprisingly calm. Five and a half years ago, he and CJ had grasped hands and taken a leap of faith together. They had indeed learned many new things, became good at many new things, had made new friends and had strengthened ties with old ones. They had become closer with their families and had created four beautiful little lives with their love. Whatever the next few minutes might bring, he would continue to hold her hand as long as possible.
Author's note:
At this point, "Holding Hands on the Way Down" and "Fold in Gently" will diverge, with the next chapter of "Holding Hands" referring to a minor abnormality in one of Danny's tests, something that can be easily treated and managed.
Some things that happen in one story will not occur in the other (aside from the obvious one that in one story, Danny continues to live and in the other, he dies.) Some things may happen differently in one story than they do in the other. I had seriously thought about ending "Holding Hands" at this point and continuing the rest of CJ and Danny's life together in a sequel entitled "Getting Good at New Things", but in the end, I decided that "Holding Hands" should continue until CJ and Danny reach the bottom of that leap.