Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.

April 13, 2011 – Honolulu, Hawaii

The door opens again, and I close my eyes. As if not seeing his face will make the man I know has just followed his son inside my quiet little hideaway suddenly disappear. As if I can just float away and pretend that this isn't happening to me.

But when I hear it, I know that it is happening… and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

"Bella?"

My name from his lips is all it takes to send me back to where we met, where it happened…

Where my life changed.

.

.

.

His voice is still ringing in my ears as I stand there and stare.

He still looks so much like the man I remember. Though it's speckled with gray, his hair is still unmanageable and messy; his skin is still painted a golden brown; that sharp jaw still forms perfectly around pretty, plump and kissable looking lips.

My heart beats, fluttering wildly inside my chest. I still don't know how to face him after what I did; how we ended…

Edward didn't just teach me to surf that summer – he taught me about life and love and heartbreak. I know now that I loved him then; I think I always have. But at eighteen, I didn't have what it took to make our relationship work. I wasn't capable or responsible enough to give him the support he needed after what happened with Makenna, no matter how much I cared about him.

…So I ran. Like the naïve eighteen year old girl I was, I took the easy way out and I disappeared.

Sure, I could have stayed like I knew we both wanted, but where would we have ended up? He might have lost Lisle. I might not have finished college. I probably would have never fulfilled my dream of traveling the world. Where else would that have left us but as two unhappy, resentful people probably blaming the other for decisions not made.

And it might sound selfish, but, though I regret giving Edward up, I don't regret what I got as an alternative. My life has been full of amazing adventures, faraway places and killer waves. He's the man I have to thank for that. He changed my life.

Seeing him here, now, all those old feelings I've buried for so, so long, come rushing back. Like a wave breaking over sand, they ebb and flow, one into the other. It's hard not to remember his hands and the way they touched me, or his lips and the way they kissed me.

It's hard not to remember everything else, too. Like the last words he ever spoke to me and the ones I didn't speak to him. It's impossible to forget how heartbroken I was for so many weeks after I left California for South Carolina.

For the first six months of college, I was withdrawn, anti-social. I hated life. I hated myself.

But mostly… I missed him. I missed them both.

As time passed and I eventually forced myself out of the funk, I used the passion Edward had given me to make myself into the woman I am today.

There's a reason I haven't been back to Santa Cruz in almost ten years, though.

He says my name again, softer this time. There's a question in it. He knows it's me, but it's like he wants confirmation, like he wants to hear me speak.

And I'm not sure if I can, but I try. His name falls softly from my lips.

Edward's shoulders lift and drop and he lets out an exaggerated breath. From my peripheral, I can see everyone around us watching – waiting – for what's going to happen next. I'm sure Kai and Ahe are confused; they don't know about this part of my life.

They don't know what I did to this man all those years ago.

And Lisle… I can't even imagine what must be going on in his head right now. I'm still not even sure that he remembers me.

"Who is dis hunk of a man, tita?" Ahe asks me, breaking the awkward silence that's fallen.

A sound resembling someone choking slips from Edward's lips and I suddenly want to cover my face and giggle like the teenager I was when we first met. She's right, though: he's still a total hunk.

Instead, I nervously clear my throat and gesture toward him. "Um, this is Edward. And his son, Lisle… we, uh…"

How do I even begin to try describing who he was to me? Who they were?

The simple truth is that I can't, so I go for the safe description instead.

"We used to know each other."

Though I would have expected some kind of hesitance, Edward doesn't appear shy about meeting my friends. He seems almost happy about it, which is confusing. He's the picture of calm as they finish introductions without my help, all polite hellos and dazzling smiles while I swallow down the bile rising in my throat.

As Kai begins to talk shop and Edward joins him, I'm thrown by the fact that he can appear so put together on the outside while I'm a tornado of emotions only a few feet away. It feels like he should be swept up in this whirlwind, too, fighting the winds and the rain and calling for Auntie Em right alongside me.

Then again, Edward always was the easy one out of the two of us. Always giving where I took, took, took.

Lisle's gaze remains on me as they chat, and I try my best to offer him a smile. There are so many things I want to say to him, so many questions I want to ask.

The biggest of those: Do you remember me?

I want him to, but then I don't. I don't want him to remember how I just disappeared from his life, because I know how that feels. My mother did it to me. And I've never wanted to resemble my mother in anything I've done.

Throughout the years, I've always rationalized my leaving by reminding myself that what I did, the way I left, was for them. But maybe that's not true… maybe it doesn't matter to him how or why or for whom, maybe it just matters that I disappeared.

Maybe he has just as much right as his father does to hate me.

Lisle steps away from the group, and I follow. I'm anxious, watching as his mouth opens a few times, though there are apparently no words. He stays silent, hands buried in his pockets as he rocks back and forth on his heels.

It hurts to see this. Before, way back when, he couldn't find enough words to say to me. He'd trip over words and jumble them all up in his excitement to speak. He was a whirlwind himself, so precocious and heart-melting that it was impossible not to adore him instantly. And now…

…Now he doesn't know me.

I sigh, shoulders drooping as I begin to flip through a pile of cotton t-shirts. I feel silly now for automatically assuming he knew who I was when he walked through the door – hell, maybe he was just wondering why the crazy older lady was staring at him like she'd seen a ghost.

"You remember me?" he asks quietly.

My stomach twists and I frown at his assumption that I could possibly forget him. My eyes burn, because who can blame him?

"Of course I remember you," I tell him honestly.

He smiles instantly, cheeks bright and pink. "I just… wasn't sure."

I cover my mouth with my hand, unable to say anything as I watch him, trying as best I can to fight back the emotion I feel. "I'm surprised you remember me…" I trail off. He was so young back then, not even four yet.

"Our pictures," he says, looking shy. "I still have them."

My hand falls and I can't help my smile. He doesn't need to explain. I remember the pictures, too, from our night at the Boardwalk when he'd forced us into that old photo booth. I still carry my half of the strip with me everywhere I go in the world.

"I still have mine, too."

Lisle smiles, moving his eyes from mine for a second to stare at the floor before he looks back at me. One hand lifts to his messy hair. "Can I hug you?"

Still smiling, I hold my arms open and he steps into them. And it feels a little bit like home.

"Can I still call you Little Dude?" I ask, trying to lighten this moment for both of us.

As he's pulling away, he's smirking at me, and the expression is so reminiscent of his father it makes my stomach flip.

I glance over at the others for a moment, only to find Edward is watching us. I want nothing more than to hug him, too. It'd be bliss to talk to him for hours, hear that soft acoustic voice of his tell me about every second of every day since the last time I saw him. I want to know if he still smells the same, all ocean and sunset.

I want to know if he's happy.

Selfishly, I can't help wondering if he's ever thought of me like I have him.

Breaking our look, I turn back to Lisle. "You guys here on vacation?" I ask, doing my best to remain casual so this can be as normal as possible.

He nods. "Yep. My dad has been promising forever to bring me, and he finally caved. Uncle Jasper told him if he didn't take a vacation, he was going to quit again."

Lisle cracks up laughing at this and my heart twists remembering the last time Jasper had reason to quit. Clearly, he didn't stay mad at Edward – it hurts, but I'm glad. Just one more thing my walking away made better.

Before I have a chance to respond, Edward has joined us. "What's so funny over here?" Edward asks, his eyes on Lisle as he wraps an arm around his son's shoulder.

"I was just tellin' Bella that Uncle Jasper forced you to come on vacation." Lisle snickers.

Edward laughs and shakes his head, pulling Lisle closer by tightening his arm. "You two think you're so crafty. Just wait until we get home, you're cleaning out the stock room."

"Dad!" Lisle whines and gives Edward a glare as he tries to wrestle free.

"Kai's going to help you with the wax you need for your board. Why don't you give me a minute alone with Bella?" Edward jerks his thumb over his shoulder and releases Lisle, giving him a playful push in Kai's direction.

He wanders away, leaving Edward and I alone. And I can't look at him yet. It feels like we're two planets orbiting each other, even though we aren't moving. It just feels that way, I guess: being so close to him always did make me feel a little dizzy.

"He reads your articles."

I jump a little and look up to see Edward watching Lisle across the store. Kai has him behind the counter and I can tell by the look of concentration on both of their faces that he's passing along good information about the best wax to use for certain surf situations. I'm sure it's nothing his own father hasn't already taught him, but he looks interested anyway.

"He didn't think I would remember him," I say in return, because it's easier to talk about Lisle than it is about anything else.

"I wasn't so sure myself," Edward says, and the comment feels off-handed, all under his breath.

I wonder if it was meant to cut the way it does. The twisting pain in my chest grows as I'm sliced open, and my eyes burn again. I deserve his bitterness, but it still hurts.

I look at his face, focus on his eyes. "I could never forget either of you."

Eyes that give away nothing of the feelings behind them are staring back at me. I hope he can tell that I'm being completely honest.

He gives me a quick nod, like he's accepting my statement. We both stay quiet, me fidgeting while Edward runs his fingers through his hair. I have no idea where we go from here, and I'm sure he doesn't either.

Finally, he crosses his arms over his chest, leaning back against the wall behind us. "You look good."

I blush, looking away. I don't have any idea what to say to him in return, because honestly, I'm afraid I'll say too much. Plus, I don't know what he means by that… and I can't even begin to start analyzing it until I'm alone.

"Have dinner with me tonight," Edward blurts out after a few seconds, and my gaze moves back to him. I know I must look like a fool as my mouth drops open and my eyes widen.

I'm tempted to ask him to repeat the question, but it's not necessary. I heard him perfectly.

The problem is, his question scares me to death. And as much as I might want it… I just don't know if it's a good idea.

He's watching me, reading my reaction the way he used to do so well. I'm afraid he can see inside me, like he knows exactly what I'm thinking.

"I don't think that's a good idea," I finally manage.

It should surprise me when he reaches out and grabs my hand, but for some reason all it does is soothe me. His grip is warm, familiar; strong like it used to be when I did something he didn't like. My eyes fall to his fingers, and I want more than anything to squeeze back, and to never, ever have to let go.

Instead, I wiggle to pull my hand away. He holds me tighter until I'm looking at him once again.

"I've spent the last ten years regretting the way I let you walk out of my life, Bella. I don't want to regret it again." His voice is soft but firm, and I freeze. My eyes move back and forth between each of his, trying to read him the way he always used to read me. These aren't words I ever expected. None of this is happening the way I pictured it.

In every scenario where I've imagined seeing him again, there was anger and pain. Just like the last night we were together. The night I let him go so callously and just… walked away.

The problem is that I never really let him go. I never stopped thinking of him; hell, I constructed my life around something he'd given me. He's always been with me.

Is it possible I've always been with him, too?

There's only one way to find out…

I open my eyes and finally allow myself to squeeze his hand in return. Sink or swim, Bella.

"How about a surf instead?"

For me, the waves are safe. They're where I go to forget, and to remember; to cry and to heal; to live and to learn.

Obviously I've cried, and in some ways I've healed – on a professional level, my job and travels are everything I wanted growing up. I've lived a lot, and learned even more. I know now that professional nirvana isn't everything I want out of life. I want so much more.

I've tried for so long to forget…

So is it wrong if, tonight, I just want to remember?

*peeks out cautiously* … was it what you expected? Gosh, I hope so.

Thank you to each and every one of you for reading, Lisle and me are both strutting a little right now with how happy you make us with your words, js.

Reviews are love.

Until tomorrow!

xx