Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.

April 13, 2011 – Honolulu, Hawaii

The night air is warm and damp, the sky lit up by the moon and stars. I'm hurrying, my steps quick on the pavement. I want to be there first, appearing calm, cool, collected: in other words, the exact opposite of what I am right now.

"Friends, Bella. Friends. One surf. That's it. Don't make more out of this than it is."

I keep repeating it over and over in my mind as I walk.

After arriving back at the hotel, I'd dug through my suitcase looking at the bathing suits I brought with me, wavering back and forth on which one to pick. Bikinis were all I had, and I knew I shouldn't have hesitated when making the choice, but I did. I'm not as young as I used to be and, though I knew it was wrong, something in me wanted Edward to think I still looked good.

Which I knew was completely ridiculous.

After arguing with myself for fifteen minutes, I finally chose my favorite black one with a long sleeved surf top. As I dressed, I kept reminding myself this was just about two people who used to know each other sharing a surf. One time.

It didn't have to be about anything more than that.

I couldn't let myself believe it would be.

For all I knew, he had someone back at home. Granted I hadn't seen a ring, but there's no way a man like Edward stays single forever. He's too good of a catch for someone not to have hooked him already. And, as much as that thought makes my heart clench, I hope that whatever is going on in his life, he's happy.

As I draw closer, I take in the view because I can't let myself get lost in those thoughts again. The ocean is all blacks and whites as it rushes in and pulls back out. The gentle swish of the waves surrounds me as I drop my towel to the sand and kick off my flip flops. With my surfboard tucked under one arm, I don't hesitate at all to step into the warmth of the Pacific, allowing the water to crawl up my legs as the tide flows in and out around me.

I smile, enjoying the first moment of peace I've felt since early in the afternoon when my world literally flipped upside down and spun out of control. Of all the places in the world… I stillcan't believe it. What are the chances that Edward would show up here, now? It's like there's some cosmic force or higher power at work.

And I don't know what to make of that.

It seems like I should be happy it happened the way it did. For one, I wasn't alone – having my friends and Lisle there to act as a buffer should make me downright glad, but I can't be happy. Not yet.

Scared. Nervous. On edge. These are the ways I feel because I still don't know where this will lead. What in the hell I was thinking by asking Edward to surf with me tonight?

At the time it sounded like a good idea...but now? Now I'm beginning to question my sanity.

I move into the water, pushing my surfboard alongside me until I can climb on top and straddle it. I roll my shoulders and force the tension out, kicking my legs and rotating so I'm not facing the beach completely.

The fact is that today's meeting was pretty much inevitable. Even if Edward and Lisle hadn't come into Kai's shop, there's a good chance we would have run into each other eventually. This is a big island, but it gets smaller when you realize you're staying in the same hotel.

This meeting, however, wasn't inevitable…

I dance my fingers along the calm surface below me, moving them back and forth in the warmth of the water.

"You still have it." Edward's voice rings out, and it sends a whole different kind of warmth crawling over me.

There's always been something about his voice that just… does me in. I turn my head and catch him eying my board as he stands on the beach, his own surfboard tucked beneath his arm. His eyes are soft, glowing green and speckled with stars in the moonlight.

I look down, shrugging like it means nothing that I still surf with the board he gave me almost ten years ago.

"I have others, but I like this one," I say, trying to keep my voice level.

It's actually my favorite. It always has been.

From my peripheral, I watch as Edward smiles and then kicks his shoes off next to mine. He drops his surfboard and towel, and when he moves for the hem of his shirt, I turn back toward the ocean and squeeze my eyes closed.

I'm so not ready to see him without his shirt on.

I bet the sight is still criminal, though.

Before long, I hear him behind me swimming, the splashing of his hands and feet as he moves to meet me in deeper waters moving closer and closer.

I'm not ready. I am so not ready.

My eyes scan the surf, and though it's dark, I find the wave I want and go for it. I plant my feet and hold my arms out at my sides, trying to enjoy the ride. I breathe in deeply and a smile crawls across my cheeks. The feeling of soaring through the air on water has never changed, and I'm certain it never will.

The wave takes a turn, pushing me to my limit and I dive to avoid a wipeout, going deep and coming up with air pushed from my nostrils in the form of bubbles.

When I break the surface and open my eyes, Edward is there, smiling with his arms draped over his board and fingers dancing in the water. His hair is wet, pushed back from his forehead… and I was right, he's still so beautiful.

"You definitely don't need a teacher anymore," he says, adjusting his body on the board and moving his fingers around in a circle.

I push my hair back behind my ears. "I've learned a few things."

"I imagine you have," he muses. "You spend your life around this."

My chest still squeezes a little in shock that he knows this, and I want to ask him if he's read the articles too, but I can't. Not yet.

Instead I say, "Yes, I do."

Two close friends from college, Em and Rose, helped me break into the surf scene right after college. They knew people who knew people who knew the right people. And I was a lucky girl with a brand spankin' new journalism degree who wanted to travel the world.

If it hadn't been for them introducing me to my editor in chief, Aro, who knew where I'd have ended up? If he hadn't taken me under his wing, I'd probably be writing obituaries for the Forks Gazette.

Thanks to some strings being pulled and a very good opportunity, I'm now lucky enough to call myself one of the most popular female writers in our small, but competitive, circle of publications within the surf scene.

It didn't come easily. When you're trying to break into the boys' club… let's just say they don't exactly play fair all the time. I'd done it though, and had a portfolio to prove it.

"You said Lisle reads my articles…"

"Yeah, he does. We all do, Bella."

I look away from him and bite my lip to hide a tiny smile. I like knowing this, but I don't know if I should tell him that, so I stay quiet.

I hear Edward sigh. "I don't blame you, you know. For the choice you made."

Sucking in a sharp breath, I look back at him. I knew eventually our past would come up, but it still shocks me. I know it's not like I can avoid it forever, but why start here?

Most importantly, how can he not blame me for what happened? Because I do. I was the coward who ran away.

"I blame me," I tell him honestly.

Edward's hands rise to his hair and the faraway look on his face makes me think he's remembering that night.

"Look," he starts. "Let's get this out of the way right now, okay? Did you hurt me? Yes. You destroyed me. I was angry at you for a long fucking time, Bella. And to be honest, if what happened today had happened say, five years ago? I might have walked away from you without saying a single word." He blows out a heavy breath. "But I was selfish. I was selfish to try and keep you. You had way too much potential to waste your time on me. I mean… look at everything you've accomplished."

My heart pounds and I stare at him, trying to process everything he's saying. I have accomplished a lot. And I know I should be proud of that, happy even, but there's always been a cloud hanging over everything I've done.

I've never truly been as happy as I should have been.

I look up and squeeze my eyes closed. If he's being honest, I have to do the same.

"Accomplishments don't mean much when you have nobody to share them with," I say to the sky.

"No, they don't."

I look back at him and we're both quiet. Edward looks away first, blowing out another breath. I have no idea where we go from here, how we even begin to fix what I broke. I don't even know if we can fix it. I can only imagine what's in his head right now, and I don't envy him if it's anything like the turmoil going on inside my own mind.

"You did have people to share them with, by the way." Edward says, and his words are full of conviction, tinged with a tiny sprinkling of what sounds like hurt.

"I— what?"

"You might not have realized it, but you shared them with every person who ever read one of your articles. With every person who read your words and got to feel, and learn and see what you saw by living in the moments you published. You definitely shared them with Lisle." He stops talking, and then, almost as an afterthought, adds, "You shared them with me, too."

It's the last of what he says that fills my stomach with butterflies. Something inside me likes knowing that Edward has seen what I've done; that he's read my words.

I don't like knowing, however, that all along he's been there when I wanted him to be and I didn't realize it until now.

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Until tomorrow (For serious this time).

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